Chapter 13
Thirteen
Atlas
I've travelled around the realm more times than I can count and each time I returned, all stress and anxiety melted the second I walked in the front door.
This time, I don't feel at peace. I'm restless.
It's like I left a piece of me in the Frost Kingdom.
That piece being Shaye. It blows my mind she's my new definition of home.
Just inside the front door, there's a long narrow box.
I pick it up and flip the lid open to find Shaye's dagger.
It was used on the decoy mission to draw Vesper's scent if she was still looking for Shaye.
From the report I was given when we first docked, the decoy mission saw no action. A blessing for those involved.
I stare at the gold hilted dagger with mixed emotions.
I've come to recognize it as Shaye's but I know Bastian is the one who gifted it to her and the mere thought of him enrages me.
But a weapon is a weapon. She's learned to fight with it and I'd rather her be protected when I'm not around.
I tuck the box under my arm and make my way up to the fourth floor.
Pushing my bedroom door open, I glance around the space to find everything just the way I left it.
I drop my bag on my mattress and start unpacking.
As I stuff my drawers with clean clothes a thought crosses my mind.
I've spent every night with Shaye cuddled in my arms and even though I meant it as a joke earlier, I think she should move into my room.
I abandon my task and rip an entire drawer out of my dresser, pouring its contents onto my mattress.
Zipping to my closet, I swing the door open and shove my clothing to one side, making room for her outfits.
Beelining down a level, I burst into her room, a fire lit inside me. I can't wait to surprise her.
With quickness, I go to her closet and grab her clothes by their hangers and take them up to my room.
Once those are placed, I make a second trip to grab stuff from her drawers.
I'm reminded at how little she possesses.
A few outfits for training, some lounge wear, a couple sets of pajamas, and a handful of fancy dresses.
I'm going to need to take her on a shopping spree when she comes back.
Maybe turn this guest room into a closet for Shaye and Eris to share.
I'm getting way ahead of myself here. I need to focus on one task at a time. I empty the only drawer she has and bring it up to my room. I carefully place items she's folded in a specific manner into my drawer.
I'm so lost in thought I don't hear Finn come to my open doorway until he whistles lowly, drawing my gaze.
"Going on another trip I don't know about?" Finn's eyes scan the mess I've created.
"I'm moving some of Shaye's clothes here." By some, I really mean all, but he doesn't need to know all of that.
Finn's brow raises. "Sharing a room, are we?"
"If she's ok with it." I nod, sliding more of her items into her new drawer.
"So," his voice drawls, "you're moving her things without asking if she wanted to move in with you?" He grimaces. "Sounds smart to me."
My hand stills. "You think she'll be upset?" I hadn't even considered asking her first. She didn't seem opposed when I mentioned it during our last night together in Stelara. Then again, I hadn't actually told her it was a serious proposition. Shit. This all sounded better in my head.
"I don't know," Finn shrugs. "But if someone rummaged through my drawers while I was away, I'd be a little irritated."
"Fuck." I scratch my head and look into the drawer I've half-filled. "Maybe I should put it all back? Or ask Eris what she thinks?"
"Eris is taking a nap," Finn says a little too aggressively for my liking, but I'll ignore his tone for now. I have bigger problems to deal with than his attitude. "If Shaye is anything like me, she'll notice her things were messed with."
I groan, running a hand down my face. There's only one thing to do. "You know what. I'll see what she says with this drawer and if she wants me to move all her stuff back, I will."
Finn leans against the doorframe. "I'm sure it will work out."
There's a sadness in my brother's face and posture I can't ignore. "What's wrong?"
He hesitates, mulling over how forthcoming he wants to be. "The truth?" He finally flicks his eyes to meet mine.
"Preferably."
He opens his mouth and shuts it just as quickly. With a shrug, he admits, "I'm jealous."
Surprise flashes across my features. "Jealous of me?"
"Jealous of you and Shaye. What you have." Finn twists the ring around his index finger. "You took a chance, bore your soul to her, and she accepted you."
