CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
I couldn t get over the fact that my hair had changed color. It was so bizarre that it made my heart race and my hands shake. How had that happened?
It was a deeper red than that of the man who had taken Quynh. Perhaps that was why the goddess had done it-she had marked me with the hair of my enemy so that I wouldn t forget to take my vengeance against him.
We didn t have mirrors in the temple, so I hadn t realized. It felt very strange to have something fundamental, something you knew to be true, change about yourself and to not even have been aware of it.
I tried distracting myself, using my time alone to look over the documents I had taken. It was a good choice because it made me forget all about my hair. The first thing I read over was the temple inventory. I ran through it twice and didn t see any mention of the eye.
But there was an entry for various, unspecified gems.
That seemed promising. It meant that I was going to have to figure out a way to get into the vault and search through those various, unspecified gems and find the eye.
No one had been chosen as key bearer since I d arrived more than a month ago. Theano still wore them on her belt.
But I would bet that she had extra keys to the vault. She didn t strike me as the type of person to not have a backup plan. What if something happened to her? Or the keys were lost? She had to have a spare.
Her locked office seemed like the perfect spot to keep it.
That was the plan, then. I would figure out a way to break into her office and search for the spare key.
While avoiding the guards and not getting caught.
Easy, I thought sarcastically.
I let out a sigh and continued to flip through pages. There were a bunch of entries about court cases where priestesses were called to testify, about festivals planned and paid for by the king, list after list of supplies provided to the temple. All boring and useless information.
It was the very last page that caught my attention. The first entry stated:
Danae, priestess, married to Solon, dowry provided by the temple of the goddess, 60 minae
That made no sense. A priestess was married and the temple had provided a dowry? A significant one at that.
The next entry was just like the first.
Arsinoe, priestess, married to Theophanes, dowry provided by the temple of the goddess, 60 minae
That was a fortune. Given the treasury inventory I d seen, it didn t surprise me that the temple had those kind of resources, only that they were provided to priestesses as dowries.
When we were sworn to celibacy.
The rest of the page was the same-priestesses listed by name and the men they d married and the substantial dowry given to each one.
Priestesses used to get married? How old was this book? And when had things changed to the way they were now?
Why had they changed?
I was so confused.
What do you think you re doing? Why aren t you working?
I nearly dropped the book when the guard assigned to watch over the stairs in the temple came out to scold me.
I m sorry, I said, sliding the book back into my knapsack. If she took it from me, I would be in a horrific amount of trouble. She hadn t seemed to notice the book, though-her attention was focused more on the fact that I wasn t sweeping. I forgot my broom.
Go and get it then.
I nodded and hurried toward my dormitory. I wanted to tell someone what I d discovered, but who could I trust with this information?
When I got to my room, all my sisters were gone. They must have been at breakfast. Kunguru was in the window and cawed at me. I took the book out of my bag and slid it underneath my bed. No one here stole-I probably could have left it out on my table without having to worry about it being taken.
But I did have to worry about someone finding it and the questions I didn t want to answer. I d been trained to be suspicious. What if there were inspections of rooms that took place while we were out? I didn t want an older priestess accidentally coming across it.
When I was done, I went over to pet Kunguru. He made a happy sound at me.
Watch over the book, I told him.
He hopped around on the windowsill. Almost like he was patrolling.
I bent down and caught his eye. He cocked his head to the side to look at me more properly.
Can you talk? I asked him.
I half expected him to answer. It wouldn t have surprised me if he did.
Instead he just squawked. I let out a sigh of disgust. It was a foolish whim. I grabbed my broom and headed back to the temple.
But I did think about Jason and how he d said a little bird had told him of my plans.
Too many things were happening at once. I couldn t properly evaluate each separate incident in order to come up with reasonable explanations. I was just more and more confused. I hated that there were so many things I didn t understand and couldn t puzzle out.
During my tutorial that morning with Maia, all I could think of was all the questions I had that I couldn t say out loud. I only half listened to everything she was saying while the unanswerable issues I d discovered swirled around in my head.
Dowries? Marriage? There had been no mistaking what I d seen.
Was there ever a time when temple priestesses got married? I asked, interrupting her.
Of course not. She sounded scandalized. Why would you think that?
I heard something during dinner the other day. Another acolyte, I think.
That s not possible. It didn t happen. Someone is making up lies, she said.
Frustrated, I slunk down in my seat. I knew it wasn t a lie. I had an official government document that proved otherwise.
Maia apparently felt as if she had failed my education in some way due to my erroneous belief, and it caused her to launch into more extensive, detailed explanations that made our session go long. I tried to force myself to pay attention but it was a losing battle.
Because of the delay, I had to hurry from my tutorial to the gymnasium. I was no closer to understanding what I had uncovered.
Zalira was sparring with Ahyana. Suri saw me first and nodded. I nodded back at her. She made the same hand motions she had yesterday when we d sat on the riverbank.
