CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
My heart stopped completely before it began beating too hard and too fast. Was he being literal? For a brief moment I wondered whether Kunguru was also keeping secrets from me. Could he speak? But that was impossible and ridiculous. I immediately dismissed that possibility.
But I was going to ask Ahyana about it later, just to be certain.
You have your secrets, and I have mine, Jason said. I wouldn t tell him why I d come to the hetaera house, so he was going to keep how he d tracked me down to himself.
Had he been watching the temple? Hired someone else to do it?
If he had, why? It made no sense.
Maybe it really had been just a coincidence. Or perhaps the goddess had decided I needed to be punished for approaching her statue without permission and had sent him as a plague to vex me.
If I shared something of why I d come, would he do the same?
The owner asked about what happened to my sister, I said. Truthful, but not the entire story.
Jason frowned slightly, seemingly lost. But then he realized that I was answering his earlier question about what I d been doing upstairs. The frown stayed put, though. I m sorry about what happened to Quynh.
I hadn t heard her name out loud in so long that it was like he d punched an open, gaping wound with all his might. My head felt light and I bent slightly at my waist, needing to catch my breath.
What had the Ilionians done with her? Had her death been quick or slow? Had she suffered? Had her captors triumphantly paraded her lifeless body through their streets before they set her on fire? I squeezed my eyelids shut. I couldn t think about these kinds of things or I would curl up into a ball and never move again.
His fingers brushed lightly against my arm, as if he intended to hold me. Like he planned to put his hands on my shoulders and then pull me in close. I could have used a hug. It had been so long since I d had one. I missed that kind of close physical contact.
But he didn t follow through, dropping his hands away from me. I didn t know whether to be sad or relieved. I groaned internally. I had to stop being pathetic like this, hoping for some affection from a man willing to offer it to anyone who looked his way. I didn t have time for Jason. I had something I needed to get done before the sun rose.
Opening my eyes back up, I resumed my determined march toward the docks. Despite how quickly I was moving, he had no issues keeping up with me.
Do you blame me? he asked.
His question surprised me. Why would I blame you for what happened to Quynh?
You did on the Nikos .
That was true. I had blamed him and the entire crew for taking us to Ilion and putting our lives in danger. It wasn t his fault, though. He wasn t the one who had ripped her out of my arms. I renewed my internal vow to someday find that redheaded man and stab him repeatedly.
I hope you know that she s not dead because of me, he added unnecessarily.
With a shake of my head, I said, I know that. And I don t blame you.
That feels like progress.
I was about to tell him to take it any way he wished, but given the kind of person Jason was, I knew he would find some way to take advantage of my statement. Better to stay silent.
But he couldn t let the conversation falter. You re not at all worried that you might be recognized?
By who?
After your run, you became quite the legend. There are many who would still kill you just for the opportunity to brag about having done so. You did a fair amount of damage. You even killed some men.
I would not feel bad about that. They tried to kill me first.
You misunderstand me. I wasn t accusing you-I was admiring you.
That s a strange thing to admire.
He jogged slightly ahead of me and started walking backward so that he could make eye contact with me. I ve always admired women willing to deal a little death when crossed.
I would be happy to cut your throat open, I offered.
He came to a sudden stop and I wasn t fast enough to keep myself from crashing into him.
Or I had been looking for an excuse to get close to him again and took advantage when the opportunity presented itself.
His hands went to my shoulders, holding me in place now that I was pressed firmly against him.
Our chests moved against one another as we breathed in and out.
I ll only agree to it on the condition that you promise to throw me up against a wall again, pressing your body to mine just like this.
His lips lightly brushed against my forehead. Soft as feathers.
My whole body flushed with heat. I hoped he hadn t noticed the way that I was shivering under his touch.
The look in his eye told me that he hadn t missed a thing.
With a sound of disgust, I wrenched myself away from him. How could he be expressing condolences over the loss of Quynh in one moment and using his masculine wiles to seduce me in the next?
Even worse, how could I be so weak as to respond to it? Just a few minutes ago he d been focusing all of his energy on courtesans. And they had been clinging to him, happy with what little attention he had deigned to give them.
That would never be me.
I wouldn t permit it.
So I m supposing that means you would say no to my marriage proposal. The teasing in his voice was unmistakable.
Why did he think himself so clever? I d sooner marry Prince Alexandros. And I had no intention of marrying that man at all.
Jason let out a scoffing noise. What does he have that I don t?
Money? Power? A kingdom? Servants to do his bidding? Knowing where his next meal is coming from? Not being indebted to every gambling house between here and Locris? Women he doesn t have to pay for?
All right, all right, he said with a laugh. I see your point. I wouldn t trade lives with him, though. I prefer the freedom of going wherever I wish, whenever I wish.
