CHAPTER SIXTY
He looked genuinely surprised. If he was acting, he was very believable. No. Why would I help you steal the book and then take it from you later? As far as I know, it has no value to anyone but you.
And someone else, apparently. Did you tell anyone about it? The book?
Who would I tell?
That s not an answer! My body was angry at me for not being pressed up against his and I tried very hard to ignore it.
I told no one, he said.
Swear it. On your life.
I swear it on my life, he said, putting one of his hands over his heart. Even more meaningful, I swear it on your life.
Why would that be more meaningful to him? He wasn t making any sense. Or my anger and longing and his proximity were making it impossible for me to think clearly or to be rational.
His voice took on that low and intoxicating tone, the one more powerful and dangerous than any honeyed wine. Trust me, if I broke into your room, it wouldn t be to steal a book.
His gaze traveled leisurely over my form, from head to foot, and it was like he was touching me even though we were standing several feet apart.
Oh? My voice was unsteady, just like my pulse.
He gave me a wicked smile, the one I saw in my dreams. I can think of many, many other things I would enjoy doing first.
I wanted to ask him, Like what? but knew that whatever answer he gave me would wipe out the little self-control I had left.
The wine certainly wasn t helping with that, either.
Was he attempting to charm me so that I wouldn t question him further? Why are you even out here?
I was worried you might try to sneak out tonight with the festival going on, and here we are. I thought you might need my help.
It s not your concern. I hadn t even been planning on sneaking out. He didn t know me nearly as well as he seemed to think he did.
I do know you, he responded, making me realize that I d accidentally said the last part out loud.
That left me speechless, sputtering and trying to think of some kind of witty retort to impale him with.
You shouldn t leave the temple grounds, he said while I floundered about without a suitable response. It isn t safe.
But you re the only person here, I said triumphantly, proud that I d finally managed to say something. Should I be worried about you?
Yes.
He d said it seriously, like it was meant as a warning. Instead I was excited by the fact that he might be dangerous.
Maybe he was right and I wasn t safe here. I should have asked him to give me a boost so that I could climb back over the temple s fence. But I didn t want to do that. I both wanted to flee and to stay. I hated that he had this effect on my emotions, that with just one fiery look he could reduce me to ash and fill me with conflict.
He let out a short sigh. Lia, Lia, Lia.
I liked the way his mouth moved as he caressed the syllables of my name.
You know, I never asked you if Lia is a nickname.
Fear lacerated my heart and I fought to bring my face under control. Why would you want to know that?
Names are important. They have power. Especially true names.
That caused me to think of when I d dreamed about the goddess and when I d heard her speak to me when I was awake. She always called me Euthalia. Never Thalia, never Lia.
Do you know the name of the goddess? I asked.
If he was surprised by my random question, he didn t show it. Are you planning on controlling her?
What do you mean?
As I said, names have power. And when it comes to the gods, they re a bit like dogs. They only come when you call them by name.
In all the time that I d been here in Ilion, I d never once heard anyone refer to the goddess by any name. The same thing was true of my grandmother s book. I don t know what her name is.
He hesitated for several long heartbeats before finally saying, My mother always called her Damara.
Damara . I repeated it in my mind.
Am I to expect something in return for such a valuable gift? he asked in that teasing tone of his.
As if I would use my kisses as bargaining chips. Did they really mean so little to him? That I wanted to kiss him was beside the point. I grappled onto my anger as an anchor to keep me steady so that I wouldn t throw myself at him. I saw your beloved tonight.
Which one? He laughed at my expression-his question, meant to provoke me, had so easily found its mark. I don t know who you re talking about.
Chryseis. The one you said every man in Ilion desires? The one the prince wants to marry? Part of me still held out hope that Prince Alexandros would turn his attention to this woman and just wed her so that I would be free to do the things that I wished. Maybe he would do it after my parents rebuffed his requests multiple times.
He s welcome to her, he said. Just so long as it s not me trapped in the marriage net.
I grimaced. Of course he would be terrified of wedlock. It s actually disappointing how typical you are for a man. Afraid of committing yourself to another.
His honey eyes shone with delight. The last time I d been in his presence had been at night and I d forgotten about their beautiful shade. I reminded myself that it bothered me that Jason wanted Chryseis and to hold on to that jealousy. She is very beautiful, I admitted begrudgingly, almost daring him to contradict me.
