Chapter 21 #2
“Mom and Dad found out some of what he was up to, though. That’s how he ended up grounded toward the end of my seventh-grade year, his eleventh.” Anson hesitated. He could share the version of the story he’d told before or the version he’d long since classified. He chose the familiar path.
“He snuck out anyway to go to a party at a state park. That area is known for some steep bluffs. When our family went hiking there, I remember feeling nervous on the overlooks. There’s no fence or anything, just rocks jutting out until there’s nothing but turkey vultures drafting on the air currents.
“A couple of hours after Gury left, I was up in my room when Mom made this noise unlike anything I’ve ever heard.
It was a wail, I guess.” He clenched his jaw as the memory played.
His aching throat turned his voice gritty as he continued.
“Gury fell from one of the bluffs. He was drunk. Goofing around. Died instantly.”
“Anson. I’m so sorry.” She reached across the distance and laid her hand over his forearm.
He stared down at her hand. He longed to hold her, but more than that, he wanted to be held so he wouldn’t fall into the abyss of these memories. He swallowed hard. “You asked once who I lost. He’s the answer.”
She scooted closer, her knee resting on his thigh as she encircled his hand with both of hers. Her warmth convicted him. The cost of true connection was truth. He’d been alone or faked his way through relationships for too long. She deserved the whole truth. The full version.
“But it …” He cleared his throat. “It gets worse.”
Her hold on him tightened.
“When my parents discovered he’d snuck out—before the accident—they asked me where he was.
I lied and said I didn’t know, but I heard him and his girlfriend talking.
” Anson had sobbed as he confessed to his parents later that night.
After more than a decade, he hadn’t expected his eyes to sting over it. “If I’d told the truth—”
“No.” Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Her cheek moved against his ear. “We’ll never know the alternate paths our lives might’ve taken if some detail had changed, but your brother is responsible for his own choices.”
She shifted back, placing one hand on either side of his face and forcing eye contact.
As if he could look away.
“Do you have any idea how many things I’ve done to be cool or to fit in or to not rock the boat?” Instead of waiting for an answer, she enveloped him in another hug.
And just like that, she joined him in the abyss with all of her light.
He dipped his chin to her shoulder and let his eyes shut as he inhaled. Her hair smelled like flowers, and her arms around him felt like lifelines. She rubbed her hand over his shoulder blade. Seconds ticked toward the moment the embrace had to end, and his gut churned in protest.
When she sat back and drew her hands into her lap, he clenched his teeth.
He wanted more. More than a hug. More than friendship. Did she?
“When we got interrupted on Saturday, I thought the deal might be off. Thank you for trusting me.” Seated sideways, she tipped her head against the couch back. “What did Greg want, anyway? He sounded so urgent.”
The question pulled him back from the brink of confessing his feelings. His emotions were raw and strong right now, prone to prompting actions he’d later regret. Besides, it was getting late, and Blaze had been tired to begin with. This was not the time to make a move.
“A few families have left MOBC. Greg and I both reached out, but when people leave a church, they don’t tend to return pastors’ phone calls.
Eric Newsome had coffee with two of the men who left with their families.
He met with Greg Saturday morning to relay that their coffee clutch determined I don’t have the personality to be a good youth pastor. ”
Blaze’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“I’m too serious and strict, and if I leave, they’ll consider coming back.”
She bolted upright. “As if church is what? A middle school playground?”
He didn’t disagree. “It convinced Greg that Eric’s trying to have me fired. Until now, he didn’t believe it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m still praying about that. Initially, my plan was to double the youth groups like he wanted. I have to admit, watching the kids care for their friends is rewarding, even if that hasn’t resulted in a huge numbers boost.”
“I’ll pray the leadership board sees the value you bring.”
“Thank you.” The clock by the TV turned to 11:00. He stood. “I might not need to say this, but anything I tell you about church leadership has to stay confidential.”
She frowned even as she nodded. “Though if most people knew, they’d come to your defense.”
“Defensive people can easily lead to church splits instead of de-escalations. That’s why I usually keep these things to myself.”
She rose and ran her hand down his arm. “Okay. Nothing leaves this room.”
If only that were literally true and he didn’t have to go. She walked him to the door and rested her hand on his shoulder as he stepped outside. The warmth from the contact cooled before he reached his SUV, but his feelings for her?
Those only strengthened the farther away he got.