Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The hum of chatter and laughter filled the marquee and floated out to where Bets stood with the others, nerves and excitement jittering in her stomach. Frank was pacing up and down on the small patch of grass by the canvas flap through which they’d be making their entrance.
She took a fortifying slug of her half of lager.
Harry had kindly bought all of his protégés a drink to wish them luck before introducing them to Arthur Smith, who would be compering the evening.
They were all slightly in awe of the ‘proper’ comedian, who was friendly and nowhere near as grumpy as his onstage persona, although fifteen minutes before the show went live he disappeared to gather himself.
Bets looked anxiously at her watch, scanning the green for any sign of him.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Harry. ‘He’ll be here. He’s the consummate professional. Don’t let the shambolic and casual look fool you, he’s one of the best in the business. That’s why he’s been around so long. Most of us like a bit of peace and quiet before we go out.’
Bets nodded and took another sip of her drink.
She could relate to that. After her early morning walk with Tiggy, she’d hidden away at home, a little overwhelmed by the attention and interest. The news that she’d be appearing at the comedy festival had raced around the village faster than a Grand Prix lap.
This morning everyone she’d bumped into – and it felt like the entire village – had wished her luck and said, ‘Break a leg.’ Texts and WhatsApp messages had flooded her phone, ratcheting up her nerves.
Even her mother was coming, much to her surprise.
Apparently she’d blagged a free ticket from the festival organiser with the sob story that she couldn’t afford to see her daughter perform.
Bets doubted very much she’d show up. Her track record on supporting her daughter spoke volumes.
The time dragged by until suddenly there were five minutes to go and then Arthur appeared and strode out onto the stage to applause. He did a few minutes warming up the audience, and then introduced Frank, ‘… all the way from Bottom End Lane in Tring’.
The audience laughed. Frank saluted his colleagues and ducked under the canvas flap and onto the stage. Now Bets’ stomach tried to turn itself inside out. She exchanged a glance with Will, who looked positively sick on Frank’s behalf. Please let him be good. Please let them like him.
Then she heard the audience laugh, and then laugh again. The five of them exchanged relieved smiles. The crowd were laughing at Frank. Some of the tension in her shoulders receded just a little. They liked him.
Arthur was outside with them, nodding every now and then in approval. A smile crossed his craggy face at one of Frank’s jokes and he murmured, ‘Very good. That’s good.’
In barely no time, Frank and Arthur had swapped places and Bets’ stomach clenched. Her turn. Why had she thought she could do this? Everyone she knew was here. What if she fell over? What if no one laughed?
The lager in her stomach felt as if it had curdled. Her legs shook.
Harriet laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it, but didn’t say a word, just gave her a ‘you got this’ nod.
‘All the way from sunny Wilsgrave, I give you … Bets Fowler.’
And there it was … her cue.
She bounded onto the stage and a heady surge of adrenaline took over.
She blanked out the front row, even though she knew every single person sitting there, as well as on the row behind.
Diane, Margaret, Doris, Audrey and Geoffrey.
Ella, Devon, Jack and the vicar. Their faces blurred as she introduced herself – or rather her persona, Bets the bubbly veterinary nurse with a sharp tongue and an acute eye for the ridiculous – and began her patter.
As Harry had taught her, she forced herself to slow down and make the initial lines count.
‘Never work with animals and children, they say. Funny’—she paused—‘I told the careers adviser at school I wanted to be a veterinary nurse.’ She pulled a disgruntled face before adding, ‘She never said a word.’ The first laugh was like a shower of champagne.
‘Do you know what the problem is, if you’re working with animals?’ Another pause. ‘They can’t read.’
A second ripple of laughter. ‘I’m not joking.
You know when you go to the hospital. There are notices everywhere.
“Physical abuse will not be tolerated.” “Don’t threaten the staff.
”’ She shook her head. ‘Apparently in India they’re a bit more subtle.
The signs there say, “Please do not misbehave with the staff.”’ She pulled an expressive face and the audience laughed again.
