Chapter 43
Choice
Evelyn left Moeller’s office carrying a new potted peace lily. Leo was waiting for her in the hallway.
“How long have you been out here?” she asked, shifting the plant onto her hip.
“Not too long. What’s with the plant?” Leo eyed it skeptically.
“Oh, it’s a wedding present,” Evelyn lied. “It represents hope or luck or something in Lochmatten.”
“Let’s have that sent to your room.” Leo got the attention of a guard, who took the plant from Evelyn. Then Leo looped her arm in his. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see. It’s not far.”
They left through the front door and walked past the garden. The sun had gone down and the rushing sound of the river seemed amplified in the dark.
The silence that fell between them was awkward. Evelyn struggled to think of something to say.
It was never this hard before. Talking with Leo was always easy.
“Did you speak with Hannah?” she asked.
Leo winced. “Briefly. I apologized for… everything. Did you talk to Ritter?”
The Bargain magic forced Evelyn’s grimace into a smile. “I did. He said he’ll send us a wedding present.”
He also threatened to destroy my reputation, but that’s not important.
“Huh.” Leo kicked at a pebble. “I guess I imagined him having a bigger reaction.”
They went quiet again.
Why does this feel so wrong? I don’t feel like I’m about to get married. Did I make a mistake?
“I don’t know how to do this with you,” Evelyn blurted.
Leo stopped to face her. “What do you mean?”
“Doesn’t this feel weird? We’ve only been a secret before and now we’re together? Just like that?”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes, but… this isn’t what I thought it would feel like. This isn’t how I pictured us.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I thought you were a guard!” Her voice came out louder than she intended. “Two weeks isn’t enough time to go from flirting with a guard to marrying a king.”
Evelyn’s heart pounded and she fought the instinct to run.
Gods, what is happening? Everything was fine and now it feels like I’m trapped.
Leo put his hands on her shoulders. “Evelyn, it’s still me. I didn’t change.”
She shook out of his grasp. “But you did! You aren’t the same person who made me tea in the middle of the night.”
Do I even know who I agreed to marry? We’ve only had one normal conversation since our fight on the beach, and it was the day his father died. This week has been a nightmare.
“You changed too.” Leo’s voice was gentle, but his pain was clear. “You don’t look at me the way you used to. And I know that’s my fault. I broke your trust and I hurt you.”
Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut and clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to block the unexpected tidal wave of emotion.
Why do I feel like I’m drowning? Like everything I’m worried about is pulling me under.
“I…” Leo hesitated. “I don’t know what I’m doing.
I don’t know how to keep a kingdom safe without my father.
I don’t know how to get my mother to stop crying.
I don’t know how to please the courts and the army and not lose who I am.
But I know that I love you. I know that all I’ve wanted to do for days is hold you. ”
She reluctantly opened her eyes.
I don’t want to make Leo’s life harder. I’m not trying to make him feel worse.
He cupped her face before she could turn away. “Please, Princess. You are right about everything. It’s too fast. You don’t know me as Alexander yet, and maybe I don’t know you either. But I can’t do this without you.”
“What do you want me to do?” Evelyn whispered.
“Just be with me. We can figure out everything else as we go. I will give you all of me if you’re at my side.”
His sweet words are like a wine I want to keep drinking. This is my Leo. This is the man who held me the night his father died and barely let go in the morning.
A small smile appeared on her face. “You would make me a queen just so I’ll hold your hand?”
“Is that crazy?” Leo asked.
“Yes!”
He leaned closer. “Will you marry me anyway?”
“You already asked me to marry you.”
“I’m asking again. I surprised you this morning and that wasn’t fair. But now everything is catching up to you and it feels real and you’re scared.”
Evelyn shivered at the accuracy. “You want to propose while I’m scared?”
“I want you to choose me despite being scared. I want you to pick marrying me over running away. I want you to trust that tomorrow will be better than yesterday.”
Leo is giving me a choice. He is begging, but he won’t force me to do anything. All Haydn ever did was tell me what to do.
“Promise me something,” Evelyn said.
“Anything.”
“If we get married, we belong to each other. You are mine and I am yours. I won’t just be the girl the king married. I won’t be pushed aside and locked out of meetings. If we do this, we do it together.”
