Chapter 15
15
ROSE
Rose watched Ben steer the Citroen out of the car park and tried to make herself comfortable.
They’d had fun on the beach aside from that strange moment in the water, when she’d thought she might have hurt his feelings.
Then the moment had passed as quickly as it had arrived, and he’d morphed back into the man she recognised.
Fun and sexy with no hint of depth.
Only this time Rose wasn’t sure she was seeing the truth.
She didn’t know what to make of Ben now.
When they’d met, she’d thought he was vain and shallow, but now she suspected that might have been a mistake.
He’d even asked if she felt that way and she’d waved it off, but it was clear he was a little hurt by her opinion of him and she felt embarrassed.
As a psychologist she shouldn’t have jumped to such an instant and negative conclusion based on looks alone.
It was clear that Ben had a lot more to him than she’d assumed, but Rose wasn’t sure she was ready to explore it.
Wasn’t sure she wanted to open doors that she might want to go through.
They joined the main highway and a car whizzed past, making her flinch.
The road was busy. Probably because it was still lunchtime, and she felt her insides twist.
Her fear of being in a car was limiting her life – she’d thought about talking to someone about it, but it had never felt like the right time.
What was she so afraid of?
Rose wasn’t sure she wanted to examine that now either.
What did it say about her?
A psychologist who was afraid to look inside her own mind was hardly qualified to look into anyone else’s.
Perhaps it was time for her to open herself up a little?
‘How long till we get there?’ she asked, her voice pinched.
They’d eaten at the beach just before they’d left, so she wasn’t hungry and there was no excuse to stop, but she wasn’t looking forward to the journey.
Another car sped past, and Rose gripped the edge of her seat as blood pumped loudly in her ears.
‘Probably two hours,’ Ben said kindly.
‘Feel free to sleep – you’ll need your energy for the wedding favours later.
’ He began to speed up and overtook a couple of cars.
Rose swallowed, trying not to let the sensation of being out of control affect her.
But she could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the nausea building up inside her throat.
She heard her mother’s ringtone, Elvis Presley’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’, start playing, but her mobile was in her handbag, so she decided to ignore it.
Her mother would just be chasing her decision about the wedding and Rose had no answer for her yet.
She was tired of being stuck in the middle of her parents’ relationships.
But didn’t feel right about walking away.
What would they do if their latest marriages fell into chaos again and she wasn’t there to pick up the pieces?
‘You’re uncomfortable,’ Ben guessed, glancing at her.
‘I’ll feel a lot better if you kept your eyes on the road,’ she said with feeling.
She saw him nod and fix his eyes ahead as another car overtook and squealed past. Rose closed her eyes, then opened them again because it was harder not to watch and she didn’t want to sleep.
Sunshine beat down on the windscreen and even though the air conditioning was on full, the car was boiling.
The heat seemed to bring out Ben’s scent – a combination of salt from the sea and the coconut sunscreen she’d seen him use.
It made her whole body tingle, made her want to leap across the car so she could bury her face in his neck.
But Rose wasn’t sure she wanted to acknowledge that either.
He was Marco’s best friend – and in her quest to dissuade Luna from marrying in such a hurry, he was supposed to be her arch-rival.
It was easier that way.
Way easier to ignore the attraction between them.
‘Do you want me to distract you?’ Ben asked after a few tense moments.
‘How?’ Rose flinched as another car flew past at rocket speed.
Ben thought for a moment.
‘Usually, I’d flirt with you,’ he said, smiling ruefully.
‘But I think you’d see through all my usual tricks.
’
‘You have tricks?’ Rose found herself bantering, surprised by how easy it was to slip into.
One of her exes had once accused her of being robotic – an insult that had cut deep at the time although Rose had soon decided he was wrong.
Now she wasn’t so sure.
She was in a different league to Ben, who interacted with people so easily.
She felt her cheeks flush as the impulse to flirt back got the better of her.
‘Try me,’ she challenged.
Ben raised an eyebrow.
‘You asked for it,’ he said, sounding surprised.
‘You look pretty today.’
Rose snorted.
‘Is that the best you can do?’ she asked.
There was a beep behind them, and she twisted around and saw a massive blue bus bearing down before it swerved into the other lane.
She sucked in a breath and jerked forward linking her fingers together, feeling her nails dig into her palms.
‘I was barely trying, don’t give up on me yet,’ he joked, ignoring the bus as it disappeared into the distance.
Rose found herself smiling even as three more cars zoomed past in quick succession, making her breath catch on its journey from her lungs.
‘Bring it on.’ She forced the words out keeping her tone playful, bemused by her own behaviour.
What had got into her – was it the statue again, or was that just an excuse they were both using, unwilling to take responsibility for feelings they didn’t want?
Ben looked amused although there was something strange about the set of his shoulders now – it was almost as if he was disappointed.
‘Your brain fascinates me,’ he attempted.
‘Nice try,’ she said lightly even though the compliment had made her flush.
‘Looks are, after all, a lucky hand of fate, whereas intelligence can be earned and cultivated. You guessed right that it would please me. Bravo.’
