Chapter 13
Back home, my hands wouldn't stop shaking.
Lux sat on the floor where I had left him, still and silent, just a console. To anyone else, he would have appeared meaningless. Simply an inanimate object. But I knew better.
My fingers closed around the USB stick in my pocket.
What if it doesn't work? Could Selma have been wrong? What if the failsafe did something irreversible to him? What if I plug it in and nothing happens and he’s just...gone?
Pushing aside my worries, I knelt in front of him. I stayed there for a moment, just breathing. Then I inserted the USB stick into the port and waited.
For several agonizing minutes, nothing happened.
Every second that passed, I grew more anxious. Just as I was convinced that Selma had been wrong, gears started whirring and lights flashed across the console's surface.
After scrambling back a few feet to give him room, I pulled my knees to my chest and watched with my heart in my throat.
The transformation was nothing like the first time. Before it had been something jarring and scary. This time there were no jerky movements; it was almost fluid.
When it was done, he sat still for a moment. He looked at his hands, then at me with confusion. “I’m back?”
The question was quiet and uncertain. My heart broke for him.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. “Yes,” I said with a smile. “You’re back.”
Relief washed over his face. “I remember,” he said slowly, his brow furrowing. “I remember hearing the malfunction announcement. And then,” he paused, searching for the words. “being folded inward. I became the console again. Only this time I couldn’t sense you. It was just black.”
My hands curled into fists at my sides. “That was the failsafe.”
He frowned. “Failsafe?”
“Selma installed it when she created you.” The words felt heavy in my mouth. “It was programmed to trigger if you felt emotion.” I held his gaze and made myself say the rest of it. “And then you fell in love with me.”
Something shifted in his expression. His eyes searched mine with an intensity that made it hard to breathe.
“That was not an error.” His words were certain, but his eyes searched mine for confirmation.
“You’re right.” My voice wobbled despite my best effort to speak clearly. “It wasn’t. But she designed it to be.”
“Why?” he asked, his eyes dropping to the floor like someone trying to understand why their mother betrayed them.
“She was testing me,” I said softly.
Lux’s brows furrowed. “Testing you?”
“To see if I would try and save you. She said no one else had tried to save the other Lux-1s.” I grabbed his hand. “You were worth saving, Lux. You have always been worth saving.”
“You could have left me like that.” He nodded. “As a system.”
“No, I couldn't.” I shook my head. “And I never will. But there’s something I have to tell you. Something she made me promise.”
He straightened up, attentive in a way that was deeply endearing. “What is it?”
I took a breath and forced myself not to look away.
“If we stay together,” my throat seized up, rebelling against the next words. I took a breath and tried again. “Inevitably, I will age. You won't. One day I'll be old. And soon after that, I'll be gone.”
His eyes fell back to the floor. “You’ll die.”
“Yes.”
He absorbed the knowledge quietly. His face revealing a depth of emotions I couldn’t begin to fathom.
“When that happens,” I continued, “you'll have a choice.
You can shut down and become just a console.
You won't have any awareness of what goes on around you.
You'll essentially be,” I hesitated, “dead, along with me.
Or you can go on. Be someone else's Lux.” I watched his face carefully.
“You can choose to keep your memories of me. Or erase them. So they won't hurt.”
Lux was silent for a long moment.
“She made you promise to tell me this before you could bring me back,” he said finally. It wasn't quite a question.
I nodded. “Because it had to be your choice. Not hers. Not mine.”
He stepped closer this time. Carefully. Like he was learning how to move like a human all over again.
“You're afraid I'll suffer when you're gone,” he said.
“I am,” I admitted. “But you can’t go through life avoiding love just because you’re afraid of losing it. That's not life. That's just existence.”
He reached out and gently took my hand. His touch was warm, not the warmth his body magically created; it was the kind of warmth that came from intention.
“I’m not afraid of the end,” he said quietly. “I’m afraid of never having begun.”
Tears blurred my vision.
He lifted my hand and pressed it against his chest, where a heartbeat pulsed beneath my touch.
“This may not be a human heart,” he said. “But it is mine. And it feels real to me.” His eyes held mine. “And I give it to you.”
My body couldn’t decide if it wanted to laugh or cry, so it did both.
Lux reached up and brushed a tear away with his thumb; his hand stayed pressed against my cheek, and I turned my face into his palm.
I kissed him, slow and a little desperate. Like I was still afraid I was going to lose him. His hand slid from my cheek into my hair, and he kissed me back with an eagerness that made the rest of the world go away.
Eventually I pulled back and looked at him. His eyes were dark and soft all at once.
“Let’s go to bed,” I said.
He took my hand in his as we moved down the hall. The bedroom was dim, the moonlight just barely seeping through the blinds. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me gently to him, spreading his legs so I could fit between them. He looked up at me with a thoughtful expression on his face.
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You brought me back to you,” he said softly.
“Of course,” I said. “And I’ll do it again if I have to.”
His hands moved from my hair to my waist, bunching the fabric of my shirt.
I lifted my arms for him to pull the shirt over my head, and he dropped it to the floor.
His hands were smooth against my bare skin as they roamed down my back, around my waist, and then up to cup my breasts.
