Chapter 21 #2
I didn't expect him to beat me home today. I bound up the stairs to the fourth floor and when I open our bedroom door, I find it empty. I furrow my brow. Maybe he's upstairs painting. But he's only ever up there late in the evening when he can't sleep.
I drop my things on the mattress and pad up the steps into the attic. Sure enough, when I turn the corner, I spot him at his easel. Memories of the other night pop into my mind and I smile.
He inhales deeply and his shoulders hunch. Something is wrong.
I approach slowly, observing him with keen interest. He breathes in and out rhythmically, each one sounding labored. When I get closer, I realize he's not painting or sketching. He's sitting with his hand clutched to his chest. Is he panicking?
"Atlas," I whisper. "What's wrong?"
I kneel in front of him and look up into his teary gaze. I press my hands to his cheeks.
"What happened?" I search his face for any clues to his breakdown. "Talk to me, love. Please, talk to me, Atlas."
He leans downward, placing his forehead against mine. "I… I saw her."
"Saw who?" I tip his head back. "Who did you see?"
"When I touched Vidarr," he whispers, his voice strained. "When I touched Vidarr, he showed me a vision. A vision of Naya Valanor's final stand."
"You saw Naya Valanor?" My eyes widen. Chills spider walk up my spine and goosebumps are left in its wake. "What happened?"
"There was a great battle. One unlike anything I could have ever imagined.
" He begins, slowly finding his voice, wiping the lone tear streaking down his face.
"Darkness. Blood. Suffering. I could feel it, sense it, see it, smell it.
And then I saw her. As if I was seeing her through Vidarr's eyes.
Her armor was splattered with blood, her face dirty with soot and ash.
Her broken smile as she asked Vidarr to face their enemies one last time. "
"Was that all you saw?" I ask, reverence at the forefront of my question because I know what it feels like to have a vision.
He shakes his head. "I saw her transform into her Nox state."
"Was it like your Nox state?"
Atlas nods, once again overwhelmed. "I kept it together after I saw it. There were so many people around staring at me and Vidarr. Then I went to the council meeting." He puffs out a labored breath. "Once I got home, I couldn't contain it anymore. It's as if I saw… "
"What?" I press. "Please talk to me. It's as if you saw what?"
He swallows hard, his bloodshot eyes finding mine. "It's as if I saw my future."
"Naya Valanor didn't die in battle," I try and fail to reassure him.
"No, but Oryn Dara did."
"I'm not Oryn. You're not Naya," I say more forcefully than necessary.
"No, we're not." He agrees but I sense he has more to say.
"But?"
"I refused to allow myself to entertain the thought before, but once Vidarr chose me, found me because of Naya's magic –" His hand touches my face. "Promise me, no matter what happens on the battlefield, you won't sacrifice yourself like Oryn did."
"You're afraid history will repeat itself?"
That's something I would typically fear and overthink. Not Atlas. He's the sensible one. The calm to my storm. The strong one. But I suppose even the strongest people have their own fears and demons to battle.
"Promise me, Shaye." He demands, a seriousness washing over him. "I can't lose you."
I offer him a warm smile, hoping to ease his anxiety.
"You won't be able to get rid of me." I wish I could promise he won't lose me, but I can't. I don't have a death wish, and I don't want history having the opportunity to repeat itself, but if I've learned anything over the past few months, it's not making promises you can't keep.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, running his fingers through his hair.
"Why are you apologizing?" I frown. "You are allowed to have feelings, Atlas. You've comforted me more times than I can even count at this point."
"Thank you for being here for me."
"There's nowhere else I would rather be."
He smirks and I can see him shoving his fears into the recesses of his mind. I'm sure there's more we can unpack but whether I like it or not, he's compartmentalizing and moving on for the evening. "Let me get myself washed up and I can take you out – "
I wave him off. "How about we stay home tonight?"
He arches a brow and shakes his head. "No. I promised you a nice dinner and – "
"We can go another night." I raise up on my knees and kiss him gently. "We've both had a long day. Let's relax."
"We still need to eat, Shaye," he teases at my lack of planning.
"We can try our hand in the kitchen."
He barks out a laugh, and it fills me with so much joy to hear. "Us? Cook?"
"I believe in us," I force myself to say which draws a huff from him. "I think we should take advantage of having the house to ourselves for a while. Nyx and Ronan will be at Prue's – one last hurrah as bachelors – and Finn and Eris will be at the shop until closing time."
"All right," he bobs his head, pulling me up to sit in his lap. "So, the new plan is we will try to make ourselves food and not burn the house down."
"Right. That's the most important part," I tease, massaging the back of his neck.
"What else do you want to do tonight?" He closes the gap between us, kissing the spot where my jaw and ear meet.
"Maybe a nice warm bath will help you relax," I suggest, a flirtatious gleam in my eye.
"Will you also be in this relaxing warm bath?" His breath tickles my neck, easily wrenching a smile from me.
Although I still sense his anxiety, he needs this. He needs this time to get lost in the moment and ease his mind of suffering. I can be his shield, I can be his distraction, and maybe I can be the peace to his torment.
"I think that can be arranged."
Atlas kisses me and palms my ass. "What are we waiting for?"