‘I said I was good.’ Ben’s tone was amused, but again there was something off about it.
Was this something to do with what she’d said at the beach?
‘Do women always fall for your charms?’ Rose asked, leaning back in her seat and trying to relax, hoping Ben would too.
The scenery was beautiful and she looked out of the window, admiring the mountains in the distance and the vibrant colours of the flowers and trees.
She caught a waft of Ben’s sunscreen again and opened the window a crack so she could feel the breeze on her cheeks.
Ben frowned. ‘It’s not a game.
I’m just trying to make them feel good about themselves.
I don’t…’ He sighed, clearly searching for the right words.
‘I’m not pandering to my ego and I’m not indiscriminate.
’ He fell silent and Rose let him think.
Wondered if this is what had been bothering him.
Was disturbed that her opinion of him mattered.
Did that mean she mattered?
Because if she did, that would be bad for both of them.
‘I know you’re not,’ Rose said because somehow, she did.
Ben was a strange mixture of real and unreal.
On the surface you got what you saw: a stunning face, perfect body.
A veritable Adonis who seemed happy to deliver whatever you wanted to hear.
There were plenty of people vying for his attention.
But underneath Rose was beginning to suspect he was much more.
That perhaps he’d been pretending and was struggling with that now.
‘I’m not sure why it’s important to me that you know that,’ he opened up, wincing.
‘I do know, Ben,’ Rose admitted.
‘It’s just we’re on opposite sides here and it’s easier if I paint you as someone I can’t respect.
’ The car fell silent, and Rose wasn’t sure who was more surprised by her honesty.
‘Well, okay,’ he said eventually, sounding less troubled.
‘So, what does that mean?’
‘I’m not sure I want to talk about this anymore,’ Rose shot back.
She had an odd feeling in her chest, a bubble of fear she wasn’t ready to let burst. Who knew what might happen if it did?
Ben wasn’t the type of man she’d ever thought she’d allow herself to have feelings for.
But she did, and this was happening too fast. She had to slow things down – that’s what she’d advise her clients to do.
It was time to follow her own counsel.
A car suddenly shot up behind them and beeped its horn loudly, making Rose flinch and then turn, instantly forgetting her troubling feelings for Ben.
‘That car’s too close.
’ She could hear the tremor in her voice and tried to relax.
They weren’t going round the roundabout the wrong way now.
Her father wasn’t driving and screaming at the same time.
She was perfectly safe.
It was the first time she’d acknowledged that she trusted Ben.
Even though it was too soon.
According to her rules, about six weeks too early.
‘Relax,’ he murmured.
‘It’s just Italian drivers.
Nothing to worry about.
’
Another car appeared from nowhere and skidded up beside them spraying grit, matching the speed of the car behind.
Rose could see the driver of the new car shaking his fist at the person behind them.
She swallowed, gripping the sides of the seat again as her hands went clammy.
‘This isn’t good.’
‘We’re just going to stay in our own lane minding our own business,’ Ben reassured, reaching out to lightly squeeze her shoulder.
‘Don’t worry.’
Rose didn’t bother to respond.
She appreciated his attempt to calm her but knew it wasn’t going to work.
The car behind began to beep its horn, and Ben put his foot down making the Citroen shoot forward, away from the other two.
‘We’ll get off the motorway soon,’ he promised.
Rose made herself relax and sank into her chair and shut her eyes.
She listened to the soothing sound of the wind blowing through the crack in the window and indulged herself by inhaling Ben’s scent.
‘Dammit!’ Ben’s curse made Rose jerk her eyes open just as the first car drove up too.
As soon as it did, the other car pulled up beside it, so close they almost bumped wing mirrors.
‘I’m not sure I can shake them.
’ He still tried, putting his foot down and speeding up.
‘Maybe slow down,’ Rose suggested.
‘They might be trying to race us; it could be a game.’
Ben did as she suggested, but the car behind just got closer.
‘I think we’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.
They’re using us as a buffer.
I’m just going to stay where I am till we get off.
It won’t be long.’ He seemed relaxed which made her feel better.
Rose nodded and sank into the seat trying to remain calm.
She’d barely been in the car over the last few years – it was easier to use buses and trains in London – which made this whole thing far more upsetting.
‘I think it’s going to hit us.
The idiot is swerving,’ Ben suddenly yelled.
Rose closed her eyes, and they were still shut when she heard the crunch of metal bumping into metal, and when she opened them again, she saw the car behind had been shoved into the other lane.
The momentum spun them forward as the other two cars sped away, chasing each other.
Ben braked, but the Citroen started to skid.
‘Hold on, I can’t stop,’ he shouted.
Everything seemed to still as Ben gripped the steering wheel, his hands going white.
Rose pressed her fingers tight into the leather seat, practically peeling off the material as the car continued to slide.
She couldn’t believe this was happening.
One moment they were driving along flanked by the two cars, and the next the Citroen was heading left, skidding on the surface of the road.
‘Please just stop it!’ Rose screamed as the car continued to spiral forward, seemingly still ignoring the fact that Ben had applied the brakes.
