Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
She felt like she’d been felled, with one axe blow, and now lay, winded and wounded, looking up at the world from completely the wrong angle.
‘Australia.’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I’ve been offered a job out there.’
‘Oh.’ The word was too inadequate to sum up the surge of loss that had her by the throat.
She watched him swallow. They stood in silence for a painful minute.
‘I had to tell—’
‘That’s exciting.’ Bets’ words sounded dull. She felt such a fool, thinking Jack might have come to declare undying love when he’d come to tell her he was leaving.
‘Australia, eh?’ She rallied. ‘How’s your kangaroo anatomy?
‘You always wanted to travel,’ she went on, brightly, hoping and praying she sounded encouraging and not as devastated as she felt.
‘I should have realised that your stay in Wilsgrave this summer was temporary.’ She bit back tears, forcing herself to smile to take the sting out of the words.
He was always going to go. ‘You didn’t want to come back in the first place.
So it’s worked out well. You must be thrilled.
’ She widened her fake smile even though, at that moment, she hated him for reminding her that these last few weeks had been nothing more than a convenient stopgap for him.
His shoulders lifted in a shrug as he continued to study her face but he didn’t interrupt or stop her.
Why would he? She was only relaying the facts; there was nothing to discuss.
So what the hell was he looking for? Angry at herself for such foolish hope and determined not to give anything away, she gave him another bright, brash and utterly fake grin.
‘That’s brilliant news. When do you go? And where will you be and what will you be doing?
’ She glanced down over the side of the glass walkway.
‘We should celebrate. Let’s have that glass of wine in the garden.
’ She pulled away and walked with rapid steps down the stairs, blinking hard so that the stupid tears didn’t leak out.
What an idiot she was. A lump in her throat threatened to choke her and she picked up pace, leaving Jack behind.
By the time she reached the kitchen, Tiggy at her heels, she’d regained some semblance of control.
She reached for the punnet of strawberries and took them over to the sink to rinse them and to ensure that she kept her back to Jack, her shoulders stiff with tension.
‘Bets,’ he said softly from behind her and reached out a hand.
She stepped back, scared she might give her real feelings away. ‘It’s okay, Jack. You’re a free man, remember. You don’t owe me anything. You can do anything you want.’
‘I care about you, you know that.’
She turned round and smiled at him, her head held high.
‘I know you do, Jack, and I care about you. We’ll always be friends. Now to get that bottle open.’
She knew he was studying her face again, as if looking for any clues.
‘I’m fine, Jack. You don’t have to worry about poor little Bets being left behind.
’ Rancour scraped at her words. ‘I’ve got an exciting new career ahead of me.
Apparently there’s already a second series being contracted.
This time next year I could be a household name.
Who knows? We’ve both got a lot to look forward to. ’
His mouth twisted. ‘I … I will miss you, you know.’
‘You’ll be too busy dealing with dangerous snakes and lizards and things. Don’t they have the ten most dangerous snakes in the world in Australia?’
‘They do,’ he said gravely, ‘I’m hoping that I can avoid the snakes in the wild. I’m going to be working at Sydney Zoo.’
‘Wow, that’s an amazing opportunity.’ She huffed out a mirthless laugh.
‘You always said you wanted to work in a zoo and I remember you once saying you’d like to go to Australia.
’ She felt a touch of guilt, also remembering that at the time she’d ignored it, hoping he didn’t really mean it.
Even when she was eighteen, she’d known that he’d leave one day.
She’d been fooling herself. He’d always been going to leave.
‘I know. I couldn’t turn it down.’
‘How the hell did you get that? Not to be rude or anything, but I’d have thought that was pretty competitive.’
Jack lifted his shoulders. ‘Me, too. I never thought I really stood a chance but apparently being Top Student and knowing the guy I met on my placement at Bristol Zoo helped. He has a cousin there and he gave me a recommendation.’
‘Congratulations, Jack.’ Bets softened and came over to give him a peck on the cheek.
It was an incredible offer and he did deserve it.
He’d always worked so hard. It wasn’t his fault that he was so much more than she was, and she shouldn’t begrudge him his success, especially not when she was at the start of an exciting and unexpected new career.
‘That is truly incredible. I’m so proud of you. Well done.’
‘Thanks. It’s all been a bit of a whirlwind, to be honest. I was only offered the job the day before yesterday and I’d already decided to come up and bring Tiggy to see you.
’ His face softened. ‘I’m sorry, Bets. I …
I … I guess I gave out the wrong signal.