‘What constitutes misbehaviour? I’d say being peed on is right up there. ’
The laugh that followed was even better and then she was away, relaxing into her role, striding about the small stage, microphone in hand.
‘Mind you, if you’ve just had your bollocks cut off, there’s good reason to get a little angry.
’ She owned this stage and the knowledge filled her with sharp joy and confidence as she paused to stare down a hapless male member of the audience.
‘I mean you wouldn’t like it, would you, mate?
’ There was another roar of laughter as she continued across the stage before picking on someone else and asking a question, and then making an aside to another person.
She was in complete control and they were laughing in all the right places.
They were in the palm of her hand. There was nothing quite like this heady feeling.
Before she knew it, her time was up and she was stepping backwards, acknowledging the burst of enthusiastic applause and the clapping that kept time with her thudding heart.
‘Oh my God,’ she said, ducking out of the marquee. ‘That was amazing. What a buzz!’
At any moment she could launch into the air and fly. The incredible sensation bubbled through her veins and she thought she might burst with it. Her fingertips tingled and her heart felt lighter than ever before.
‘You were so good,’ said Harriet, hugging her.
Frank joined in. ‘Bloody brilliant, young lady. There was one woman laughing so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if she stands up and leaves a puddle behind.’
Bets snorted, feeling a little delirious.
‘They loved you,’ said Will.
‘I’m not sure about that…’ she began. ‘I think most of the audience were biased.’ Although her mum hadn’t made it. Not a big surprise really.
‘A-may-zing,’ said Harry, holding out his hand to shake hers. ‘You blew their socks off.’
She smiled at him, some of the adrenaline rush starting to calm, as if her feet were gently floating back to earth.
Once they’d done their three minutes’ worth, Arthur took over. As they listened to a master, someone who really knew what they were doing, they calmed a little, realising that they had a very, very long way to go in comparison … but the elation was there.
At the end of the gig, as they were all calling it now, as if they’d been doing stand-up for months instead of just the once, they gathered outside the marquee congratulating each other.
‘Bets,’ Harry interrupted, ‘can I introduce you to my friend Jenny? Jenny Wright. And her boss, Ronnie. ’
‘Hi,’ said Bets.
‘Oh my God, you are perfect.’ The woman grasped Bets by the shoulders. ‘Absolutely bleedin’ perfect. I had such a good feeling about you, I brought my director with me.’
‘Hi, I’m Ronnie, the director. And she’s right. You would be perfect. Green light.’ He gave her a thumbs-up. ‘And time isn’t on our side.’ He looked at his watch. ‘I have to get back to London on the next train. We start shooting in a couple of weeks. Jen, doll, the cab is waiting.’
‘Okay, Ronnie.’ She gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘I’ll call you in the morning.’
With that he shot off over the green to a waiting cab.
‘I showed him your tape. He must have been impressed to be persuaded to come out to the sticks,’ said Jen. ‘But we are running short of time. The actress we’d finally decided upon … got a better offer. Good for her but not for us.’
‘Are you sure I’ll be right? I mean, I’ve not done any acting since I was at school.’
Jenny tilted her head and gave Bets an incredulous stare. ‘You’re kidding me. That was acting chops, lovey. You’ve got it. And most of the time you’ll be in the background shots, assisting the lead characters. There’s barely any dialogue for you.’
‘But what will it entail?’ asked Bets, suddenly thinking that maybe she wasn’t the right person. There were loads of actors out there who wanted work, why would they pick her?
‘Why don’t we go and take a seat over there’—Jenny indicated one of the benches on the green—‘and talk next steps?’
Her fellow comedians gave Bets the thumbs-up. ‘We’ll save you a seat in the bar for when you’re done,’ said Harriet. ‘If you’re not too much of a big star to join us mere amateurs.’
‘Never,’ said Bets.
‘I won’t keep her long,’ said Jenny, grabbing her elbow and starting to hustle her away, right past Jack, Devon and Ella, who were approaching.
‘Bets,’ called Ella but Jenny swerved away.
‘I’ll catch you later,’ said Bets to her friend.
