Chapter 23 #2
‘Tell me about your day.’ I inhale. She smells so good – of soap and maybe flowers and something that makes me want to bury my face in her neck. ‘Were you busy?’
‘Yes. Mostly, I kept an eye on Soren. I’m scared he’ll take matters into his own hands again. I don’t trust him.’
The relaxed ease in my muscles disappears. ‘And?’
‘And … he behaved. Shockingly. Though he did look like he wanted to punch me in the face.’
‘Are you in danger of that?’ My words are deceptively calm.
Soren and I are definitely going to have that chat.
‘Soren’s always been like this. Hot then cold. Moodier than a wet cat and loves to hold a grudge, especially since …’ She shrugs, not finishing. ‘It doesn’t matter. If he attacks me, he’ll be risking the Commander’s wrath.’
Which he had no problem risking last night by setting the Dresden Circle on fire.
‘Hopefully justice is coming for him,’ she says. ‘Atlas won’t tolerate anything that harms his business.’
That doesn’t put me any more at ease, and my arms tighten around her protectively. ‘I wanted to tell you – I’m not just a soldier; I’m an elite guard. We’re trained to always work in pairs. Maybe … you and I should stick together.’
She hums, thinking it over, and I feel it vibrate through me like a tuning fork. There’s so much more I want to tell her, but the hairs on the back of my neck prickle like we’re being watched. I glance over.
It’s Rufus. His unfocused eyes watch us, his posture leaning, threatening to spill the contents of his mug. All at once, the unpleasant reality that he’s my father comes crashing back.
Reluctantly, I pull back from Marian. ‘Can we go somewhere? How about the waterfall?’
‘This your girl?’ Rufus calls loudly. ‘Don’t you want to introduce her to your father?’
My eyes close. Of course he did that. ‘You’re drunk, Rufus,’ I snap over my shoulder. ‘Go home.’
By some miracle it works. Except now I’m riled up as we leave. I stop short. ‘Wait – your ankle.’
She shakes her head. ‘It’s okay. But we should –’ She snags a hanging lantern from a table. ‘Now let’s go.’
We walk a while until the music dims. I know I owe her an explanation. ‘So, that man …’
She waves it off. ‘You don’t have to tell me. I’ve said all along that sharing our secrets isn’t safe.’
She stares ahead as if she’s made peace with us never really knowing each other. That it’s just the way it has to be. I rake my hand through my hair.
The road forks, and we turn left, veering off the main path, already hearing the waterfall. Just past it is the access to the mine. ‘What if I don’t want to keep secrets from you? Not any more.’
Her eyes widen. She dips her head. ‘I don’t know how smart that is. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about what happened back there.’
‘That man – Rufus – is my … father. And I met him for the first time today.’
We approach the edge of the lake, the same spot where Agatha and I were at earlier this afternoon.
The light from our lantern barely allows us to see ten feet ahead.
The waterfall crashes across the way. But the feeling of being here with Marian couldn’t be more different.
There’s nowhere else I want to be as we stand side by side, staring out at the water.
‘I thought my father was dead,’ I say, continuing. ‘When I was four, there was a vagabond who attacked my fam–’ I shake my head. Laugh humourlessly. ‘Actually, no there wasn’t.’
She’s a good listener as I fumble through explaining the messed-up memories and nightmares that started the fire in me to find my father’s murderer.
But I sputter to a stop, not sure how to explain Rufus’s true motivations for trying to use my mother – that he wanted access to the connection.
She thinks I’m done and her hand brushes mine. I hook our fingers, but it’s not enough. I want to pull her to me and bury my face in her hair.
‘How devastating to think your father was dead all these years when he wasn’t,’ she says. ‘That changes everything.’
Everything. And nothing. ‘He only wants to use me. I’m better off without him.
Funny thing is, if I’d known the truth, or if he’d remained in our lives, who knows if I’d have become the man I am today – an elite soldier.
Him passing on honour? Integrity?’ I huff a laugh.
‘Maybe Mum’s lies and my own twisted imagination are the real heroes in all of this. ’
She frowns. ‘It’s wrong. My first heartbreak … and last … was my father too. It’s not supposed to be that way.’
‘No, it’s not.’
Her head lifts. ‘You know, I hate that you’re going through this. That you understand this specific pain. Disappointment. But at the same time, there’s something comforting about knowing you get it. My sister never … I like that I’m not alone.’
I do too. And the depth of that scares me a little.
I could so easily fall in love with you.
The truth of that hits like a thunderbolt.
She squeezes my hand, noticing I’ve stiffened. ‘Hey, I’m sorry. Am I oversharing? You’re just so easy to talk to. And we have so much in comm–’
I smile as she comes back into focus. An incredible peace fills my chest. Clarity. She feels it too – this is special. ‘Marian, there’s no need to apologise. But just so we’re clear: I want to know everything about you.’