Chapter 14 Edith
EDITH
In the toilets, Edith washed her hands then patted cold water over her cheeks before drying them and gently reapplying some powder. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup, but when she was working, she strove to make sure she looked smart and professional.
Her eyes, usually bright, looked dark as evergreens in the electric light, and she stared into them, wishing she had some way of calming herself down.
It had been a lovely morning so far tasting so many delicious cakes, but she had also been aware every moment that Wyatt was right there.
Every time he opened his mouth and that gorgeous New York accent emerged along with the deep timbre of his voice, she felt her whole body quiver.
Wyatt was so masculine and so in control of himself.
In comparison, she felt like an anxious mess, like she could fall apart at any moment and burst into tears.
Perhaps it was because she had residual feelings for him, but he clearly had none for her now.
She felt like a silly schoolgirl in his presence, inexperienced and na?ve, whereas he seemed like a grownup, a man who knew what he was doing and where he was going.
Shaking her head, she applied some lipstick and then met her eyes again. This would not do. She was here to help her friends plan their wedding, not fall apart over the only man she’d ever loved.
Back in the café, the sounds and aromas comforted her like a warm hug, and she settled onto her chair again, sipped the fresh coffee someone had ordered and exhaled her anxiety.
Titus and Finn were telling a funny story about a holiday they’d enjoyed in Italy, when they’d taken a speedboat out on Lake Como and both jumped in.
Being quite muscular and strong, Titus had managed to pull himself back onto the boat, but Finn had struggled.
They’d both ended up laughing so hard that Finn had kept slipping back into the water.
She laughed as they told the story, and soon she was doubled over — partly because it was so funny and partly because she’d been holding in so much tension.
‘That’s such a brilliant story,’ Wyatt said. ‘What happened in the end?’
‘I eventually dragged him into the boat, and we lay there for a while giggling like fools and panting with the exertion of it all,’ Titus said. ‘But since then, Finn has always declined to jump off anything into the water.’
‘Not so much as a diving board over a pool,’ Finn said, shaking his head. ‘It scarred me for life.’
‘Oh Finn, you’re such a drama queen.’ Titus reached over and caressed Finn’s cheek, and a moment passed between them that made Edith’s heart thud.
What must it be like to be loved that much?
To know that someone else had your back and always would do?
Her vision blurred, so she blinked hard and turned to gaze out of the window at the beautiful gardens that were a balm for the soul.
She watched as two small birds fluttered around on the grass, clearly watching something that was too small for her to see from here.
They pecked at it then fluttered their wings again.
She realised they were likely after an insect, deciding if they could take it or not.
Deciding whether they were brave enough to eat it.
Just like people, they had to weigh up if the risk was worth it.
Titus and Finn had decided it was, and she admired them for it.
She didn’t think she’d ever be brave enough to take a risk that involved her heart again.
‘OK then,’ Ellie said as she approached the table.
‘It’s time for Round 2.’ She set down some more plates and explained what was on each one, then they started tasting again.
Peach and raspberry, peanut butter and chocolate, cherry and lemon.
They were all delicious and Edith savoured each bite before washing it down with coffee.
‘So what do you think?’ Ellie asked, looking at Finn and Titus.
They frowned and looked around the table again.
‘I still love the elderflower one,’ Finn said.
‘It is nice. But I’m a sucker for chocolate.’ Titus pointed at the chocolate fudge cake. ‘What do you think?’ He directed the question at Edith and Wyatt.
‘If it was my wedding,’ Wyatt said, ‘I’d go for the chocolate fudge cake.’
‘If it was your wedding,’ Edith said, anger bubbling in her gut. ‘But it’s not, is it?’
Wyatt’s eyes widened slightly. ‘I know that, Edith.’ He gave a weak laugh that lit something inside her, and she glared at him.
How dare he speak to her as if she was stupid?
Yes, she had been stupid to trust him all those years ago, but she’d had no reason not to.
He had told her he loved her and wanted to be with her, and she had loved him and… and…
Now he was mocking her?
‘No, because you’re probably one of those men who doesn’t want to get married, aren’t you? The type who makes a woman fall in love and believe you’ve got her back and then ups and leaves. The type who—’ To her horror, her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked.
