Chapter 17
Present
“What made you stay after Jack left? Why not pack your things and leave, start a new life somewhere?”
I looked at Diane, then out toward the beach that I had come to love so much.
“Sims Chapel was my home. My roots were there, my memories. Not to mention, my mother. I couldn’t leave behind what was a core part of me.
Besides, when Jack left, I was convinced he was gone for good. So I saw no need to run.”
Diane nodded, her expression thoughtful. “And out of all the men you dated, there was never one who made you want to settle down?”
I laughed a little at the question. “Oh, there were a couple, but they weren’t Jack.
And perhaps that was the problem. I realized that I was comparing everyone to a man who didn’t deserve to be the standard.
Jack was a mirage, an illusion of love that had evaporated with time and distance.
As much as it pained me to admit, I was holding on to the ghost of a man who had broken my heart, not once, but twice.
A man who was supposed to be the love of my life but acted more like an anchor, dragging me to the depths of despair. ”
I studied my hands, gnarled with age, and thought about how much they had seen, how much they had done.
These hands had planted seeds and harvested crops, cooked meals and mended clothes, rendered decisions that impacted lives and changed destinies.
They had wiped away tears of despair and joy alike.
They were the physical testament of my life—a life that was so much more than just Jack.
We broke for lunch and moved outside to the porch, where the ocean breeze tickled our faces, and the sun warmed our bones. The smell of the ocean mingled with the scent of Judy’s homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
“So, did you ever forgive him?”
“Who, Jack? Of course I did. As much as I wanted to hate him and curse his name every waking moment of my life, I knew that wouldn’t bring me peace.
Jack had made his choices, and I had to make mine.
And I chose to forgive him, not because he deserved it, but because I did.
I deserved to live a life free of bitterness and resentment. ”
Diane swallowed a bite of her sandwich before asking, “But you never pursued him again, did you?”
A faint smile made its way on to my lips as I recalled the weeks and months after Jack returned. “No,” I said as the memories swirled around me. “But that didn’t stop him from pursuing me.”
Sims Chapel, TN
November 1961
“You look like you could use some company,” I said to Jack, finding him sitting at the end of the dock.
Jack didn't turn around, but his shoulders dropped slightly as if in defeat. “Actually, I was enjoying the solitude.”
I hesitated for a moment, then made my way toward him. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I settled down beside him, our shoulders brushing slightly. We sat quietly for a while as the waves lapped against the dock.
“My book is going to be published,” he told me. “My agent called this afternoon to give me the news.”
“That’s fantastic, Jack,” I said, my excitement tempered by his solemn expression. “So why the long face? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”
“Probably…”
“But?”
“The whole time I was writing, I kept holding onto this hope that someday Ellie would come to her senses and return to me. Reliving all those memories almost made it real again, like she was still here. But now that I’m finished, I’m forced to face the reality that she’s never coming back.”
I wanted to tell him that he wasn’t alone, that I’d stood where he currently did, teetering on the precipice of despair and loneliness. But I knew he had to find his own way through the darkness, just like I had.
“Speaking of news, I have some of my own,” I said as I leaned back on my palms and changed the subject. “I’m thinking of taking a job in Asheville. I spoke to a friend of mine from college who called recently, and she said they’re looking for a mathematics professor at Brevard College.”
Jack’s face was unreadable as he processed the information. “Asheville? But that’s so far away.”
“I know. But I feel like I need a change. A fresh start, you know?”
“Who will take care of your mother if you leave?”
“She’s going to move in with her sister in Rogersville. She’s been wanting to do that for a while anyway. Aunt Pete needs the company, and I think it will be good for them to be together.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”
His brow furrowed as though he were trying to decipher a complex riddle. “Is this because of me?”
“No,” I reassured him. “Not entirely. It’s also because of her, and because of me. I’m tired of being the one who stays behind, waiting for life to happen. I want to go out there, make something of myself.”
Jack flinched, as if I’d slapped him. His expression turned serious, his gaze dropping to the wooden planks beneath our feet. “What if I said I don’t want you to go?”