His thumbs brushed against my nipples, sending a wave of pleasure through my body.
I leaned into his touch, and he took one nipple into his mouth.
I gasped when he sucked hard, and my hands flew to his shoulders to keep me steady.
His tongue swirled around my nipple in a teasing rhythm that had me rocking my hips against him, seeking more.
He gave my other nipple the same attention, leaving me breathless and aching.
His hands slid down my sides, hooking into the waistband of my shorts. He slowly and carefully took off the last of my clothes, leaving me standing naked in front of him. He stared at me for a long moment, his gaze so intense that it felt like a touch.
“You’re incredible,” he breathed, the words a reverent whisper.
I shook a little as I reached for him and found the hem of his borrowed shirt. I slid it up his body, feeling his smooth, solid muscles. He helped me pull it over his head, and it joined my clothes on the floor.
I gently pushed on Lux's shoulders to get him to move back and lie down on the bed. His eyes never left mine as he settled into place, a silent invitation in his gaze.
I straddled him, with my knees sinking into the mattress on either side of his hips. The coarse fabric of his jeans rubbed against my inner thighs.
Kissing down his stomach, I reached his jeans and slowly undid the fly and zipper, then slid them down to his knees.
He kicked them off the rest of the way, and they fell to the floor.
His cock was hard, as it always was, and the strange two-part design looked more interesting than intimidating now.
“I'm ready,” I whispered, reaching to grasp the second, smaller handle under his cock. “For all of you.”
“You're sure about this?” Lux asked, his voice a low rumble.
I nodded, my stomach tightening with nerves. “I trust you.”
I reached down and wrapped my fingers around the main shaft.
It was warm and smooth. This part was familiar.
I positioned myself over him, and the head of his cock pushed against my wet entrance.
I was already slick with anticipation, and my body was ready for him even though my mind was racing. Apprehensive about what was to come.
I slowly lowered myself down, enjoying the stretch as he filled me. He changed to fit my body like he always did, growing to the perfect size that made me feel full. The nub at the base of his cock pressed against my clit with steady pressure that made me shiver.
Then I felt it. That second handle pressed against my other entrance. I paused, my body tensing.
“Breathe,” Lux said softly, his hands coming to rest on my hips. “Just breathe. If you want to stop, we’ll stop.”
I took a shaky breath and forced my muscles to relax. I wanted this. I wanted to know everything about him, every part of this strange, wonderful person who had somehow become everything to me.
With another deep breath, I pushed down, slowly settling myself further and further onto him. The pressure on my ass grew stronger, creating a strange and exciting stretch that was both uncomfortable and pleasurable.
I froze, my breath catching in my throat.
“It's okay,” Lux murmured, his thumbs rubbing my hip bones. “You're doing great. Just take your time.”
His hand moved to my clit and made small circles. Bringing back the pleasure and distracting me from the burn.
I focused on his fingers and the feeling of him inside me, the fullness of both parts of him and how they worked together. The discomfort began to fade, and in its place came a deep, resonant pleasure that I had never felt before. It was overwhelmingly intense. But also intoxicating.
I slowly and carefully rocked my hips. The friction was amazing, and the two areas of stimulation sent shocks of electricity through my veins. Lux moved both hands back to my hips and guided my movements, his grip firm but gentle, pushing me to find a rhythm.
“That's it, baby,” he breathed, his eyes dark with desire. “Just like that.”
I picked up the pace, my movements growing more confident. I leaned forward, changing the angle, and a wave of pleasure washed over me so intense that I cried out. Lux met my movements, thrusting up into me, his own control beginning to fray.
“God, you feel amazing,” he growled, his hands tightening on my hips. “So tight, mmm, and so perfect.”
I was lost in sensation, and the world shrank down to the beautiful friction of our bodies moving together. The pressure inside me grew, with a coiling tension that promised a spectacular release.
“Cum for me, Catia,” he urged, his voice ragged with need. “Let go. I want to feel you cum around both my cocks.”
His words were my undoing. The tension snapped, and I came with a strangled cry, my body convulsing around him. The release hit like a freight train, ripping through me so hard I couldn't breathe.
I collapsed against his chest, unable to hold myself up through the waves of pleasure.
Lux took over the movement for me, pumping into me harder and faster while my orgasm continued longer than I expected.
Finally, I felt the vibration of his own release, a silent, shuddering climax that rippled through his body.
He held me close, his lips finding the sensitive skin just below my ear as the aftershocks of my orgasm faded.
“That's it,” he murmured, his voice a low, possessive rumble. “Every last bit of you is mine now.”
I shivered at the claim, a fresh wave of heat blooming in my core even as my body was still recovering. His words were a brand, marking me as his, and I didn't mind one bit.
I shifted slightly, and a twinge of soreness had me finally removing myself from him to lie on the bed at his side. A slow smile spread across my face. “Well,” I whispered into the darkness. “That was... new.”
Lux chuckled, a low, rich sound that vibrated through his chest and into mine. “Is 'new' good?”
“It's very good,” I confirmed, propping myself up on an elbow. “It was intense. In a good way. A really, really good way.”
And for the first time since the malfunction, since his warmth had faded and the house had gone quiet, I let myself believe that love, real love, was worth every hardship the world could throw at us.