Chapter 9 Yours
Yours
Four days had passed since River left the Hub, and she still hadn’t turned on her phone.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about it. It was just that every time she picked up the wretched device and stared at the black screen, it seemed more daunting than before.
Last night, after a quiet dinner with Ryker and Brynleigh, River had forced herself to bring the phone upstairs. She’d placed it on the pillow next to her head and had fallen asleep staring at it.
But now, morning was here, and she couldn’t put off turning on the phone any longer.
Today, River could wallow and feel heavy and tired and sit in darkness. Tomorrow, she had to be whole. Or at least… less broken.
Tomorrow, they were saying goodbye to Cyrus.
The mere thought of saying farewell to her father for the last time had River wanting to scream and cry and curl up into a ball, never to move again. Even normal, everyday actions felt impossible. Everything seemed darker than before. Bleaker.
But even with the dark clouds covering everything in sight, coupled with the emptiness inside her reminding her of her curse, River knew she couldn’t miss this. She would never forgive herself if she didn’t show up for her father.
She had woken up a short while ago, taken a shower, and brushed her hair. The cold strands hung around her shoulders, a reminder of the icy water that had flowed over her.
Shivering, River wrapped yet another blanket around her shoulders as she sought elusive warmth. The phone sat on her pillow, taunting her.
“Do it,” she urged herself. “Just turn it on. Get it over with.”
But her words rang hollow, even to her own ears. The longer she stared at the screen, the more intimidating it seemed.
This really shouldn’t be difficult….
But then again, a lot of things shouldn’t have been as difficult as they were right now.
River wasn’t worried about the slew of emails that were surely waiting for her, or that she’d eventually have to talk to her boss and sort out the mess that was her job. That would undoubtedly be bad, but she could deal with it.
At least, that was what she was telling herself.
The unknowns were what had River frozen. The messages that may or may not be present.
Texts from one air fae, in particular.
The logical part of River knew that she should let Nikhail go, that it would be better if she didn’t hear from him.
The illogical part wanted there to be a text with his name on it. She wanted to talk to Nikhail because he made her feel safe.
River knew Nikhail was still here in Golden City because Ryker had mentioned it in passing, but her brother hadn’t provided any more information.
Why would he? He had no idea that River couldn’t stop thinking about Nikhail or wondering how he was doing.
As far as Ryker was concerned, River only saw Nikhail as her brother’s best friend. Nothing more.
On one hand, things would be better if she turned on her phone and didn’t find any messages from the air fae. Better, because it would make it easier for River to keep her distance. Better, because that way, Nikhail would stay out of harm’s way.
It would hurt. River was sure of that. The emptiness inside her would grow until it consumed her.
She’d deal with the inevitable pain, knowing that it was the cost of keeping Nikhail safe.
The few stolen moments they shared would remain cherished memories, and she’d cling to them for the rest of her very long life.
She would keep her distance from him and everyone else.
On the other hand, River was desperate to hear from Nikhail. There was no one she wanted to hear from more than him. Just once, so she could make sure he was okay.
Minutes ticked by.
Marlowe barked downstairs, probably at one of his many squirrel nemeses. The house creaked, as old buildings often did. River’s heart pounded, a thunderous boom compared to the vast emptiness inside her.
Eventually, she reached out and picked up her phone. Cradling it in her palm, she stared at it. How was it possible for something so light to cause her so much stress?
She turned the phone over, trailing her finger down the pink case, and drew in a deep, grounding breath. Muttering to herself—not her mantra, because the gods only knew that hadn’t worked—she tightened her fingers around the phone and turned it on.
The screen came to life, and an array of colors slid across the display. River held her breath as she pressed her thumb against the screen, unlocking it.
A heartbeat passed where nothing happened, and then it…
Buzzed.
Repeatedly.
River dropped the device on the bed, watching in horrified fascination as hundreds of notifications flooded the screen. They came in so fast, she couldn’t keep track of them. It felt like it took an eternity for the device to stop buzzing, although it was probably only a few minutes.
River stared at the phone for so long that the screen dimmed, then went dark. Once again, the black screen mocked her. Only this time, she knew what was hiding behind its inky curtain.
She wasn’t ready to tackle it yet. River went downstairs to let Marlowe out—he was indeed barking at the squirrels—and make a cup of tea.
When she returned upstairs, steaming cup in hand, she knew she couldn’t put this off any longer.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she picked up the phone once more.
Unsurprisingly, her voicemail was full. Her inbox contained hundreds of unread emails. She ignored them all and navigated to her messages.
Nearly everyone she knew had sent her a text. There were several from her best friend, Ember, a few from Ryker, and over twenty from Nikhail.
River released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She settled on the bed, leaning against the pillows, and scrolled through the air fae’s messages.
Some were short. A few words, nothing more. Merely Nikhail, checking in.
Others were much longer.
He realized her phone was probably off, he said in one message, but he wanted to make sure she knew he hadn’t forgotten about her. He asked how she was doing, if she was holding up. If she could see the stars.
All of those messages, even the last one, River could’ve handled. She would’ve been able to turn off her phone, walk away, and prepare for the emotional turmoil tomorrow would bring.
But there was one series of messages, dated the day before last, that River couldn’t look away from. More of a letter than anything else, it captured her attention.