Leo’s eyes were full of hope. “I promise.”
Evelyn took a deep breath. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I’m scared… but I’m choosing you.”
Leo’s lips found hers before she could blink. The kiss was prayer and promise.
We’ve both spent so much time trying not to feel anything, pretending like we weren’t hurting. We can’t do that anymore.
Leo beamed. “Those were our vows, Evelyn. You are mine and I am yours. The promises we just made are what matters. A wedding will only make it official to everyone else. I love you, and I am yours.”
“I love you, and I am yours,” Evelyn repeated.
He kissed her left hand and admired the ring on her finger. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
“Right now?”
Leo led her toward the docks. She spotted her father's ship from Carrowmore, as well as Moeller’s ship from Lochmatten. Even while holding Leo’s hand, Evelyn had the urge to board one of them and leave.
Cold feet. I’m allowed to be nervous before my wedding.
They entered a small building frequented by guards supervising the harbor.
The main room had a heavy wooden desk and a large table.
Maps, logbooks, and dirty coffee mugs littered the space.
A soaking wet uniform hung over the back of a chair, like a guard had fallen in the ocean and changed clothes in a hurry.
A short hallway led to three smaller rooms: a bathroom, a storage room full of crates, and a casual break room.
Leo brought Evelyn into the last room. There was a well-worn couch along one wall. A square table sat in a corner, with playing cards splayed out on top as if guards had left mid-game. A lopsided bookshelf held exactly one book and twelve bottles of liquor. The door to a closet was slightly ajar.
“Where did she go?” Leo muttered.
“Who?” Evelyn asked. “A guard? There’s no one here.”
“Mrrow!”
An orange striped tabby cat darted out of the closet. Evelyn jumped at the sudden movement. The animal leapt onto the arm of the couch and trilled at Leo.
“There you are, beautiful.” Leo scratched the cat’s head and under her chin.
“I’ve never heard a cat purr that loudly,” Evelyn noted.
“Her name is Daffodil.”
“Aren’t daffodils toxic to cats?”
“That hasn’t stopped this one. I don’t think she ever swallowed them, but she liked to chew on daffodil petals and leave a mess. Mother finally removed all the daffodils from the garden.”
Evelyn laughed. “What a strange little predator!”
“I’ve wondered sometimes if she’s not a particularly dumb Shapeshifter from Trasmyr who got stuck in her cat form.”
As if detecting the insult, Daffodil swatted at Leo’s hand and darted over to Evelyn. The cat rubbed against Evelyn’s legs, leaving plenty of hair on her dress.
“This is who you wanted me to meet?”
“I hope you’re not jealous of the other female in my life,” Leo teased.
“So she’s yours? Why is she in the dock office?”
“This is her favorite spot. The guards give her lots of attention and extra treats. I tried moving her into the palace a couple times, but she kept running away.”
“Daffodil likes her freedom. Smart cat.”
Some of the light left Leo’s eyes. “Is the palace such a bad place to live?”
Dammit. That’s not what I meant. Except… maybe it is.
“Only for a wild beast like Daffodil,” Evelyn said. “Look at the fierce creature!”
Daffodil had one leg in the air as she licked herself in private areas.
“Oh, yes. She’s fearsome,” Leo said sarcastically. He stepped forward and took Evelyn’s hands. “Do you like it here? In Gryon and in the palace? You will be happy here, right?”
“Of course,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “Gryon is beautiful. It’s just that I barely had time to learn my way around the castle in Carrowmore, and now there’s a whole new kingdom to get used to.”
“I know you never expected to be a princess. I certainly never expected to be a king.”
“I’m sorry about your brother. I don’t think I ever told you that.”
“Christopher was meant to be a king, by birthright and because of who he was as a person. He never even took the throne and I feel like I have to live up to him.”
“Rowan vomited all over the terrace when he realized he was in line for the throne of Carrowmore.”
Leo chuckled. “I don’t blame him. What was your reaction when you found out you would be a princess?”
“I was mostly annoyed,” Evelyn recalled. “I didn’t want to leave my home. I didn’t want my whole world to change when none of it was my choice.”
Leo looked nervous again. “Do you feel that way now?”
Yes. I don’t want to be a queen.
