Chapter 11 #2
It’s Neelie and that old two-timing troublemaker, Stanton Troublefield!
My sister is holding up a corset made entirely of ribbons, while her fiancé examines the price tag like he’s mentally refinancing that mansion of his.
Stanton looks exactly like what central casting would order if they needed a distinguished older man with questionable morals.
His remaining hair is carefully styled to disguise the fact that most of it has abandoned ship, and his expensive suit can’t quite hide the fact that he’s a serial cheater who thinks charm can fix everything.
His ex-wife was smart enough to hit the high seas and now lives permanently on a cruise ship, which honestly sounds like paradise compared to being married to him.
Although, selfishly, I wish it was Stanton who was lost in some exotic port of call instead of haunting my sister and apparently, upscale lingerie boutiques.
Oh my goodness, Cricket’s voice rises to a scandalized squeak. Is that Auntie Neelie? What is she doing in this den of iniquity?
Maybe she’s buying Christmas presents? Rookie suggests hopefully. Some of those ribbons are very festive!
There’s no avoiding this. Family embarrassment has a way of finding me even in the seediest parts of neighboring towns.
I march right over. “Stanton, Neelie.” I opt to smear their names with a touch too much disdain rather than a traditional greeting.
Stanton turns with a smile that probably worked on naive socialites thirty years ago.
“Well, hello to you, too, Hattie Holiday.” His voice carries that smooth charm that makes my skin crawl.
“Always such a pleasure to see you.” He gives me a smarmy wink.
Hey, this sister is seriously hot. Maybe if things don’t work out with the bubble-headed bleach blonde I’ll give ol’ bedroom eyes a shot.
I gasp at the deranged thought. He so wishes! And what’s this about bedroom eyes? I am not bedroom eyeing him! I’m giving him the stink eye. Good grief, the man needs glasses and possibly a lobotomy.
Neelie drops the ribbon corset as if it’s evidence of a crime. “I could ask you the same thing.” Her eyes narrow with sisterly suspicion. “I guess you and Killion like to spice things up once in a while, too.”
Is THAT what you and Killion are up to? Cricket’s mental voice carries enough moral outrage to fuel a small church. I thought you were just hunting murderers! This is far more scandalous!
“We’re not quite at the implementing kitchen devices disguised as something else stage,” I sputter. Though we’ll probably never be. Killion Maddox knows his way around a woman’s body just fine on his own.
Stanton chuckles. “How refreshingly honest. Most couples aren’t so forthcoming about their recreational limitations.”
Who said anything about limitations? I guess you can add a hearing aid to the list of things this man needs.
“Stanton, be nice,” Neelie says, swatting at his nose with her handful of ribbon. “Not everyone is as lucky as we are.”
I shake my head. What am I missing here?
I have no idea what’s happening right now, Cricket mewls, but everyone seems very worked up about appliances and I find that deeply disturbing.
I don’t understand what everyone’s upset about, Rookie adds cheerfully. There are lots of pretty colors and soft things to chew on here. This seems like paradise!
Before Neelie or Stanton can dig me deeper into this conversational grave, Peyton appears at my elbow, sensing social disaster with her newly developed sixth sense.
“Hattie,” she says firmly, grabbing my arm with enough force to leave fingerprints. “We need to focus on why we’re here.” She nods toward the front of the store, where Vivienne Velour is just finishing up with a customer.
Even from across the shop, she’s unmistakable—her glossy brunette hair pulled back into a classic bun, the European sophistication, the way she moves like she’s performing for an invisible camera.
“Right,” I say, grateful for the escape route. “Family reunion’s over.”
“Pity you have to leave so soon,” Stanton says, reaching toward the nearest display of naughty toys.
“I was just about to make a few suggestions regarding these kitchen appliances.” A smarmy smile spreads over his face.
“Something to loosen up that detective boyfriend of yours. Something to expand your horizons.”
I gasp at the dirty old man. “The only thing I’m expanding is my suspect list,” I mutter, allowing Peyton to drag me away from the train wreck of family embarrassment.
“Your suspect list?” Neelie calls after me. “Hattie Holiday, what are you up to now?”
But Peyton’s already pulling me toward our target, leaving Neelie to her ribbon corset and Stanton to his unsolicited kitchen appliance expertise, and I am choosing not to think about either.
Well, that was mortifying, Cricket notes. I do enjoy watching Hattie create social disasters for herself. And now it seems Auntie Neelie is just as good at it.
I sigh hard because it’s true.
But we found the person we were looking for! Rookie adds optimistically. Mission accomplished!
Not quite yet, but we’re getting there.
Vivienne Velour finishes wrapping her customer’s purchase in tissue paper so lux it may as well be wrapped in dollar bills, and I realize we’re about to find out if our trip to the seedy side of Edison was worth the family humiliation.
Given my luck lately, this investigation is about to get a lot more complicated than simple murder.