It’s not like I don’t … don’t… Shit.’ He rubbed a hand over his forehead and she took pity on him even though a voice was shouting, You could ask me to come with you.
‘It’s okay, Jack. I get it. We’re just in the wrong places at the wrong time.’
He looked up gratefully. ‘That’s it. I still … I still care … shit, I love you.’
She patted his hand. ‘And I love you. As friends.’ The lie sounded convincing enough even though it hurt to say it. ‘Good friends who love each other.’
* * *
‘Bye, Bets,’ said Jack softly.
She opened one eye and felt Tiggy, snuggled into her legs, stir.
‘We’ve got to go now.’
She pushed herself up to sitting. Tiggy staggered to her feet and sat on her lap. Bets gulped and stroked the dog’s velvety ears.
‘Don’t get up, it’s really early. The cab is booked for eight to take you back to set.’
Without looking up at him, she nodded, not able to bring herself to speak, thanks to a lump in her throat the size of a tennis ball.
The silence weighed heavy in the room, awkward and layered in quiet misery.
At last she forced herself to look up at him, tears making her vision fuzzy. His face swam into focus and she could feel the blood leaching out of her heart.
He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
‘Bye, Bets. Be happy. Be a star. And I’ll look after your dog until I hand her over to Mum and Dad.’
They’d talked through all the logistics last night over the bottle of wine as the light slowly bled out of the sky. They took refuge in the practicalities: of dogs, of keys, of plane flights, of getting to airports, of summer balls, of leaving parties and farewells.
He was leaving the morning of the summer ball. By the time she got there, he would be near to landing in Singapore.
She put her hand on his and squeezed.
‘Bye, Jack. Look after Tiggy. And good luck. I’ll speak to you before you go.’
‘You will,’ he promised. ‘Take care.’
‘You, too.’
‘Come on, Tigs, time to go.’
Bets clutched Tiggy for one last time, her tears dripping onto the dog’s head. Tiggy looked up and licked her cheek. Bets clenched her jaw tight.
‘See you soon, pup,’ she said through her teeth.
Jack picked up the dog, waved a paw at Bets and walked out of the door.
Bets sat statue-still for a moment, listening until she heard the front door close, then the start of the car engine and the sound of Jack pulling away down the long road back to the main road.
Then and only then did she slump back into her pillows and sob with all the agony of each broken piece of heart.
If only he’d asked her to go with him, she’d have gone, despite her need to find herself.
But he hadn’t asked because he didn’t need her anymore.
* * *
‘Morning, love. Early start for you. You hop in the back there, I’ll take your bag,’ said Dave, the taxi driver, when he picked her up a few hours later. Jack would have been on the road for several hours by now.
‘It is,’ she said stifling a yawn. She hadn’t been able to get back to sleep once Jack had left.
‘And I thought being a film star was all glamour,’ he joked to her, popping her overnight bag into the trunk of the car.
‘I’ve only got a small part,’ said Bets, warming to him. ‘I think it’s more glamorous for the important people.’
‘You should never say “only”. This world is made up of little cogs and big wheels but neither can do without the either. We all have a place. So what part are you playing?’
Bets explained and when she told him she was really a veterinary nurse he became even more animated. He’d been a dairyman before he became a taxi driver.
‘Some days I’d rather work with animals than people,’ he said winking at her in the rear-view mirror.
‘I know that feeling,’ she said, wondering how she was going to get through today. Jack really was leaving, possibly never coming back. The thought of facing Morticia this morning filled her with dread. The make-up artist, Aimee, had turned contempt into a fine art.
Dave dropped her off with a little time to spare and she grabbed herself a coffee.
‘Morning, Bets. Usual? Cappuccino? Bacon butty?’
‘Just coffee this morning, Mikey, thanks.’ She gave the caterer, whom she’d got to know during the previous week, a faded facsimile of a smile.
‘Coming right up.’ He paused and gave her an assessing study. ‘Sure I can’t tempt you?’ His ruddy face softened.
‘Not today,’ said Bets, trying to dredge up some animation. It was hard when she felt flattened as if some big cartoon anvil had been dropped on her.
‘How about a cinnamon Danish? Fresh from the bakery this morning. Go on, it’s on the house. Just for you.’ He shot her a cheeky grin and she admired his tenacity.
She laughed. ‘Everything is on the house, Mikey.’
‘So it is.’
She gave in and took a Danish, surprising herself by enjoying every last sweet, sticky mouthful. If only everything could be solved with sugar.