Chapter 3 Oak #2
It’s all too fucked for me to even grasp for an answer. If there even is one. All I know is that it was my fault. And I have to atone for that somehow.
Maybe that’s why I’m so hell bent on fixing this place. A place where lives were taken and souls that were lost came to. Maybe with a fine touch and with better people running it these people here will actually have a chance to enjoy something that is nice.
Maybe by bringing myself around here, owning something here in the Vipers MC name it will bring life back into this town of death.
And maybe, just maybe I want to keep a certain someone close but within arms length.
“I’m sure, sir.”
His eyes study me as he stays silent. My stoic expression allows him to see nothing. Except even I know you can’t fool a fellow Marine.
“I would advise you against it considering the cost but I’m afraid that will fall on deaf ears.”
“The damage?” I inquire with a finality to my tone.
Jerry notices and hands me over the price of paper. Down at the bottom circled with a red pen is the total cost to revamp this joint.
Over one hundred thousand.
With the money Vipers MC makes now this is chump change.
“I assume this doesn’t include labor.”
He shakes his head. “I can have my team ready as soon as the papers get signed to start working. That will take me about two weeks.”
“And how long will it take for this to be finished?”
He tilts his head to the side. “Three months if everything goes according to plan.”
I nod my head and hold out my hand. Not needing any words Jerry nods his head back and we shake on the deal.
“I’ll be seeing you soon,” he tells me before he leaves.
Stuffing the paper inside my cut I head towards my Harley.
A beautiful gauntlet grey metallic and a vivid black with chrome finish.
It has a classic softail frame but an improved design for a better ride.
Giving a muscular appearance with its steamroller stance it’s the perfect bike for a man like me.
She’s an absolute beauty, my Harley. And there’s no better feeling than riding her down the highway and back roads.
Snake’s ride is much sleeker than mine. A lean machine with power much like it’s owner.
His second cigarette of the day gets crushed under his boot. With no helmet for him today he slides his black aviators over his eyes.
“We have one more stop to make and then we can head back,” Snake informs me with a knowing smile. I know that smile all too well. The fucker has something up his sleeve.
“Where?”
“Fantasy.”
My brows shoot to my hairline. “Fantasy,” I echo back unbelievably. There’s no fucking way in hell Alice would like him going to Fantasy. A strip club that has no problems crossing the boundaries with their clients.
“Yup,” he replies with his smile wider.
“Alice knows about this?” I love Snake like my very own brother but if he fucks over Alice I’ll beat him to death.
He snorts then. Tipping his sunglasses down he looks at me over them before rolling his eyes. “She knows, Oak.”
“I swear to hell, Snake if you’re-”
I don’t even get to finish the sentence because Snake has my throat wrapped in his hand and he’s applying enough pressure to let me know he can crush my windpipe if he wanted to.
His hazel eyes darken to almost black as he glares lethally up at me.
His lips curl up in a snarl as he threatens me menacingly, “You dare question my undying love and loyalty to Alice again I’ll crush your fucking throat with my bare hand.
” He tightens his hand around my throat for emphasis.
And I know his threat isn’t empty. This is the darkness; the sheer brutal strength Snake was taught at a young age.
“You're my brother and always will be but she’s my fucking life, Oak. Fuck you for even questioning it.” He releases my throat but doesn’t take a step away from me.
My throat feels tight as I swallow and as uncomfortable as it is I’ve felt worse. And sure I could’ve easily wretched his hand from my throat. We could’ve fought and asserted dominance but that wasn’t the point.
Snake is disappointed in me.
“Sorry,” I apologize, my voice rough.
His nostrils flare and his eyes remain dark.
“I understand you have a soft spot for her,” I open my mouth to interrupt but he doesn’t let me.
“She reminds you of your sister, I get that. And she sees you as a brother she never had. You want to protect her, that’s great.
But let’s get one thing straight she never needs that protection towards me. ”
“I understand.” Fuck and I feel like complete shit for even doubting him. It twists up my insides.
His eyes soften. Taking a step back he lets out a sigh. “You’ve been burned before and so have I. But I could never hurt her, Oak. That would mean hurting myself. There’s no one else for me. She’s it. She’s my very reason for existing. Don’t ever doubt me again.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologize again. “My mind has been fucked lately,” I reason. Looking away from him I finish with, “Stuck in the damn past.”
“What Lana did was wrong.” Her name causes my spine to stiffen and my jaw to clench.
Lana, my girlfriend who I loved fiercely.
My girlfriend who I thought loved me fiercely back.
But when I came back from my last tour mentally scarred and broken her love wasn’t strong enough to stick around.
She found someone else behind my back and gave him the love she should’ve been giving me.
I found the fucker in our bed and the only guilt she had was because she had gotten caught.
“You deserved better. It’s her fault why you question love but one day a good woman will restore it.
She’ll never make you question it again. ”
I’m not sure that day will ever come but I don’t argue with him about it.
Love as beautiful and grand as it is also bleeds with tragedy.
One simply doesn’t exist without the other.
Ask my very own mother. She loved my father with her every breath but what did that love give her?
A husband who fucked his assistant at work while his wife was taking care of his two kids.
I’m not denying that love doesn’t exist. I know it does. I see it. I’ve even felt it. I’m just saying love for me only comes with pain. And as a man who feels the pain of the brothers he lost everyday I don’t want to feel the pain that comes with loving someone.
“What’s at Fantasy?”
Snake slides his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose. A mischievous smirk plays on his face. “It’s not what but who.”
Oh fuck me.
“Snake . . .”
Hopping on his bike he then goes through the motions of starting it up. Once the engine purrs he replies to me, “Oaky boy.”
“Who the fuck is there?” I already fucking know.
“I can’t say.”
I grumble, “And why the fuck not?”
“Because you told me not to mention her name.”
Fucking hell. I knew it. I fucking knew it.
My heart beat starts to accelerate and I hear the pounding in my ear. It’s a sweet torture because as much as I want to see her I know I shouldn’t.
“I’ll meet you back at the club house then,” I say firmly.
He laughs. “Oh no you don’t. Time to be a man and stop avoiding her.”
“I’ve been busy. I’m not avoiding her.” And that lie tastes bitter on my tongue.
“If that’s the excuse you plan on telling her you better come up with a better one because that is the worst lie I ever fucking heard.”
“Snake-”
“Not hearing it, Oaky boy. You’re coming with me and you’re seeing her.”
Exasperated, I run a hand over my face. “Why are you so hell bent on this?”
“Because I believe she can breathe life back into you.”
“What makes you believe that?”
“Because Alice did the same for me.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “That’s different.”
He shrugs. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But you wouldn’t know unless you stopped avoiding her and you owe it to yourself to find out.”
Do I though?
Do I owe myself the chance of a future, the very same chance of a future that I took away from them? Do I owe myself the chance to try why they can never again?
And what if I do?
What if I allow myself to have that future I once dreamed about?
Will I no longer feel the pain of my brother’s deaths?
You see, there lies the problem.
The pain I feel everyday, the pain I make myself feel, that’s my punishment.
I survived.
I survived and they died.
I survived and I shouldn’t have.
Do I owe it to myself to find out?
I don’t think I do.
Yet I find myself getting on my Harley and following him to Fantasy.
Perhaps seeing her and knowing that I can never have her will be the greatest pain I can inflict upon myself yet.
And that’s what I owe to myself to find out.