Chapter 40 #2
Given the celebrations that were underway, I knew better than to expect his response to come quickly.
With the conviction that I’d sooner face another one of those monsters in the forest than join the party, I remained in my bedchamber.
I evaded sleep by running through what I would say to Tarben when I saw him.
Sometimes, I fantasized about screaming at him for making a fool out of me.
Other times, I used my words as a sword, wounding him with precision just as he had wounded me.
Most of the time, I imagined him confessing that he’d made a horrible mistake and begging for my forgiveness.
In these fancies it was easy to pretend there was no curse and no bargain with a witch.
Just two people who might be willing to surrender their hearts.
Those were the most dangerous fantasies of all.
His response arrived in the morning over breakfast, in the form of a servant who informed me that, “His Highness will send for you in the afternoon.”
The knots in my stomach worsened as the day went on.
It wasn’t only nerves about seeing Tarben or the fear that he would be cruel with his words.
Tomorrow was the full moon. I didn’t permit myself to acknowledge what it would likely mean for me.
There was still a possibility that he loved me and this was all a misunderstanding.
I’d cling to that possibility, however unlikely it was.
To distract myself, I tried reading the grimoire. It was teeming with occult secrets and esoteric knowledge, yet my mind stubbornly refused to be diverted. I took to pacing my chamber, reciting speeches in my head until, at last, I heard a knock on my door.
Looking uncharacteristically vexed, Amalie stormed past me and collapsed on my bed. “If I have to be condescended to about the significance of this wedding one more time, I’ll scream,” was her greeting.
“I take it you’re not thrilled?” I asked, perching next to her.
She rolled her eyes. “Oriane and Tarben? It’s preposterous. My brother is acting like a moon-eyed buffoon. It’s rather unbecoming,” she said tartly.
I stifled a snort. “Have you tried speaking to him?”
“Yes, but there’s no reasoning with him,” she said, pulling at a loose thread on the coverlet. “Aside from the two of them, Father is the only one who seems to be genuinely happy about it.”
“Is the king fond of Lady Oriane?” I asked, keeping my tone nonchalant.
“Not especially.” She sniffed. “I think he’s just relieved that Tarben’s finally settling down. He’s eager for him to start producing heirs.”
I hummed an acknowledgment, grateful that my grandmother had never pressured me with such nonsense. If she had, I would’ve laughed in her face.
“I’d rather hoped that Tarben was going to marry you,” she said. “It would’ve been awfully fun to have you as my sister. Oriane is so vile. And dismissive—she treats me as though I’m nothing more than a petulant child.”
Her words summoned an ache in my chest. I needed to remember that my time with Tarben was only ever meant to be fleeting. A means to an end. Destined to conclude with his broken heart, not mine.
Amalie went on. “The thought of watching him tie himself to her for the rest of his life repulses me. In fact, I think I’ll skip the ceremony entirely.”
“And how are you planning on doing that?” I asked, failing to keep the amusement out of my voice.
“Easily. I sneak past the guards all the time. It’s simple enough, when you know the best hiding spots,” she said with pride.
Before I could respond, there was another knock on my door—a servant. The time had come for me to meet with Tarben.
Leaving the sulking Amalie in my bedchamber, I followed my escort through the corridors and up the stairs to the royal wing.
I never thought that the first time I’d visit Tarben’s quarters would be under these circumstances.
I also never thought I’d be tossed aside like an emptied oyster shell, but here we were.
Finally, we stopped in front of a door flanked by guards. My heart pounded out an erratic rhythm as one of the guards knocked. “Miss Alara has arrived.”
“Enter.” It wasn’t Tarben’s voice that called out from behind the door.
At the words, the guards let me pass, but not before I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress.
I stepped into a private study which was much like Hugo’s, although the furniture and decor were slightly less coordinated.
Another marked difference was that this room included a weapon stand next to the hearth, holding a collection of swords and daggers of various sizes, their ornate hilts all featuring elaborate designs and inlaid with gold or silver.
