CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
His first response was shock. His body stiffened, his lips unmoving against mine.
I told you that you d kiss me, he said with a smile against my mouth.
It was enough to break the spell that he d put me under and I stepped back. I shouldn t have kissed him. It had been a mistake. My heart was pounding, my head dizzy. Our lips had barely even touched and I felt as if I might faint.
Not that I m complaining, but what was that for? he asked.
The kiss had happened because I d wanted to do it ever since I d pushed him up against that wall, my xiphos at his throat. Thanks to my vivid dreams, I had spent the last month desperately aching for him, even if I hadn t been able to admit it.
Not even to myself.
I had kissed him because if I hadn t, my entire body would have been engulfed in flames and I would have combusted, burning down to ash and floating away. The problem was kissing him had only made those feelings intensify.
More fire, more unbearable lightness.
It was a thank-you, nothing more, I said, hoping the tone of my voice wasn t giving away my true reaction.
He obviously didn t believe me but was polite enough not to mention it. Then I ll have to endeavor to win your favor again if that is the reward.
My whole body felt heavy. I recognized that I shouldn t have opened that door, even slightly. I needed to rebuild my walls.
But broken rubble wasn t meant to be put back together, and I couldn t construct a strong enough defense to shove him out. I had to steel my heart against him. Remind myself that he was nothing more than a distraction. A tempting, delicious distraction, but one nonetheless.
I would also like to point out that I led you to the docks, found you a Locrian sailor, and am now leading you to the library, if you d like to thank me some more.
Oh, I was still very much in the mood to thank him. But if I kissed him again, I worried that I wouldn t stop.
Where is the library? I asked, ignoring his teasing words.
He pointed east of our current location and I began heading in that direction.
Never was much shorter than I would have imagined, he said. I could feel my cheeks flaming in response while I tried to ignore him and his soft laughter. It was humiliating that I hadn t even made it a couple of hours after I d told him that I would never kiss him again.
He continued speaking. I also hope you don t think my toll has been paid. I would hardly consider that a kiss. Not in the way that I know you re capable of.
Now my whole body was aflame from his words, from the kind of exhilarating imagery I was easily able to conjure up. Most of it was directly supplied from my dreams, but I knew exactly what he was capable of in real life as well. A part of my brain called me a fool for not taking advantage of what he was offering while I had the chance.
Is your father the reason why you have your position in the palace? he asked.
My father? I was so busy imagining all the different ways that I would like to break rules with Jason that at first I didn t understand what he was saying. I was confused. Obviously my father was the reason I was a princess, but then I realized that he was talking about the message that I d entrusted to Simos and that he d been speaking about Demaratus. Because when Jason and I had first met, he had assumed I was a maidservant.
Yes, he helped me to secure my place. Not in the way that Jason would understand it, but it was true. Well, adjacent to the truth while still obscuring what I needed to cover up.
Did he train you as well?
Should I say yes? If someone started asking questions in Locris about a girl Demaratus had trained, there were enough people in the palace who knew that it was me and I would risk exposure.
My regiment had been sworn to secrecy, but my mother had taught me long ago that everyone had a price.
All you have to do is find the right incentive, she had said.
I d never forgotten it.
Here. I found what I was looking for. Jason offered me a wrapped bundle from his knapsack, eliminating the need for me to answer about Demaratus training me.
I took it, careful not to make contact with his fingers. When I opened it I let out a soft sigh. Pasteli.
One never knows when they might run into a Locrian maiden who loves it, he said. I would not be charmed by his smile. I refused.
And that s another thing you can feel free to thank me for later, he added.
I shouldn t eat it. Accepting his food was like making an agreement with him. But I was really hungry. All that fighting had taken it out of me.
Glancing at him, I saw that heated, wanting look in his gaze that made my abdomen clench. I was glad we were walking. If I had been seated across from him, unable to escape his expression, I wasn t sure what I might have done.
And I should not be provoking fate now, but it was like I couldn t help myself. Why did you say that you liked that I was always hungry?
His voice was low, sensual. Because a woman who has an appetite for one thing often has a healthy appetite for others.
Suddenly I couldn t swallow the pasteli down. The rich honey seemed to melt onto my tongue and I wished it were him instead. I gulped, letting the honey leave a sweet trail along the inside of my throat. Like what? I whispered, already knowing but wanting him to say it.
Like the physicality that exists between us. How you can t get your fill of my kisses, he said in that same hypnotic tone that made me lose all feeling in my legs.
That s not true, I weakly protested.
It is. I could spend hours kissing you and you would demand more.
I suspected that he was right, again.
