24. Tristan
TWENTY-FOUR
TRISTAN
The scent of chili and laughter fills the air as I enter the firehouse kitchen.
Firefighting is damn hard work, so whenever the crew gets the time to relax and talk shit, we take it.
A grin tugs at my lips, because banter like this can only mean one thing: a moment of relative peace.
They're rare, so we firefighters cherish them.
"Hey, Triscuit!" Nick calls out, waving me over with a spoonful of steaming chili in his hand. "Get in here before we eat it all."
I fill my bowl and settle in between Jared and Connor. Haley's across the table, her cheeks flushed pink, most likely from the heat and laughter.
"God, this is amazing," I say, after taking a heaping bite of chili. The warmth spreads through me, and the spice lingers on my tongue. "You couldn't have made this, Nick. It tastes almost as good as mine."
"Whoa, shots fired," Jared chimes in, chuckling.
Nick double flips us the bird. "Fuck you both," he says without any heat behind his words.
"Ouch." My hand flies to my chest, feigning hurt. "That's cold, man. You wound me. You really do.”
Nick turns to Haley, a mischievous look on his face. "Speaking of cold, how was your date with what's-his-name... err, Brian?" Nick asks, winking.
"Very funny, Archibald Rufus Barnaby Nicholas, the guy who only wants to be called by his surname," Haley teases as she rolls her eyes.
"Go ahead, pretend you don't know his name is Ryan, not Brian.
" We all crack up with laughter, even Nick.
"But seriously, guys," Haley continues, "Ryan invited me to meet his parents for dinner this weekend. "
"Ooh, getting serious," Connor teases, wiggling his eyebrows.
Haley huffs, tossing a crumpled napkin at him.
"Hey!" Connor exclaims, feigning injury. "The woman got up from her nap and chose violence!"
"Shut up," Haley laughs, shaking her head. "It's just dinner."
"Sure, sure," Jared chimes in, grinning widely. "Just dinner... with the future in-laws."
My chest tightens ever so slightly at the thought of Myles and Nix.
In my eyes, the three of us are already family, but one day I'd like us to be family in the legal sense of the word.
I want to marry Myles and adopt Nix. That'd mean they're permanently mine, and the only thing that could take them away from me is death.
I shiver at the thought of losing one or both of them.
I will myself to shake off the thought, focusing on the present conversation.
"Speaking of dinner," I say, shifting my gaze to Nick. "How was your date with Layla?"
Scrunching up his face, making it look like an accordion, Nick says, "It was meh.”
"Meh?" Haley says, pretending to be outraged. "What the hell does that mean, Nick?" She sucks her teeth.
"Calm down, Hales. I'm not looking for anything serious right now."
"Can't tie down the legendary Nick." Connor snickers.
"Exactly." Nick smirks, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've got too many hearts to break, you know?"
"Watch out, ladies," Jared jokes, waving his hands dramatically. "Heartbreaker Nick is on the prowl."
"Damn right, I am." Nick laughs, raising an imaginary toast. "Here's to me—saving lives and breaking hearts."
"Cheers," we all chorus, clinking our metaphorical glasses together. It's a moment of camaraderie I cherish, but I cherish Myles and Nix so much more.
"Alright, Triscuit," Nick drawls, turning to me and looking me dead in the eye. "What's up with you? You've been all smiles lately." Leaning back in his chair, he props his feet up on the table.
"Who, me?" I ask innocently, feigning surprise. "I'm always smiling."
"Yeah, but it's different," Connor chimes in, narrowing his eyes at me. "You're like… extra happy. Like you're floating on cloud nine or something."
"Maybe he's just been hitting the gym harder," Jared suggests with a smirk. I roll my eyes, trying to brush off their prying.
"Or maybe he's seeing someone," Haley adds, giving me a knowing look. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks.
"Ha, well, you know me," I deflect, grinning.
"Always seeing someone." Truth is, I hadn't really seen anyone but Myles, and before him, I'd been in a dry spell.
My mind drifts again to Myles—the man who's captured my heart—and his son Nix, who's stolen a piece of it as well. The day I can share them with my friends feels achingly close, but we’re not quite there yet.
