Chapter 11 Oak #2
“In a world that has more than seven billion people I believe that majority of them are good or at least want to be good. And the ones you speak of, the ones past redemption, that means they chose a path without wanting to be saved. But that isn’t you, Oak.”
“I wasn’t talking about me,” I swallow.
“Aren’t you?” She challenges me. “I only wish that you could see yourself through my eyes.”
But that’s the problem. “I do see myself through your eyes, Grace,” I tell her, my voice strained. “You see the man I was before but I’m not that man now. I’m not a hero. I’m not good.”
“Before,” she murmurs then asks, “Do you mean the man before you enlisted or the man before tragedy struck?”
I suck in a sharp breath. For a man that keeps everything close to the chest it startles me how much she sees.
“How could you know that?”
“When you stayed with us months ago to protect us you hardly slept. And when you did it was for three hours max before you woke up startled. I never pried. Never thought it was my right but I know it has something to do with your time overseas. And your tattoos. They aren’t just tattoos are they?
They’re a memorial, for the ones you lost. The ones who had to be left behind. ”
It’s absolutely fucking terrifying to be seen so clearly. I feel like a piece of glass in her dainty hands and with one wrong move she’ll shatter me.
My silence must make her anxious because she apologetically rushes, “I’m sorry, I understand if I overstepped a line.
I didn’t mean to. It’s just. . .” She sighs and it’s torn.
“I know you’re fighting a war inside that head of yours and I’m telling you that you don’t have to fight it alone.
I’m here. I want you to know that I’m here. ”
I remain silent as my heart cracks open and tears stream silently down my face.
All this pain that I have harbored for years, pain that I continue to make myself feel, all of it and yet this declaration. This declaration from her has me dying inside.
Because nothing is more painful than someone who wants to carry the dead weight on their shoulders and try to bring them back to life.
And that’s what she’s doing isn’t she?
She’s offering me a second chance at life.
Wouldn’t I be a fool not to take it?
Would I be betraying my brothers if I did?
“You scare me, Grace,” I confess to her in a whisper.
“Why?”
“Because no one sees me like you do. No one has ever fought this hard for me and it terrifies me.”
“You deserve to be seen, Oak. And you also deserve to live. Because you’re not living. You’re existing and that’s not the same.”
“I don’t know any other way.”
“Then let me show you how.”
I whisper brokenly, “I don’t know if I can.” And that’s the scariest truth I have ever admitted to anyone. I don’t know how to live when they can’t.
“You can, Oak. I promise you that you can.”
“You’re never going to stop fighting for me, are you?”
“No,” she answers truthfully. “I don’t know how not to fight for you.”
“You want to know a secret, Grace?”
“Always.”
Baring myself to her in a way that I never have with anyone else I say, “I hope that you never stop.”
“You know I won’t,” she promises me. That does bring a smile to my face.
“Do you want to try going back to sleep?” She broaches the topic lightly.
I look back at the middle of my bed with my bodies indentation, my pillow case twisted and creased from my nightmare.
I can’t fall back asleep on my bed. Too damn soft.
“I’ll stay on the phone until you fall back asleep. ”
I shake my head. “It will take me awhile and most of the time I can’t. I don’t want you losing sleep over me.”
“Then I’ll stay on the phone until you’re feeling better. But try and fall back asleep. Everyone needs rest and that includes you, too, big guy.” Her teasing tone has my smile growing wider.
“You ordering me around, Grace?”
“Yes and do you have something to say about it?”
Damn, I love how she challenges me. My lips twitch. “No, not at all.”
“Didn’t think so. Now lay down and close your eyes,” she orders.
I take the pillow and throw it on the floor. Then I grab the blanket and lay down on the floor. If there’s any chance of me falling asleep I have a greater one here than on that soft bed.
“You’ll really stay on the line?” My voice sounds small.
She gasps and feigns defensively, “Are you doubting me? Why, what would ever lead you to that conclusion?”
I laugh. The sound coming straight from my chest and I feel lighter because of it. “Goodnight, Grace.”
“Goodnight, Oak. I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”
Two hours and twenty-seven minutes. It took me two hours and twenty-seven minutes to fall asleep. And she stayed on the line. Just like she said.
The nightmares didn’t return and I slept better than I would have ever imagined all because she was with me the entire time.
Waking up later in the morning I find a text message from her.
Grace
U fell asleep. Do u know u snore?
There is no fucking way.
Bullshit
There bubbles come up on my phone indicating that she’s toying a message back.
So loud too. Had to turn my volume down.
I don’t fucking snore.
Yes u do n it’s cute
.
Oh fuck no. Nothing about me can be described as fucking cute.
