Chapter 4 I Warned You #2
“I know you mean well, and I appreciate everything you’ve done, but…”
Her voice trailed off.
“But what?”
“But I can’t take them off,” she whispered.
A punch to the gut would’ve hurt less than that awful declaration.
Nikhail’s lungs seized. For the longest moment, all he could do was stare at River, trying to wrap his mind around what she’d just said.
“I’m sorry, my hearing must be slipping, because I thought you just said you couldn’t remove the manacles.” The last words came out sharper than Nikhail had intended, but he couldn’t help it.
Because this… how could she suggest such a thing?
“I did,” she said quietly. “I can’t do this.”
Her name slipped past his lips in a desperate whisper.
“I told you, Nik. I warned you about who I am. What I can do.” Brokenness and pain layered her words, and it felt like Nikhail’s heart was being ripped out of his chest. “I am dangerous, and you shouldn’t trust me.”
This time, he couldn’t tamp down the grumble of discontent rising in his chest. He was sure the soldiers heard it, but he didn’t care.
“You’re not dangerous,” he argued.
He hated that River perceived herself this way, that she believed this was true.
River frowned, as if he were the one sprouting insanity.
“Yes, I am.” River let her sleeve drop, and she drew in a shaky breath. “And if you refuse to leave me—”
Another growl, louder this time.
“I won’t fucking do that.” And gods, he never wanted to hear River bring up the topic of him leaving again. It pained him every time she did so. “I am here for you, River. Your magic won’t divide us.”
Nothing would, if he had his way.
Besides, if Nikhail left now, it would confirm every dark, terrible thing River had ever thought about herself. He’d be no better than her bitch of a mother.
River had been far too kind about Tertia, in his opinion. Grief or not, the Representative should’ve pulled herself out of bed long enough to see her daughter during what was arguably one of the worst moments of her life.
Nikhail would never forgive Tertia Waterborn for that. It was one thing for her to treat River poorly, to belittle and make fun of her daughter, tossing cruel remarks River’s way, but this?
This was a gods-damned unforgiveable offense.
Nikhail couldn’t think of a single thing Tertia could say to rectify this. Actions spoke louder than words, and there was no way for her to go back and change what she’d already done. The damage had been dealt.
River sighed. “I believe you, Nikhail.”
Leaning against him, she buried her face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, a sigh easing out of him as he held her close.
His lips brushed across the top of her head, the ghost of a kiss.
Her hair was damp and cool to the touch, and she smelled of generic shampoo with just a trace of her natural scent, but something very fae in Nikhail settled.
River was here, with him, and everything would be okay as long as they were together.
“You are not dangerous, nor are you cursed. I need you to know that.” Nikhail threaded his fingers through River’s hair, holding her to him.
River Waterborn was mighty. A gods-damned force to be reckoned with. Her magic never should have been tamped down. They should have taught her how to embrace her power from an early age.
When Nikhail looked at River, all he felt was awe. She’d overcome so many obstacles already. She could’ve let them defeat her and keep her down, but instead, she got up every day and kept fighting.
But he wasn’t sure that River knew how strong she was. And that broke Nikhail’s heart more than anything else.
“I know you feel that way, but you can’t change my mind. Not about this.” She chewed on her lip ring. “Please, don’t try and make me. I can’t risk taking off the prohiberis, not when I feel like this.”
“How do you feel?”
“Fragmented and fragile. Like I’m one wrong move away from shattering.”
There was something about the agony in River’s voice and the way she looked at him that had his soul aching.
Every part of Nikhail rebelled at the thought of not removing the cuffs.
He hated that she wanted to leave here with them on, but he hated the idea of forcing her to do something she didn’t want to do even more.
He had to respect her decision, even if it broke him.
He dragged a hand through his hair.
“Okay,” Nikhail said. “If this is your choice, I won’t force you.”
Agony welled in his chest as he spoke those words, far greater than anything he’d ever experienced.
It felt as though everything he and River had been moving toward was disintegrating right in front of him.
He wanted her, yet thinking about being in a relationship right now felt selfish.
River was on the verge of falling apart, and it seemed like no one but him was there to catch her.
Gripping River’s hand, as if holding her tightly could keep her from breaking, Nikhail turned.
He led her to the elevators. They waited in silence for the silver doors to open and then entered in step with each other.
Nikhail squeezed River’s hand before releasing it, pressing the button for the ground floor.
The elevator had barely begun its descent when Nikhail slammed his hand over the red emergency stop button. The elevator ground to a halt, and River let out a squeak of surprise. Nikhail pressed his hands flat on the silver surface, drawing in several deep, grounding breaths.
Then, he turned around.
River must’ve seen something on his face because she backed up. She curled her fingers around the rail behind her, clinging to it. “Nik?”
“I’ll pick up the pieces,” he said, advancing toward her.
Her brows furrowed. “What…”
“If you bend, I will catch you and help you straighten.”
His hands covered hers. There was an inch between them, maybe two, but it felt like no room at all. He could close the divide between them in a heartbeat.
“If you break, I will be there. If you shatter, I will pick up the pieces and glue every one back together.” She inhaled sharply, but he wasn’t done. “I will not let this life destroy you, little storm.”
She exhaled raggedly. “I can’t ask that of you.”
“You aren’t asking,” Nikhail murmured. Lifting a hand, he reverently cupped her cheek. Her breath caught, and gods, even now in her heartbreak, she was gorgeous. “I’m telling you. I will be here. No matter what happens. No matter the time or the place. You can count on me.”
He’d already made the mistake of not being there for her once. He would not repeat it.
“Is that why we stopped?”
“I needed you to know.”
He didn’t want to have this conversation where others could hear. This was their moment, and theirs alone.
River’s lips parted, and Nikhail’s gaze dropped to them. They were so close. If he lowered his head, he could kiss her right now. Brush his lips over hers, remind her of what they’d started on the night of Ryker and Brynleigh’s bonding. Taste her—
His back pocket vibrated.
No, not his pocket. His phone.
The steady thrum was a jolt to his system, and he inhaled sharply, pulling out the device. He unlocked it without looking away from River, accepting the call. The Hub had exceptional cell service, including in the elevators and underground.
He pressed the phone against his ear. “Hello?”
The voice on the other end was familiar, and Nikhail nodded along as they spoke. The conversation lasted for a few moments before he said, “Understood. We’ll be right out.”
Nikhail hung up and slid the phone back into his pocket. He backed up a step, reaching behind him and hitting the red button.
The elevator started moving again.
“Come on,” he murmured. “There’s someone here to see you.”