"You can do the same, Finn."
"I'm far too cowardly."
I frown. "No Harland is a coward." I hop to my feet and slap a hand on Finn's shoulder. "You have two options. Tell Eris how you feel and she may feel the same or remain miserable stewing in the familiarity of what's comfortable."
"There's a third option."
Standing this close to him, I notice how bloodshot his eyes are, and it is jarring.
"Which is?" I refrain from asking when the last time he slept was.
"I tell her how I feel," he swallows hard, "and she rejects me and I lose her as a friend."
"You don't want to be her friend."
He flinches. "Yes, I do -"
"Stop it," I say forcefully. "You want her to be yours. Be honest with yourself."
"I am being honest," he snaps.
Disbelief flutters in my eyes but before I say something harsh, I decide to switch my tactic. I'm not talking to Nyx who requires a battle axe to break through his thick skull. I'm attempting to reason with Finn and perhaps a gentle approach will be favorable.
"As much as I enjoy Shaye's company and her friendship," I perch myself on the edge of my mattress, "I could never accept our relationship staying that way forever.
I knew deep in my soul she was meant for me.
I gave her space to figure some shit out, but in the end, I was going to pursue something with her. "
A short silence passes. "And if she said she wasn't interested in you in that way?"
"I would have respected her decision."
Finn frowns, scoffing. "Now look at who isn't being honest. Had Shaye rejected you, it would have crushed you."
"Yes, it would have," I snarl, frustration bubbling in my gut. "But even if she had rejected me, at least I would have had an answer. I wouldn't have to live on the edge of maybe for the rest of my life. Wouldn't have to be burdened by the fear of losing her or keeping my intentions secret."
"It's not so simple," Finn snatches his glasses from his face and cleans them with a cloth from his pocket.
"Do you really believe Eris doesn't feel the same for you?" I ask and he stills.
He refuses to look at me, quietly returning to cleaning his glasses before slipping them up the bridge of his nose. "There's a chance – "
To hell with being gentle. I suppose I'll have to use the Nyx method. "Do you really believe Eris doesn't feel the same for you?" I repeat, harsher than before.
"A small part of me fears she only sees me as a friend. Nothing more," Finn admits, his shoulders tensing.
"Then show her you're more," I stand, doing my best to emphasize the importance of him not giving up before he's actually tried. "Tell her how you feel. Take the risk or let her go."
"Easy for you to say," his voice is low and raspy. "You already have yours."
"Finn," I draw his pained gaze. "I've watched you suffer in silence far too long. I can't continue watching you torment yourself when you can do something about it."
"Then close your eyes, Atlas."
A bewildered chuckle escapes me. "That's your response? Close my eyes? Ignore your suffering?"
He lifts a lazy shoulder. I can see him checking out of the conversation. "It's not your burden to bear."
"I'm your brother – " I step toward him only for him to backpedal into the hall.
"Yes, you're my brother. Not my keeper." He turns on his heel and marches to his room.
It pains me to say it, but he needs to hear the truth. "One day, Eris will move on."
Finn halts his retreat but doesn't turn back to face me.
"After years together, with countless opportunities to come clean to her, you will have no one to blame but yourself when she finds someone else."
Finn tosses me a broken look over his shoulder and it reminds me of when we were kids and he'd shut down, refusing to listen to reason. "So be it."
"Finn – "
A dragon screech tears across the sky and the screams of citizens in the streets follow. I rush to my window and look outside and smile. Five dragons zip through the clouds, their course aimed for Draakstan.
"Shaye's back," I whip towards Finn, but he's gone. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. As much as I want to help him, there's nothing more I can do.
A child on the street stares up at the sky and points in wonder. "Look, Mother! Dragons!"
With lightning speed, I grab the clothes that remain on my bed and toss them into drawers. I don't care if I have to sprint all the way through the forest to the dragon fortress. I'm going to be the first one to welcome Shaye home.