Chapter 14
A Horrifying Realization
A short while ago
“Do you want to talk about it?” Brynleigh glanced at River as she pulled into the farmhouse’s garage and turned off the car.
River sighed and rested her head against her palm. Even though she’d expelled the Faerie wine from her system, she had a lingering headache that had only gotten worse. “Not really.”
She couldn’t get the image of Ryker and Nikhail fighting out of her mind. Her heart had contorted at the sight of her brother and the man who was slowly stealing pieces of her heart scuffling with each other. She’d felt pulled to them both.
Stupid.
She and Nikhail had been so fucking stupid, kissing out in the open where anyone could find them. She should’ve known something like this would happen, should’ve put a stop to things the moment Nikhail’s lips touched hers.
But she hadn’t wanted to. Even now, she didn’t regret the kiss. How could she when those moments with Nikhail were the only bright parts of her day?
“Okay. No pressure.” Brynleigh exited the car and unlocked the house. After a moment, River followed. She was moving slowly, her mind still reeling from the events that had transpired.
The vampire paused with her hand on the door. “You know, your brother means well. Ry just loves you deeply, that’s all.”
“I know.” Even now, River didn’t doubt Ryker’s love for her.
“He’s a bit hard-headed, but he’ll come around.”
River raised a brow. “Do you think so?”
Based on the fighting from earlier, she wasn’t sure that was the case.
“Yes, absolutely. Besides, it’s not like Nikhail has been all that great at hiding how he feels about you. Anyone who pays even an ounce of attention can see that he looks at you like you’re his entire world. Ryker has just blinded himself to it.”
River blinked. “Is it that obvious?”
Brynleigh’s lips twitched as she opened the door. A bark was the only warning they got before Marlowe barrelled towards them, begging for pets.
“To me, at least.” After providing Marlowe with his required adoration, Brynleigh kicked off her shoes and headed to the fridge, withdrawing a glass bottle of blood. “I noticed something between the two of you back when we were at The Obsidian Palace.”
“Really?” They’d gone to the nightclub before Ryker and Brynleigh’s wedding, years ago. River had always thought she and Nikhail had been discreet with the way they casually watched each other, but maybe that wasn’t the case.
“Yeah.” Brynleigh put her blood in the microwave. Leaning against the counter, she crossed her ankles. “You deserve to be happy, River.”
The soft words were spoken with love, yet they struck River like a bolt of lightning, piercing her heart.
Her voice trembled as she feigned misunderstanding, gripping the kitchen island behind her. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
Brynleigh lifted her left hand, and her wedding ring glinted in the low evening light. Shadows spun around her fingers, a blooming darkness.
“I know what it’s like, you know,” Brynleigh murmured, twisting her fingers. The shadows followed her movements. “Feeling like you don’t deserve to be loved because of your past.”
The microwave beeped, and they both ignored it.
Brynleigh met River’s gaze. “That voice inside you, the one telling you that you are better off alone, is wrong.”
River sucked in a sharp breath, and her head pounded behind her temples. “I don’t—”
“You are allowed to be happy, and you can find joy. You don’t have to remain stuck in the past, shackled by events of long ago.
” Brynleigh traced the mark of her bond with Ryker, a soft, private smile dancing on her lips.
“You can move forward and live. And if Nikhail is the person you want to do that with, then by all means, you should.”
River felt seen, and she wasn’t sure she liked it. It was disconcerting, the way her sister-in-law seemed to peer directly into her soul. And this conversation, on top of everything else that had happened today, felt like too much.
“I’m not sure…”
“You don’t need to tell me anything. I just want you to know that I understand more than most how the things we’ve done can weigh us down. Just think about it, okay?”
That, River could do.
And she did think about it, long into the night. She took her leave of Brynleigh and headed upstairs, eager to put this day to bed. Not long after that, a car came up the driveway. A few minutes later, a single set of footsteps entered the home.
Soft murmurs came from the base of the stairs.
“Let her sleep, Ry,” Brynleigh said softly. “You can talk to her in the morning. You both need space.”
River didn’t catch her brother’s reply, but since he didn’t come up, she assumed he agreed with his wife.
After a quick shower, River changed into a tank top and pajama shorts. She took some pills for her head and climbed into bed, pulling out her phone. She dimmed the display, and her fingers flew over the screen.
