Chapter 22 Oak
Oak
The sting that follows and vibrates up my arms from the impact of my fists consistently hitting the punching bag with as much force as I can muster is pain that I’m not voluntarily seeking out to inflict on myself for the first time in almost ten years.
The burn that aches in my chest and the constriction in my lungs from physically over exerting myself is not self-punishment.
It’s raw undulated pure fucking fury.
My fist smacks against the punching bag, causing it to violently swing from its chain, and it’s not enough.
It will never be enough.
Not until I trade this sack of leather for a pound of flesh.
Even as my knuckles are busted wide open, my hands painted red, the anger is still there.
He threatened what’s mine.
And no one threatens what’s mine and lives to see the next day.
He should have a bullet placed perfectly between his eyes.
And it is taking everything in me not to hunt the fucker down and unload a magazine in his skull.
I land another round of punches into the bag and this time the chain snaps.
The chain snaps and it feels like a metaphorical connection to the control I always have.
Anger, fury, rage. All these highly intense dangerous emotions consume me.
My vision having gone red I straddle the punching bag and throw punch after punch.
And I fear that I won’t stop until my fists are beating down on his face.
A low whistle happens from behind me followed by the sound of heavy boots hitting the matted gym floor.
Breathing raggedly I stop punching the bag and have my arms laying by my side with blood dripping down both of my hands.
“What did that bag ever do to you, Oaky boy?” Snake quips with an easy going smile on his face. But it’s his eyes, his hazel eyes that hold a dark edge show he’s concerned.
I slam down another combo of punches on the punching bag as I ignore Snake’s quip.
“At this point you’re doing more damage to your hands than the bag,” Snake comments dryly. “And by the way you walked in the compound with your hand wrapped tightly around Grace’s I think you’ll be needing that hand of yours to please her later.”
That causes me to stop and narrow my icy eyes on him. There’s a smirk on his face that I want to smack off. I point a bloody finger at him. “Don’t talk about her in that way. Don’t even fucking think about it.”
Snake nods his head but there’s a smile on his face. “Great, now that I have your attention,” his eyes then narrow as the smile slips from his face, “what the fuck is going on?”
I let out a gust of breath as my chest heaves. Landing one final blow the sound echoes throughout the gym. Then I raise myself up and swipe off my soaked shirt to wipe off the blood on my knuckles.
“You’re not going to leave unless I talk are you?” I ask him tiredly and his narrows eyes harden.
“Wasn’t it you who called me insufferably stubborn?” He raises a brow.
Fuck, I knew he wouldn’t forget that.
“Because you are,” I huff out.
“Well you and I are one in the same that way, Oaky boy. Two sides of the same coin you and I,” he goes on and I have no choice but to listen to his idiom, “The both of us who wore masks to deal with our pain and demons. Fighting the battle with our insecurities. Both haunted with guilt.” I stay silent, my mouth set in a firm line as my facial expression remains stoic.
“Except I let my demons hurt people and you let yours hurt yourself. And to tell you the truth, Oak, I don’t know which one is worse. ”
“You’re not like that anymore,” I point out to him.
At that he laughs darkly. There I can see the demons in his eyes begging to be let out and wreak havoc.
“I still have my demons, Oak. I still bare the scars of my father’s fists.
And there are days where I just want to watch the world burn.
But I look at Alice, my angel, and it quiets the dark noise.
But even she understands that I have to get my hands dirty.
And she doesn’t question when I come back from a job from Sticks with my hands stained red. ”
“But you’re still not that same man you were before, Snake,” I argue with him. “You’re better.”
He nods his head. “I am, but that still doesn’t take away the darkness I have. Alice, she’s my light. She’s the sun, Oak. And at night she’s my fucking stars.”
“I know, so why are you telling me this?”
Snake bridges the distance between us until all that is left is a mere foot. “Because that girl out there fought like fucking hell to have you. And I don’t want you to make the same fucking mistake that I did.”
My nostrils flare but it’s the only sign of anger I let show. “I’m letting her in, Snake.”
“Then let her in more,” he tells me, eyes burning. “She’s not going to run away from the fight, Oak. You tell her what’s going on inside that head of yours because she can shoulder the weight.”
“I know how strong she is. I know how much of a fucking fighter she is. Fuck, she’s one of the strongest people I fucking know. Her and I are one in the same, Snake. We speak the same fucking language.”