To prove that I was the one he preferred.
I would understand if he didn t. She was everything I was not, had everything I didn t. Including all of her hair.
Jason took a step toward me. I saw no other woman tonight.
She was very hard to miss, I said. They put her right in the front.
Lia, I saw no other woman tonight.
Had he temporarily lost the ability to see? The entire neighborhood and temple grounds are filled with nothing but women.
Another step. I saw no other woman tonight but you .
It finally dawned on me what he was saying and my stomach swooped in response. He was right-he was dangerous.
My instincts were warning me that I was about to fall into a carefully constructed trap. She s perfect.
I don t want Chryseis, he said, so close now that we were nearly touching.
Then who do you want?
His answer was his mouth hot on mine, moving and sliding, pressing and pulling. He filled my senses so that he was all that existed-his taste, his heavy breathing, his salt and leather and iris scent, his touch making my eyelids drift shut.
The kiss was over as soon as it began, and he took a few steps back so that he was leaning against the tree. He sported a knowing smirk that I itched to wipe off his face.
Why did you do that? I demanded, my lips urging me to kiss him again.
It s the best way I know to keep you quiet.
I walked over, determined to unleash my full wrath on him. Of all the insufferable, arrogant, overbearing-
But this time it was me who kissed him. Pressed our bodies together so that he was trapped against the tree. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I pulled away from him.
Wanting to break my vows seemed even more sacrilegious when I pushed him up against one of the goddess s trees.
Are we sparring again? He almost purred the words. Is it my turn to lunge?
I intended to tell him no, that this had all been a mistake and that I had to go back to the temple.
Will you block my advance? he asked as he approached.
No longer able to form words, I shook my head. My skin hummed in anticipation of his touch, my pulse slow and heavy.
He didn t kiss me. He stood so close that our breaths intermingled.
His right hand went to my waist and he dug his fingers into my hip bone. What would the goddess say about this?
I understood that he was giving me a chance to stop. To remember myself and the promises I had made, oaths that he was well aware of. She told me it was time for things to change.
The corners of his mouth turned up. The goddess speaks to you, does she?
Sometimes.
What else does she say? Has she told you that she sees a tall, dark-haired, handsome, gentle, and patient man in your future?
She hasn t. Or had she? Was that the reason for the dreams I d had since arriving? She d obviously used dreams as a means of communication with me. What if she was sending me those interactions with Jason deliberately?
Maybe he was meant to have a bigger role in my life than I d allowed. I kept dismissing him, pushing him away, telling myself that nothing could come of it.
What if he was destined to be something more?
Or was I just using what she had told me as rationale for my current behavior?
He tugged me forward so that I was flush against his muscled body. I tried not to sigh. Are you sure you don t want to go back to Locris?
While I d decided to stay in Ilion at least until I d exhausted every possibility of finding the eye, I had considered what it would be like to return home. Would you take me?
Yes. He kissed my forehead softly.
I screwed up my courage and asked him the question I most wanted an answer to. And would you stay there with me?
He made me wait an agonizing amount of time. My family is in Troas. My life is here. And at sea.
I couldn t believe how disappointed I felt. Your life couldn t be in Locris?
You have no idea how much I want that. He murmured the words across my closed eyelids. To go there with you. Start a life together.
My heart fluttered with happiness. Was that him saying yes? Agreeing to go with me?
There were female voices headed toward us. I shoved Jason between the wall and the tree, covering his body with my own.
I could see from his expression just how much he liked it.
The women revelers were clearly drunk and paid us no attention. They didn t even glance over their shoulders as they walked by.
We re going to get caught, I said sadly as I backed up and let him out. This hadn t been nearly enough time with him, but the festivalgoers were spreading out all over the surrounding neighborhood. We would be found.
As I ve told you once before, we have to get off the street.
I m not going back to a hetaera house again. I was in no mood to watch them fall all over him.
He grinned. No. I have an idea. Do you want to come with me?
Jason held out his hand, offering it to me.
With no hesitation I laced my fingers with his. Yes.
I was ready to follow wherever he wanted to go if it meant I would get to be with him.
Ignoring the warning voice in my head, I let him lead me away.