I shrugged, giving him a sad smile. “That’s the thing, Jack. This isn’t about what you want. It’s about what I want now.”
As he stared out at the water, I could see his mind churning, wrestling with what I’d just said. He looked so small sitting there, his single silhouette against the backdrop of the lake and star-filled sky.
He finally turned to face me, a look of resignation in his eyes.
“You’re right,” he whispered. “You have to do what’s best for you.
But know this, Sara. You’ve always been the most important person in my life.
You always will be. And if there was anything I could say or do to make you change your mind, I’d do it in a heartbeat. ”
His sincerity made my heart ache. Deep down, I knew there was a part of me that would always be Jack’s. We’d been through too much for me to simply erase him from my life. But there were things in life that required sacrifice, and sometimes, love was one of them.
“I know you would,” I whispered back, my voice faltering a bit.
“And if you’d asked me a few months ago, maybe I would have stayed.
But things are different now. I’m different.
It’s funny, all I ever wanted was for you to look my way, to realize that what we could have together is better than anything you’ve lost. But you never did.
At least, not entirely. And now, it’s too late. ”
Jack looked at me, his eyes reflecting the pain I had just confessed. All around us, the night was still. Even the crickets had fallen silent. Without saying a word, Jack stood up and swept me into his arms. He carried me into the shack, closed the door behind us, and laid me down on the couch.
“Sara,” he said, a strange mixture of vulnerability and determination in his voice. “I’ve been a fool. I’ve been so caught up in the past that I failed to see you.” He gently traced the contour of my face with his thumb, his gaze softening as he met my eyes.
I was no fool. I knew where this was going. A part of me wanted to stop him, to tell him to say no more. Yet, another part of me felt like I was owed this for all the years of quiet longing, all the times I had been overlooked. This was my closure. I nodded, silently urging him to continue.
His hand moved from the curve of my face to entangle in my hair. He pulled me closer, our faces mere inches apart. “I love you, Sara,” he whispered, making every cell in my body burn with desire.
“I love you, Jack.”
“Stay with me tonight,” he uttered, his voice thick with emotion, eyes pleading.
I knew that this would eventually end in heartbreak, but in that moment, I didn’t care.
He wanted me, and I wanted him, and I was willing to sacrifice tomorrow for the sake of tonight.
I nodded, surrendering myself into his arms.
His arms tightened around me, pulling me even closer, as if he were trying to weave us into a single entity.
I tilted my head back, allowing my forehead to rest against his own. Our breaths mingled, our hearts synced. For a moment, we simply existed together, savoring the heat and oneness that pulsed between us.
Finally, Jack reached for the buttons of my blouse, his fingers working them loose one by one.
The fabric parted, revealing my soft skin to the cool night air.
He traced his fingertips along the bare skin of my collarbone, setting my senses ablaze.
His touch was both cautious and filled with longing, a fascinating contradiction that had me trembling in his arms.
He placed a soft kiss on my exposed shoulder, moving slowly upwards to my neck, leaving a trail of warmth. His hands moved lower, his fingers tracing the curve of my waist while he continued to nuzzle my neck, the touch of his lips feather-light against my skin.
I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the blissful torment of his touch. I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging him closer, deepening the kiss. My heart pounded in my chest, echoing in my ears like a wild drumbeat.
As Jack’s hands moved over me with a reverent touch, the last vestiges of my resistance crumbled.
I clung to him, drowning in the sweet agony of his touch as it set my blood on fire.
It felt as if we were existing in a private universe of our own creation—a world where the past no longer mattered, and the future was a horizon we could mold in our own image.
The room filled with an intoxicating mixture of emotions; our love that was no longer restrained, whispered confessions unearthed after years of secrets and the soft rustle of clothing being discarded. Each piece of fabric shed was like another chain from our past breaking free.
“Jack,” I whispered against his lips, my breath hitching when his hands traced along my spine. A tremor went through my body, and I buried my face into his neck.