Chapter 19 #2
As we recline in our silence, I feel like I’ve carved away a small space to shelter my joys and dreams. The fears are not gone, rather they all rest at the door of the room.
The monster still hunts. I am still unsure of how to find or stop it.
I still worry over my mother and sister, and I still worry over Isabeau’s curse.
Yet as I curl into her embrace, I feel lighter.
“My father did not die of heart complaints,” I whisper. “The beast in the forest killed him, as it killed the other men.”
“What?” Isabeau stares at me as if I’ve said the most outlandish thing. If only she knew the rest of the secrets I still hold inside!
“He died while he was traveling.” The words to add that he died while hunting the beast feel too raw still. They would lead to other things I know not how to admit.
“So that was why you were hidden away after the vows,” she muses.
“Yes.”
In a way it is true. I was hidden away because his death meant I became the Hunter. I know that’s not exactly what she means, but it’s close enough to the truth that I don’t feel like I’m lying to her.
“I tried to see you,” she says.
“I was indisposed,” I whisper.
“Why has the Hunter done nothing about this beast? Why has—”
“The Hunter sent soldiers to patrol,” I interrupt, perhaps too harshly. “The beast also attacked the Hunter.”
She stares at me, and again I think she is going to guess my secret. “I suppose your father knows the Hunter, too. My father did.” Isabeau sighs. “The queen could tell us. Our fathers could have.”
“Perhaps when our mourning ends, we will both know.” A tinge of guilt overwhelms me. I could tell her now. I should. I said I would when next I see her, but we are already sharing the edge of my secret.
Tell her, my guilt urges.
I fear that later she will judge me for not doing so, but in this precious moment, I don’t want to. I want only to enjoy this brief time we have stolen from our lives and burdens. I want to relax into this joy she has gifted me.
“The sun is dropping lower by the hour,” Isabeau says after a long silence. “Will you ride toward home tomorrow?”
“I think I could go this evening.”
Her embrace tightens. “I would prefer we ride together. Your father was attacked and killed, and I would be destroyed if I lost you so soon after having you in my arms again.”
I want to make light of her dramatic declaration, but a glance at her expression reminds me that she means that fully. She’s always been more emotional than people realize. Her intensity warms me, and I agree. “In the morning, then.” I pause. “Do you want to stay here?”
She shakes her head. “I do, but I will not. Once we are properly wed, I will. Forever in your arms if you will forgive the fact that I am as if dead when the sun rests.” She laughs in that bitter way I want to erase. “The duchess says I resemble a corpse when the curse takes me.”
“I am not afraid of corpses . . . as long as you don’t stink or draw insects like one,” I tease.
She goes still before laughing. “I forgot how shocking you can be, love.”
Primly, I retort, “No insects in my bed.” When her eyes widen again, I laugh and confess, “There is something rewarding in surprising the debauched duke.”
She sits up, eyes stormy, and declares, “You know I am only yours, Gabrielle. I will kiss or court no one else. From now until death, I belong to you and you alone.”
The seriousness of her declaration hits me like a vow. Apparently, being the Hunter means that promises made to me are as binding as promises I might make. I put my hand over her mouth to still any other words.
“I absolve you of your words,” I tell her. “Do not promise anything until after I share my secret. Please? You may change your mind.”
Isabeau takes my wrist and pulls my hand away. “Never, love. Never.”
I hope she’s honest. I want a future with love in it, and for the first time I think I may be able to have one.
Unfortunately, for tonight, I still have a duty that outweighs the rest. “I need to travel home, Isa. My sister and mother have gone ahead with the soldiers. Perhaps I ought to leave now, as you will be resting soon.”
“Because my curse traps me here,” she adds with a sigh. “Go, then, so you do not travel alone.”
“Soon, I will see you, and we will talk of everything, including your curse.” I stretch up and kiss her once more before rolling away from her to dress. “There’s still light enough for me to catch up to the soldiers.”
Again, I am not wholly lying. I will catch up with them, although it might not be until I am inside Brimmond Wood or at Fleuriste Manor.
“That is safer,” Isabeau murmurs. “If I can’t be there to protect you, you should travel with them.”
In the next moment, the duke is a blur of action, helping me into my various layers. I check that the knife and rings are still in my pocket, and in far less time than I can believe, I am redressed and escorted outside by my overprotective lover. I laugh at her intensity in this, too.
“You dress me as eagerly as you undress me,” I tease, brushing my lips across hers.
My kiss is cut short as she steps back. “I feel daylight waning. If you are to catch them, you must go now.”
A part of my heart whispers that this urge to keep me safe will be always at odds with the duty I live to fulfill now. The wood where I will ride is always filled with danger, as are even the late-night paths in the city. I am the thing that stands against that danger.
“I have questions about your curse and a confession to make. I must see you soon, Your Grace.” I smile and add, “And I hope for more kisses then . . .”
“Go before my good sense vanishes,” Isabeau demands.
I ride away, repeating my vow that I will tell her my truth when next I see her. Hopefully, by then I will know how to stop the Beast of Brimmond. If all goes well, perhaps I will have already succeeded before I next see her.