"Come on, Triscuit," Nick presses, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Spill the beans. You can't hide that dopey lovesick grin from us."
"Fine," I sigh dramatically, playing along for now. "I've fallen in love with… pizza."
"Tristan, we all love pizza," Haley says, rolling her eyes.
"Ah, but not like I do," I insist, winking at her. “Pizza and I have something special.”
She laughs, shaking her head. "Alright, keep your secrets," she concedes, a smile still playing on her lips. "But seriously, whenever you're ready to tell us, we're here for you."
"Thanks, guys," I say, touched by their support.
The warm, familiar feeling of camaraderie washes over me, but it's tinged with a bittersweet ache.
I know I can't keep them in the dark forever.
And I don't want to, really. They may not be my family by blood, but they've been my family by brotherhood. It’s a brotherhood formed by coincidence because we just happened to work together and share similar interests, but it’s also a brotherhood forged in fire…
literally. Our lives depend on each other, and we never forget that.
But there's always been this part of me that I’ve kept separate from everyone else.
I figured if I never gave all of me, I'd be able to come through any disappointment or loss relatively unscathed. But this crew… they’re the perfect people to talk with about the loves of my life, Myles and Nix.
Soon, I tell myself. Soon, I'll share my happiness with them. But for now, I focus on the laughter and love that fill the fire station, grateful for the family I found in the most unexpected of places eight years ago.
"Anyway," Nick interrupts, clapping his hands together. "Enough of this lovey-dovey talk.
"How are Myles and Nix doing?" Haley's voice cuts through the noise.
"Good, yeah… they're great." The thought of them, as always, warms me from within.
"We've been cooking healthy meals lately, trying to find the balance between nutritious and delicious.
" I tried to suppress the stupid smile that was spreading across my face, but I couldn't. "We made this killer cauliflower fried rice the other day. "
"Really?" Jared perks up. "I knew you could cook, but I don't think I've ever asked you where you learned to do it."
"My parents taught me everything I know, even at a young age," I admit, chuckling. "But it's been fun, and Nix loves helping out in the kitchen."
Then it suddenly dawned on me. I'd actually just chuckled... fucking chuckled at the thought of my parents. I don’t even know when that happened. Because for half my life, I’ve lived with the chronic pain, the ache of losing them.
"Speaking of Nix," Haley says, bringing me back to the present, "Are you still doing those experiments?"
"Yup! Last week we made a volcano with baking soda and vinegar." The corners of my mouth lift up in an involuntary grin at the memory of Nix's wide-eyed amazement. "He loved it."
"Sounds like a blast." Connor smiles, and I know he's genuinely interested. "I remember making those when I was a kid."
"Nix is a great reader too; he loves reading to me.
And I've introduced Myles to some of my books, and we read them together.
" I caught my own damn self off guard with that admission.
It feels strange to tell people that I also read with Myles.
The vulnerability and the intimacy of it all makes my heart race.
"Hey, no shame in that!" Haley laughs. "It's cute."
"Thanks," I mumble, trying to brush it off. Please don't ask me what books I read with Myles. Please don’t ask me what books I read with Myles, I chant repeatedly in my head. As much as I love this family, they don't need that kind of information.
My gaze clashes with Nick, and my heart stumbles over itself. His eyes are knowing, as if the puzzle pieces are finally clicking into place, and he knows my feelings for Myles and Nix are more than casual. He wouldn't be wrong, but he doesn't need that confirmation just yet.
Nick's brows furrow. "You—“ He's cut off by the shrill sound of the alarm, and we instantly snap into action.
"Looks like it's go time," Connor says, already on his feet.
"Let's do this," Haley agrees, her expression all business as she heads for the door.
"Alright, guys," Jared calls out, following suit. "Let's save some lives!"
"Stay safe, everyone," I say, pulling on my gear and joining them. My heart pounds with adrenaline, and the faces of Myles and Nix flash through my mind. I promise myself, once again, that soon I'll share my happiness with my friends. But for now, we have a job to do.