Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Daisy could hardly get out of bed the next day.
She felt as if she’d been hit by a horse and then stomped on. She could not imagine why. The walk through the maze had hardly been taxing—it took more mental acuity than physical effort, and Edmund had done most of the former.
Why do I feel so ghastly? Am I sick?
There was no one around to answer the question. She lay back, staring at the ceiling and gave herself permission to be miserable.
Just for a little while. Then I have to get on with it. There’s too much to do.
With that, she was able to close her eyes and relax. She let her shoulders drop and listened to herself breathe.
Gradually, her breathing accelerated faster and faster, until it grew to a crescendo of great gasping sobs, moisture pouring from her eyes without her permission.
Her hands shook, veins standing out at her temples as a throbbing headache overtook her.
She was in the middle of a collapse she hadn’t given herself permission to have.
Even as she curled into a ball of misery, helpless to stop the emotion leaking out of her in whatever way it chose, she had enough clarity to be grateful for the thick oak doors and brick walls. They enabled her to emote in peace. Nobody would hear.
She was also glad that they were too reduced in circumstances to afford her a lady’s maid who might enter her rooms without a by your leave. Amina and the two maids were too busy to come and check on her unless summoned.
She spent most of the day sleeping, only creeping out to find a morsel to eat when her stomach began to devour itself. With her win, she was able to ensure that the butcher and the baker were paid in full, and so the household was once again in good standing with vendors.
She found a loaf of bread and a pound of butter in the kitchen as well as cheese and a bubbling pot of soup hanging over the fireplace. She served herself some food and ate it at the kitchen table, not wanting to invite rats to her quarters by having food in there.
Once she was satisfied, she fetched some hot water and made herself a bath where she could wallow and wash away her tears at the same time.
Why am I not happy? I got everything that I wanted.
She sobbed.
Edmund’s face popped up in her mind, with a smiling Harry peeking over his shoulders, and her heart broke all over again.
She admitted to herself that both Edmund and Harry were dear to her in a way that not even her family was. Knowing that she’d never see them again was killing her.
Edmund buried himself in work. He decided that if anything was likely to break him of his habit of daydreaming about Daisy, it was endless invoices and letters of request detailing the demands from his tenants and business partners.
Unfortunately, he was wrong. He managed to deal with his correspondence and bills while still obsessing over what Daisy might be doing and if she’d succeeded in clearing whatever debts had led her to be desperate enough to seek outside help.
Edmund was tired of avoiding everyone. Winston had called upon him the day before, and he had instructed the butler to say he was not at home. Lady Archworth wrote him a letter, inviting him—and his fiancée—to dinner.
That only made him feel even more guilty about everything. He thought about writing back to tell her that the engagement had ended. He and Lady Daisy were not proceeding to marriage, but he could not quite bring himself to do it.
He promised himself that he would see her in person and tell her then. He just needed some time…and space.
He shook his head, acknowledging that he could not continue to hide from the world. Whatever happened to Daisy, he had responsibilities to address.
He picked up the bell to summon the butler.
The door opened, and Mr. Alberts came into the room with a look of surprise and inquiry on his face. It made Edmund realize just how much he’d isolated himself.
“Yes, Your Grace?” the butler asked.
“Have Mr. Oswalt bring Harry to me, please.”
The butler gave a bow, his face obscured from Edmund, but he still saw the twitch of his lip as if he was hiding a smile.
“Yes, Your Grace,” he said before hurrying away.
Edmund sat back down with a sigh, pulling his ledger close.
He bent toward his work, paying attention to the figures for the first time in a week.
Then he paused, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.
If he was truly going to do things in the right way, then he needed to notify his aunt and tell her the truth.
It is only fair.
He grabbed a piece of parchment and began to write. He might not be ready to face her, but he could write her a letter.
Feeling the need to get away from her home and avoid her father, Daisy decided to take the air.
“A walk will do me good.”
Wrapping a shawl over her shoulders, she opened the door and began to walk. She passed several ton ladies on their way to promenade, and all of them greeted her respectfully.
Edmund must not have announced that our engagement is off.
She smiled and nodded to them all before quickly walking away before they could engage her in conversation. She had no energy for pretense.
She found that she was on Lydia’s street and decided to call on her. The butler let her right in, without bothering to announce her, and she walked straight to the parlor, a twinge of guilt at how she’d ignored all her friend’s missives assailing her.
“Daisy!” Lydia exclaimed, getting to her feet. “At last, you have emerged from your cocoon.”
Daisy’s mouth turned down, and her lip trembled as she fought not to cry.
“Oh, don’t be upset.” Lydia rushed to clasp her hand reassuringly. “I was only jesting.”
