19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
May stumbled out of her bedroom bleary-eyed and in need of extra hours of sleep. The voices in the living room had woken her, and when she rubbed her eyes and saw her mother sitting on the sofa with Alice, she groaned and decided to go back to bed.
‘No, May, please don’t leave,’ said Maz. ‘I’m sorry for turning up here unannounced and upsetting you all. Will you have a cup of tea with us? I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to.’
‘Maz was showing me photos of her yoga retreat in Thailand,’ said Alice. ‘Why don’t you come and have a look?’
With a sigh of defeat, May flopped down beside Alice on the sofa, refusing to return the smug smile on her mother’s face.
Alice passed her the phone, and May thumbed uninterestedly through a series of idyllic beaches and stomach-turning images of her mother in a bikini posing beside various men.
To be fair to Maz, the passage of time had done nothing to dim her beauty or figure, but that didn’t mean May wanted to see it.
‘Looks like you’ve been having fun,’ said May, throwing the phone back into Alice’s lap.
‘Don’t let the photos fool you,’ said Maz. ‘Running a yoga retreat is bloody hard work. The guests are incredibly demanding for people who should be all Zen and green tea.’
May folded her arms across her chest and scowled.
Hard work? Maz didn’t know the meaning of hard work.
Hard work was staying in a crappy flat in Plymouth, looking after two young girls who needed their mum.
Hard work was sitting up helping your daughters with their homework or consoling them after a heartbreak.
Hard work was seeing May through tough teenage years when she didn’t know who she was and hid herself in drink and partying.
Alice was the one on the sofa who understood hard work. Not Maz.
‘You should come out and stay sometime,’ said Maz, oblivious to May’s darkening mood. ‘We’d have such a laugh.’
‘No, thanks.’ May couldn’t bear another minute on the sofa with her mother. ‘I’m going to get dressed and see Grandpa Jack.’
‘I should probably pay Dad a visit,’ said Maz, biting one of her fingernails. ‘Do you think I could come with you?’
‘No,’ said May abruptly. ‘You can see him another time, alone. I’m not acting as a human shield.’
‘Human shield?’ Maz gave a nervous laugh. ‘It won’t come to that, surely? Enough water has gone under that bridge for the pair of us to act like grownups.’
May arched an eyebrow and turned to leave.
‘Can you help me in the kitchen for a minute?’ asked Alice.
May frowned, understanding the code that what Alice really wanted was a chat, not help. ‘Yeah, sure.’
‘Great. Do you fancy another coffee, Mum?’
‘Oh, go on then.’ Maz smiled with pretend coyness. ‘Caffeine is frowned upon at the retreat, so it’s good to indulge myself while I’m here with my girls.’
Her girls? May clenched her fists and marched out of the room.
‘Why are you being so nice to her?’ May hissed at Alice when they were alone in the kitchen. She stayed by the door, ready to bolt should Maz decide to join them.
Alice leaned against the kitchen worktop and took a moment to consider the question.
‘I suppose,’ she said, ‘partly it’s the way I’ve always dealt with her.
Also, I made my peace with what happened a long time ago.
After all, if Maz hadn’t run away, we would never have come here, and I would never have met Luke. ’
‘What about all you lost because of her? What about all you could’ve had if she’d been a better mum?’
Alice smiled. ‘Do you really think either of us would have done better if we were the ones who had a baby at sixteen?’
‘You would,’ said May staunchly. ‘I’ve no doubt about that.’ She threw a glance toward the living room. ‘Don’t you ever take it personally? The fact she abandoned us?’
Alice crossed the kitchen and took May’s hands in hers. ‘Maz leaving isn’t a reflection on us,’ she said. ‘It’s a reflection on her. I actually feel sorry for her. She’s spent her entire life running away and has never been at peace with herself.’
‘Is that even possible? To be at peace with yourself, I mean.’ May winced. She’d given too much away the second the words left her lips.
Alice narrowed her eyes and studied her sister. ‘May, is everything alright? Is there anything you need to tell me?’
May forced her lips into a smile. ‘No, of course not,’ she said brightly.
‘Good.’ Alice didn’t appear convinced, and May was glad her sister let it go. ‘I’m glad. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.’
May pulled Alice into a tight hug.
‘Girls? Are you going to leave me in here on my own all day?’ The call floated across the passage from the living room and into the kitchen.
Alice sighed. ‘We’d better go back through,’ she said. ‘Whether we like it or not, Maz is here at least until the wedding.’ She stared hard at May. ‘It’ll be best for all of us if we can get through it without too many rows.’
May got the message. And after all, this was Alice’s time, and May shouldn’t be rocking any boats. ‘I’ll do my best,’ she promised, trying to sound like she meant it.
‘Thank you,’ said Alice. ‘That’s all I ask. For now, if you want to go up to Jack’s to get some space, that’s fine.’
‘Thank you,’ said May. She waited until she was back in her bedroom to pull out her phone and call Jack’s number.
‘Hello?’ he asked, his voice tentative, as if he’d only just got a mobile phone despite having had one for five years.
‘It’s me, May. Can I come and see you?’
‘You can, except I’m not at home. I’m at the café having a coffee with Daniel and Margot.’ There was a pause, and then the tentative tone came back. ‘Are you alright? Is everything alright?’
‘Mum’s come round.’ May blurted it out, letting her anger bleed into her voice.
‘To you and Alice?’ Jack cleared his throat. ‘I can imagine how tricky that might be.’ Another pause. ‘I suppose I’ll have to talk to her at some point. It’s cowardly putting it off.’
May sprang to reassure him. ‘You do whatever you want, Grandpa, whenever it’s the right time for you. You don’t owe Maz anything.’
‘Hmm, I’m not sure that’s true,’ said Jack.
‘We were both at fault all those years ago. I owe her an apology for that.’ A shorter pause this time.
‘It’s just everything that’s happened since I’m struggling to forgive.
Listen—’ he perked up ‘—come and join us for a coffee. Perhaps between the four of us we can decide how best to deal with your mother.’
‘Thanks, Grandpa. I’ll see you soon.’ As May hung up the phone, she reflected that however much her life might be going down the toilet, she was lucky to have people like Jack, Daniel, and Margot on her side. She prayed they’d still be there for her once they knew the truth about what she had done.