5. Savanna
SAVANNA
Islam the fridge door shut with my hip and plunk the milk carton on the counter. Some of it sloshes onto the counter, and Panda gives a distressed mewl.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Cassie is as indignant as Panda, although about something entirely different. “You can’t treat Logan Winslow.”
I transfer my cellphone from my ear to the bench and put it on speaker, which means I’m not quick enough to stop Panda from jumping on the counter and lapping at the milk.
“Hey, get down.” I pick up the fluff ball and place him on the ground, where he licks his lips and meows at me.
“It’s fine,” I lie. “It’s been eleven years. I’m over him.”
“I know you are, sweetheart, but he broke your fucking heart. That asshole does not deserve your hands on him. Oh fuck.” No one who heard my sister sing her sweet country songs would suspect she swears like a trooper. “You didn’t have to touch him, did you?”
My cheeks flush as I remember my hands on Logan’s warm skin, exploring the muscles in his shoulder and feeling them move under my fingers.
“I’m just doing my job. It’s fine.”
I pour the milk into my hot chocolate and give Panda a bit in his bowl. It’s not good for him to have too much milk, but today is a treat kind of day. Panda gets milk and I get a large slice of chocolate cake, which I grabbed from Sweet there must be someone I’ve had more than three dates with. “Simon,” I blurt out. “From my last year at college. We went out more than three times.”
“He was your study partner. Those weren’t dates.”
I tuck the phone under my arm and carry my cake and hot chocolate to the sofa and put them on the coffee table.
She’s right. After I gave my heart to Logan and he crushed it, I was cautious about getting close to anyone. Panda jumps onto the couch and pushes his head against me. I stroke his fur, and he purrs louder.
“A cat is not going to break my heart, and Panda is better company than any of the men I dated.”
Cassie sighs.
“I don’t need a man,” I reassure her. “I have a cat, a job I love, I own my own home. What do I need a man for?”
“Oh, honey.” Cassie sounds sad, which is annoying. I don’t want her to be sad for me. “If I have to explain that, then you’re in a worse place than I thought.”
I’m glad she can’t see me blushing. I can’t tell my sister that since no one’s ever gotten past three dates, no one’s ever gotten into my bed.
I’m a twenty-nine-year-old virgin. But I’m okay with that, because I have an excellent vibrator.
And I definitely can’t tell my sister that on those nights when I’m in bed with my vibrator, it’s Logan I think about.
I remember the feel of his hands on me and imagine what it would have been like if we’d gone all the way.
Logan broke my heart, and I still fantasize about him. Even I know that’s messed up.
“I’m fine, Cassie. Don’t worry about me.”
“Just don’t let him weasel his way back into your life.”
“He’s not here for me, Cassie. He’s here because he got injured.”
“Hmm.”
She doesn’t sound convinced. “I picked up the pieces once, Savvy, and you were in pieces. It broke my heart to see you the way he left you. Promise me you won’t get involved with him again. I never want to see you like that again.”
“I’m not that stupid eighteen-year-old, Cassie. And you don’t have to worry; I am definitely not going to get involved with Logan Winslow again.”
Panda meows and Cassie huffs, and I wonder why neither of them believes me.
“Promise me, Savvy.”
Cassie has her stern older sister voice on. I wish she’d drop it, but if it means that much to her, I’ll say the words.
“Fine. I promise.”
“Good.” Cassie seems satisfied. “Do something for yourself, Savvy. Go out for once. Go out to a bar.”
“I told you I don’t need a man to have fun, and I certainly don’t want to meet one at a bar.”
“Don’t go out to meet a man. Go out to have fun. Have a drink and a dance. You’re always telling me about the great friends you have in Hope. Have a girls night or something.”
I pop a spoonful of cake into my mouth. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. “A girls night could be fun.”
“There you go. Go out dancing.”
“Maybe I will.”
Cassie signs off, and I take another spoonful of cake. She’s right. I can’t remember the last time I had a night out, apart from bonfire nights.
I send Lexi a text and then Hannah, although her shadow will no doubt follow her. Since she hooked up with Grant, he barely lets her out of his sight, not surprising considering the break-in at her place a few weeks ago.
I also text Paige in case she needs a night off from the kids and Kayla. A girls’ night could be exactly what I need to shake Logan out of my head.