It certainly appeared as though I was in Tarben’s quarters, yet he was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was a spider waiting at the center of the room.
“Miss Alara,” said Lord Helvig.
“Where is Prince Tarben?” I asked, my voice sharp.
“Would you like to take a seat?” He gestured to the chairs in front of a grand walnut desk.
“Where is he?” I repeated. It wasn’t the question of a jilted mortal girl, but the command of a future queen.
Helvig had the good sense to take a small step backwards. “Unfortunately, His Highness is otherwise occupied with wedding planning. He sent me to speak with you in his stead. Is there something I may possibly assist you with?” he asked, as if we were meeting to discuss the kingdom’s taxes.
That fucking coward. My fists clenched at my sides. “This is a private matter between Prince Tarben and myself. When will I be able to speak with him?”
Folding his hands behind his back, he frowned. “An audience with His Highness will not be possible until after the wedding, I’m afraid.”
“I see.” I tilted my head. I was trying to remain calm, but, underneath, I could feel the anger churning like magma, ready to erupt. “And does His Highness send you to extinguish all of his old flames? If so, being Royal Adviser must be very busy work for you.”
He looked down his nose at me, as if I was a child throwing a temper tantrum. The anger inside of me rose to dangerous levels. “I understand you are upset—”
I laughed humorlessly.
“But His Highness has chosen his bride. The best thing for you to do is to move on. You are a nice girl of exceptional beauty. Provided you avoid any scandal involving the prince, I have no doubt you’ll be able to secure yourself a fine husband. Perhaps even a lord.”
Seru, spare me these thick-headed mortals. “Yes, because winning a husband is all a nice girl like me could ever aspire towards in this kingdom,” I said, the sarcasm heavy on my tongue. “After all, our only purpose is to carry your names and your heirs. You fucking men,” I spat, shaking in anger.
Lord Helvig’s eyes widened. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he said, “Now, I don’t think there’s any need for that kind of—”
“Is it a love match?” I demanded, crossing my arms. Would it hurt any less if it wasn’t?
Helvig shifted his weight, wringing his hands. I almost felt sorry for him, having to do the prince’s dirty work. “His Highness insists it is. In fact, he’s demanded that the wedding be held tomorrow.”
My heart dropped into the sinkhole that was my stomach. My mouth was dry but, somehow, I managed to formulate words. “Tomorrow?”
He cleared his throat. “You are, of course, most welcome to attend. I only ask that you do not cause a scene for the happy couple.”
“But…” My eyes fell on a detailed map of Anerdor that claimed a significant patch of wall space.
I couldn’t understand how Tarben could be so convincing to make me believe he cared about me.
I shook my head. What little hope remained in me keeled over and died.
“He was only just talking about marrying me.”
The pitying look he gave me caused what remained of my pride to wither and my eyes to water. How could this have happened? All this time I thought I was in control, when in fact, it was Tarben who was manipulating me.
My fingernails dug into my palms and my jaw clenched so tightly that it hurt. Still, I had to know, “Did His Highness have anything to say to me? Anything at all?”
Helvig straightened. “Prince Tarben would like you to know that he will forever be indebted to you for saving his sister and his brother. And he wishes you well.”
Biting down on my lip, I nodded once. He wished me well? That was almost worse than hearing he was in love with Oriane. Almost. I couldn’t take any more of this. It hurt too much.
“I see,” I said again, even though I did not.
“Well, I suppose I should thank you for your time. Tell the prince I hope the two of them are happy together. They certainly deserve each other.” I could taste the bitterness in my words.
Without waiting for a response, I turned and stormed out of the room.
You will not cry. You will not cry. You will not cry.
The worst part was that I knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that I failed at my task. I failed my kingdom. I failed myself. And now, because of my arrogance, I would be bound to the Crow for eternity.
For the first time in my life, I had no idea what I was going to do next.