14. Raea
Raea
There are still two hours before sunset, which means we will still be on time for dinner.
My mind has been preoccupied with all that my father told me and everything that has transpired.
I’m not mad that he never shared the prophecy with me, but I also don’t know why he didn’t tell me when I was home last. Or even after Sgya.
He’s had plenty of opportunities to do so.
The longer I’m away from Ryker, the more the sickening knot in my stomach grows. As long as I keep my guards up and Bond behind the iron wall, I feel like I can manage it. My father thinks that I have weeks at most before I'll be in too much pain.
My foot slides out from under me on the wet rock, and I almost go down, only balancing myself again at the last-minute. I need to be present, that’s why we’re out here after all.
“You okay back there?” Ciara asks.
She’s at the front as we climb the cliff face to Atlas. The sound of the falls drowns out her voice, and the mist moves in and out, shrouding her form.
“Fine,” I grumble to myself.
Kellan slows so that he’s right in front of me on the little path, which is only as wide as his shoulders, winding back and forth like a switchback up the face of the falls. The path itself is made of wet, slippery rock, making it dangerous not to pay attention.
“You okay?” he asks.
My heart clenches briefly because I should tell him that in six weeks I'll be marrying Ryker. Even if he’s somewhat accepted our relationship, he’s still going to be heartbroken.
It's hard to believe that less than a year ago, he was the man who occupied my dreams, my future. Now, I know we will always only be friends. I won’t lie and say there isn’t a part of me that isn’t sad about it, because I am, but I also know that my heart, my soul, my Bond…
it belongs to the man I’m fated to be with.
His brow lifts when I don’t answer.
“Okay?” A disbelieving laugh escapes me.
“Kellan, the Veil is gone, Kuron was murdered, and I feel like I can’t stop to even process that grief long enough because I have to focus on training a magic that I have no idea how to access or use, and said magic is supposed to somehow save our entire system from an unknown enemy that may or may not exist. On top of all that, Ryker is on Malaya, and I’m here, and it’s his birthday tomorrow, and no, I’m not okay!
” My chest heaves from the growing panic and irritation.
Kellan wraps an arm around me, pulling me into him. “It’s going to be okay, Rae. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but nobody is going to let anything happen to you.”
I pull away. “Don’t you get it?” I gasp, my voice breaking.
“I don’t care about my safety. It’s his.
It's yours. It's everyone else, and everyone is unknowingly relying on me because of some prophecy from some gods and races that have no tangible existence in my life other than dictating things from before I was born. None of this is going to be okay, Kellan.”
I stomp up the path ahead of him, irritated and annoyed, but if I'm being honest, mostly at myself. “I just want some freaking silence!” I scream to nobody in particular, feeling wild and out of control. After a few silent minutes, I slow down, waiting until he’s beside me when the path widens for us both to walk side by side comfortably.
“Sorry,” I say, wrapping my hand in his.
“You know you’ve never once been honest with me this year. I think that was the first time,” he grunts.
Guilt wraps around me.
“I’ve only ever wanted to help you. I’ve tried to keep my distance, thinking that’s what you needed, but Raea, you’re falling apart,” he continues.
I exhale slowly. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I never meant to—”
“I know.” He tugs on my hand as we continue up the last part of the trail. “Can we just hit a reset button? I want you to be able to tell me everything. Even if I don’t like it. I want my best friend back.”
I nod, offering him a small smile. “Yeah, Kel, I’d like that. I have some news. Tell you at the top?”
Atlas Falls is the most magical of the five falls. If you jump from the top, you land on trumpet pads. They’re circular plants that are the size of beds that grow at the base of the falls. They are soft and mushy and absorb your fall.
As kids, we would come out all the time to play. When you hit the pads, you bounce right off into the water. The falls are also warm here. Similar to the lake on Baedyn, they have thermal pods buried within the mountain. Even though the season of frost is coming to Kyrr, we can still swim.
Atlas comes into view around the next bend, and like kids, we all take off running with smiles on our faces. Ciara is already ditching her clothes on her way to the top. I gather them as we get closer and add them to a pile along with mine.
I feel the heat of Kellan’s gaze on my body. Ezra and Clark—Ciara’s bodyguard—make it to the top behind us. They’re both used to our antics, so don’t say anything as they pass us and find a spot to sit in the trees that line the river.
Ciara charges into the river toward the falls. The water is so shallow here at the top that when I step in, it’s only to my knees, and I'm short. Kellan wades in after me, and we meet up with Ciara, who’s standing at the edge.
“Hell yes, bitches,” she bellows, the sound echoing through the canyon. Kellan and I laugh beside her. “On three?” she asks, her head swinging over to look at us. Her hair is extra curly up here in the mist, and her bright orange swimsuit looks amazing on her.
“On three,” I agree.
Kellan nods and counts down.
We jump, and the feeling of falling only lasts a few seconds before we all land on the pads. The jelly absorbs our fall, and we bounce off in a fit of giggles.
“That was amazing.” I sigh, floating onto my back.
“We should go again,” Ciara says.
Kellan rolls to his back beside me, and the three of us go quiet as we stare up at the gray-blue sky. I sense that they’re both waiting on me to say something.
“My father told me about the prophecy. There’s more,” I start.
Both of their heads whip toward me. I tell them everything.
About the book, the painting, Ryker and I as kids, Ryker and I this morning being able to feel the Veil disappear.
I even admit that it happened during a make-out session.
I had felt Ryker’s emotions before he pulled away.
It was as if he had a piece of him hollowed out.
Ciara squeals at my steamy confession, while Kellan only grows quieter.
