CHAPTER ELEVEN
But all the dawn brought was a knock on my door, telling me that we had to dress and prepare to leave.
In the past the maidens had been given a week or more with their families after the selection, but too many either tried to run away or had chosen to take their own lives to avoid the tribute, so the process moved more quickly now.
Quynh and I got ready in silence. I strapped my dagger to my thigh. I highly doubted that the Ilionians would bother to check whether I had a weapon. I took my potful of Locrian soil and covered it with a tight cloth, putting it into my satchel.
Along with two tiny daggers that I planned on sliding into my belt later.
I also packed up food for once the race began, along with a full waterskin. I had several bags of salt that were worth their weight in gold in Ilion. Demaratus had always taught me to overprepare.
My family waited for us in the hallway outside my room. My mother immediately burst into tears, throwing her arms around my neck. I kept trying to soothe her, but she was bordering on hysterical.
Then she turned her attention to Quynh, continuing to sob. Quynh cried with her.
I held to my promise to myself. I would not shed another tear. I would master my emotions. They would not control me.
I would stay calm and clearheaded. No matter what.
Mother was saying something, but her words were unintelligible. I went over to hug both her and Quynh, and then our father and sister did the same. We stood there as a group, Mother s heart still loudly breaking, until Andronicus approached.
It s time, he said, his face lined with grief and pain.
I was the one who pulled away first. I love all of you. So much. I was doing this for them, and it was destroying me that I couldn t tell them.
And each one of them said they loved me in return. I let those words sink deep into my heart. I would use them as fuel for my fire so that I would keep going no matter what. Quynh shared her own words of love and gratitude that were returned.
We will walk with you, my father said.
No. I wasn t sure I would be able to maintain my composure if I had to see them standing on the docks as we sailed away. Let this be our goodbye. And we will do everything in our power to return to you.
Father nodded and I saw the unshed tears in his eyes.
We are so proud of both of you, he said. I m so grateful that I got to be your father.
I shook my head. I wouldn t let him do that. He would continue to be our father for the rest of our lives.
Which I intended to be long.
I reached for Quynh s hand and took one last look at our family. Father and Kallisto had their arms around our mother.
Let s go, I said. We began to walk away and our mother screamed and it took all of my willpower not to go back to her.
There was nothing I could do for her now.
I would have to wait until I could return with Quynh to ease her soul.
We headed down toward the docks and the scent of sea salt and brine rose up to meet us. There was no trade happening today, no fish being brought in. Out of respect, the Locrians stayed away from the docks and the sea. Life stopped for this moment to honor us.
But Demaratus was no Locrian. He stood at the pathway that led down to the docks, waiting.
Go on, Andronicus said to me. I would like to speak with Quynh alone.
Nodding, I walked over to where my mentor stood. It never ceased to amaze me how he could black out from drinking and be completely fresh and focused the next day.
I wondered if there was a lesson in that.
What happened to your jaw? he demanded, turning my head to see the bruise more clearly. My jaw ached from where I d been hit, but I d been shutting the pain out.
Lykaon of Ilion. My sister s betrothed. He was beating a maid and I tried to stop him. He is still at the palace. I don t know how long he s staying, or if he ll return to visit while I m gone, but I need you to keep an eye on him. To warn the guards to do the same. I don t want him to ever be alone with Kallisto.
Do you want me to remove his head from his neck?
More than anything, and I knew that if it was my final request Demaratus would see it done, even if it cost him his own life. I don t want any wars started while I m gone, so no. When we return to Locris, I will do it myself.
He nodded, his gaze turning toward Andronicus and Quynh. Andronicus was soothing her while she cried. I heard your sister was selected.
Yes. How do I keep her alive?
Demaratus gave me that piercing, withering look of his. The one that said I already knew the answer. You don t. There is no way for you to succeed and keep her from dying. Sometimes sacrifices must be made. Even of our loved ones.
You lost your hand to protect your best friend! Surely he would understand.
But he did not. It is too late for you to make that same choice. You can no longer protect her. You might still be able to protect the rest of your family and your nation, but your sister is already lost to you.
I don t accept that.
Whether or not you accept it, it is still a fact. I m sorry for your loss, but there is nothing that can be done. She will weigh you down.
I wanted to tear my hair out by the roots in frustration. This was not the answer that I wanted. I needed Demaratus to fix this. To have some special Daemonian method or trick that would help me. He was supposed to be the expert, the master strategist.