“I-I know.” Daisy’s words transformed into a wail as tears fell from her eyes. “I’m just so s-sorry for ignoring you.”
Lydia’s hand rose to cup her cheek, her head inclined to the side, and her eyes grew soft with sympathy. “Think nothing of it. Tell me what has happened to reduce you to this state.”
Daisy shook her head, still crying quietly. “Nothing has happened. Everything is f-fine.”
Lydia gave a disbelieving yet not unkind laugh. “Come now, Daisy.” She pulled her over to the sofa. “Come sit and tell me everything.”
Daisy followed immediately and took a seat next to her friend. “Well…you know that the competition ended, and we won.”
“Yes, I do. And congratulations again.”
“Th-thank you. Afterward, Lady Archworth gave me the prize money. I gave the Duke his ring back and… he bid me adieu.”
“I see.” Lydia considered her keenly. “Are these not good things?” she asked gently.
“Th-they are. Of course they are.”
“But?”
Daisy shook her head wildly. “But…I don’t know why I’m so sad.”
“Do you really not?”
Daisy shook her head again.
“Well…perhaps you were simply enjoying the Duke’s company, and you did not wish to see him go.”
Daisy nodded. “His son is so charming. We had become friends. I suppose I…well, I do wish I could see them again. But that’s nonsense of course. As soon as I pay the Baron, I shall be leaving.”
“Must you go?” Lydia patted her hand. “After all that has happened these last few months, I thought you might be persuaded to stay.”
“No.” Daisy swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. “I cannot stay. If I do, I shall find myself right back here with my father’s debt hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles.”
“Dramatic. But you could wait until you find somewhere surely.”
“No. I cannot. I was thinking I could go and visit Merry in Scotland for a while. I believe Lochlan has some relatives in France. He might be willing to connect me with them.”
“France? You want to go to the continent?” Lydia exclaimed in disbelief.
Daisy nodded. “I can make a new start there.”
“Oh, Daisy.” Lydia leaned closer and embraced her. “Whatever am I going to do with you…”
Daisy chuckled sadly. “I shall write often, and I hope you will too.”
“Of course I will. I just cannot help but feel…”
“Yes, I know. I feel it too.”
Daisy sighed, pulling away from Lydia. “Now, I’ve been putting it off for long enough. I need to go and settle my father’s accounts with the Baron.”
Lydia’s mouth turned down at the corners. “The best of luck. Do take someone with you. Amina, for certain, or perhaps the Duke might agree to accompany you.”
“I cannot ask Edmund to go with me.”
Lydia looked as if she meant to argue, but Daisy raised her hand to halt any such debate. “I will not draw Edmund into my affairs further. That is my final word on the subject.”
Lydia nodded succinctly. “Very well. But be on your guard, my friend. Lord Dulforth is not to be trusted.”
Daisy collected half her winnings from the bank, having decided against keeping them in the house, lest her father find and spend all her hard-earned money.
She asked Amina to venture forth with her and was pleased when the maid agreed to serve as her companion for this task. They arrived at Lord Dulforth’s residence and rang the bell. The door was answered by a butler who seemed rather shocked to see them.
“Yes?” he said.
“We are here to see the Baron. Would you inform him that Lady Daisy Murray has arrived?”
The butler nodded, though he still seemed confused by their presence. “Right away. Wait here.”
He went off, closing the door behind himself. When the door opened again, Daisy was surprised to see Lord Dulforth rather than the butler at the door.
“Ah, Lady Daisy. I’ve been expecting you. Come in.”
Daisy and Amina exchanged loaded glances before Daisy stepped into the house. Amina made to follow, but then the Baron put out a hand to stop her.
“You can wait here.”
Daisy’s heart sank. “She’s my maid and chaperone. She needs to come inside.”
“You’re perfectly safe in my company, my lady. Or do you think otherwise?” he challenged.
Daisy opened her mouth, ready to insist, but then she hesitated as the Baron narrowed his eyes at her. She just knew he’d find a way to punish or humiliate Amina if Daisy insisted that she come along. “Of course I don’t. I was merely observing propriety.”
The Baron waved that away. “I have plenty of servants who can function as chaperones if you insist. We hardly need one more. Come.” He walked down the hall, and Daisy had no choice but to follow.
He brought her to his parlor and closed the door before turning to face her. “Now, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
Daisy dug into her reticule and pulled out the pouch containing the stack of banknotes. She thrust it at him. “Here is your money. My family’s obligations to you are done.”
The Baron smiled. “I enjoy your naivety. It’s extremely refreshing.”
“Is it? I hadn’t realized.”
“Indeed, it is.” He took a step closer to her. “For example, you think that paying me that measly sum will stop me from taking what I want from you.”
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her flush against him, making her squeal in surprise. “You have never been more wrong, my lady.”