But I can’t say that. I can’t hurt him.
“I want to be with you,” she said. “I can handle anything if it means I get to be with you.”
Her heart lightened when Leo smiled.
“You will be an incredible queen, Evelyn. The whole kingdom will love you.”
“Be careful with your promises, Leo. I might become more popular than you.”
“I hope you do. I want everyone to know how amazing you are.”
Leo kissed Evelyn, his lips soft against hers. She breathed in his familiar citrusy scent. It took only heartbeats for the sweet kiss to turn heated, their breaths and pulses quickening. Evelyn stood on tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck. The dimly lit room suddenly felt much warmer.
Despite Daffodil’s attempts to trip them, Leo guided Evelyn over to the couch.
She barely registered being horizontal before he was on top of her.
Leo kissed her greedily, trying to make up for lost time.
One of his thighs pushed between her legs.
She moaned at the contact and rocked against him.
He shifted and the hardness of him pressed to her stomach.
Yes, gods, I need—
An alarm bell sounded in Evelyn’s head, overriding her own arousal.
No! I can’t do this with him today!
“Stop!”
Leo pulled away. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
Evelyn shook her head. Leo climbed off her, and they both sat up.
“What happened? I thought you wanted to—”
“I did!” she interrupted. “I do, I just…”
Evelyn scrambled to think of something to say that wasn’t “I would feel icky having sex with you because Haydn was in my bed this morning.”
Leo searched her face for an explanation. “Did I do something to upset you?”
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I… I want to wait until we get married.”
His brows furrowed at the unexpected request. “You want to wait until after the wedding to be together?”
“Yes.”
This sounds so silly. But it would be weirder to ask him to wait until tomorrow for no apparent reason. That would feel like I’m scheduling appointments for sex.
“Are you…” Leo’s eyes widened. “Have you not done this before?”
Gods, this is mortifying.
“No! I mean, yes! I have done this before.” Evelyn’s cheeks were as red as her hair.
“Then… why?” he asked with a hint of impatience. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I just don’t understand what changed so quickly.”
“We’re about to be king and queen. I think we should have our rings and crowns before sleeping together.”
“I didn’t think you cared that much about tradition.”
“I don’t, usually.” She scanned the room for inspiration. “But I don’t think most monarchs had sex for the first time on a dirty couch by the docks.”
Leo actually laughed at that. “You might have a point there.”
“So… is it okay if we wait? It’s only two more days.”
“Yes. Anything you want, Princess. But our wedding night might be the only thing I think about over the next two days.”
Evelyn blushed deeper and lifted a hand to tuck her hair back.
Leo’s expression darkened as something caught his attention. “What’s on your wrist?”
Shit. I forgot about that.
I can’t lie. I’ve done enough lying already.
She held out her arm and braced herself for his reaction.
He examined the small heart tattoo. “I don’t remember this.”
Evelyn’s face remained neutral even as her guts twisted around themselves. “It’s from Haydn. But it’s not a normal tattoo. I made a deal with him and the heart is a mark of that.”
Leo dropped her hand. “You made a Bargain with Ritter? About what?”
“When I visit Lochmatten, he will tell me a secret.”
“What kind of secret?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t even know what Bargain magic was at the time. The tattoo was a surprise.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
A spark of irritation replaced her guilt. “When was I supposed to tell you? We’ve barely spoken since that night!”
“Who else knows about it?”
“Just Damien.”
Leo’s nostrils flared. “Why him?”
“It was during the ball. Damien stayed with me while you danced with everyone else.”
“I didn’t have a choice. I did what was expected of me.”
“That’s—” Evelyn cut herself off.
That’s the whole problem. I almost lost you because you only did what your father wanted. If you had made your own choices, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess.
She tried again. “I understand you were playing the role of a prince that night. Damien chose to be at my side so I wouldn’t be alone while you fulfilled your obligations. He said I should be grateful the tattoo is a heart and not something embarrassing.”
Leo glared at the mark on her wrist.
“Haydn is gone,” Evelyn reminded him. “He’s in Lochmatten, and I’m here with you. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
Probably.
Leo didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he nodded. “We should go back to the palace.”
She agreed, and they left after petting Daffodil one more time.
Do all couples argue this much before they get married?