Chapter 4 #3
“Jessica, I am not looking for a wife. I would not notice her anyway because my mind is consumed with this new chapter of my life. But the real question is, what good would being worried do? That solves nothing, and even though the situation is not ideal, it still worked out. You are here where you wanted to be, and now I have the help I need. However, out of this arrangement, you are the one who got the shaft because I do snore, and I’ll probably pass gas in my sleep and stink the whole cabin up. ”
That brings a small smile to her face as she shakes her head slightly. “You are quite shameless, Mr. Kerns.”
“Seems like you and my mother have the same opinion of me. Now sit down, you are making me nervous with all your fidgeting.”
The whistle blows, and the train jerks as we start rolling slowly down the track. I busy myself unpacking one of my bags just to do something besides look at her as she sits on the edge of her bed. I am not sure who is more relieved, me or her, when the tea tray arrives.
Jessica instantly clicks into servant mode and it is like watching someone flip a switch. She gathers the cart, rearranging things on it to suit her, then pours me the first cup. “Would you like sugar or cream, Sir?”
“Okay, the next time you call me that, I am not going to respond.”
“It’s a habit.”
“I understand that, but it’s also the best way for us to get caught.
” Sighing tiredly, I run my hands through my unruly hair.
“Jessica, you and I are going to be together for a long time, possibly the rest of our lives. That is, unless or until you find a man and decide to leave me to start your own life. You need to see me as more than your employer, as I would prefer to be your friend as well. We are both relocating to a part of the world where we will be the only familiar faces around. We will need to be able to rely on each other … And I’m a sugar man. ”
“I am not looking for a man, … Reggie. I’ve witnessed enough failed relationships and marriages to see what that kind of heartache does to the one left behind. I simply want a fair wage where I can have a few small comforts and live out my life peacefully.”
“Wow, that is pretty jaded and somewhat depressing … how old are you, fifty? You’re just a young filly still.”
“I am twenty-three and old enough to know my own mind.”
I take the teapot out of her hand and motion for her to sit across from me at the little table in the room.
“How do you take your tea?”
“Sugar and cream.”
“You spoiled debutante, you!”
I can tell she is fighting her emotions as she looks down. “Stop it.”
The blush that crosses her delicate cheeks is well worth the teasing. “Yes, but I made you smile. You are simply uncomfortable with me because you know nothing about me. So, ask your questions.”
“I know more about you than you think, Reggie. I asked around before I decided to get on this train, and because Mrs. Beacon had worked for Mr. Hayes for most of her life, she was very informative. Once I mentioned I was considering your offer, she encouraged me to come with you. Said worst-case scenario, I could always find Mr. Hayes. She said he was too much of a gentleman to abandon me, and he would either take me in himself or find me another position. She thought a lot of him and his missing sister. Did he ever find her? I am assuming he did, and that’s why he sold his homes and decided to stay out there with her. ”
I am shocked by how much I get out of her and how animated she is once she starts talking.
“Grant did find Eliza, but she passed away shortly afterward. Then, because Grant never does what any of us expects, he stayed instead of coming back home. He is the reason I too, am headed out West. Grant is respected by all who know him, and yes, your Mrs. Beacon was correct, he would do all those things for you. However, you have me, so you won’t have to worry about it.
But, Miss Jessica, you do have me at a disadvantage, as I know absolutely nothing about you.
So, let me think where to start … oh yes, one of your statements caught my attention.
How did you learn to shoot a gun and ride a horse? ”
“I was an only child, but not for their lack of trying. Mother didn’t like me underfoot, but Father always welcomed my help, even when I was little.
By the time I was ten years old, I was roping cows and slaughtering pigs.
By twelve, I was helping Dad hunt so we could stock the cellar for winter.
I would have helped sooner, but the shotgun kept knocking me off my feet until I gained a little weight.
By the time I was thirteen or so, Mom had suffered many miscarriages.
She fell into a melancholy state after the last one, putting most of the work inside and out on me.
Consequently, after the hay field caught fire, Dad was compelled to seek employment elsewhere for the summer, leaving me to manage Mother.
One winter night, after chopping wood and taking care of what animals were left on the farm, I fell into a deep, exhausted sleep in front of the fireplace.
I don’t know how I missed her opening the front door, but she walked out into three feet of snow with nothing on but her sleeping gown.
I found her frozen to the ground the next morning. ”
Her tea is getting cold in her hand as she stares at the wall, her mind replaying the hell of that day.
“Damn girl … that’s rough. I’m sure that was hard on you and your father.”
“Dad didn’t even know, … probably still doesn’t …
he left us. At first, he came home every chance he could.
Then he said the distance between his job and home was too far.
He sent money for a while, then it stopped.
After I buried Mom, I tried my best to locate him, but it was as if he had simply disappeared.
The man who owned our plot didn’t think it was proper for a woman-child, that’s what he called me, to work the land alone.
According to the law, the only way I was going to be able to keep my home was to marry, and I would have rather been homeless than forced to marry any of the men in that area. ”
“Is that how you ended up at Grant’s?”
“Partially, or I should say it set the wheels in motion. The man who owned our property helped me sell the few things that were worth anything. I was sitting at the kitchen table crying, with a bag at my side containing all my belongings and a few dollars in my hand, with nowhere to go, when his wife took pity on me. She had a sister in the city. Mrs. Marshal was always looking for help, or that’s what she told me when she handed me a ticket on the next stagecoach.
Even though I was terrified of leaving home and everything I had ever known …
I forced myself to walk forward, and when I got on that stagecoach, I promised myself I would never look back.
But because of her generosity, I was sent somewhere where I was taught a trade that gave me the means to support myself.
When Mrs. Marshal passed, her solicitor was instructed to find each of us a position.
I was fortunate again when he sent me to Mrs. Beacon.
