Chapter 25
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you home? You’ve been working all day, you deserve the evening off, and besides, aren’t all your tools in your van?’ After pulling into the short driveway to the gate where she’d changed her flat and first saw Murray again, Ellie pulled her handbrake up.
‘No, this will be grand. Thank you.’ Unclipping his seatbelt, Murray cupped his hand to her cheek and kissed her. ‘I really do appreciate it.’
Pulling away, Ellie ran the pads of her fingers across the stubble on his chin. ‘Then let me wait for you to finish at the workshop so I can run you home after.’
‘No, I’m good. It’s not far.’ Opening the car door, Murray stepped outside before pausing and turning to her. ‘I can’t tell you how happy I am that we ran into each other again.’
She grinned. ‘Me too.’
‘See you tomorrow.’ Murray closed the door before opening the gate and slipping through.
As she watched him walk towards his workshop, she smiled. She could hardly believe this was actually happening. She’d daydreamed about meeting up with him again hundreds – no, thousands – of times over the years, and now that it was happening, it was difficult to believe it was real.
As she turned the ignition, she glanced in his direction one last time, and as she did so, she noticed something on the passenger seat.
Turning off the engine again, she reached out and picked it up, turning it over in her hands.
It was Murray’s wallet and if she wasn’t mistaken, it was the wallet she’d bought him for the last Christmas they’d celebrated together.
She ran the pad of her forefinger across the edges of the leather and the stamp of his initial, M.W. with a small x.
Yes, it was one hundred per cent the wallet she’d bought him all those Christmases ago.
The leather had softened, the colour faded, but it was the same one.
He’d kept it all this time. Whether he’d been using it all the while was a different story, but surely it must mean something if he’d kept it.
It must mean that she’d still been in his thoughts.
Unless it was just that it was a good wallet, or a more recent one had broken and he’d unearthed this one in his house move, so had just decided to use it for the time being before replacing it.
She snapped her head up in the hopes she could catch his eye before he disappeared inside his workshop, but she was too late. He must have gone in already.
Unclipping her seatbelt, she jumped out of the car and hurried towards the door. She wasn’t quite sure how she could ask the reason he’d kept the wallet, but perhaps he’d naturally say something when she handed it to him and realised she recognised it. Ellie hoped so.
She knocked on the door before pushing it open and stepping inside. He wasn’t there. The place was empty. Where had he gone?
Walking further into the workshop, she passed stacks of wood and tools hanging from the bare brick walls until she was standing in a small area at the back of the room.
She frowned. Instead of more carpentry paraphernalia, a small sofa had been pushed against the wall whilst a single kitchen unit stood against the back wall, half a loaf of bread, a kettle and a single mug sitting next to a tiny sink.
On an old battered sideboard next to the kitchen unit sat a camping stove and a stack of saucepans amongst other cooking items. Clothes were draped over boxes labelled ‘living room’, ‘study’, ‘bedroom’ and ‘kitchen’, and a tin of beans had rolled beneath a workbench.
Was he living here? Is this why he hadn’t wanted to tell Miss Cooke his address? Why he hadn’t wanted to tell her?
She walked towards the kitchen unit and picked up a bottle of milk, twisted the cap and brought it to her nose.
Gagging at the smell of spoiled milk, she quickly replaced the cap.
He was eating and drinking here, but she couldn’t see a fridge.
Was he just leaving food and milk out to go off in the summer warmth?
‘Eleanor, what are you doing in here?’
Murray’s voice sounded from behind her, and she quickly lowered the milk bottle as she turned around, her cheeks heating with the embarrassment of getting caught snooping. She held the wallet aloft and waved it in the air. ‘Sorry, I…’
His face paled as he looked at the wallet she was brandishing.
When he didn’t start speaking, the urge to explain overtook her. ‘You left it in the car.’
‘Right. Thank you.’ Stepping forward, he took the wallet from her before quickly shoving it in his back pocket. ‘Thank you. I hadn’t noticed it had slipped out.’
‘No worries.’ She shifted on her feet, suddenly unsure of herself. Should she say something? Mention she’d noticed it was the wallet she’d given him, ask him if he was living here in his workshop? She couldn’t hurl both of those questions at him. It wouldn’t be fair. ‘I’ll… umm… go then.’
Murray nodded, his feet frozen to the spot as he watched her walk past him towards the door.
