Chapter Forty-Two
I was relieved that when we got up from the table, I couldn’t see any of the totems. I’d grown up seeing angels and later demons and things that I couldn’t have imagined when I entered the College of Angels at seven, so why did seeing a phantom raccoon at my side weird me out?
I had no idea, but I was glad that the three of us walked down the sidewalk to Harm None without the animal escort.
Emma and Jamie led the way inside. I noticed they didn’t hold hands in the store.
I didn’t know if that was a rule for employees in the workplace, or if they were keeping the relationship on the down low.
I just noticed that they weren’t as cozy here and let it go.
We weren’t encouraged to date at work either.
There was a counter with the cash register to the right and floor-to-ceiling windows to the left with glass shelves covered in crystals and stones of all kinds and colors.
The stones circled around to the back wall, but without windows so the crystals that would fade in direct sunlight could still be displayed.
There was a woman behind the counter who was almost as tall as I was, and since she was wearing no makeup and had salt-and-pepper hair that looked natural, I was betting she wasn’t wearing heels.
She was checking out a couple of women, handing them a sack with a smile that didn’t hold nearly the warmth of Emma’s.
“Sorry I couldn’t talk you out of it, but may the best possible outcome be yours,” she said as she handed the sack to the taller of the two women.
“Thank you so much, Bast, I know he loves me.” Her face was glowing with happiness. She went past us with her friend, giggling together like they were twelve though they had to be older than Emma and maybe older than me. I wasn’t good at ages, especially women’s ages.
When the door closed behind them, the woman behind the counter made an exasperated sound. “Goddess help me, the next customer that comes in here asking for a love spell, I’m just going to tell them there’s no such thing and send them packing.”
Emma went around the counter and gave the bigger woman a hug. Bast tried to keep frowning but then smiled and hugged her back. “Thank you, sweetie, you make even dealing with stupid customers better.”
Emma laughed and backed away enough to look up into the other woman’s face. “If you’re calling them stupid, the store must be empty except for us.”
The other woman threw back her head and gave a huge laugh that was almost a bray. It was a laugh that went with the rest of her, larger than life, but it made me smile.
“Good to see you again, Levi, and who is the friend you brought with you?”
He didn’t correct her with his angel name, but just motioned me forward and introduced me by my nickname. “This is Havoc; Havoc, this is Bast.”
Bast raised eyebrows that were more solid black than her hair, like an echo to what the rest had been before time changed it. “Really, did you pick the name when you were younger, because you don’t seem like someone who would want to invite that kind of energy into your life.”
“It’s a nickname that other people chose for me,” I said.
Her eyes narrowed a little and I knew without having to be told that she was “looking” at me the same way that I could look at people’s angels or totems. I didn’t feel her putting any energy into or on me, so it was a natural ability like my vision.
You could do some natural gifts without any energy exchange.
Any magic you had to learn to use was almost always intrusive, and you needed to ask permission even to help someone, because to do otherwise is treating them like they have no agency or will of their own.
You can do protective magic on your own family, especially children, without permission, but for the rest keep your magic to yourself.
“Havoc has just started working with totems, so I suggested he look at some books,” Emma said.
“I’m not sure it’s his totem that’s following him around. Have you done energy or spell work on someone else recently?” Bast asked.
I just nodded.
“I’d call them up and see if they’re missing a raccoon.”
I caught my breath for a second, then said, “I did not do anything to damage her connection to her spirit guides.”
“Totems aren’t exactly the same as spirit guides,” she said.
“Her raccoon faded from view just like the rest of her . . . guides.”
“Is she a civilian?” Bast asked.
“No, she’s a police detective.”
“I don’t mean civilian like that; I mean is she a mystical practitioner or a mundane?”
“She’s a witch.”
“Wiccan, or do you mean something else?”
“Wiccan,” I said.
“Then contact her and see if she’s missing her totem. If she’s not, then you need to either ask her why she sent it with you, or keep your mouth shut and come back here so we can help you find out.”
“Are you always this abrupt?” I asked.
“No, but my guides are yelling at me that there’s something wrong with you and you need to fix it before your phone rings.”