“Then why are you in here? Are you punishing yourself for it?”
Before he would’ve been right.
But I’m trying to leave the days of punishing myself behind me.
I expel a long breath as the tension leaves my body. “I’m not punishing myself, Snake. That’s not why I’m in here.”
Snake looks taken aback and it takes him a moment to recover. “Well then fuck,” he says mystified. Then his smile becomes genuine and his hazel eyes lighten. He claps me on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”
My heart pounds against the cavity of my chest as I swallow back the emotions that rise in my throat.
How long has it been since someone has said they’re proud of me?
I know it’s been far too long, almost a decade, since I’ve felt that way.
Not trusting my voice I nod my head and he nods his back.
Still confused he pitches his eyebrow. “Then care to explain why you’re in here?”
I huff out an aggravated breath as the fury returns. Biting out between clenched teeth I reply, “Steven.”
Snake’s eyes flash with recognition. He then crosses his arms over his chest and widens his stance. With a smirk that’s more beast than man he asks me, “When we taking care of him, Oaky boy?”
There’s no hesitation.
Snake is ready to kill whoever I deem fit.
“That’s the problem,” I tell him, running my hand frustratedly through my hair, not caring about the blood, or how the sweat stings my busted knuckles. “I can’t fucking kill him. Not yet.”
“Why not? Fucking bastard has had it coming for playing with Grace’s and Connor’s life.”
“I know,” I agree and then add, “but if I kill him another social worker will take his place. One who will take Connor away and I can’t do that to Grace, Snake. Every sacrifice she’s made in her life is for her brother. I can’t fuck that up by killing him because he wants what’s mine.”
“We’ve killed for far less,” Snake reminds me before conceding, “but I do see your point. Either we get Pax to dig in his past or we have Dani’s brother, Nico, find a family lawyer to represent her in a lawsuit against him.”
I shake my head. “As soon as Grace files a lawsuit Steven is taken off Connor’s case and he’ll be placed in foster care. I have no doubt that she will win the case but we don’t know how long it will take. I don’t want Connor separated from Grace.”
Snake nods his head but I can see his mind working a mile a minute. “Then we get Pax and Nico to work behind the scenes. Have Pax see if he can gain any information to blackmail him with. Then we can have Nico help build a case without causing noise.”
“And if none of that works?”
Snake’s smiles manically, the darkness entering his eyes. “Then we do it my way, the fun way, and fucking kill him.”
My lips twitch. “Will that always be your first response?”
“Has it failed me yet?” He counters.
Only time will tell and with the feds on our ass, and the warning of a threat from Steven, the clock may coming down to its last tick.
“Any other reason why you came in here other than to give me a therapy session?”
Snake barks out a laugh as he clutches his chest. “Good one, Oaky boy.” I shake my head at him but he can tell by my eyes that I’m clearly amused.
Snatching my water canister off the floor I begin to walk out of the gym.
Snake follows in step beside me. I can at least act civil when I see the others.
As I’m about to leave the gym Snake stops me by standing in the door frame.
I give him a bored expression. “Any reason why you’re blocking the way out?”
“I didn’t only come in here to play therapist,” Snake begins. “But I wanted to make sure my best man was in the right mind.”
“What’s going on, Snake?” I ask him hoping he gets straight to the point.
He feigns offense, “You’re not even going to comment on being best man? I’m hurt, Oak.”
“Thank you for making me best man,” I appease him and he smiles. I continue with a leveled stare, “Now what the fuck is going on?”
“Crow is here.”
My body becomes tense again as my finger twitches against my outer thigh.
Fucking Crow.
Snake gives me an accusing look. “I don’t particularly like the fucker either but he’s working with us not against us. It would be wise not to kill him.”
“I don’t want to kill him.” Snake raises a brow with disbelief written on his face. “Fine,” I relent, “but I can be civil.”
“You are civil,” he agrees easily.
“Is that all?”
He nods his head. “I just didn’t want you and Crow in the same room if you were still consumed with your anger.” I nod, understanding and appreciating him looking out for me. “And next time don’t take it out on the poor punching bag. You feel that way again you fight me.”
“You aren’t medically cleared to fight, Snake,” I tell him. “And I don’t want to worry Alice.” Alice and I have a brother sister relationship and I would hate to make her worry or cause her to be upset. The poor girl has suffered enough tragedy in her life.