Chapter 7 Not Until Her
SEVEN
Not Until Her
CAMDEN
“I’m curious,” Logan asks, dicing a tomato. “If we hadn’t shown up, what would you be doing right now?”
I force myself not to look at Yana while waiting for her answer, but the effort is in vain.
She’s beside me, stirring chicken and veggies in a pan on the stove as I drain the pasta.
If I shifted an inch or two, my shoulder would brush hers.
It’s tempting, but I stay put. At least this I can control, unlike my wandering eyes.
Her hair is up in a messy bun, with a few wild locks framing her face. Her leggings hug her toned legs so perfectly that every time I look at her ass, my own sweatpants get tight. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a woman more than I want this one.
It’s wrong. She and my best friend clearly have a connection, but every moment I spend with her only makes me crave her more. And I can’t even blame it on the thrill of the forbidden, since I’ve been attracted to her from the very first moment my eyes landed on her at the restaurant.
She’s with Logan, dude. Forget it.
Yana laughs, peering at Logan over her shoulder. “Pretty much what we’re doing now. My plan was to relax and do the things that bring me joy. That includes watching holiday movies, listening to my favorite music, dancing, and maybe a little doomscrolling.”
“Would you have chosen the same movies?” I ask.
Brows raised, she inspects me. I’ve spent most of the day either ignoring her or snapping at her and Logan, so it’s no surprise that she looks like I stunned her speechless.
“Um…yeah,” she eventually forces out. “Though I probably would’ve watched more Russian movies.
” She shrugs. “I didn’t discover Elf until a few years ago, and I can’t say that I love love it, you know?
It’s a great movie and very Christmasy, but I don’t rewatch it every year like just about everyone I know.
I wasn’t going to watch it this year…but here we are. ”
“If you don’t want to watch it, then why did you suggest it?” I set the pasta on the counter and add the sauce she threw together.
“Because you mentioned it. Several times.”
For a moment, we’re silent. Then Logan barks out a laugh. Yana joins in, and despite my best efforts, I do too. Damn, she got me. I kept pushing after she suggested an old soviet movie and a couple others I’d never heard of.
“If you don’t want to watch it, we really don’t have to. We should watch something you like,” I say, stirring the pasta into the sauce. “It doesn’t matter whether I watch Elf for the hundredth time or not.”
I hold her gaze, and when she watches me just as intently, my body sizzles with heat. It’s probably the alcohol and our proximity. There’s no way I’m really thirsting after my friend’s girl in a way that makes me imagine the most reckless kind of shit.
Behind us, Logan clears his throat, breaking the moment. She instantly turns to face him, putting her back to me.
“I’m with Cam. We showed up unannounced and threw your schedule off, so please, don’t change anything because of us.”
“Thank you.” She turns off the stove, ducking her head for a moment. “Chicken is ready.”
“I’m done with the salad,” Logan states, lifting the bowl from the counter. “How about the pasta?”
I hum. “Pasta is ready too.”
Yana looks between us, a mischievous smile tipping up her lips. “The last person to say ‘Aye, Captain’ sets the table. One, two, three—”
“Aye, Captain.” She and Logan shout in unison.
I arch a brow, doing my best not to roll my eyes. “You’re like kids.”
Logan says, “Look who’s talking,” but I ignore him.
I don’t mind setting the table, actually. It’ll give me a minute to myself, and I fucking need it.
“Go sit. I’ll bring out plates and silverware in a minute.” I nod toward the dining table.
Without a word, they shuffle out of the kitchen. As I gather what I need, I check the time. It’s already seven. Thank fuck. Only a couple more hours before I can escape this hell and hole up in the bedroom.
I’m already third-wheeling, and the later it gets, the more obvious it becomes.
This old movie turns out to be pretty funny. We laugh at the absurdity of some of the scenes, and occasionally Logan asks Yana to skip back a few seconds because he didn’t catch the subtitles.
Overall, the evening has gone much better than I expected. I don’t understand why Yana considers this a Christmas movie, but I decide not to question her.
I’d probably put my foot in my mouth again, and I don’t need to ramp up the tension in here. It’s hard enough having to sit near them while they’re glued to each other.
After dinner, the three of us settle in with our own bottles of beer. Yana’s cheeks are now pink, her eyes glistening in the shimmering light of the TV in the otherwise dark room.
Logan’s got her tucked against him on the couch, his arm slung over her like it’s the most natural thing in the world. She fits in his arms perfectly, laughing softly when the subtitles are incorrect, tilting her head toward him when he asks about the movie.
I shouldn’t care.
I tell myself that over and over. But I do. I’m acutely aware of their every move. Every fucking time she wiggles against him, it feels like a blade is sliding under my ribs. This jealousy is unhealthy, especially because I have no right to feel it.