I looked at Jamie and Emma. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” Jamie said.
Emma said, “Bast almost never pushes like this unless it’s important, like really important.”
“You only have a few minutes, Havoc; even your name feels wrong.”
“Zaniel,” I said, “I’m Zaniel.”
She smiled and it was like some tension slipped away from her.
“That works. Okay, Zaniel, call the woman you worked on magically today and ask her about her totem.” She seemed to be listening to voices I couldn’t hear, and then her eyes went back to looking very directly at me.
“Call the person who helped you work on her. Whoever that is tampered with the totem, or tried to; your energy offset the ill intent of the other mystic that helped you, and the client being a witch probably made it harder for the person to strip her of her magical aid.”
“No other ethical light worker would try to steal someone’s totem,” Emma said.
“Why did it attach to me and not just stay with my friend?” I asked.
“Your energy hid it from whoever tried to strip it away from your client,” Bast said.
“No one who worked with your unit would try to steal away someone’s spiritual protection like that,” Jamie said. He looked at me with those big brown eyes of his, and just like before they looked all the way through me as if we were seven, and I couldn’t lie to him.
“It was Suriel, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
His face crumpled as if he was going to cry.
Emma reached out to touch his arm, but then stopped in midmotion.
“You told me earlier that Suriel helped you with a case,” Jamie said, his voice tight with unshed tears, or just too many emotions.
“I hadn’t seen her until today. We had a demon problem.”
“She took the red sash, then?” he asked.
I nodded, and wasn’t sure he saw, so I added, “Yes.”
“You swear to me that you hadn’t seen her until today?”
“My hand to God that I hadn’t seen Suriel until today.”
Tears glittered in his eyes as he said, “She tried to steal a witch’s totem. She tried to strip away everything but the angels. Suriel had no right to do that. The College had no right to do that to all of us.”
I reached a hand out to touch his shoulder, but I stopped just like Emma had. I was afraid if I touched him it would get worse, as if offering comfort would break him.
“I didn’t know what Suriel was doing.”
“How could you not know?” Jamie sounded accusatory.
“It was an emergency and there was a lot happening. We were trying to save . . .” I stopped and tried to think; was it a life, or just Ravensong from being deformed?
What would have happened if we hadn’t been able to reverse the damage?
Would she have died, or would it have consumed her and made her into something else?
Demons weren’t contagious; what had happened earlier today was impossible.
“She helped me save my friend from . . . a demon.” I had to be careful what I said, because they weren’t police or anyone who should know what was happening with an ongoing investigation.
A witch was supposed to keep anything said to them sacred like a priest in the confessional, but there were a lot of different kinds of witches and mystics, so the pointy-hat rule didn’t automatically apply.
“But she couldn’t leave it at that, she’s just like all the rest of them up at the College. She had to meddle and take more than she was supposed to.” He wrapped his arms around himself as if he was trying to hold himself together.
I went to him and said, “Levanael, without Suriel there today, something terrible would have happened.”
“She was always gifted,” he said, crying and starting to rock himself. I couldn’t stand to see him starting to break without touching him. I wrapped my arms around him and he didn’t fight me. I hugged him tight and prayed that he would be all right.
Emma laid her hand on his shoulder and then her other hand on my arm, and it jolted through me like a circuit had been completed.
We were surrounded by white wings and the singing of angels and between the feathers was the golden light and I knew if the wings unfolded we’d be standing in the light of God.
Jamie screamed a sound of such hopelessness that it broke my heart and the light was gone, the angels fled. Jamie pushed and fought against me. I let him go and he stumbled into Emma, almost knocking her down. She grabbed his arm to steady them both and he tore away from her.
“No! No! I won’t let them destroy you the way they destroyed me!” He turned back to me. “Get out, Zaniel, get out, stay away from Emma. I won’t let you take her to that place where the angels sing. I won’t let you break her the way it broke me.”
Emma tried to reassure him. “You channeled a seraph today, Jamie. You’re not broken.”
He pointed a finger at her and shook his head over and over. “You don’t know what they do to you. You don’t know what it’s like to be alone in the light and then to have the light taken away, too, so that you’re alone in the darkness.”