Pausing, she turned to ask him why he was living in his workshop, but before she could get a word out, he walked towards her and took her hands in his.
‘I’m sorry, I must seem so rude. Now and when I wouldn’t disclose my address to Miss Cooke. I hadn’t intended to keep any of this from you. I’d planned to tell you. I just wasn’t sure how. I just…’ He shook his head and glanced around the workshop. ‘I’m embarrassed.’
Ellie rubbed the pads of her thumbs against his skin and met his gaze. ‘You have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about.’
‘Thank you for saying that, but I really do. I’m living in my workshop, which, if my landlord found out about, they’d most definitely kick me out for.’
She scrunched up her nose and nodded towards the makeshift kitchen area. ‘I think you might just have a better stocked kitchen than me.’
Throwing his head back, Murray chuckled as he followed Ellie’s gaze. ‘Haha, you might just be right. Maybe between us we could cobble together a full home.’
Biting down on her lower lip, Ellie looked down at the floor. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps they could. Maybe they should.
Raising her head, she locked eyes with him again.
‘Why don’t we? Why don’t you move into mine?
’ She swallowed, her voice suddenly sounding hoarse.
‘I don’t mean like move in, move in, I know things are crazy early for that and I wouldn’t want to rush anything between us, but I mean, you’re welcome to move into my spare room. ’
‘I can’t.’ Murray shook his head.
‘No, of course not.’ What had she been thinking?
It would have rushed things, and who was to say Murray even viewed whatever was going on between them as something he wanted to pursue, as something he wanted to take seriously?
She’d jumped ahead on so many levels, it was mortifying.
Tugging her hands away, she turned to leave.
She’d made enough of a fool of herself for one evening. ‘I should go.’
‘Wait. Please wait.’
Turning back, Ellie could feel her cheeks were flushed, and her throat was dry.
‘Stay and let me explain. I can make you a cuppa.’ Holding his hand out, he indicated the small sofa.
She shook her head. ‘You don’t need to explain.’
‘No, but I want to. Please?’
‘Okay, but I’m not drinking that milk. It’s gone off.’ She gave a small smile.
Grinning, Murray took her hand and led the way back to his makeshift home. ‘That’s fair enough. We’d probably be risking our lives if we drank that after it’s been out in the heat all day.’
She lowered herself onto the sofa, shifting a little to avoid a spring sticking into her back. ‘Doesn’t it get hot in here? There are no windows.’
Murray nodded as he picked up two cans of Coke and rubbed the tops with the bottom of his T-shirt before holding one out to her. ‘It does, but at night I prop the door open to let a bit of air in. I figure at that time the farmer won’t be hanging around, so I won’t get caught staying in here.’
‘That’s true.’ Taking the can, she popped it open and took a sip. The fizzy liquid was warm, but at least it held fewer health hazards than the milk would have.
Sitting down next to her, Murray turned slightly so he was facing her. ‘Thank you for offering me your spare room. I mean that. I really do appreciate it. I’m definitely going to turn you down, though, however much I’d love to move in with you.’
‘That’s fine.’ She nodded and took another gulp of Coke. He didn’t need to explain.
‘I… umm… I know I’ve said how happy I am to have met up with you again after all this time and I am, I really am, but I need to be honest.’ He grinned sheepishly.
‘All those memories of how good things had been between us hit me like a sledgehammer to my heart. Of course, ever since leaving for America, I’ve missed you, but it was just so…
Sorry, I’m not explaining myself very well. ’
‘You are.’ Her voice was barely a rasp. She tightened her grasp on the can, wishing he’d continue, hoping this conversation was leading in the direction she so wished it would.
‘I still feel a connection to you. A strong connection, a very strong connection.’ He cleared his throat.
‘All the love I felt for you back then, well, it’s doubled, tripled.
I don’t know, but what I do know is that nothing is going to spoil this, what we have found again between us.
And that’s why I’m turning your kind offer down. ’
‘Okay.’ It had. The conversation had gone in the direction she’d hoped. More so than she’d ever dared to wish. He still loved her. He still felt a connection to her. These feelings that were churning her stomach weren’t one-sided like she’d feared.
‘Do you understand that I’m turning the offer down because of how I feel about you, not because of how I don’t feel about you?’ Leaning forward, Murray tucked a loose strand of Ellie’s hair behind her ear.