I had heard him say that exact same sentence before. I prefer the freedom of going wherever I wish, whenever I wish .
Only he d said it to me in a dream. That caused a chill to settle into my spine, spreading slowly through me.
I d told him I didn t believe in coincidences.
So what did it mean that he was saying things in real life that he d said to me only in my imagination?
Where are we going? he asked.
To the docks, I said. It was so much easier traversing the city now that I knew the correct ways to go. I kept my gaze forward, avoiding looking at the labyrinth walls as much as I possibly could. They all made me think of Quynh and the sheer terror I d felt racing through here the first time.
Do you know how dangerous the docks are? Now he sounded slightly angry.
In my experience every part of Troas is dangerous.
He stayed quiet at my retort, silently acknowledging the truth of my statement before he said, The docks are worse. Especially this time of night.
I can take care of myself.
Yes, I saw. But at some point you might get overwhelmed with numbers. Not even you can fight an army.
His words pierced my heart with a hot, flaming spear. Quynh had said the very same thing to me.
There was no way that Jason could have known that, though.
It felt like some sort of sign, but I didn t have the time to ponder it or examine it. I had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, to keep moving so that I wouldn t be crushed under the weight of my memories and sorrows.
He tried a different tactic. Is it your plan to be out all night, then? Won t you be tired tomorrow?
Like he was my older brother or father, trying to use reason to convince me that it was in my best interest to go back. It just annoyed me. Haven t you ever stayed up all night before?
Yes, but I wasn t wandering around the city.
What were you doing? I asked, and then immediately wanted to take it back because I understood what he had been doing.
My cheeks felt hot and I wished I could melt into the shadows. He made me feel so naive. I never felt that way when I dreamed of him, but I was quickly discovering that real life wasn t living up to those fantasies my mind spun when I was fast asleep.
And how many reminders did I need about the kind of man he was? He couldn t have made it any clearer.
Why was I attracted to him?
Sighing, I tried to pay attention to where I was going. I had taken a more circuitous route when I d first arrived and my adelphia had told me a quicker way to get to the docks.
Given that Jason wasn t trying to correct me, I figured it had to be the best path.
Have you ever thought about leaving the temple? he asked.
Had I? Every day since I d arrived. It was an odd question. He seemed to be saying whatever thought popped into his head tonight. I wondered if he d been drinking and if that was the reason for the lack of a filter.
Why would you ask me that? I glanced over at him and saw him shrug.
If you want to go, I can smuggle you out. Just say the word and I ll get you on a ship back to Locris.
Of course a part of me was tempted. It would be wonderful to just board a boat and see my family in a few days. I would have given almost anything to be reunited with them again.
But I wouldn t leave until I d gotten what I came here for.
I m staying in Troas. In the temple. For now.
He accepted my answer with a nod and then added, Didn t you say you wanted to go to the docks?
Yes.
You re going the wrong way.
I glanced up at the walls and it was nearly impossible to make out the faded colors in the dark. Had I taken a wrong turn?
I was so distracted by his presence that I was making mistakes. Frustration built up inside me and I had to refrain from kicking the closest wall.
Which way do I go then? I asked, coming to a halt. It was difficult to ask because I knew he would lord it over me.
He stood in front of me, his broad frame practically blocking out the moon, casting him into shadow. I still don t think you should go there.
That s not your decision, I told him.
I could show you the correct path . . . His words trailed off. If you would pay the toll.
Crossing my arms I asked, And what is your price?
I couldn t see his face, but I heard the desire in his voice when he answered, A kiss.
A kiss? I should have been disgusted. Or infuriated. I should have kicked him in the groin for that kind of demand.
Instead my lips tingled with anticipation, my heart beat as quickly as Kunguru s wings, and my knees threatened to stop functioning.
I should not be tempted.
But I was.
I already paid my toll earlier when I didn t cut out your Ilionian heart and show it to you on a silver platter.
His response surprised me. He laughed. So loudly that it echoed off the walls surrounding us.
When his laughter finally subsided, he said, I have missed you, Lia.
My stomach hollowed out at his words, but I refused to be swayed.
He took a step closer to me. You re right, though. When you kiss me, it will be because you choose to, not because I tricked you into it.
I felt his words against my skin, like he was touching me. I straightened my back and moved away from him. I noted his word choice. When, not if. Clearing my throat I said, Either take me somewhere that I can find a Locrian sailor or get out of my way.
His face was still cloaked in shadows, but I felt his gaze upon me. Fine. I ll show you. But I won t be held accountable for whatever happens next.
Jason walked away and it took me a second to follow.
He had been speaking about thieves and ruffians and drunken sailors and the kind of danger they might present to me.
I was far more concerned about what might happen next with him.