CHAPTER 5
Ivy
Mess it up – Gracie Abrams
Mom: have a great first day!
Dad: love you sweetie.
The first night has been pretty easy, everyone ate food, and we sent them off to bed, after reminding them probably for a hundredth time how the schedule works and what time they need to be up in the morning.
As I lay in my bed I wonder about all the things that could go wrong the first day.
It ends up becoming a list starting from no one liking me to accidentally pushing someone in the lake.
I fall asleep eventually, reminding myself as I do every day, that it will all be okay because I'm excited to do this.
That means that when I wake up to a blaring sound of my alarm, it was not as bad as I thought it may have been.
I pull myself out of bed and change into my clothes to get ready to go on a run, leaving my necklace on my nightstand.
After slipping on my shoes, I silently close the door behind me and head the same way I did yesterday.
There is less morning sun pouring through the gaps between the trees, but the air has already started to warm up from the rising sun.
I run, briskly, towards the woods that leads towards the pier.
I remember to slip in my earbuds and listen to the playlist that I had made a couple days ago, just for these mornings.
I would need something to motivate me to get up and go on my runs and the two things I know that will do that is, my music and the amazing sunrise.
The wildlife here is truly remarkable. You see so many things that aren't likely to be in London and everything around you, whether it's a plant or an animal, feels happy to be there. It’s quiet. Content.
I look up at one of the large trees that must've been there for years and perched in the scoop between two branches is a small grey squirrel.
He is still and focusing on something just above itself.
He looks like something out of a painting.
I decide to take out my phone from my pocket and take a photo whilst he stays still, then hurry away silently before I disturb him.
I run slower to send the photo to my parents.
As I reach the pier, the sun looks lower than yesterday but that’s probably because I'm earlier today.
I sit in the same place as I did yesterday, breathing slowly and humming to the lyrics of the song playing in my ears.
As I look towards the water, I can see Alec swimming through the light waves.
The light blue at the top of the skies blends into oranges and pinks.
I can hear the buzz of bees and the crickets even with the soft music coming from my headphones.
Whilst the air around me radiates nothing but peace, I cannot ignore the palpitations in my heart and slight tingles in my hands.
I am excited for today, but I cannot ignore the feeling of doubt within myself.
I have only been training for a week and have zero experience in looking after children.
I've not even had a single sibling or often made many friends who have siblings, especially when I was younger.
Deciding I need to calm myself down, I get up and turn away from the lake.
I walk back through the same trees, taking deep breaths and rationalising my thoughts.
No matter how hard I try, the quiet walk, my pep-talk and my shower will not calm me down as much as I want it to.
I throw on my light blue dungarees and a shirt where the collar is slightly trimmed with lace, an outfit I planned four days ago with Bailey and Abby.
They both have been extremely helpful this past week and I'm becoming closer with both of them.
It hurts knowing I'm making friends with such pure and sweet people when it's inevitable that I will be leaving in seven weeks.
In seven weeks, I'll be needing to move into my dorm and set up everything before school. In seven weeks, it will all end.
After styling my hair, putting on light makeup and slipping into my shoes, I decide it is best to leave my small room and go back outside until it's time to wake up the children.
The fresh air might calm me down. I open the door and sit on the small steps, hoping the weird feeling in my stomach settles.
I glance down at my phone, checking the time.
6:43am.
Only fifteen minutes and the day starts. My heart is beating faster as each one goes by, until it's pulsating in my head. I lean forward, my head in my hands, trying to rid myself of that familiar feeling. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, inhaling the crisp summer air.
“Ivy, are you okay?”
I look up, my eyes meeting him. Lucas is a few steps away from me, his face full of concern.
He cannot see me this stressed. The look on his face only makes my heart beat faster.
He is wearing blue shorts and a white shirt, his outfit reflecting my own.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I'm fine,” I say, plastering a smile on my face but he just looks at me in confusion, before sitting down next to me on the steps.
“I thought we agreed you're not allowed to say sorry,” he says, smiling slightly. He is trying to distract me again. I don’t think it is working this time.
“Well, you agreed. I didn’t agree anything. Why are you awake? It's not seven yet,”I say.
“Don't try to change the topic, sunshine.”
Every time he says the same nickname he adopted yesterday morning, a blush creeps onto my face and this time is no different.
“Are you okay?” he asks again.
“Just a little nervous for today. It's not important, really. I am just struggling to calm down a little," I say breathless and a little embarrassed.
“Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel a little better.” He offers me a smile as he speaks, “But if not, really don’t worry about it. I know you haven't known me for long and it can be difficult to talk to people you don’t trust.”
“I trust you. ”
Even though almost every part of me is telling me to run from this situation, the comforting look on his face eases my nerves a little.
Releasing a sigh I say, “I am just worried they won't like me, or I'll do something to mess it up.” As I speak, his hand reaches across to rest on my thigh as if it was instinct, tracing small circles on it.
“I just want to do well, I think, I'm not really sure why I'm so nervous.” The words I say start to come out a little breathy and I know at that moment exactly why I feel so nervous, and it had nothing to do with the day ahead of me but who I was spending it with.
“And it's like, the one time I need to stay completely calm about something, I can't,” I continue, feeling completely helpless and as if I can't control what I’m saying.
“And now I am sitting on uncomfortable wooden steps, on the verge of tears, rambling to a boy I have just met a week ago and about stuff he definitely doesn't care about and—”
“I care, sunshine,” he interrupts.
He interrupts me, his smile is gone now, replaced by a stern look as he removes his hand from my thigh and brushes it against my own hand.
“I know this whole summer is going to be different to one you've ever had and obviously with me there it will be ten times better.” I laugh, which puts a proud smile on his face.
“But I don't want you worrying the whole time, you'll regret it.
If you feel anxious like that, I'm here if you want to talk because I do care about you.” My breathing steadies as he speaks to me. Actually, I think it stops completely.
I do care about you. 5 simple words that lead to the fluttery feeling inside my stomach.
I repeat those same words over and over in my head as my eyes meet his.
The outside of his iris is ever so slightly green, which I had not noticed before until I was this close to him.
His face is only a few inches away from mine and all I'm wondering is if his heart is beating as fast as my own.
He shifts his focus to his hand resting upon mine and in any other situation like this I would have pulled it away instantly but now I physically can't. His eyes leave our hands and focus back on my eyes before flicking lower towards my lips for a split second. Is he going to kiss me?
“Ivy I-”
“Am I interrupting?” Bailey must have just left her room and is standing behind us, with her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. I quickly remove my hand away from Lucas’ and stand up, not meeting her eyes, as if I had done something completely wrong. Have I just done something wrong?
“No, we were just saying we should go and wake up everyone else. I think James and Alec are still asleep,” Lucas says, then gets up and leaves abruptly.
“So,” she says, walking down the steps towards me. “Was there anything I was interrupting?”
“No,” I say, probably too fast, “he was just telling me about the plans for today as I was a bit nervous. You know I like a plan.”
“Okay, good.” She links her arm with mine, walking towards the boys’ cabins’.
“Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but with you leaving and being my best friend, you guys together would be far too complicated.” Her final word echoes in my head. Bailey is right. Anything I am feeling towards him, which I don’t even know what that is, doesn't matter anyways.
I am leaving in a few weeks for University.
He is leaving to continue college, which he has said he really enjoys.
He is my best friend's brother. It would never end well .
After waking everyone up and getting breakfast, I find the dining hall very busy, holding at least 60 people.