Chapter Twenty ADAM
Chapter Twenty
ADAM
Incandescent sparks drift upward into the clear, star-pierced sky, the fire crackling in the backyard pit, its warmth brushing my face. Sipping Eliza’s magic hot cocoa, sweet and rich on my tongue, I’m surrounded by some of the people I love most in the world.
This almost feels like peace.
“If the wedding planner sends me one more binder, I might reconsider the whole marriage deal,” Eliza mutters, slumped in her chair with a defeated look.
Carter’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, his cup stalled in midair.
Eliza catches his alarmed expression and bursts out laughing. “Eloping’s starting to sound better by the day.”
He sets a hand on her wrist. “Whatever you want,” he says. “I’ll go along with it.”
“Mr. Inflexible? That’s a first.” I look at him over the rim of the oversized cocoa mug.
“But…your mom,” Eliza says, worrying her lower lip.
“She’ll get over it.” Carter gently lifts her hand and kisses her palm. “I want you to be happy. We could do it here. With just our friends and close family.”
The flames dance in Eliza’s glassy eyes, and Jackie looks proudly at her brother. “One of the best ideas you’ve ever had.”
The most shit-eating grin spreads across Carter’s face. “Sweetheart, did I tell you how much Jackie loves peachy, fluffy dresses?”
“Oh, shut up.” His sister laughs, grabbing a pebble and tossing it at him. “Maybe Eliza would like to know when exactly we had that conversation.”
“You know what.” Carter stands, pulling Eliza with him. “I’m going to come clean to my fiancée in the privacy of our room.”
“Solving all your conflicts in the bedroom?” It was meant to be a jab at my best friend, but Eliza blushes, hiding an embarrassed smile behind her fist. “You might be on to something.”
Carter throws me an irritated glare, plasters a giggling Eliza to his side, and leaves, disappearing behind the brush that hides this area from the house.
The guards are patrolling the perimeter somewhere, the sound of the burning wood fills the pine-scented night, and I’m once again alone with the woman capable of burning my common sense to the ground.
Across the pit, Jackie glows in the flickering light. The tension in her shoulders has blurred into something tender, and she looks serene for the first time in months.
She’s curled up in her chair, sipping cocoa, and I can’t stop watching her. The amused crinkle of her nose, the slight bob of her throat as she swallows. My gaze catches on her mouth when the tip of her tongue flicks out to sweep foam from her lower lip.
“They make tying the knot look fun,” I murmur, thinking out loud.
Jackie stares at me, molars grinding, like she’s chewing on her next words. “Do you even see yourself as someone who wants…that?”
We’re treading on dangerous territory, but I can’t make myself step away to a safe distance. “Are you proposing?”
She lets out a dry, humorless laugh. “That ship sailed a long time ago.” Then, staring at the flickering firelight, and after a beat, she adds under her breath, so quietly I nearly miss it, “Don’t you think?”
A twist of something ugly coils in my stomach. What game is she playing? She’s the one who insisted on keeping us a secret back then. And I went along with it, even if it hurt me. I loved her. I thought that was enough, until she showed me I didn’t matter.
She’s probing for something, and I’m done tiptoeing around whatever is happening here. “Don’t tell me you changed your mind?” It comes out harsh, and she flinches.
“No, I never said we should…”
“I see the way you look at me.” The hollow laugh sounds foreign even to me. Red mist settles on my brain, throwing all caution out the window. “Admit it. You want something from me, but your pride would never let you say it.”
Jackie’s nostrils flare, a deep scowl twisting her features. “Forget it.” She springs up, snatching the empty cup.
Over the years, I kept replaying our relationship on a loop, analyzing and dissecting every detail in my mind. I’ve lived with this hurt inside my chest for too long. If I don’t let it out now, it might suffocate me.
“Why did you leave, Jackie?”
The loaded words float between us like a cloud of poisonous gas. I know the answer, but I want to see if she has the courage to admit it.
Her mouth slackens, frozen at the edge of the fire pit, eyes stormy and wide, all her emotions swirling under the surface.
“It was a once in a lifetime opportunity,” she stutters, clutching the mug to her chest. “The spot opened in the MBA program…It was important for my future.” Jackie’s voice wavers, but she holds her chin high.
I’m not buying it. “Bullshit,” I say sharply. “The truth, Jackie.”
My fingers tap a nervous rhythm on the flat armrest as I force myself to stay seated.