‘I’m trying.’ They left the safety of the tarmac and were now bumping their way along dusty stones.
There was a solid wall of shrubbery in front of them and they were hurtling towards it even though Ben was pumping the brakes.
Rose knew she was going to die.
She’d barely lived, and her life was about to end on a busy road in Tuscany.
She had no rules for this – no rules to make it better, none to help it make sense.
Today had been wonderful and she wanted more of them.
More sun, more sea, more early mornings filled with espresso and sunshine.
More days of flirting and the low hum of attraction.
All those tantalising possibilities, all that freedom to feel.
The realisation that she’d locked herself down so tightly had her choking down a sob.
‘It’s okay,’ Ben said, reaching for her.
It was only when Rose realised that he’d taken off her seatbelt and pulled her onto his lap that it was over.
That they’d somehow stopped, and she was still alive.
Ben was stroking her shoulders making soothing noises.
She could smell the sea again and the coconut sunscreen she’d watched him sliding onto his perfect torso and legs before averting her eyes.
Her blood was pumping fast around her body making her limbs and face heat – but whether it was a result of fear or being in Ben’s arms she didn’t know.
Wasn’t entirely sure she cared.
‘It’s not okay,’ Rose somehow managed to choke.
Ben squeezed her shoulders and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her trying to absorb her shaking.
‘You’re okay, I’m okay; even the car’s in one piece, just about.
Although I think the car hire company might blacklist me.
’ He began to stroke a slow hand down Rose’s back and she trembled, burying her face into his T-shirt, inhaling deeply.
She couldn’t seem to stop herself.
‘It’s not okay,’ she whispered again.
She pulled back and stared into Ben’s face.
His cheeks were flushed, and those deep brown eyes were distressed.
It was then that Rose realised he’d been afraid too.
‘Do you have a rule for a near-death experience?’ he asked, his voice husky.
Rose thought about his question, all the while breathing him in.
If he’d asked the same thing an hour ago, she’d have said something about being more careful, or that her usual rule was to stick with taking buses and trains because they were safer.
But she had no answer for him, so she simply slid a hand into Ben’s hair and grasped a fistful before tipping his face down and capturing his mouth with hers.
The move was unlike her, but in this moment, Rose didn’t care.
If Ben was surprised, he didn’t show it.
He didn’t fight her off and he didn’t pull away.
No, he simply ran with it, putting all of those kissing miles he had on the clock to excellent use.
He was an amazing kisser, and his mouth knew exactly what it was doing.
In a world where you could be anything, why wouldn’t you want to be king of the kiss?
Rose started to have second thoughts, began to wonder if this was a good idea, but then Ben adjusted the stroke of his clever tongue, somehow sliding her closer as he angled her chin.
Dear God, he was so good at this .
How much practice had he had, exactly?
Could you get a degree in kissing – and if you could, should she get one too?
Make up for all the time she’d wasted.
Rose’s insides were fluttering and she briefly wondered if someone had slipped a kaleidoscope of butterflies into her stomach.
The sensation was…well, she liked it.
But it was so far out of her comfort zone that she felt pressure to fight it.
Ben stroked a gentle hand down her side and across her waist and Rose shifted, forcing herself to find the strength to pull away.
When she did, he stared at her with the oddest expression.
One Rose wasn’t sure she wanted to allow herself to understand.
‘Are you okay?’ Ben asked, watching her intently.
Rose scrambled off his lap, somehow making it over the gear stick and into the passenger seat again.
She pushed the skirt of her dress down and brushed a hand through her hair trying to tidy herself up.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, although she didn’t sound it.
‘That was just adrenaline and the effects of the fertility statue, right?’
Ben stared at her.
Then he nodded, smiling, but not before she saw his jaw flex.
‘Sure, and I was trying to distract you. I’m guessing it worked.
’ He studied her as if he were trying to take every millimetre of her in.
‘You look…in control. More like your usual self.’
Was it her imagination or did he look disappointed?
He broke eye contact and glanced around.
They’d stopped about a metre from the shrubbery.
There were cars flying past on the motorway clearly oblivious to what had just happened, and Rose realised their engines were roaring.
She just hadn’t noticed.
She jerked her chin.
‘You look calm too.’
He shrugged.
‘Physical contact is…’ He didn’t finish.
Instead, he opened the door and got out of the car, then wandered round it, taking his time to check the bodywork and tyres.
After a minute, Rose got out too.
‘Does everything look okay?’ she asked, following him.
She had the oddest desire to wrap her arms around him, to lean in and smell coconuts again.
‘There’s a slight dent in the back, but the car’s okay.
’ He nodded, giving her a look she couldn’t read.
She sensed an edge to him now, had a feeling she’d disappointed him again.
‘What about the statue? Do you think we should check it?’
‘I think we’ll leave that for Marco,’ Ben said brusquely.
‘We’ve had enough danger for one day.
’
He turned and walked back to the car, opened the door and got inside.
Rose paused for a moment before joining him, trying to work out what had just happened and why pulling away from their kiss suddenly felt like it had been a mistake.