Chapter Twenty-Five
Genevieve moaned and dug her nails into Finlay’s naked back. He held her tight, his toned weight pressing down on her. With ragged breaths, he lowered his head to her upturned face, bringing his lips to hers. His kiss was deep, passionate, and desperate. Genevieve returned it, chasing his tongue, needing to feel him everywhere. Her entire world depended on this. His deep thrusts drove her crazy, exactly the way she liked it, and she wanted to remember how good this felt.
When he kissed her and made love to her like this, it was so easy to believe he loved her as much as she wished he did – as much as she loved him. But sex didn’t mean love and love wasn’t enough. Not really. Not when love was just a game.
‘Oh god, Genevieve,’ he groaned, pushing her even higher. When her climax came, she clung to him so tightly she wasn’t sure she’d ever let go. Her nails might have scarred him for life. Maybe she subconsciously wanted to leave her mark on him forever. She held him as they both lay spent and breathing fast. Her heart was so full she could cry, but she held herself together. Just.
Later, as she curled in his arms, when she knew from his breathing he was asleep, she let the tears come. Silently, they trickled from her eyes onto his warm chest. The end had come.
The morning after was a long time coming, as Genevieve couldn’t sleep a wink, but it still showed up too fast.
Finlay got up first, showered and dressed in almost silence. Genevieve took her turn and when she was fresh and dressed, she still didn’t know what to say. He’d stripped the bed and the place looked dead.
What remained to be said?
Nothing.
She couldn’t confess how she felt and send him off to Dubai feeling awful. He didn’t need to know. If this was a fun game he was happy with, then so be it.
‘Right,’ he said in a businesslike tone. ‘Everything’s packed. I’m going to drive to mum’s and unload everything. I guess this is goodbye.’
‘I guess.’ Her limbs felt heavy and unusually large, making her unsure what to do with them.
‘We’ll keep in touch.’ He placed his hands on either side of her, clutching her upper arms. It steadied her for a moment. ‘Yeah?’
‘Of course.’
‘And I look forward to the reels showing how you’re getting over the breakup using the awesome girl power you have.’
She recognised the attempt to lighten the mood but smiling wasn’t coming easy; her jaw had jammed. All she could do was stare into his eyes, the face she’d grown so used to and associated with so much fun and laughter. ‘I’ll do my best.’
‘Good.’ He dipped in and kissed her cheek. ‘You keep being the amazing “Vieve”.’
‘I guess you won’t miss being caught on film all the time.’
‘Ha. That’s true, though the risk kept me on my toes.’
The smile finally found its way to her lips, though it didn’t filter into her heart. Like cool water was spreading through her veins, her insides chilled and she breathed slowly, welcoming back serene Genevieve. She was calm, cool and collected, and could handle this situation. The feelings she’d set free with Finlay over the past month would get locked up again.
‘Well, good luck,’ she said. ‘You can let me know when you arrive. Hopefully the accommodation is good. If the facetime restrictions have been lifted, you can give me a call. Just don’t do it from the beach or anywhere that’ll make me jealous, especially if it’s chucking it down here.’
His expression slipped momentarily and he looked almost taken aback at how well she was handling this. He blinked, then nodded. ‘Noted,’ he said. ‘And you can let me know how the contract goes at Duchan Fayre.’
She drew in a long, slow breath and looked at him, then put her arms around his neck and hugged him. He put his hands on her back, but before he could pull her too close, she moved out of his hold and patted his arm. ‘I’ll go and let you get on your way. Have a safe flight.’
Without looking back, she darted out of the flat, down the stairs, and into her car. Just drive and breathe. She’d managed the first bit. The worst bit. Telling people they’d split up couldn’t top this, could it? Tears would come. They were close, but she kept driving towards her house, swallowing back all the thoughts about Finlay, the missed opportunity at Duchan Fayre and everything else. She wanted to find the off-switch and give herself a break from her brain and her emotions.
Her house was cold and even the familiar ordered nature of the well-placed cushions wasn’t enough to soothe her. Mitzi’s basket lying empty by the sofa forced the tears out. If only she were here, Genevieve would sit and cuddle her, but of course she wasn’t. She was at her mum and dad’s house and Genevieve was supposed to be going there shortly to make an emotional goodbye. As it was, she’d be going there to tell them she wasn’t going anywhere. What had seemed like a good plan all those weeks ago now had more holes than her Vieve range colander.
She stared at her face in the mirror, eyes red and blotchy, tears rolling down her cheeks. What a mess. She used the heel of her hand to push them away and the ring glinted on her finger. What should she do with it? She couldn’t keep wearing it. Finlay had told her to look after it, but how could she? Everything about it reminded her of the fun times they’d shared. She laughed through the tears. How absurd it was that he had the ring with him at all that night. How was that even possible?
Fate?
That’s what his mum would call it. Except something had gone wrong somewhere.
No point wasting time. This couldn’t wait any longer, and Genevieve wanted Mitzi here. Nothing for it but to face the music. She got back in her car and drove. The journey to her parents was lost in a storm of thoughts and a tension headache.
When she arrived, her mum greeted her at the door. Her face was so struck with sadness, it was like looking in a mirror. She dabbed at tears as she welcomed Genevieve in.
‘I didn’t think this would hit me so hard,’ she said. ‘But you’re my baby. I can’t believe you’re going so far away and for so long.’
Dad patted her mum’s back. ‘She’ll be fine. It’s a great experience.’
Genevieve could hardly breathe or bear to hear another word.
Cressida strolled into the room, nursing a mug of tea and smirking. ‘Seriously, Mum. You’re acting like she’s two and she’s going to be stolen from you for several years.’
