Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
A s Paisley entered the hospital room, Mom stretched her hand toward her. “There you are.”
This time, Paisley scanned the room before focusing on her mother. Whew. No Earl. “Hey, Mom. I hear you gave the nurses a little scare during the night.”
Mom winced as she shifted in the bed. “I guess I raised you girls right, despite it all. Don’t ever touch drugs.”
“I won’t.” Paisley took a seat and rubbed her mother’s arm. “You doing okay now? Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk to me about?” Besides Earl.
“Your father…”
Paisley shook her head. “Different subject, please.”
“But…”
“No. He’s your business, not mine.”
“He would’ve done the right thing by you had he known.”
“That’s water under the bridge, and I’m sorry for badgering you about it when I was growing up. Thank you for keeping the secret, in fact. ”
“He’s not so bad, Paisley.”
What grown man leered at his own daughter? Yeah, he was that bad. “I have no interest in having any sort of relationship with him. And if he’s the one who got you back using, then you should cut him off, too.”
“It’s not his fault.”
Paisley shrugged. If that’s how her mother saw the situation, there wasn’t much she could say to dissuade her.
“Is Kait coming up?”
“In a bit. She wanted to give us a few minutes.”
“That’s nice of her. I have such good girls.”
Through no fault of her own. Paisley gave herself a mental head-slap. Mom had tried. She had done her best most of the time… until the drugs. “Mom, this substance abuse thing. It doesn’t have to be like this. You can get clean again. Going into rehab needs to be your choice, though.”
“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be much reason for hope.”
“You did well for three years, right? Held down a job, volunteered in the community. Wasn’t it worth it?”
“I was a burden to Kait. You and Amelia didn’t come visit. And you said you’d found religion.” Mom’s voice turned bitter at the end.
“I’m sorry.” Paisley even meant it.
“Why?”
“I guess I felt like the situation was precarious, though it was working for you and Kait. I felt like if I poked my nose in, the balance would be lost.” And, oh, the irony. The balance had tipped, anyway.
“Doesn’t the Bible tell you to honor your parents? ”
Ouch. “Yes, it does.” That only went for Mom, right? Not Earl. He might have provided sperm, but he hadn’t been a parent. “I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t handle things well with you, Mom.” As per usual.
“Me, either, baby. Me, either.”
Was that a tear trickling from Mom’s eye? Paisley reached over and gently wiped it away. “I should have been here for you.” If not living nearby, at least visiting regularly. Keeping in closer touch. “I’ll do better in the future.”
“Because of religion?”
“Partly because God wants me to live a life of love and trust, yes. But not just that. I failed you.”
“I failed you first.”
Paisley huffed a laugh that nearly brought tears. “It’s not a competition.” Though her mother was right. “I want to show you how God loves you — loves me — whether or not we deserve love. Because we don’t deserve it, ever. No matter how good we are, we’re never good enough.” Wasn’t that the story of Paisley’s life? God’s grace had rescued her years ago, but she’d slipped back into old habits of feeling worthless. “We could never be good enough for God’s love. No matter how hard we try, we just fail, over and over. The thing is, God created us, and He loves us regardless. He wants a relationship with us. But because He’s holy, He can’t look at us, can’t get close to us, because of our sin.”
Mom sniffled and picked at the frayed edge of the blanket, but she was listening, right?
“That’s where Jesus comes into the story. He was — is — God, and He’d never done anything wrong. He came to earth as a tiny baby, grew up, showed God’s love to everyone around Him, then took the punishment for our sin by dying for us.”
“I’ve heard that before. Christmas and Easter.”
“Yes. Jesus rose again from the dead after just three days. I know it sounds preposterous, but there’s plenty of historical proof of what He did. Because He loves us. Now we can have that relationship with God that He always wanted. That our souls crave, deep inside.”
“And now you’re perfect.”
Paisley scoffed. “Don’t I wish it were that easy! It’s not like that, but I can keep being sorry and turning back to Him when I mess up, which is, like, every day.”
Mom sighed. “It sounds like a lot of work.”