Nikhail
River
As you can tell from the time stamp, it’s late, and I’m sorry for messaging you at this hour. I couldn’t sleep, though.
In truth, I haven’t yet tried. I’ve been burning the midnight oil, and I just got in from the office. Everything has been so chaotic, but I didn’t want to let this day end without reaching out. You’ve been on my mind all day.
I know you haven’t seen my messages yet, and that’s okay. So much has happened, and I’m sure you need time to process. That’s not a problem—take all the time you need.
Even though it’s busy, I need you to know that no matter what I’m doing, no matter where I am, you can always text or call me. I will drop everything to be there for you.
Just… let me be there for you. Please.
Yours, Nik.
He’d texted again the next day. A short message that didn’t refer to the letter. As if, now that he’d said his piece, that was it. He wouldn’t push her to answer, one way or another.
River kept going back to the letter. To his sign-off.
Yours.
She mouthed the word, and it reverberated through her. If anyone else had sent this message, she wouldn’t have given too much thought.
But Nikhail wasn’t a random acquaintance, and after what they’d shared, she knew the monosyllabic word had meaning.
More than that, it was a life-altering declaration.
River could feel the pieces of herself shifting the more she repeated the word. She could feel the change deep in her soul, in that same part of herself that had come to life and been drawn to Nikhail when he’d first walked into her parents’ home.
Yours.
River stared at the message for so long, her eyes crossed. Her head started pounding. Her tea grew cold on the nightstand.
Still, she couldn’t look away.
River had left the Hub, sure that she could walk away from Nikhail, knowing they would never be anything more than friends, but now she had no idea what to do.
Because that word and what it meant were changing River. They were helping her. The clouds that had been hanging over River for days weren’t as thick. The vacancy in her veins was less harrowing. Even the hole in her heart, where her father’s love used to reside, seemed less awful.
All because of one simple word, written by an incredibly handsome air fae that she had no business wanting. That she endangered just by existing around him.
Gods, this was a disaster.
The problem was that even though Nikhail wasn’t here, River’s heart, body, and soul yearned for him. She was desperate for him in a way that didn’t make sense, and that scared her more than everything else that had happened since she woke up in the Hub.
River’s fingers were moving over the phone before she even realized she was typing.
River
Thank you, Nik. I’m… Well, I’m here.
And honestly, right now, that felt like the best-case scenario.
I really appreciate you checking in on me. It means a lot.
More than she was prepared to put into words.
Her phone vibrated, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She hadn’t expected him to reply, and certainly not so soon.
Nikhail
Of course, Princess. I’ve been thinking about you every moment of every day.
Her cheeks burned at the nickname, and gods above. How could she have ever thought she’d be able to keep Nikhail at bay? Already, something inside her felt like it was mending, and they’d barely conversed.
Really?
Even if I weren’t fae, I would never lie to you. You know that, right?
She tucked her legs beneath herself, typing and deleting and retyping a message. None of the words felt right.
I wouldn’t.
I swear to you, River, that I will always tell you the truth. Even when it hurts, I won’t dance around it. I will be honest with you, not because we are fae, but because that’s what you deserve.
Always.
Even when it hurts?
Especially then.
And that…
Gods help her, but that meant a lot to River. More than she was ready to unpack.
Her fingers rose, and she traced the necklace Nikhail had given her, her lips tugging up.
How have you been?
Good. Busy.
Because of the rebels?
Even in the darkness, River hadn’t forgotten about them. They were always there, in the back of her mind. A threat that never truly quieted.
Yes, but you don’t need to worry about them. I’ll protect you, River.
Warmth unfurled in her chest.
I believe you.
I guess I’d better let you go so you can get back to work.
I can talk as long as you need. I’m very good at multitasking.
His next message was a GIF of a server balancing plates on both hands as well as his head, and River snorted.
The sound took her by surprise, as did the lightness in her chest. It stayed there as she and Nikhail texted back and forth. She brought her cold tea downstairs, swapping it for a fresh cup, while they kept chatting.
Eventually, when Nikhail really did have to get back to work, River started sorting through the mess that was her phone.
She texted Ember, confirming that she was mostly in one piece. Then, she went through her emails.
Some, she answered. Others, like the email from Melyssa Wright, the head of HR at Lakewater General Hospital, she ignored. Melyssa was requesting documentation of Cyrus’s death for their records, and that was something River couldn’t deal with right now.
Then, River listened to her voicemails. They ranged from sincere condolences from concerned colleagues to messages from vague acquaintances she knew through her mother. There was also a scathing message from Doctor Collins, which must’ve come in before Ryker contacted the hospital.
Even as River cycled through her voicemails—or in her boss’s case, deleted it the moment she realized the futility of listening to his hate-filled rant—she couldn’t stop thinking about Nikhail.
Yours, her air fae had signed.
And the problem was that River liked the sound of that. A lot. She liked the idea of being Nikhail’s and belonging to him. Of having someone in her corner.
Gods, things would be so easy if she weren’t cursed. She’d be with Nikhail in a second if that were the case. But the prohiberis was a temporary measure, a failsafe that wouldn’t be able to remain in place forever.
And when the manacles inevitably came off, when River was left to deal with her storm once again, she wasn’t sure what would happen. All she knew for certain was that she’d never be free of the binds of her curse.