‘What? Where are you going?’ she asked, her face screwed up with both consternation and curiosity.
‘It’s all okay,’ came Jenny’s gravelly voice, as she tugged on Bets’ arm.
Bets waved and was whisked away.
Jenny pushed her down into the seat. ‘Phew, it’s busy round here. Who said life in the country was quiet?’
‘It isn’t,’ said Bets.
‘Well, it won’t be in Yorkshire.’
‘Yorkshire?’ Bets echoed. Had she known that? That was a long way to go.
‘Yes, that’s where we’re filming. We’re taking over the whole village for the exterior shots and we’re filming all the interior shots up there, too.
I’ll courier you a script in the morning but you’ll need to sign an NDA.
And I suppose you haven’t got an agent. Do you have a legal rep who could look over a contract for you? ’
Bets’ head spun. ‘Er…’
‘Sorry. Am I going too fast? Bad habit.’ She paused and shook a cigarette out of a packet she’d unearthed from her jeans’ back pocket. She lit it, leaned back against the bars of bench and let out a long stream of smoke.
‘Ah, that’s better. I tend to run away with my thoughts sometimes.’ She took another long drag and exhaled. ‘Right. Shall I start at the beginning?’
‘That would be helpful,’ said Bets.
‘Basically, we’re filming a new eight-part TV series in North Yorkshire, in the Dales just outside Harrogate. Place called Blubberhouses Moor. We’d need you for four weeks’ filming. Might be less but that would be the maximum.’ She sucked on her cigarette. ‘Although we start filming next week.’
‘Next week!’ said Bets, trying to assimilate all this information and at the same time thinking of logistics. Did she even have enough clean underwear to go away for four weeks?
‘You wouldn’t be needed for another couple of weeks. The forecast is good so we’re going to get as much of the outdoor stuff done as we can and you won’t be needed for those scenes. We’ll use you as an extra in some of the general outdoor stuff once you’re there.’
‘Once I’m there.’ Bets paused, still taking it all in. ‘I’m going to have to speak to my bosses,’ she said, crossing her fingers out of sight under her thighs. Would they let her have a month off?
‘’Course. The part is yours if you want it. I can get a contract to you in the morning.’
‘Really?’ Her! Bets Fowler! Offered an acting job! Crazy but exciting.
‘Are you interested?’
And that was the crunch question. Was she?
This was big. Huge. Going away for a whole month.
Away from everyone and everything she knew.
Could she really do it? And what if she was no good?
What if they’d made a mistake? But wasn’t it just what she wanted, something for her?
Something that developed her and would make people look at her as a person in her own right?
‘Yes,’ she burst out before she lost her nerve. ‘I am. I want the part. But are you sure?’
Jenny grinned at her. ‘In this business, it’s who you know. Ronnie had a problem. You’re the solution.’
‘Right,’ said Bets. ‘I’m going to need to talk to work.’
‘Your call,’ said Jenny with a shrug. ‘But, I guess, you can always get another job if they say no.’
Bets gaped at her. ‘I’ve always worked there.’
‘Can’t imagine that,’ replied Jenny. ‘I’m on short-term contract all the time, so I never know where I’ll be in a year’s time.’ She winced. ‘Not sure I’d like to be stuck in one place forever.’
Suddenly everything Jack had said about wanting more made sense. She did want more, more for herself, and this acting job was more. So much more. This would be for her and no one else. Yes, she wanted it, even if she had to leave her job.
The realisation almost felled her. She felt free, as if she could float away.
When Jack had first come back, the thought of leaving had been horrible, but now the thought of doing something different was exciting and her stomach filled with fluttery butterflies.
‘You ought to think about getting yourself an agent. I can recommend someone if you like, they’d take fifteen per cent of your fee … although you could wait and see how you get on.’
‘Get on?’ asked Bets.
‘If you decide to take up acting. Stand-up. You’ve got a talent for it. It’s got to be better than wiping cats’ arses for the rest of your life.’
Bets laughed. Much as she loved her job, there were downsides. Jenny had a point.