“It’s not work. It’s… awareness, maybe? I just know how much peace I have within me when I’m leaning into my faith and remaining aware of God’s gift of salvation through Jesus. It’s not a magic wand, but it’s worth every minute.”
How had she become so caught up in day-to-day existence that she’d forgotten to live like this every single day? It sounded so simple when she told it to her mother. It was simple. It just wasn’t easy.
Paisley took a deep breath. “Jesus died for you, too, Mom. If you accept His gift of salvation, He’ll give you the strength for rehab and for life. He won’t let you down. Not like I have.”
“Bravo.” A slow clap came from behind her.
She pivoted to see Earl leaning in the doorway.
“Nice pep talk, daughter dear. Not very practical, all those angels in halos with harps, but pleasant to listen to, nonetheless. ”
Paisley swallowed the bile that rose in her throat.
“Not going to give your old dad a hug and a kiss?” Earl waggled his eyebrows.
“I think not.” Where was her sister? How had Earl arrived before Kait?
“Earl!” Mom stretched out her arms.
He crossed the space, winked at Paisley — who shifted well out of his way — and pecked Mom’s cheek. “Maybe we’ll spring you out of this joint today. What do you say, Rita? We can celebrate.”
Is that what he called it? Paisley chomped hard on the inside of her cheek to keep from intruding. She’d had her moment. It was up to her mother to make her own decisions.
“That’s not what the doctor said. I’m supposed to stay longer, I think.”
“We make our own rules.” Earl smirked at Paisley before turning back to the bed.
“How’s that working for you?” Paisley asked.
“It works better than religion.”
“Did you ever stop to wonder about life after death?”
He waved his hand dismissively. “More pie-in-the-sky talk. This here is all there is. Might as well live it up.”
Or shoot it up.
“Hey, everyone.” Kait breezed into the room. “I was just talking to the doctor, Mom. You can come home tomorrow if you stay stable.” She pinned Paisley with a look. “We’ll take good care of you.”
We? Paisley needed to get back to Montana, or she’d lose her job. More than that, she’ d lose Weston.
She needed to call him. Call Mr. Sullivan. Too bad her phone was back at Kait’s place. Charging.
Weston scrubbed both hands through his hair then rubbed his temples. He glanced at the phone sitting on his desk amid the now-tidy stacks of papers. He had a decent handle on the Fourth of July arrangements and what still needed to be finalized.
He did not have a handle on his relationship with Paisley. Where was she? When did he start panicking?
Snort. He’d already started, but he refused to let it get the best of him.
Sweet River Ranch was almost full this coming week with the campground near capacity, and all but one of the cabins booked. Even the rooms in the lodge were reserved. That meant lots of riding lessons and two-to-three-hour trail rides on the schedule.
Once word got out, there’d been wild interest in the treehouses Maxwell’s crew were currently building over on Eagle’s Nest Lane along the river. Apparently, Conestoga wagons were next year’s project. Fake ones, of course, not that tourists cared.
As bustling as the ranch was now that summer was in full swing, it felt empty without Paisley, and she’d only been gone two days.
Why didn’t she call?
He grabbed up his phone and descended from the loft to fix himself a cup of coffee. There wasn’t much more he could do on the festival without talking to Paisley, and she wasn’t answering.
Had she abandoned him and Sweet River Ranch for good?
Even though his mind kept spinning in that direction, he couldn’t quite believe it of her. That had to say something, right? Because Weston wasn’t usually a hopeful kind of guy.
He’d also never been in love before.
Was that what kept him resolutely focused on Paisley’s return and making sure she could hit the ground running as soon as she arrived?
He’d once waited and waited for Rayna to realize she should’ve stayed with him. How was this different?
It just was.
But… how?
The kettle boiled, and he poured hot water over the grounds in his French press.
Okay, it was different because Paisley wasn’t Rayna, and Weston wasn’t the same guy he’d been back then, either. He’d been wavering in his faith, unsure of the goodness of God after all that had happened with Dad’s death and the sale of the ranch. Instead of digging his grip tighter into God’s word, he’d let his negative thoughts isolate him.
