Chapter 20 #2
We chat and laugh, until Amelie announces she’s done with this outing with a loud wail. My friends leave, and I stand on the street, strangely lost.
I’m so used to working all the time, I don’t quite know what to do with myself.
I decide to visit Ethan. As strange as it is, after spending time with Xander, I need a proper closure with my former fiancé. My fake husband showed me in a couple of weeks how “not enough” my former real relationship was.
The buzzing of the city hums in the background of the peaceful place with its large trees, offering much-needed shade.
I walk down the familiar path, already saying goodbye to the place. I will always remember Ethan, but I think it’s time to say a proper farewell. It’s strangely liberating, knowing this may be the last time I’m here.
His grave doesn’t have fresh flowers, and it feels strangely barren without them.
“I didn’t plan on coming today,” I say, as if Ethan would expect that I wouldn’t show up empty-handed. “I met someone. He sold his motorcycle for me.”
Okay, I guess I held too much resentment to release it easily. But I don’t have to be spiteful.
“I came to say goodbye. One I should have said years ago, but couldn’t. Perhaps it was the anger I felt about your unnecessary death. Or maybe it was just me holding onto the future I lost. In any case, I met someone, and I’m happy. I hope you found your peace wherever you are.”
“Hello.” A boy comes from behind me and squats by the stone, stuffing a fresh bunch of flowers in the vase.
“Hi.” Who is this? I look around for a parent or a grandparent. A woman stands in the shadow.
He turns to me. I blink a few times, because I know those eyes. Before my brain can conjure any explanation, he smiles. “Did you know my father?”
I swallow, my knees giving in. He steps closer, gripping my elbow. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I think. I didn’t know Ethan had a son.”
“I was born five months after he died. Mom and Dad didn’t have a chance to tell anyone about me. How did you know him?”
He looks at me with his huge eyes, full of expectations. A boy who never knew his father, probably hungry for any information about him.
I can barely speak with the lump in my throat. “I didn’t really know him that well.”
The irony? It’s not a lie, despite having spent five years with the man. Jesus.
Making an excuse, I nod to whom I assume is the boy’s mother. I’m not interested in unraveling this more. Or meeting the other woman.
I stumble out of there. As soon as I’m back on the busy street, I burst out laughing—it’s manic, unhinged, and strangely cathartic.
Ethan, you fucking bastard. Can we truly know someone? Only the parts they show us.
I would have expected to be devastated. Instead, I’m relieved. Like knowing he was a cheating bastard gives me permission to finally let go. I held on to the memory of him for way too long.
I stop at a bakery and get myself a whole box of cakes when my phone rings.
“Why is the bistro closed?” Tessa accuses instead of greeting me.
“Why do you care?” I say, grinning. I don’t even know why, but I feel lighter. Like I shed skin I hadn’t needed for a long time, and now I can breathe freely.
“I’m standing in front of it,” she huffs.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone,” she complains.
“Tough shit, sis, you’ll have to, because I’m not there.”
“Where are you?”
“Buying cakes.”
“Jesus Christ, Cora, you’re making no sense. I came all the way to the city—”
“You should have called,” I interrupt, before she can make me feel guilty for not being where she wants me.
She groans. “Do you have time now?” Her tone changes—more a plea than a demand.
“I can be there in half an hour.” I sigh.
Twenty minutes later, I find my sister tapping her foot in front of a place she hasn’t visited in years.
“Finally.” She straightens and turns to the entrance, waiting for me to open.
I roll my eyes. “Nice to see you too. Maybe next time don’t come unannounced.”
Fishing out the keys, I angle them to the lock and pause. My hands tremble, the air only reaches the top of my lungs, and my heart beats just a bit faster. Am I having a panic attack? It’s like my entire body rebels against me entering the place.
What’s wrong with me? This is where I belong.
I balance the box in one hand, but my quivering hand misses the hole.
“For the love of God,” Tessa mutters and pushes me to the side, snatching the keys. She waltzes inside like she owns the place.
“Why are you here, Tessa?”
She walks to the counter and drops her purse there. I put down the box and my bag on a table near the entrance.
Ignoring my questions, she walks around, running her finger on the surfaces, exploring. Or inspecting.
“Tessa?”
She finally looks at me. “I’m going to invest in the bistro.”