River
Are you still alive, or did my brother murder you and bury your body?
Nikhail
No murdering took place, fortunately.
You could be texting me from the grave. Send proof of life.
Your wish is my command.
Is this proof enough for you?
A selfie filled River’s screen. Nikhail had clearly just stepped out of the shower himself. A towel was slung low on his hips, a tantalizing trail of hair leading from his abs, disappearing below the fabric.
River groaned, and her mouth watered. The photo was high quality, allowing her to make out the individual drops of water on Nikhail’s bare, glistening chest. He was built like a god, all muscles and strength.
Even the scars that littered his flesh didn’t detract from his beauty.
There wasn’t any sign of the fight earlier, his fae healing having taken care of those injuries.
Was it appropriate to ogle Nikhail on the night of her father’s memorial service?
Probably not.
Would she continue to do so?
Yes. Especially since he’d sent her this photo. He had to know what he looked like, right?
See? Alive and well.
Ryker’s angry, but he’s going to come around. I promise.
Alive, indeed.
I’m sorry, I forgot how to form words for a moment.
Are you sure you’re not a god masquerading as a fae?
That would make more sense.
If I were, would it increase my chances of getting another kiss?
Maybe, if you played your cards right. *winking emoji*
I’ll do whatever it takes, little storm.
River laughed, and gods, that felt good. It felt like a reclaiming, in a way. That even after everything she’d gone through, there was still hope for her.
Maybe one day, the clouds really would part, and River would see the stars again.
Careful what you promise.
For you? I’d do anything.
They texted for hours. Nikhail told her about his new temporary assignment, explaining why he’d been at the memorial. She told him how hard it was to put on the dress for the ceremony today.
They talked about everything and nothing, and it was good.
And late that night, when her head was heavy on her pillow, and sleep was calling her name, River texted Nikhail goodnight with a sigh. The clouds were parting, and for the first time since she’d woken up in the Hub, River felt like she might one day find healing.
River woke early the next morning. She grimaced when she glanced at the clock and saw that it was barely past six. It was one thing to get up early for work at the hospital, but another when she wasn’t required to be awake.
What had drawn her out of sleep?
Soft murmurs of conversation drifted under the door. Something nudged at her to pay attention, even after she rolled over and tried—unsuccessfully—to fall back asleep.
After a few minutes, she gave up. Leaving the warmth of the bed behind, she wrapped the blanket around herself. Her toes curled as she slipped her feet into slippers. Clutching her phone and the blanket, River opened the door and descended the stairs.
“I’m so worried about her, sweetheart.” Ryker’s voice drifted towards River as she padded around the corner to the open living space.
Ryker was sitting on the couch, the back of his head visible where he leaned against Brynleigh.
“I know you are,” the vampire murmured, running her fingers through his hair. “She’s been through a lot. You both have.”
“I just… I can’t shake this feeling of unease. The memorial service yesterday was hard enough.”
“But you made it through,” she said. “You both did.”
“This time.” Ryker laced his fingers through Brynleigh’s and sighed, drawing his wife close. “I can’t stop thinking about what might happen if she finds out about Chavin. It could push her over the edge, and I don’t know what we’ll do if that happens.”
Brynleigh murmured something in response, but her words didn’t register.
Nothing registered.
River couldn’t hear anything at all, except for the terrifying sound of crashing waves smashing against a shore in her ears.
Chavin.
Nearly a decade had passed since the last time she heard the name. No one had spoken it in River’s presence since the night of the Incident.
Even so, she’d never forget it.
Chavin was the site of the worst night of her life, after all.
Blood drained from River’s face, and she swayed. Her legs were unable to hold her upright. Her fingers trembled. The blanket puddled at her feet. Her phone must’ve gotten wrapped up inside it, because it didn’t make a sound as it landed on the ground.
River tried to breathe, to suck in a breath, to remember how to inhale and subsequently exhale, but nothing was working. Her throat was closing in on itself. Her lungs were tightening.
Screams seemed to be coming from all around River.
Her heart sped up, colliding with her ribs. Faster, faster, faster.
Could it race out of her chest?
The manacles felt heavier than ever. The vastness inside River expanded, an emptiness threatening to consume her.
But the nothingness inside her was better than the storm. Better than breaking and shattering and being utterly ruined.
Anything was better than calling another gods-damned storm.