The Sullivans’ faith was strong. Grandfather expected Weston in church every week, and Creekside Fellowship down in Jewel Lake had been a breath of fresh air after their former church, especially when Eli preached. But Pastor Marshall’s recent series on the fourth chapter of Philippians had jabbed Weston hard in the heart.
It was God who did the saving, but it was Weston who needed to rejoice, to present his prayers with thanksgiving, and to keep his focus on positive thoughts rather than dwelling on the negative.
That internal battle was his to fight. Sure, if and when he asked for help, God absolutely gave it, but he couldn’t passively expect change if he didn’t work on it himself, too.
So, yes, this was different than it had been with Rayna in many ways. In all the ways that counted.
Rayna was only back in Montana because she hoped he and his money would be an easy mark. Nope. He wasn’t the slightest bit interested in her. Wouldn’t have been, even without Paisley in his life. It wasn’t Paisley who had changed that in him. It was Jesus.
He slowly pushed the French press plunger down and poured a mug of the strong brew. Ahhh. Just what he needed.
The phone rang, and he snatched it up. Paisley! “Hello?”
“Hey, Weston.” She sounded beyond exhausted. “It’s Paisley.”
“I know.” He infused the words with a smile, hoping she could hear it in his voice. “How are things?”
“There’s so much. I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning?” he suggested, taking a seat. But before she began speaking, he surged out of it and started pacing the small area.
“I’ve met my father, and he’s a creep. My mother — I don’t know if she faked some of this or not, but she’s with him and, well, I have no reason to think she’s clean or planning to get that way any time soon. But she did ask about God, and I was able to share Jesus with her. ”
Weston’s heart hurt at the pain in her voice. “That part is good, right?”
“It is. And then he came in — Earl — and made fun of my religious kick, as he called it, and Mom laughed, too. But she wants me to stay, and Kait wants me to stay, and I think they need me…” Her voice trailed off.
I need you, too.
The words were on the tip of Weston’s tongue, but they weren’t the right ones to voice. “Is staying what God wants you to do?”
“I don’t know!” she wailed. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what good I can do here, but if there’s any chance my mom or my sister will come to know Jesus, then that’s worth everything, isn’t it?”
Everything was a big word, but she wasn’t wrong. “I’ll keep asking: what does God want you to do?”
“What do you think I should do?”
“I want you here, of course. We’ve only just begun to explore a relationship that…” He let out a long breath. “A relationship that I hope is going somewhere promising. But this isn’t about what I want, or even about what you want. What does God want?”
“I should stay for a few more days. Mom is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. But if I stay, I’ll lose my job. I might already have, since there’s no way I can be back by tomorrow morning.”
“Have you talked to Tate?”
“No.” She hiccupped. “I’m scared to. And isn’t it your grandfather I should talk to?”
“That would be Tate. He runs all the day- to-day stuff now.”
“Right. I keep forgetting, since it’s Mr. Sullivan I’ve always dealt with. He’s going to fire me, isn’t he?”
“If you don’t call him, he may not feel he has any choice.”
“Ouch. You’re right.”
If only he could wrap his arms around her and hold her close. She sounded so lost. So alone. “I talked to Tate, and I think he’ll be reasonable. Because—” Weston braced himself for an unknown response “—I told him I loved you, and I expected him to treat you like family.”
Silence.
“Paisley, are you there?”
“I’m… yeah. You told him what ?”
“I love you, Paisley Teele.” Weston’s heart thundered in his ears.
“Really?”
Wasn’t this where a besotted woman was supposed to say the magic words back? “Yes. I love you.”
“But I’m such a mess.”
“You’re a mess I love.”
Were those sniffles? “But your cousin is going to fire me, and I deserve it.”
“Not on my watch.”
“You love me? You’re not just saying that?”
“I love you.”
Oh, man. She was crying. Why couldn’t he hug her? Why didn’t she believe him?
“I love you, too.”
And the line went dead.