Chapter 10
Taking one last read of Rick’s words, Ellie carefully folded the note before tucking it beneath her mobile.
If whatever was in the box had anything to do with Rick and Lisa’s affair, she wasn’t sure she actually wanted to look, but she needed to.
She deserved to know the truth. Standing by and realising Rick was drifting away from her had been…
difficult. And if she could understand a little more of what had been going on in their lives, in Rick’s life, then perhaps she could put the whole sorry relationship behind her.
Shifting position and crossing her legs, Ellie picked up the photo wallet again, this time watching as a handful of photographs fell from it and cascaded across her lap. Picking one up, she turned it over and froze.
The note wasn’t referring to Lisa, was it?
She picked up another photo and another, turning each over and inspecting the images staring back at her, the two people frozen in time and ink.
Pushing those photographs to the side, she reached inside the box, pulling out more paper wallets, more photos.
Rick had been talking about Murray. He’d been referring to Murray as the third person in their relationship. Not Lisa.
Ellie rummaged in the box a little more, this time pulling out an old grey sweatshirt.
Lifting it to her nose, she took a deep breath in, the memory of the aftershave Murray had worn whilst they’d been dating sparking senses that surely couldn’t still be there.
There was no chance the grey sweatshirt could still bear his scent.
She’d slept with it for months after their break-up, she’d refused all of her mum’s insistence to wash it and then had packed it away for years.
It couldn’t possibly still smell of him.
Ellie threw it back into the box and slid across the floorboards until she felt the sofa behind her. She eyed the seemingly innocent tokens from a lost relationship with contempt, fear and nostalgia.
Murray hadn’t been the third person in her and Rick’s relationship. He hadn’t. She’d given her all to Rick. She’d forced herself to shoehorn herself back into the dating world. She’d wanted to love him. She’d wanted to share her life with him.
She’d wanted to want those things, but she hadn’t, had she?
Rick was right. Murray had always been there, in the back of her mind.
She’d been thinking of him when she’d moved to Meadowfield, when she’d rented this cottage.
She’d been thinking of him whilst building a life with Rick.
She’d been thinking of him, comparing the two of them.
Wrapping her arms around her legs, she lowered her chin to her knees and eyed the box as though it might grow legs and wander across to her.
She had. As much as it pained her to admit it, she had compared them.
She’d compared Rick to Murray. To the memory of Murray, which was worse.
Worse because Rick had never stood a chance.
He’d never been able to compete with the memory of the man she’d so blindly and totally fallen in love with all those years ago.
How could Rick measure up to someone he knew nothing about?
She hadn’t even realised he’d known about this box. Heck, she’d even forgotten about it. He must have found it up in the loft or in the back of the wardrobe, stashed safely away somewhere, away from the glare of scrutiny or judgement.
Well, this ended now. She would no longer hold her life up against the one she’d expected, the one she’d craved.
Murray wasn’t the love of her life. And if the incident with the flat tyre and him shouting at her was anything to go by, she didn’t even know him anymore, so why was she letting this perfect memory of what they had had together get in the way of her life now?
Everyone knew it was easier to look back on times in their lives with rose-tinted glasses, and she’d obviously looked back on her time with Murray through rose-tinted binoculars.
No, it was time to get real. It was time to face up to some truths and to take on board her part in the failure of her and Rick’s relationship. Yes, he might have been the one to have the affair, but she’d never really given him a chance in the first place. She’d never really given him her heart.
She’d ruined one relationship; she wasn’t going to let Murray get in the way of another. She’d pack the damn box back up and take it to the tip. Throw the tainted memories out where they belonged.
After scooting back across the floor, Ellie picked up photo after photo and shoved them back into their wallet. Just as she reached for another wallet to fill, a loud knock on the front door rang through to the living room.