For the second time today, my reaction is utterly shocking, and I laugh.
She puts her hands on her hips. “I’m serious. My family is gone. I feel lonely. I need a purpose, so I decided we will run this place together.”
And I laugh harder. When I finally catch my breath, I open the box and walk to the counter. “Have a cake.”
“You’re acting strange.” She approaches me with suspicion and looks in the box.
“I had a strange day.” I grab a plate and serve us a large slice. I take a bite.
Tessa plays with her fork, and then gives in and has a taste. “It’s delicious. We used to share a cheesecake every Sunday.”
“We did.” I smile. “So you want to work here?”
She blinks a few times. “Why not?”
“I thought you didn’t have money.”
“Paul turns out to be a generous bastard, after all.”
“Well, you’re the mother of his children. That should count for something.” I take another bite, the sweetness caressing my taste buds and my soul. “I already have an investor.”
“You do? Who?”
My husband. A petty part of me wants to drop that particular bomb, but given the state of her marriage, I don’t want to hurt her.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know what I want to do with this place.”
As the words roll out of my mouth, unbidden, we both pause. Tessa looks at me wide-eyed. I probably mirror her expression, because where did that come from?
“You want to close it?”
When she says it out loud, I feel a five-second sigh of relief, immediately followed by guilt.
“I don’t know, Tessa. I’ve been closed for two weeks, and now I have a consultant who is preparing options.”
“Is he qualified to advise us on this?”
So it’s us already? “She is qualified.”
“Okay, I’d like to be involved.”
“Is this your new charitable endeavor?”
“It might be my future job. I’ve never had one and…” She looks away. “It’s time.”
This might be her antidote to loneliness. I’m mad it took her this long to care, but at the same time, I don’t seem to care enough to fight her on it.
If this is what she needs right now, I’m not taking it away from her.
“Okay.” I raise my forkful to toast this new collaboration.
She smiles and nods, taking her own generous forkful.
We eat in silence for a beat. I’m grateful for it, because it gives me a moment to soak in the new reality.
I have Gina and Tessa now to share the burden of this place, and maybe, finally, I can make it into something Dad would be proud of.
I enter the hotel to wait for Xander. We moved here last week while waiting for the closing on a beautiful townhouse in Chelsea.
Pavel, the boy from my building, is taking care of the cats, because I don’t want to move them around.
I smile at the concierge, exhausted.
I didn’t do much today, and yet it was the most eventful day in a while.
Tessa is joining the family business. Something I wished for but couldn’t have imagined. Let’s hope we don’t kill each other.
Ethan had a child while he was engaged to me.
His death might have erased my doubts, but when I think about it, they had always lingered. Ethan never showed up for me. I just created a narrative in my head, a story I wanted to believe.
And perhaps the narrative I have around Xander—an entitled playboy, or a man who will want to settle soon with a woman his own age—is just that. A narrative I believe while ignoring my true feelings.
But there is a lot that no longer fits that narrative.
Xander showed me different sides of himself. He never hid his playboy ways. He never hid his carefree force of nature. He is confident in who he is. No masks.
And right now, he wants me.
It might be just for a moment in time, but it’s genuine. He makes me happy. Trying to taint it with my worries about things I can’t control makes no sense. The man has shown up for me in many ways already.
I deserve to give him a real chance.
In the elevator, I pull out my phone and text him.
We donated to the food bank?
Xander
We agreed to do that instead of a wedding reception.
We agreed? His off-handed comment in front of Saar and Celeste didn’t sound like a conversation leading to an agreement, but many are benefiting from that non-conversation, so I’m not going to argue.
Thank you.
Xander
Thank me later with your legs spread.
Jesus.
How do you know I’m not playing with myself already?
Xander
Don’t you dare!
Hm…
Xander
I swear to God, Coraline, don’t you dare touch yourself without me there. I’m in a fucking meeting.
Giggling, I enter our room and toe off my shoes.
Don’t worry, just one orgasm before you come. Enjoy your meeting.
I get changed into a T-shirt and leggings. I’m going to write a bit before I shower. As I pull the notebook out of my bag, someone knocks.
I smirk. No way he got here this fast. Has he bailed on his meeting?
But Xander has a key card. The thought comes too late, because I’m already pulling the door open.
And the surprise on the other side makes me wish I’d locked it instead.