Sure, I saw her first, but Logan was the one who made a move. He asked her on a date; he kissed her first. All I did was piss her off by opening my fucking mouth and acting like an asshole.
I am no match for Logan. He’s always been the golden one, the guy people can’t help but be drawn to, even when we were kids.
It’s never bothered me before now. I’ve never been envious of how easy it is for him to get a girl, to make new friends.
I’m the prickly one. The asshole. The bad boy to his good guy persona.
My granny used to joke that Logan and I were like yin and yang, balancing each other, complementing one another, bringing out the best in each other.
It felt good, thinking I could have that kind of impact on him.
It still does, most days. But what’s happening to me as I watch him hold Yana makes me want to tear the whole scene apart.
I’ve never wanted anything that belonged to him. Not until her.
When the movie ends, I turn, ready to toss the remote to Yana so she can pick out another one. Instead, I freeze, my lungs seizing up. Because the two of them are locked in a passionate kiss.
Fuck. This is the last thing I need.
I scramble to my feet and stride for the kitchen without looking back. “I need a beer.”
Counting to fifty in my head, I stand with my back pressed to the fridge.
Their voices drift in from the living room, but I try my best to ignore them. One more hour, and I’ll lock myself away in my room. But I could use a few more drinks to help me sleep. Especially if they start fucking again.
“Get yourself together,” I hiss.
I snatch a bottle from the fridge, twist the cap, and head back out.
Just as I hit the threshold, Yana’s there, laughing under her breath and looking over her shoulder.
Her body collides with mine, and she stumbles, a hitching breath leaving her parted lips.
I snake my arm around her waist, pressing her against my chest to steady her.
She meets my gaze, eyes wide and pupils blown out.
My palm, splayed over her lower back, burns. She licks her lips, and the movement garners my attention, tempting me to study her inviting mouth. I want her. God, I want her so bad, it takes everything in me not to kiss her.
I need to leave.
I drop my hand from her waist and take a step back. “Sorry.” With a tight smile, I skirt around her. Dammit. It’s gonna take way more than a few more drinks to erase the feeling of her against me.
“Everything all right?” Logan asks as I slump onto the floor.
“Yeah.” I take a sip of my drink, forcing myself to look at him. “What are we watching?”
He chuckles, unaware of the war raging inside my head. “A Christmas Carol.”
“Okay.”
“Have you seen it before?” Yana returns from the kitchen, the sound of her voice capturing my attention like a siren’s song. She hands a beer to Logan, then slips in beside him again, holding her own beer bottle.
“I don’t remember. Maybe.” I stare at the TV, determined not to look away until the clock strikes ten and I can bow out for the night.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about how she felt against me. How my skin ignited when I touched her. So, instead of distracting myself with the movie, I end up sneaking glances at her and Logan.
She’s sitting between Logan’s legs now, her back flush against his chest, giggling each time he whispers in her ear. When he pulls a throw blanket over their laps, everything in me stills.
My brain screams at me to leave, to hide behind the closed door of my bedroom, but I’m rooted to the spot. The agony of watching him kiss her neck as his hands wander over her body is too much.
My heart thrashes against my rib cage, and unwanted heat coils low in my gut.
I should look away.
I should leave.
But I don’t.
While Logan sneaks his hand under the blanket and nibbles on her throat, I study her face. Her features tense, her brows pulling together. Eyes falling closed, she sucks in a breath and arches into him.
Holy shit.
I don’t need to see what he’s doing under the blanket to know she’s unraveling for him right there, inches from me.
When a soft moan escapes her lips, I look away. No matter how much it tears me apart, I don’t want them to stop. I want to know what she sounds like when she comes. I want to know what she looks like.
And this is the only way I’ll ever know. By watching my best friend pleasure her.
Something inside me cracks. I can’t make sense of it. It’s like for the first time since my granny died, the emptiness I’ve been dragging around, the grief I’ve been carrying, twists into raw hunger. Pure need.
It’s so much more than simple desire. The sensation overtaking me is the need to possess her.
Despite the way my cock thickens, shame washes over me.
What the fuck? What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t want her. She’s Logan’s. She deserves better than the wreck I am, and my best friend is perfect for her.
I clench my jaw, grinding my molars together, and force myself to look away. If I don’t, I’ll do something reckless, and there will be no coming back from it.
But my chest won’t stop aching. My fingers itch to touch her again.
My body craves hers. I can’t stop myself from imagining what it would be like to taste her.
Holding my breath, I fight the urge. If I give in, I won’t be soft.
I’ll demolish everything around me with a force that will destroy my friendship with Logan, and I can’t let that happen.
Her quiet whimper sends a shiver down my spine. No matter how hard I fight it, my body takes over, and when I turn, time freezes, and a wave of scorching heat washes over me.
Because this time, I’m not the only one watching.
This time, she’s watching me too.