Tell them.
It surprised me. What did she know? How did she always seem to intuit that I was keeping secrets when everyone else was oblivious?
Maybe the goddess spoke to her more often than I thought.
How did things go? Io asked anxiously when I came to stand next to her.
Fine. It was an inadequate explanation for what had occurred over the last few hours. I could still feel the phantom imprint of Jason s body against mine.
Strangely enough, even though I d just seen him, I missed him.
I found out that my hair is red. Why didn t you tell me? I asked.
We thought you knew! Zalira said, surprised.
It used to be light brown. Now all my adelphia looked shocked.
Ahyana spoke first. That happened to a woman in our old neighborhood. Remember, Zalira? Her family got lice and she had to shave all their heads to get rid of it. She d had straight hair but then it grew back in curly.
Even if they d seen this type of thing before, I never had because no women in Locris cut their hair. It had been such an important part of my identity that I felt a little betrayed that it was growing back in differently.
I didn t think anyone here would understand that, though.
Who told you that your hair was red? Io asked, her eyes narrowing at me. I knew that my sneaking out had been hard on her because of how much she cared about me. I d expected her to be teasing and laughing with me this morning but she was being particularly somber.
I glanced over her shoulder and saw Suri, standing behind Io. Even though I hadn t said Jason s name, it was like Suri knew. My chest tightened. Was she going to find a way to communicate that to everyone else? How did she know?
What should I say? I didn t want to lie. No one important. It was just when he said-
He? It was a man? Zalira immediately asked.
Was it Jason? Ahyana batted her eyes and then laughed.
Don t be ridiculous, I said. It wasn t a denial because I didn t want to do that. To say it wasn t him would be like denying what had passed between us and I couldn t do that.
Suri s knowing expression made me feel guilty about keeping secrets from them, but I wasn t going to tell them about what had happened with me and Jason. It was too special to share with other people. I didn t want to invite their opinions or their judgments, their gentle teasing. I would keep it between him and me.
My lips tingled as I thought of him and I couldn t help but reach up to brush them with my own fingertips, though it was an extremely poor substitute. I wanted to kiss him again, especially given how fantastic he was at it.
I reminded myself that he was so good at kissing because he had extensive experience. I somehow always forgot about that when I was with him. I should have remembered it. I should keep it in the forefront of my mind to recall if I ever saw him in person again. Because the sort of man who flitted from one woman to the next like a honeybee with a garden full of flowers was not the right type for me.
My parents were utterly devoted to each other. Haemon and Doria had been the same way. I expected total fidelity and adoration in a relationship.
Jason had shown me repeatedly that he was not the faithful type.
I swallowed back a groan of annoyance. Why did I keep thinking about this? None of it mattered. He wasn t going to be anything in my life. Yes, he had kissed me so thoroughly that every other man would have paled in comparison if I hadn t taken my vows, but we wouldn t end up together.
Despite understanding the reality of my situation, I found myself thinking of how he d helped me.
To be fair, he had done more than just help me. He had saved Quynh s life. My life. Had made it possible for me to join the temple. He had helped me break into government buildings. Assisted me in getting a message to my parents.
He would do all of it again, and more, if I but asked. I knew that.
I thought about him saying that I should reach out to him if I planned on sneaking out again. It was so tempting to wait a few days and then send him a note and ask him to meet up with me. Although I wasn t exactly sure how I would get in contact with him. Presumably if I addressed something to the Nikos he would receive it, but then someone in the temple would be sure to notice that I d written a letter.
It didn t matter either way. I had to push those impulses down and keep them buried. Things between us had to be at an end.
That doesn t sound like a no to me, Ahyana said to Zalira, and they both smiled.
I sensed that they were going to push the issue further but Io spoke up. Did you get your message sent to your parents?
Yes, I did. I was very grateful for the change in subject. I got the feeling I would eventually break and tell them every detail if they kept asking me about it.
I m so glad, she said and her relief was evident. Now that they know you re safe, this is over. We can all go back to the way things were.
That wasn t true, though. Suri frowned at me.
Tell them.
I knew exactly what she meant. She was talking about my plans to break into the treasury. I wasn t sure how she d figured it out. Had I talked about it in my sleep?
Or had the goddess appeared to her and told her?
There wasn t going to be an answer for me either way. Suri would stay silent.
Why would Suri or the goddess want me to tell our adelphia about it? Was that even fair to them? Wouldn t it be better to keep them in the dark, to not risk their place here at the temple by making them feel obligated to either help me or keep my secret? Although I was keeping so many secrets that it would be nice to have one less to worry about.
The words formed on my tongue, as if they wanted me to speak them into existence. The urge to do so was overwhelming.
Zalira and Ahyana resumed sparring with their fists.
Io said, No more sneaking around. No more breaking rules. Everything is going to be calm and peaceful.
I had to do it. Not quite. I need to break into the temple treasury.