I don’t snore n it’s not cute.
Ok not cute. It’s adorable
Grace, stop lying.
She doesn’t reply right away. In fact she doesn’t reply the entire time that it takes me to get ready and make myself breakfast. I feel my phone burning in my pocket waiting for a response.
Grace I don’t snore
Another five minutes pass with no reply.
Grace
I feel my phone vibrate and I pick it up eagerly.
*laughing emoji* ok u got me. I lied. U don’t snore.
My lips tip up in a smile.
n I’m not adorable or cute
big guys like u can’t be adorable or cute?
I scoff.
what do u think?
I don’t know if u want to know what I really think.
I think I do.
I think....
As I stare at my phone waiting for her to reply I don’t notice Slater joining me.
“What has you smiling this early in the morning?” He asks me after pouring himself a cup of coffee. I look up at him briefly before returning my eyes back to my phone. “Actually what has you smiling at all?
“Fuck off,” I nonchalantly reply.
“Oh I know,” he says and it causes me to look up at him. There’s a smile on his face as he wiggles his eyebrows. “It’s Grace.” He sings her name. I then glare at him. “What?” He questions defensively.
Before I can tell him to shut the fuck up my phone vibrates. Finally.
I think ur the sexiest man I have ever seen.
I was not expecting that.
And it has my mind reeling and my blood running hot.
Want to know one of my secrets?
What?
It’s what she replies next that has my cock rock hard in my jeans and my mouth salivating.
When I touch myself I think of u.
“Okay, I feel like I’m interrupting something,” Slater comments but I ignore him. “Time for me to go so I don’t you know, lose my appetite.”
When he leaves I call her, thinking of her lying on her bed with her hands between her thighs and her teeth biting down hard on her lower lip.
I adjust myself but it brings no relief.
She picks up the phone and before she can say anything I ask her in a husky desperate voice, “When was the last time you thought of me as you came?”
Her voice is breathless, “Three days ago.”
Fuck me.
I lick my lips. “I think that’s too long don’t you?”
Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m doing. My cock is painfully hard. My blood is running hot. The only thing on my fucking mind is making her orgasm with just my words over a fucking phone.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you’re due for an orgasm baby. Except this time you won’t have to think of me,” I rasp.
She whimpers. “Oak, don’t tease me like that.”
I chuckle darkly. “Baby, I’m not teasing you. You have my cock the hardest it’s ever been imagining what you look like when you touch yourself. You teased me first.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Yes you did. You want to get me riled up. You want me defenseless against you. And trust me baby, I want to give in, I do but I can’t.
But this? This I can give you. I can give you the fucking hardest orgasm of your life without touching you.
I can give you this but the question is will you let me?
” Being able to make her come, hearing her breathy moans, her cries of passion and her screaming my name without being able to touch her will be my most torturous punishment yet.
All I hear are her quickened breaths on the other line.
“What will it be, Grace?” I ask impatiently.
“No,” she says shaky.
My brows raise to my hairline. “No?” I repeat in disbelief.
“No,” she repeats surer. “You don’t get to have it your way, Oak.
If you want me and I know you do,” she says confidently and I can’t argue that because I do.
My cock straining against my jeans is evidence enough.
She then continues, “you’ll have me without having to deny yourself the pleasure of touching me.
And believe me, Oak, if I respond so strongly just imagining you, don’t you wonder how I’ll respond with your hands on me? ”
Oh, fuck me.
“You’re not fighting fair, baby,” I hiss through clenched teeth.
“I never said I would, did I?”
“Never imagined a sweet girl like you would fight so dirty.”
She laughs then. A throaty laugh that signal right to my cock. God fucking damn. “I don’t mind getting dirty,” she seductively purrs.
“How dirty we talking here?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She then hangs up the phone and I’m left staring at it like a complete fucking stunned idiot.
What the fuck just happened?
And why don’t I feel guilty about it?
What the fuck does that mean?
“Hey,” Slater calls out as he walks back in. “You ready to handle club business?”
Right, club business.
Supposed to talk to Sheriff Blake fucking Crow today and see if he has any intel on why the feds are asking questions about us and what their endgame is.
But I can’t focus on that.
I’m picturing Grace and all the filthy things I want to do with her.
“I’ll be ready in a minute.” My voice comes out rough.
Slater snorts. “I really feel sorry for her if it only takes you a minute.”
Glaring at him I flip him my middle finger and he returns it back with a cheeky grin.
Fucking hell.
This war between us is proving to be harder than I thought.
Between the phone call in the middle of the night and now this?
Now she has me questioning if resisting her is a war worth fighting.