Chapter 25
JESSICA
Jessica
When I hear the cabin door open, I shove the rest of the stuff I’ll need to take with me into the bag and climb out of the back.
Looking around the side, I see they’re all standing together on the porch talking, so I stroll over to the wagon Deven was driving and slip my carpetbag into the back, then hook the flap back in place so that it looks like it’s closed.
Reggie and Grant are talking to Jacob when a few other men ride up on horseback.
Apparently, they’re from the mercantile and have come to help.
The men are all slapping each other on the back and talking spiritedly amongst themselves, but shortly after I see Jacob and Marcus heading to the remaining wagons.
Little Henry waves at me as he climbs onto the seat, then Reggie looks over at me.
I can hear him tell the men to excuse him for a minute before he walks my way.
“Jess, do you have your things sorted?”
“Yes.”
“Alright then, well, we are going to head on out. Grant says the place is about three miles away, and since it’s late in the day, we may not make it back.
You go ahead and stay here with Lauren and rest. This will give you girls time to get to know each other.
Things are hectic right now, but we will talk in the morning. ”
I let him kiss me on the forehead one last time before saying, “Goodbye, Reggie.”
He stops, looking at me funny, only for Grant to yell out his name. He forgets me instantly, and all I can do is stand there and watch him ride off on Bells. He has a huge smile on his face as his dreams are all coming true, while mine die slowly in my chest the farther away he gets.
Several of the men stay behind, and I can hear them all talking inside the house as I walk up the steps slowly.
Sticking my head inside, I wait a moment to see where everyone is, only to find no one in the main parlor.
Not sure exactly which room Reggie stays in, I walk down the hallway, opening each door until I see his bags lying just inside the last room.
The shirt he had on earlier is draped over the edge of the bed, and I pick it up, grasping it tightly against my face as I take in his comforting smell one last time.
Pulling the lace gloves out of my pocket, I lay them on the chest next to the bed, then slowly pull off the ring he gave me and place it on top of them.
He’ll know when he sees it that I am gone.
He will probably feel bad for a bit, but in time, I’ll simply be a person he used to know.
When I hear the oxen stirring outside, I know Deven and Colby are getting ready to leave.
Making myself lay his shirt back down, I peek out the bedroom door, glad to see the hallway is still empty.
Sneaking back out of the house as easily as I came in, I quickly scramble up into the back of Deven’s wagon, where I’d hidden my bag earlier.
I climb under one of the tarps inside, so that at a glance, I would blend in with the few crates left in the back.
A few minutes later, I feel him climbing into the front seat, and the wagon pulls off.
It will take a little over an hour for the wagons to return to the livery.
I must put my hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing as I try my best not to fall apart, as crying does no one any good and usually just makes me sick afterward, but dreams die hard.
Thankfully, by the time the wagon is slowing down, I’ve gained control of my emotions enough that I know I need to stay still and quiet until they lock up the barn for the night. I can hear Zeus and Coco moving around in the stall, and I almost call out to him when he kicks at the door.
What feels like forever, but is probably less than an hour later, I hear the squeak of the doors moving, and the barn gets dark.
Sliding out from under the heavy tarp, I take a deep breath only to shiver as the cool air hits me.
Now that I know everyone is gone, I stand up in the back and take off the new dress I’d worn out there today, changing into the shirt and skirt I’d bought at Violet’s to travel in.
When I finally climb out of the back, I reach back in and grab one of the extra blankets to take with me, along with my bag.
Zeus whinnies playfully when he sees me coming his way.
“Hello, handsome. Can I stay with you two tonight?”
I swear this horse understands me because he steps back away from the gate for me to walk through.
Piling some of the extra hay up in the corner, I settle in for the evening.
Zeus stands before me every now and then, he even reaches down, sniffing or nuzzling my head to make sure I’m still there.
I have no idea how I manage to, but I fall into a dreamless sleep only to wake up when I hear a rooster outside the barn.
Gathering what few things I have up, I pull a stray piece of straw out of my hair and shake my skirts out, hoping I’m somewhat presentable when I walk out of here.
Leaning against Zeus, I am once again trying not to cry, as I’m sick of being an emotional basket case.
I pet him lovingly before doing the same to Coco and then walk out of the stall and through the door on the side.
I don’t say goodbye because he really does seem to sense my moods.
Although I’m uncertain about the stagecoach’s arrival time and ticket purchasing locations, I suspect the mercantile will have the information.
Just about the time I am getting ready to cross the street, I see Deven and Colby step out of the inn.
I duck into the closest alley, hoping neither of them notices me.
I know I could ride back with either of them, but that simply puts me right back in the same situation I was in coming out here, and I don’t have the energy to fight off Colby’s advances.
Peeking around the corner, I see the coast is clear, so I quickly head over to the mercantile.
A small bell rings when I open the door.
The place is clean, well-organized, and stocked with a few things I have never seen before.
Walking up to the counter, I glance around, wondering where everyone is.
“Hello?”
“Coming, I thought I heard the bell.” The older gentleman I had met when we first arrived comes around the corner. “Good morning, Miss. How may I help you?”
“I need to inquire as to where I can buy a ticket for the next stagecoach and when it’s supposed to be back this way?”
“You’re in luck, as I sell the tickets and it will be here in about forty minutes. JD is rarely ever late.”
He tilts his head, looking at me closer, and I turn my head. He only met me for a short while, and I look nothing like I did before in these plain clothes. I hold the envelope Reggie gave me with the banknotes I didn’t even count inside.
“Is there room for another on the coach?”
“I’ve not been notified that there isn’t. How far are you going?”
“Promontory.”
“I can sell you a ticket to Fillmore, but you will have to rebook from that point on.”
