Chapter 50 #2
“You may not see it,” Evelyne continued, “but Cillian despises his wolf. He has not shifted since the first time, and only recently began to find anything good in what he has become. Holden has helped him more than I expected.”
“Holden?” Aurelia winced.
Evelyne laughed. “That was my reaction as well. But yes, he has been a steady friend to Cillian.”
“Well, you seem to have taken to it rather easily.”
“I would be lying if I said I did not love parts of it,” Evelyne admitted. “But that does not mean it has been easy. If not for Ironwolf, I would not be who I am now.”
Aurelia lowered her eyes to her shoes. “I pushed away everyone who might have helped me. Mother cannot bear that I refuse to return to Leopold, but I simply cannot face him after what he tried to do. After what he said.”
Evelyne’s words came carefully. “What happened between you?”
Aurelia looked up at her and let out a long breath.
“We were in our chambers the night I first shifted. He had just come from the bath, and I was wearing my silk nightgown—the pale blue one he always liked on the nights we…” She paused, closing her eyes briefly. “On the nights we tried to conceive.”
A faint, fragile smile touched her lips before fading just as quickly.
“I did not understand what was happening to my body at the time. One moment he was coming toward me, ready to hold me, and the next…” Her voice wavered.
“I was screaming. The pain was unbearable, Evelyne. And when I looked at him…” She swallowed.
“His face was filled with such horror, such disgust, that for a moment I felt monstrous.” She lifted both hands to her chest. “I could smell his fear. I could hear his heart pounding. And when I looked down and saw what I had become…” She shook her head. “I panicked.”
Evelyne rose from the couch and crossed the room, taking her sister’s hand.
“It was as though my mind had split,” Aurelia continued quietly. “Part of me still understood, but something else took hold. When he lunged at me, I reacted without thinking. I struck him.” She covered her mouth, her voice breaking. “There was so much blood.”
“It was not your fault,” Evelyne offered. “It was instinct to defend.”
“Could you blame him?” Aurelia whispered. “Watching his wife turn into something… vile? In his own chambers?”
Evelyne’s heart ached, but she could think of nothing to say. So she let her sister continue. Sometimes listening was all anyone could do.
“The servants came pounding at the door, asking if we were all right. And then Leopold fled. He ran straight through them like a terrified child.” Her tone eased.
“I ran too. But not after him.” She looked up, her eyes heavy with guilt.
“I tried finding my way out, because I did not want to hurt him. Or anyone else. Not ever again.”
“I know,” Evelyne said softly.
Aurelia nodded, as if steadying herself. “My mind was spinning, overwhelmed by every new scent and sound, and somehow I found myself near his office. He was crouched behind his desk with his pistol. I could smell the powder. I knew it was loaded.”
She swallowed, her voice breaking as she went on. “I tried to back away, but he stood and fired. He tried to kill me.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “Me. His own wife.”
“I am so sorry,” Evelyne murmured, rubbing slow circles along her back.
“Do not be,” Aurelia said, her expression darkening. “Because then I tried to kill him.” Her eyes narrowed. “The anger took hold before I could stop it. How quickly he turned on me… I nearly lost myself. When he tried to reload, I lunged. He screamed, called me a demon, and swore he would kill me.”
Aurelia shook her head and sighed.
“I chased him from the room. Eventually, I made it outside and ran until my legs gave out, until I collapsed in the cold dirt.” She drew a shaky breath.
“When I returned the next morning, the doors were barred. The servants would not let me in. And when I tried to force my way inside…” Her hands began to tremble.
“He strapped an animal collar around my neck, kicked me to the ground, and…”
Aurelia paused, fighting to steady herself.
“He spat in my face. Said dogs belonged outside.”
Evelyne’s stomach turned.
“I ran to Mother and told her everything,” Aurelia continued. “She smuggled me into Velenshire to see the witch, desperate for answers, because she truly did not know what else to do.”
Celeste had been telling the truth that night. She hadn’t known of their shifter bloodline.
“I spent the following weeks shifting and running,” Aurelia said quietly. “Living off the land.”
Evelyne stared at her, stunned. Her poised, refined sister had endured all of that and still chosen to keep going.
“Perhaps I am better off,” Aurelia added. “He returned to our home only when he wished to remember his duty as a husband. So long as he believed me perfect, he was not cruel.”
She gave a small shrug, but the words sounded as though they had scraped their way past tears.
“Aurelia,” she said with quiet warmth, “I would say you are handling this far better than Cillian and me combined.”
Aurelia shook her head. “You do not understand. That is precisely why I feel so lost.” She began to pace. “I love this life. The gowns, the music, the order of it all. I cannot simply cast it aside. But I love this other part of me as well, and I do not know how to be both. It feels impossible.”
She stopped and turned to face Evelyne.
“Mother is disappointed. Leopold is gone. You and Cillian have found your places. But what am I to become?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “I cannot be Lady Aurelia and also a creature who enjoys the hunt, who craves the taste of blood on sharpened teeth. And yet, gods help me, I want both. What gentleman would ever want a ruined woman with fur and claws?” Her voice broke again. “What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you, Aurelia. And you are not alone. I am here. The Ironwolf pack is here.”
“And what pack do we belong to, Evelyne? Haven’t you questioned it?”
Of course she had. Every day, actually, but she couldn’t put too much effort into thinking about it while the rest of the world was being corrupted by blood magic.
“I believe we shall come to understand it in time. And perhaps we will remain packless, like Oathroot. They seem to have found their own way.”
“That is rather easy for you to say,” Aurelia said with a sigh, “considering you are, in effect, part of Ironwolf now. Being mated and all.” She shook her head.
“Forgive me. I am being foolish. Perhaps you were right about my earlier episode. Panic, I suppose. I have simply felt too many things of late, and I must learn to govern them.”
She patted her cheeks lightly, then straightened, slipping her mask of elegance back into place.
“You also endured something deeply traumatic in the tunnels,” Evelyne said.
Aurelia swallowed. “Yes. There is that as well. My heightened senses did me very little good while I was out running one night.” Her gaze flickered away. “I would rather not relive that, if you please.”
Evelyne understood. No questions about that. They had survived and that was all that mattered.
“Well, I know Holden is likely the very last person you would wish to ask for help…”
Aurelia’s eyes widened. “Absolutely not. I do not know what that wolf’s trouble is, but he can scarcely bear to be near me, and I would prefer to return the favor from this moment onward.”
The mere mention of him seemed to unsettle her all over again. Evelyne watched with concern as Aurelia began fanning herself.
“Goodness, what is happening to me?” she muttered, fidgeting with her dress.
“You are panicking again. I will fetch the cool cloths.”
“Yes, please.”
Evelyne made a silent note to herself: no more mentioning Holden.