I worked with her in several homes. She was teaching me to take her place at Mr. Hayes’, a position I was working hard to earn, when he announced he was selling the house, and I was once again looking for a job.
She gets quiet, and I see her take a deep breath as she sits up straight, and I know she feels like it’s her against the world, and suddenly, all I want to do is pull her close and comfort her.
“I am sure there is plenty you are leaving out.”
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
“That had to be a hard change for you, going from tomboy status to maid status?”
“I missed the familiarity and oddly enough, the comfort of pants, but Mrs. Marshal kept me busy. She was stern and not one for nonsense, but I never went to bed hungry at her house. She was determined to make a lady out of me, and she told me that on more than one occasion. I worked hard and learned to read and write. Before she passed, I was even keeping her books. Mrs. Marshal took me in when I had nowhere to go, and I am grateful for the positive influence she had in my young life.”
“Sounds like a good woman. I am happy that your story had some happiness in it. So, after feeling the luxury of a warm bed and a full belly, what would possess you to want to come West?”
“Life was changing around me again. All the things and people I’d grown comfortable with were leaving or going their own way.
I didn’t want to learn a new family, with new rules and lessons.
I’ve always been a simple girl, and I figure that if this adventure doesn’t work out, there will be other options for me, especially since society isn’t as strict out West. Who knows, I may even own my own land one day. ”
“Hmm, the story you just told me doesn’t quite fit the girl I see.
Yes, I notice poise and manners. I also see the meekness many maids show, but you’re hiding behind that because it’s safe.
What I believe made you pack what little you have and get on this train is the adventure you’re after.
You want to let your hair down, ride a horse, and shoot dinner if necessary.
You’ve learned to be a maid and a lady, but you long for the freedom you once had. ”
She doesn’t say yes or no; she simply takes a drink of her lukewarm tea, looking at me over the rim of her cup.
“May I ask you a question?”
“Go right ahead.” I can see my words have hit their mark, even if she is not willing to accept them right now.
“What made you … a man who had it all … sell everything and head into the unknown?”
“I’d be lying if I said I knew, but I was growing tired of the world I was living in and saw no change happening.
If I’d stayed, I believe my spirit would have died, and someday I would have become just a shell of who I am now.
Am I scared? Hell yeah! I might never see this dream come true because of all the dangers in this part of the country, but the unknown offers hope where the familiar only brought stagnation and regret.
I’ve always been a wanderer, always eager for the next new adventure, and when this opportunity came along, I saw it as a blessing and seized it. ”
“What are your plans once we get wherever it is we are going?”
“We are headed to St. George, Utah, where I am in the process of buying several thousand acres. I plan to build myself a nice home beneath the watchful eyes of wheat fields and snow-capped mountains. A place where the air is fresh and the possibilities are endless. I expect the first years to be tough as there will always be unknown hardships and problems, but that’s life.
I will say there won’t be many luxuries available to you, especially in the beginning, and that does worry me slightly. ”
Jessica doesn’t immediately respond, but I notice her eyes glancing around the sleeping car we are in. When she turns toward me, I see insecurity and fear in her features, but I quickly realize it’s not because of the hardships coming, but because of the situation I have placed us both in.
“What will happen to me when you do find a wife? Most women, and I only speak of this because I know how I would react myself, but a real lady wouldn’t allow one to remain in her home who pretended to be more than what she was.
I would prefer you to be honest with me now, so that I am not shocked later. ”
I reach over and take her small hand, immediately noticing how mine completely engulfs hers.
“As long as I have a home Jessica, so will you. I am a man of my word, and I won’t break it for anyone.
” Before I can reassure her further, the bell above the door rings, and I stand up to see who it is.
Finding the dinner cart beside the door, I pull it into the room, then glance outside the window, realizing dusk is upon us.
“I hope this tastes as good as it smells. The day has gotten away from me, and I missed the midday meal in the mix of it.” Instantly, Jessica starts gathering the tea tray and rearranging the table so the food trays will fit.
I start to tell her to sit and relax, but I know she needs to feel like she is doing something, and sometimes anything familiar helps, so I sit down and let her do her thing.
Once done, she hesitates, and I motion for her to take the seat across from me.
“That is your seat for the remainder of this trip, Jessica. We will dine together and learn to be comfortable in each other’s company.
I am not always a pleasant man, but I will tell you that I am not quickly angered either, so you have no reason to be leery of me.
If you do something I am not pleased with, we will speak of it in private.
If, at any point from now until the day we part, you have an issue with me, you need to speak plainly.
I do not understand the mind of a woman, and I don’t take hints. ”
She nods and sits down gracefully, and I am happy when she starts eating instead of just picking at the food like some women I’ve dined with before.
I quickly devour the simple roast and potatoes, surprised at how flavorful and tender they are for a train dinner.
Jessica pushes her plate back, and I reach over with my fork, grabbing the last potato off her plate, curious about how she will react.
When she rolls her eyes, I can’t help but smile.
“You couldn’t have just asked?”
“What fun would that be?”
Before I can wipe the smile off my face, she reaches over and takes a huge hunk off the top of the carrot cake she had placed next to my plate for dessert. I know my mouth is gaping open as she smiles around her fork.
“Devious and pretty all in the same package. I will have to stay on guard with you when it comes to sweets.”
“I will admit, it is my one true weakness … you may need to guard your desserts from now on.”
“This could mean war, you know. The taking of a potato is nowhere near the same as stealing icing.”
I am rewarded with a smile that I must look away from, knowing it will haunt me from now on, as I find myself drawn to my maid.
Her beauty was hidden behind ill-fitting clothes and downcast eyes, but for a man who has seen more than his fair share of beauties in his life, I will admit I am surprised at how much I want to be the one to bring that smile to her face from now on.