7. Savanna
SAVANNA
The margarita has gone straight to my head, and I head to the bar to order water.
The air changes around me, and I know without looking that Logan is behind me. He leans next to me at the bar, and I half turn to face him.
“You should be resting.” I give him a pointed look. Keeping it professional helps me contain the emotions that I don’t want to be feeling.
“I’m a Ranger. I don’t know how to rest.”
Like every other patient I’ve treated at the center. These military men don’t know how to sit still.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asks.
I hold up my water glass. “I’m good.”
The last thing I want is Logan buying me a drink as if we’re old friends. We’re not. He’s the man who left me in pieces, and he doesn’t deserve a moment of my time.
I turn to go back to my friends when he places his hand on my arm. Tingles course through my veins, and I try not to let it show on my face.
“Can we talk?”
I wish I had the strength to walk away. But I’ve had a strong margarita, and so I just stare at him and take a sip of my water.
He doesn’t say anything, and I raise my eyebrows. “So, talk.”
He glances around the bar and spies an empty booth in the corner. “Sit with me for a minute. I owe you an explanation.”
I glance over at the girls on the dance floor, and Paige is watching us with her hands on her hips.
I haven’t told anyone about my history with Logan, and she’s frowning at me as if trying to figure out if she needs to intervene.
And knowing Paige, she’d have no problem marching over here and telling Logan where to go.
“Are you okay?” she mouths.
I give her a nod, thankful for my protective friends, and turn back to Logan.
“You’ve got two minutes.”
I follow Logan to the booth, and my gaze strays down his solid back and to his cute ass, which is probably the only soft thing about him. It’s a nice round shape, encased in denim and probably the perfect fit for my two palms.
We reach the booth and I drag my gaze away from his tempting backside, but I’m too slow, and his eyes go wide when he catches me looking.
“You see something you like, Peaches?” The use of the old nickname has me remembering why grabbing his butt would be a bad idea.
“I’m not Peaches anymore.”
“You’ll always be Peaches to me.”
I slide into the booth and instead of going to the opposite side, Logan slides in next to me. His huge frame takes up most of the seat, and I scoot across to the wall, but he follows. While he’s not right in my space, he’s close enough to feel the heat of his thigh hovering half an inch from mine.
I fold my arms over my chest and wait, but Logan just stares at me. His gaze rakes over my features as if he’s a thirsty man in the desert.
I wonder how I look to him. I haven’t got the smooth skin of youth anymore.
I love my curves that come from the extra weight I’ve put on over the years and the lines around my eyes that show the story of my life.
But under Logan’s scrutiny, I’m suddenly glad I put on makeup, which annoys me.
An ex turns up in my life, and I’m worried about my appearance. I should be better than that.
I glance at my watch. “Ninety seconds left.”
Logan chuckles. “You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”
That makes my heart flutter more than it should. I look down in case he notices that after one small compliment I’m already melting. The eighteen-year-old me would have swooned if Logan had called me beautiful. But the twenty-nine-year-old me can hide the swoon and fake indifference.
“Is that what you want to talk about?”
“No.” He runs a hand over his jaw, and it catches on the stubble. It’s a few days’ growth, and I like it more than the clean-shaven soldier I knew.
“I want to apologize for how things were left between us.”
I tilt my head. “How you walked out, or how you never contacted me again?”
He winces, and I’m glad. I want him to feel some of the pain that I felt.
“All of it.” He lets out a long sigh. “What we had was special. You should know that.”
I scoff. “I know nothing, Logan. All I know is that I fell for a soldier who did what soldiers do; you left, and I never heard from you again until you turned up at my clinic. I was a stupid eighteen-year-old girl, and I thought I was in love.”
“We were in love. I loved you, you can’t doubt that.”
I put my hand up to stop him. “You don’t need to say things like that, Logan. I was naive. You must have had loads of girlfriends over the years, and stupid innocent me thought it was something more than it was. It’s okay. I got over it.”
He catches my hand and holds it in both of his.
“That’s not how it was. There’s never been anyone before or since who I felt that way about. You weren’t stupid or naive; you were a beautiful soul who I fell in love with.”
His words drag up old memories, and my eyes sting with tears. I blink them back, not wanting to shed any more tears for this man.
“Then why did you leave?” My voice is croaky, and Logan rubs his thumb over my hand.
“I’d been selected for the 75th Ranger Regiment. It’s a hard life for the wives and girlfriends; I wouldn’t have been able to tell you where I was going, what I was doing, or when I’d be back. Sometimes weeks would pass without a call. I couldn’t ask you to build a life around that.”
This is news to me. Logan never discussed any of this with me before he left.
“You had your own plans, Savanna. You were starting college; you talked about being a physiotherapist. I couldn’t take that away from you.”
“I would have followed you anywhere.” It comes out as a whisper, and all the grief I’ve been holding back surfaces. A tear rolls down my cheek, and I’m back to being the heartbroken eighteen-year-old.
“I know you would have.” He wipes the tear away with his thumb. “That’s why I had to let you go. You would have followed me and given all of this up—all your dreams—just so we could be together on those few weeks a year when I wasn’t deployed.”
His face is inches from mine, and I stare into his intense dark eyes. His face I used to know so well, carrying more creases than it did. The face I haven’t stopped thinking about, wondering what he was doing and if he was even alive.
“Would it have been so bad?”
He gives me a sad smile. “I guess we’ll never know.”
“I did what I thought was right for you. I set you free. And I’m sorry I caused you pain. I’m sorry I hurt you. I thought you’d forget about me and move on. I used to imagine you with a college boy, and it drove me wild.”
He squeezes my hand, and I pull it out of his. I understand why he did it, but I’m not going to let him think it was some noble gesture.
“You didn’t set me free. You left. You decided, on your own, about my life and what was best for me. And you never once asked me what I wanted. Don’t dress it up like it was a gift.”
He looks down and doesn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry, Savanna. But I thought...”
“You thought for the both of us,” I cut him off. “You didn’t even give me a vote in my own life.”
He hangs his head and nods slowly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
His apology sounds genuine, and I think he gets it.
The annoying thing is that he was right.
I would have gone anywhere to be with Logan.
I almost gave up my place at college because I was so heartbroken when he left.
Now I’m a qualified physiotherapist with a job I love in a town I love.
I have friends and my home. I have independence and a good life.
How different would it have been if I’d thrown my lot in with Logan back then?
I sigh heavily. “It was a long time ago. I’m happy with where my life is now. But you broke my heart.”
He winces.
“I understand why you did it, but it doesn’t mean I forgive you.”
He nods slowly. “That’s a start.”
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my friends.”
Logan lets me out of the booth, and I head to the dance floor where Paige is waiting for me with another margarita. I don’t look back at Logan, but I feel his eyes on me.
I accept his reasons, but there’s still a lot to process, and if he thinks he can waltz back in here and expect there to be any of me left for him, then that is not going to happen.