Weren t you the one who told me the greatest pleasure in life is doing something everyone says is impossible? I asked. I want to live by my choice, not by chance.
He didn t address my question or my statement and only replied, You ll have to leave her behind.
I won t, I said with a shake of my head.
Then you ll both die and all of this will have been for nothing.
His words hung in the air between us. I knew he meant them and some tiny part of me suspected that he was right. This wasn t quite the inspirational speech I thought you would share.
He considered this information and then said, I can give you the same one my last commander gave me when we were faced with an undefeatable foe. Breakfast here, dinner in the underworld.
For the first time since the selection, I actually had the desire to smile. That is terrible.
He nodded, as if agreeing with me. I have something for you.
A gift? That wasn t at all like him.
Demaratus reached to his side and pulled out his xiphos. He laid the sword across his left forearm and offered it to me.
I hesitated, sure that I was misunderstanding.
It s all right. I want you to have it.
Swords of this type were very expensive and were usually passed on from father to son. I reached for the handle and held it up. It was double-edged with a leaf-shaped blade, forged with Chalcidian steel. Wider at the tip, cinched in the middle, tapering in at the bottom just above the cross guard.
The weight at the top made it perfect for hacking, slashing, and thrusting.
It was an elegant weapon and fit perfectly into my hand.
The xiphos was the most meaningful and thoughtful gift he ever could have given me.
I thought you sold this years ago for drinking money, I said, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat.
I did. But then I persuaded the man who had bought it to return it to me.
By the goddess, Demaratus! Is he still alive?
Yes, he said defensively. As if the buyer s death weren t a very real possibility. It s much better than the toy you ve been carrying around with you.
The sword was only twelve inches long-not much longer than my dagger. My dagger isn t a toy. It stabs people just fine.
This will stab people better.
I tested the weight, slashing through the air in front of me. Why is the Daemonian xiphos so much shorter than other swords?
He shrugged one shoulder. Battles were becoming too easy. We had to do something to keep the fighting interesting.
I let the sword drop to my side in my surprise. Was that a jest? I asked, shocked.
He raised both of his eyebrows but didn t respond.
I d finally gotten Demaratus to joke with me and all it had taken was me facing death.
He cleared his throat and said, Hundreds of years ago, when the Sasanians invaded our lands, they sent envoys that demanded a tribute of earth and water. They were symbolic tokens of complete submission. Do you know how the Daemonians answered their request? They threw the envoy down a deep well.
They did?
Yes. The envoy was told that he was free to gather as much water and earth as he wanted at the bottom. Demaratus crossed his arms. The Ilionians want the same from you. You and your sister are the tribute of earth and water. They want your total surrender, to give up everything and everyone you hold dear. Do not give it to them! Instead, shove a tribute of fire and steel down their throats!
I had to look away from him, down at the ground. My throat was thick, my eyes burning. I will. It took me several seconds before I got my emotions back under control and could face him again. I promise.
He nodded in satisfaction and we stood there in silence for a few beats before I said, You ve been very verbose today.
Demaratus reached for his wineskin. I needed to start drinking early.
And while he didn t say that I was the reason, I knew that I was.
Remember to not panic, he reminded me. Panic always leads to death.
I know. I won t. Then I confessed the thing that I had been carrying around inside me, because he was the only one who would truly understand. I m afraid.
The code says that there is no honor in a man who rushes to war because he doesn t care if he dies. There is valor in battle for those who desire to live. Courage can only exist in the same space that fear does.
I d heard this before. Why do you still hold to the code of a nation who rejected you?
He considered my question before answering, I suppose you can remove the man from Daemonia, but not Daemonia from the man.
A sailor standing near a rowboat at the farthest dock whistled. It was an indication that our time was up.
Thank you, I said to Demaratus. For everything. If I live, it will only be because of you and all that you ve taught me.
If you live, it will be because of you. He cleared his throat again, and I wondered if he was wrestling with the same kind of emotions that I was. Hold to the code and you will be fine.
I m not Daemonian, I reminded him.
In all but birth, you are.
It was the most complimentary thing he d ever said.
Well. He gave me a slight, uncomfortable nod and then began to walk away. I watched him for a moment. Then I turned, intending to retrieve Quynh and be on our way.
Stupid girl.
Demaratus had never said those words to me in that tone before. He was usually angry and shouted them at me. Now they were soft, sweet. There was so much emotion in his voice-regret, concern, and something that felt like love.
But when I turned to face him, his expression had gone blank, his voice closer to his regular monotone.
Try not to die.