“I’ll take it, thank you. Will I have time to get something to eat before he arrives?”
“Maggie always has box lunches and simple breakfasts fixed on the days the coach comes through. You should have adequate time to grab a few things. It gets cold at night; you’ll need more than that light blanket to get you through. JD’s coach has no luxuries.”
I take the envelope out of my pocket and open it for the first time, slightly shocked by how thick it is. Glancing through it quickly, I pull out the fare for the stagecoach and tuck it back in my inner skirt pocket to look at more closely later.
I glance around, knowing he is right, but I don’t want to part with the money I need for a jacket. The heavy one that Reggie bought me was in Marcus’ wagon, and I simply forgot to grab it. I am so deep in thought that when he reaches out, touching my arm gently, I jerk.
“Miss, I have a few used men’s coats in the back; they’ll be too big on you, but they’re better than nothing. Or you can walk next door and see if Beatrice has anything more suitable.”
“Thank you, Sir. I’ll take one of the used ones, but could you hold it here for me until I return from the diner?”
“I’ll pull them out so that you can pick the one you want. What’s the name for the ticket, miss?”
“Renee Welch and thank you for all your help. I’ll return shortly.”
Thankfully, I don’t pass anyone on the way to the diner, and even though I get several looks from the young woman who served us last night, she doesn’t say anything, and I am grateful.
When I walk back into the mercantile, the older man is with another customer, but true to his word, he has several coats out on the counter.
I pick the heaviest one even though it’s way too long for me.
I am standing in line waiting for him to get through when I hear the stagecoach coming our way.
“Whoa!” The coach rocks back and forth as it comes to a stop in front of the mercantile. “Ladies and gentlemen, we will be here for ten minutes, not eleven or twelve … ten … be back, or I’ll leave you. I have a tight schedule to keep.”
The driver climbs down as several men from the livery start changing out the horses, walking straight into the mercantile. “Old man Harvey, who are we picking up this morning?”
“Just this little filly, JD.”
He looks down at me and at the small bag sitting next to me on the floor. “This all you have with you?”
“Yes, but I can hold it in my lap.”
“Suit yourself, might as well go ahead and climb in, they have seven minutes to join you.”
I start to turn, only to realize I am still holding the jacket. “How much do I owe you?”
“Ah it’s an old one, go ahead and take it … pass it on when you no longer need it.”
“Thank you.” Biting my lip, his small kindness seems to destroy the walls I had built around my heart this morning.
I gather my things up and walk out to the open door of the coach, only to find ripped seats and dust everywhere inside.
Sighing wearily, I cross over so that I am sitting next to the window.
I’ve just placed the light blanket under my butt so that I’ll have some kind of cushion between me and the wood below when an older man and what appears to be his daughter climb back in.
The daughter sits on my side, her father across from her, and the door closes behind them.
Oddly enough, they don’t say a word, and I decide that’s just fine; I am not suitable company anyway.
The entire coach tilts when the driver climbs up, and with the flick of his wrist, we are pulling out.
I catch a glimpse of Zeus in the barn when we roll past, and I close the curtain until we are completely out of town, as I don’t want to take a chance Colby or Deven will see me.
As I pull the small box lunch out, I pick at the biscuit inside, only for it to turn to dirt in my mouth.
Nauseated, I pack it all back up and put it back in my bag.
My stomach is churning almost as quickly as the wheels on this coach, and I know it’s just my nerves.
Now that things have calmed down, I wonder if I should have said something to Reggie about what he said to Grant.
I should have made him tell me what awaited me when our trip came to an end.
Instead, I stuck my head in the dirt and pretended like the end wasn’t coming closer every day.
Now I’m gonna spend the rest of my life wondering about what could have been, questions and things I’ll never know the answers to.
But I am glad I heard the words straight from his mouth after all, I’m just a Maid …
a person I’m not sure exactly how to go back to being.
The countryside rolls by, and I close my eyes as the coach rocks roughly along the trail, thinking of how quickly my life has once again changed.
Reggie is not entirely to blame for my current predicament; I am as much at fault.
I knew he was not mine, but I allowed the waking up in his arms, and the taste of his lips to lure me into a falsehood.
When that mountain lion almost got me, I truly thought he had come to care for me, but now I know he would have treated anyone the way he did me.
He is naturally affectionate, and in my innocence, I simply read more into it.
I look down at where my ring used to be on my hand, suddenly feeling naked after wearing it for weeks.
He told me he was coming to care for me and that the ring was mine, no matter what happened.
But now I think he was just caught up in the moment, and I simply absorbed it like a dry rag.
But my mind will never forget the odd feelings of need that tingled through me the night he kissed my breasts, something that should have mortified me at the time, but instead it made me ache for something just out of reach.
I shake my head, ashamed of how far I have fallen, hardly believing that just last night I was on top of the world, walking beside him hand and hand like I was his.
Wiping a random tear off my face, I refuse to allow any more to follow.
The sun is high in the sky when I open the curtain, so it’s probably just about the time Reggie and the others are returning to Grant’s.
I know he’ll act as if he is concerned when the others realize I am not there, but secretly, he will rejoice that I took that final step and embarrassment away from him.
I move my skirt aside, making sure the small trinket box is still securely tied to my waist, and try to think about what to do next.
It will take several days by coach to reach Promontory.
I know that Victoria and Tyberius were heading west, and she said I was always welcome …
but right now, I am not sure that I want to lean on anyone else for a while; it hurts too much when people leave.
So maybe I’ll get on that train and head back east. Someone must be hiring, after all, I am a maid.
If I don’t have an answer by the time I get back to Chicago, maybe I’ll head south to the Carolinas where one of their homes is.
However, for the next few days, because I am stuck on this stagecoach, all I have to keep me company are memories and failed dreams.