Her lips are sealed, but her body betrays every emotion rushing through. The pulse in her neck flutters and red patches of skin blossom on her cheeks, creeping up to her forehead.
“I swear to God, you and your brother are…” I rub my face with both my palms, pressing my elbows into my knees. “Who raised you? Never mind…” It’s pointless to go into the history of her dysfunctional family dynamics.
Jackie’s eyes narrow to slits, and a cold mask of fury settles over her features. “Fine,” she hisses through clenched teeth. “You want to talk about it?”
I’m on my feet before I realize it, fists curled at my sides, heart pounding. “Spit it out already. What was it? What made you leave me behind like I meant nothing?”
Jackie stumbles back like I’ve struck her, but I can’t back down now. “Go on. Say it.”
“Because I had to take care of myself.” Her voice is low, brittle. “Because I didn’t want to be the stupid college girl falling for the eternal skirt-chaser frat boy.”
I stare at her, stunned. Is this another trick to disguise the real reason she’s too proper to reveal? “What the hell is that supposed to mean? What did I do so wrong? After a year together, I didn’t even deserve a real conversation?”
“You’re something else,” she screeches, throwing her arms up. “Still playing the innocent card.”
“What are you talking about?” My voice cracks with frustration.
“The woman you were on a date with.”
My stomach flips, bile rising in my mouth. “What woman, Jackie? You had me completely, what are you—”
“Someone saw you,” she says coldly. “Out with her at some bar. All while we were together.”
All the air whooshes out of my lungs, and I force the next words out past the rising nausea. “So…so…” I stumble, failing to find the proper way to explain how absurd she sounds. “You took off without talking to me? Asking me about it?”
Jackie closes in on herself, wrapping her arms around her middle. “I was hurt.”
“You were hurt?! You broke my fucking heart!” It comes out hoarse as my throat closes around the words. “You killed me when you left like that and acted like I didn’t exist. For years!”
“It made sense,” she snaps. “You had a whole history before me, while I never dated much. I…I didn’t want to be the fool.”
The fire has died down, and the chill of the night settles in my body, sending frissons down my back. A night creature’s howls pierce the pressing silence following her confession.
We’re mere feet apart, but I’ve never felt so far removed from the only woman I ever loved. Not even when she shattered my heart.
“So you made one out of me. Great job, Jackie.”
“Don’t play the victim—”
“I was going insane.” I’m pacing around the chair, gravel crunching beneath my boots. “Spinning in circles in my own head.”
I couldn’t ask Carter too many questions. He would have caught on, and I didn’t want to lose him if he found out I had secretly dated his sister. “I had no one to talk to about you.”
Jackie digs her heels in, her voice catching. “I couldn’t take the chance! I had to leave.” Her features plead with me, begging me to understand, but all I can hear is that she ran. That she chose the easy way out.
“If anyone had found out I was another one of your women?” Her voice cracks. “I would’ve never recovered. Plastered across every gossip page, right next to other heiresses gone wild. Labeled promiscuous. An airhead.” She’s panting now, her words coming out frantic.
“You. Didn’t. Ask.” Every word hits her like a bullet. “I pleaded with you to talk to me. I was so desperate, I would’ve crawled on my knees to London if you had given me the slightest sign. After everything, you iced me out. Do you know how that felt?”
“I texted you,” Jackie shoots back, defiant. Never one to admit when she screws up.
“Yes, yes…” Sarcasm coats everything coming out of my mouth. “I’m moving to London tomorrow. It’d be better for both of us if you didn’t contact me.”
Jackie looks away, toward the dark house. “Of course, the gifted kid remembers it word for word.”
“I remember it because you fucking carved them with a knife on my heart!” I yell, all the years of hurt and doubt bursting to the surface.
Her leaving shattered my life like an old mirror, and I kept cutting myself on the jagged edges, trying to make the pieces fit back together. For a while, I made myself believe I’d managed to fix it.
But the cuts never truly healed. And when I dared to look. Really look. All I saw was a fractured and distorted reflection of who I used to be.
“I wish I could erase you,” I say hoarsely. “You hurt too much…”
For the first time, her expression wavers with doubt, but she snaps back regardless. “What was there to talk about? I didn’t want to hear your bullshit!”
“You are un-fucking-believable,” I mutter, swiping my hands through my hair, feeling sick, blood rushing in my ears. It’s like talking to a wall. “I’ve been walking around for years, my body feeling like it’s loose at the seams.”