Kellan and I have been so careful over the past year not to kiss or risk our Bonds, and yet I was willing to risk it all for Ryker, less than a full school year in.
It makes me feel hypocritical, but maybe that's how it is between Ryker and me. Our bodies are familiar with one another, even if we aren’t.
I leave out the parts about how only minutes before I was pinned to a wall with his fingers playing me like he knew every press and pull for maximum release.
Gods, do I miss him. There’s a phantom scent on the breeze that smells like sandalwood and citrus that brushes by me, making my stomach tighten.
“We should jump again,” I say when the three of us fall into silence.
“Let’s go,” Kellan bites out forcefully.
Ciara and I share a glance and follow him out.
The dining table is full of Treon’s nobility from other planets, including some of our military.
It’s been a long time since there were this many people at a table, filling up all forty seats.
There’s an anxious buzz in the air. Too many people moving with nothing to do.
It’s hard to sit here, tapping our fingers, waiting.
I’m sitting beside my father, my mother is across from me, and Kellan is to my right.
Once everyone is served the first course, a warm soup with a roll, my father glances at my mother and then stands, clearing his throat to catch everyone’s attention. The room quiets at once.
“We do not know the days that lie ahead of us. We must take advantage of every day as if tomorrow will not come. It is because of this that we have decided to move Princess Raea’s Bonding Ceremony up.”
The room fills with hushed voices while my world spins on its axis.
I haven’t had time to tell Kellan or Ciara, and guilt wraps its spindly claws around my heart and squeezes.
I should have been the one to tell them, not my father, not like this.
There just wasn’t a good time today. I wanted us to have a few blissful hours without the weight of the future.
“In six weeks’ time, there will be a Bonding Ceremony here at the palace.
” My father turns his attention to me as my stomach clenches.
“I thought we had more time before I would be giving you away, but it seems that will not be the case. My dearest, Raea, you will make this kingdom proud.” He smiles.
My stomach is in free fall, and all I can do is dig my nails into the palms of my hands until the pain is the only thing I can focus on. Why did he publicly announce this? I haven’t even had a chance to message Ryker.
What. The. Hell.
Kellan reaches under the table and squeezes my bouncing knee.
Everyone else offers their congratulations.
Ciara can’t keep the grin from her face.
My mother watches me with sharp eyes. I feel cold and clammy, and honestly…
everything is changing too quickly. I feel adrift, lost in space with no tether and no oxygen, and somehow I’m weighed down with all the expectations.
“You didn’t tell me,” Kellan whispers, leaning in as dessert is served, which I push away. I haven’t managed more than a few bites here and there for the entire meal.
I swallow thickly. “I planned on telling you tonight. I just found out.” I keep my eyes trained on the sugared confection before me as my mind spirals. I need to talk to Ryker. I need him to be here. I need to feel his warmth, feel his arms around me.
How am I supposed to get married in six weeks if Ryker doesn’t even know? Then it dawns on me. Of course. My father doesn’t make mistakes in his timing. He wasn’t waiting on me necessarily; he was waiting on Ryker.
Ryker will be attending sixteen Bonding ceremonies this year. It’s not hard to guess, mine will now be the first, and as for the other sixteen, well, he won’t be there.
Once the table is cleared, and we are excused.
Kellan and I head up to the observatory at the top of the palace.
It’s my favorite place to go when I need a distraction.
I can see every planet in our system up here.
The winding stone steps that take us up are cold beneath my slippers.
My gold dress trails behind me, its tiny gems clinking while the material shimmers in the moonlight pouring through the windows lining the spiraling staircase.
“Raea,” Kellan breathes out as we reach the top.
I don’t respond. Instead, I push through the towering glass door. I don’t want to talk about it because I already know what he’s thinking.
The observatory is a large room complete with black marble flooring, plants of every kind, soft furnishings, ornate rugs, and large windows that open to our kingdom.
At the center sits a telescope so large it needs its own platform to spin.
The glass-domed roof overhead opens with the flick of a switch.
Kellan slides into the bench seat beside me as I use the console to find what I’m looking for.
One of my favorite planets in Okenen is Azuris.
The varying shades of blue and the small blips of neon lights that come from the lightning whales.
It’s a planet of water and thousands of islands, with no main continent.
People from Azuris are different, being more one with the water than they are comfortable being in a room full of people.
They reside in small open-air huts on beaches, live off fruits and fish, and they harvest kelp and pearls to trade with other planets.
I lie back as the telescope swirls and tilts us until it finds the blue planet. The screen in front of us allows us to zoom in and look around. It’s late on this side of Azuris, so the planet is dark except for the blips of neon blue and green and white that look like little sparkles.
“I could watch them all night.” I sigh.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Kellan pushes.
“No. What’s the point?” I shrug and lean my head on his shoulder.
Kellan’s steady heartbeat and body heat steady my nerves as we sit in the quiet of the night.
There’s nothing grand about this moment, but it feels like my life is rounding the corner and I’m at the beginning of a new path.
How many more of these nights will I get with him?
How many more times will it be Raea and Kellan before there is no us anymore?
Tears prick my eyes and slide down my cheeks, disappearing into his jacket.
“Don’t cry, RaeRae,” he whispers, the tension leaving his body. His hand comes up around my head, and he places a small kiss on my temple. I feel it.
My heart aches.
Kellan and I have been friends my whole life.
We have inside jokes, know the sound of each other’s footsteps and laughs, and it’s always been him when life felt heavy.
I’m not ready to let him go. It’s a torturous experience to want them both in my life in different ways when they both only want me one way—fully and truly theirs.
“Will you still come to the Ceremony?” I ask.
Of course he will. I know this. I just need him to say it.
“I’ll always be there, Raea.”