‘Wait until you have yours,’ Hilary said. ‘Then you’ll know exactly how it feels.’
Cressida rolled her eyes at Genevieve in what should have been a sisterly moment of understanding about their mum, but Genevieve didn’t react.
‘I’m not going to Dubai,’ she said and somehow her voice sounded normal, almost too normal and slightly robotic but at least it was working and not choked with emotion, despite the pain in her throat and head.
‘What do you mean?’ her father said. ‘Why not?’
‘Mitzi.’
‘Oh come, come,’ Geoff said, laying his hand on her shoulder. ‘I quite understand. But you can come back at Christmas and during the summer. Three years isn’t as long as it sounds. Also, wasn’t there some talk of passports for dogs?’
‘I’ve told you already, it’s too hot there for her,’ Genevieve said.
‘Mitzi will be fine with us.’ Her mum rubbed Genevieve’s arm. ‘She’ll have a fab time with the boys and I’m looking forward to having her.’
‘I’m not going,’ Genevieve said.
Cressida frowned and gripped her cup. ‘What’s got into you?’
Genevieve sucked in her lips and looked up at the spotlights, willing her tears to stay back.
‘I was never going to Dubai or engaged to Finlay.’
Holding her breath, she half expected a collective gasp, but silence prevailed. Slowly, she moved her gaze around the puzzled faces.
‘You split up?’ her mum said, almost in a whisper. ‘Or… Wait? I don’t understand. What happened?’
‘We weren’t really together. None of this was real. He was drunk when he proposed and didn’t mean it. When you were all so happy, I didn’t want to confess we’d just been fooling around and I didn’t want all my followers thinking I was an idiot. Then when Flora wanted us to go to the retreat, I didn’t want to back out in case Dad lost the deal and then we were stuck because if we split up straight after, Flora would think we’d faked it to get the deal and pull out. It all got so messy and now… I just can’t pretend anymore.’ She gave a little shrug.
Her father’s expression was stern. ‘I appreciate what you did to get me Flora’s backing, but there’s still the possibility she’ll think we set the whole thing up.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ he said, rather absently. ‘The whole thing just seems very strange. None of it looked fake to me.’
‘Or me,’ her mother said. ‘In fact, what you told me yesterday seems more like the truth. Are you sure this isn’t something you’ve thought wasn’t real, but actually it’s what you want deep down?’
Genevieve froze at her mother’s words. More truth was in there than she dared confess.
‘Is it possible Finlay has similar feelings but neither of you have actually confessed it because you were too busy believing the other thought it was pretend?’
Was that the case? How could it be? ‘I don’t think so,’ she said, though her brain was racked with uncertainty. ‘We always knew he was going to Dubai. It was the perfect place to end this non-event. We hardly knew each other before this.’
‘Love at first sight, perhaps?’ Cressida said.
Genevieve remembered what Finlay had said to Elise not long ago. ‘I realised I’d been attracted to Genevieve on some level for a long time and when she invited me to go to the party with her, it was clear she liked me too. Things were so easy between us, there didn’t seem any reason to wait any longer.’
Was there truth in those words?
‘What’s going on?’ Rafe appeared at the door and leaned on the frame. The stance reminded Genevieve so vividly of the way Finlay propped himself in doorways that a fresh wave of tears washed through her. ‘Why are you discussing love at first sight? I, for one, am not a fan or a believer.’ His tone was light and jokey and he clearly hadn’t noticed the grave faces.
‘Shh,’ Hilary said. ‘Things are difficult.’
‘Why?’ He frowned and made his way into the room. ‘I just came to say goodbye to Gen.’
‘No need,’ she said. ‘I’m not going. I was never going. Please don’t make me go through it all again.’
‘It was all fake apparently,’ Cressida said aside to Rafe. ‘They got engaged by accident and carried it on to fool one of Dad’s investors.’
‘Fake?’ Rafe pulled a face. ‘No way. You don’t expect me to believe that?’
‘Believe it.’ Genevieve said.
‘Nothing is fake,’ he said. ‘Even fakes are real. They’re just copies of the original. Sometimes good copies, sometimes so good they’re only missing one or two elements that would make them as good as or better than the real thing. So forgive me for thinking that your engagement may have started off as fake but you can’t tell me there weren’t bits of it that were real.’
‘I…’ She wasn’t sure what to say. Sometimes Rafe loved to rattle on and sound like the knowledgeable businessman he was, but he had a point. All that was missing in their ‘fake’ engagement was that she’d never confessed how deep her feelings were or discovered if Finlay felt the same. It was always meant to be fake, a mutually beneficial transaction like the arrangement she’d had with James. Both times she’d tricked herself into believing the feelings were real because that’s what her lonely heart desired so hard. But this time, it felt so much worse.
‘None of that matters,’ she said, half to herself. ‘Finlay is going to Dubai and no matter how you try to square it, Dad, or try to convince me three years isn’t that long, it’s too long in the life of my dog and I can’t bear parting with her.’
‘Then take her with you,’ Rafe said. ‘Some airlines these days will even let her in the cabin with you. I can get my company to arrange it for you so she wouldn’t have to travel in the hold.’
Genevieve shook her head. ‘No. I can’t. She doesn’t do well in the heat. It would be horrible for her. I waited a long time to get her; I can’t just give her up.’
‘It sounds like you don’t really want to go to Dubai,’ Cressida said.
‘It’s true, I don’t want to live in another country. I like travelling and visiting new places but I don’t want to live there.’
‘But you do want to be with Finlay?’ Her mum looked at her with wide eyes.
‘Yes. Yes, I do.’ She covered her face and the tears burst.
A group of arms surrounded her, offering comfort, but none of them were the ones she so desperately desired.