But I would never admit that to him. I focused on eating all the pasteli that he d given me. It wasn t something we were fed in the temple and I wanted to enjoy every last bite.
I also had to ignore my body urging me to try savoring Jason instead.
We approached a large building and he sneaked over to a column, hiding behind it. I found myself admiring both his stealth and speed. I finished up the last bit of pasteli and joined him.
He was so close that I could smell him, and he was an intriguing combination of leather, honey, salt, and something else. It might have been my fevered brain, but I would have sworn that I detected the faint scent of irises.
Like the goddess had marked him just for me.
Jason noticed how still I had gone and his expression practically smoldered at me. His gaze shifted to my lips and I parted them, ready for his kiss.
Completely forgetting all of my very recent resolutions to myself.
And not even counting what I d promised the goddess.
He moved a step closer and I stopped breathing altogether as I swayed toward him. He lifted his hand, as if he intended to cup my face with it. I waited in what felt like agony for him to make contact, but he didn t.
There s the library, he said, pointing across the street. Back to business. How could he do that? Turn his feelings off and on, as the situation demanded?
I was still lightheaded and standing too close to him. It was probably due to experience-his overabundance of it and my total lack.
Taking a step away from him, I attempted to steady my breathing and remember why I was here. Why was I so weak where he was concerned? I spent most of my time building up my strength. But every bit of it seemed to flee just because he existed.
Letting go of a deep breath, I studied the library. It was massive and impressive. There seemed to be engraved artwork that was probably stunning during daylight hours, but I couldn t make much of it out. The building was painted in reds and blues, and like the temple, it had a large patio and a grand staircase leading up to the entrance.
There was one thing I couldn t find. I thought you said it was heavily guarded.
It is.
I don t see any guards.
He leaned against the column and grinned. Not any human ones.
What do you mean?
The library is guarded by geese.
I d heard that word before, although I d never seen one. That s a bird, isn t it?
So they claim.
Who would leave a bird to protect an important resource? It made me question the intelligence of the people who ran security for the library. I ve been around birds before, I said confidently.
Not like this, you haven t.
I dismissed his claim. Kunguru was delightful. I still had some crumbs of the pasteli in the cloth Jason had given me. Surely the geese could be bribed. I m not worried.
He grinned. You re going to regret saying that.
There had been a lot of things I d done tonight that I was regretting, but having confidence in myself and my abilities would not be one of them. I ll feed them. And if they re unruly, I ll just . . . I don t know, kick them.
Good luck with that. He was treating this like he was sending me off to my doom.
Was he trying to intimidate me? Why? Was he afraid of what I might find in the library? That couldn t be it. If his goal was to prevent me from finding information, he could have just refused to bring me here. Or he could have yelled for the patrol, alerted them to our location.
No, it was something else.
Maybe it really was just the geese.
His reaction still seemed silly to me, though. I ll be fine.
Jason folded his arms against his chest and leaned against the column. Do you want me to come with you?
I didn t want him to see what I would discover. The problem was that I didn t know what I was looking for, and given the size of the library, I had no idea where to even start. Maybe he would, but I doubted it. He didn t strike me as the reading sort. This was probably the first time he d ever been near the library.
No.
I ll stay here and keep watch, he offered. It was kind of him. He could have left me, and if a patrol had appeared, I would have been on my own. Stuck fighting my way through another group of angry men. It would be better to avoid that sort of situation, and his acting as lookout would help.
I put my hand on the column, peering out into the darkness of the street, ready to dart out when his voice stopped me.
If I were a gambling man, which I am, I would wager that you re going to lose this fight.
With the goose? I clarified, not knowing if he meant my internal struggle to stay away from him.
He nodded.
I made a scoffing sound. You don t know me at all.
Oh, I know how capable you are. How intelligent and clever. But you are severely underestimating your opponent.
Fine, gambling man, why don t we make a bet? I was seething that he thought me so inadequate a fighter that I would be taken down by a bird. Why was my pride so wounded? I suspected that it was because his opinion mattered to me.
It shouldn t have, but it did.
What do you want from me if you re successful? he asked, and my blood sang in response, telling me precisely what sort of boon I should require.
If I defeat the geese, I get that dagger you carry in your belt. It was a beautiful piece, well crafted. I assumed he d won it in some gambling den from a nobleman.
Done, he said.
But he didn t say what he wanted in return. And if you win?
A slow smile spread across his face. He moved closer to me, his face moving down to be a whisper away from mine. His lips were so close, but not quite touching. A feverish longing filled me.
My terms have not changed. You know what I want.