No, don’t weaken now. Be strong. Anger makes you strong. Harness that anger and stay strong, Edith!
‘The t-type who kisses a woman tenderly then catches his flight home, lets her believe he’ll be back for her soon and then… he’s never seen again.’ She leapt to her feet and hooked her bag over her shoulder. ‘That is until he accidentally bumps into her because a mutual friend is getting married.’
She pushed her chair under the table and then it hit her what she’d done. She was here for work, and she’d just freaked out in front of her clients, who were also friends.
Looking at Finn and Titus, she dug her nails into her palms. ‘I am incredibly sorry. That was very unprofessional of me. I… I can’t explain my behaviour other than to say that Wyatt here just…
triggered something in me. I-I’m sorry. If you decide you don’t want my help with the wedding, I’ll understand.
I’m going to go now because I can’t stay here…
I need some air. Good luck with the cakes.
I’m sure that whatever you choose will be perfect. ’
She flashed a regretful smile at Finn and Titus, then at Ellie, who was standing next to the table, staring hard at the floor as if she didn’t know where to look.
‘Sorry, Ellie. Sorry everyone.’
Turning on her wedges, Edith marched out of the café, out of the gardens and onto the road that led down to the village.
And now she let the tears flow down her cheeks.
What on earth was that? What had she done?
Ruining her career was not a good move at all!
She was always so professional and together, had been for years, and then Wyatt came back into her world, and she fell apart.
Why had she let him affect her like that? Why?
She was sobbing so loudly she didn’t hear footsteps behind her until someone caught her arm. She swung around, expecting to see Ellie or Finn.
‘What do you want?’ she said when she saw Wyatt. ‘Haven’t you done enough?’
‘Edith… I don’t understand. What’s wrong?’ he asked, still holding her arm as if he was afraid that she’d flee like a frightened animal.
‘What’s wrong?’ She shouted now. ‘Do you have no idea what’s wrong? Really?’
She knew she must look a state, but she didn’t care. Years of being composed and calm and rebuilding her life after Wyatt had destroyed it had taken their toll. Now the door had opened on those emotions, and she knew she couldn’t control them.
‘Edith, I’m sorry for how I behaved when I went back to the States. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you’d be better off without me.’
‘Did you? Or did you just find someone better? Someone to fit the lifestyle you wanted? Someone who wasn’t… who wasn’t…’ Her knees buckled, but he still had her arm, and so he pulled her against him and kept her on her feet. ‘Who wasn’t m-me…’
In his arms, against his broad chest, she cried until her throat was raw and her eyes stung.
And he held her tight in the way he used to do when she believed in him and believed in them.
When she’d thought they had a future together and that he would always have her back.
He’d been her lover, yes, but also her best friend, and that was the biggest loss of all.
She’d believed in their future, and it had been a bright one, and then he’d abandoned her.
When she felt she could stand unaided, she pressed a hand against his chest and stepped backwards, rooted around in her bag for a tissue. Her cheeks were wet, her nose snotty. She felt spent, depleted, all out.
‘I am so sorry that I hurt you like that,’ he said. ‘Can I take you home and make sure you get there safely? Please?’
She had nothing left in her to fight with, so she nodded.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and they walked down to the village together.
They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need to.
Wyatt had seen her naked pain and her grief, and if he hadn’t known before how much he had hurt her, he surely did now.
Edith had fallen apart in front of him, and as much as she hadn’t wanted to do it, there was no way she could change it.
When they reached her cottage, she got her key out of her bag and opened the door then turned to him. He nodded, so she went inside, and he followed, waiting for her to kick off her shoes and then lead the way to the kitchen.
She got a bottle of vodka out of the fridge and poured some into a glass, then offered it to him.
‘Thanks.’
She poured another glass for herself, then gestured at the lounge, and they went through and sat at opposite ends of the sofa. She curled her feet up under her and stared into the glass, her eyes throbbing and swollen and her lips sore and bruised.
‘I am so sorry, Edith. I wish I’d known…’
‘What would you have done if you had?’ she asked, finally meeting his eyes again. There was no arrogance in them, just lots of pain. Her breath hitched.
‘I… I don’t know. I loved you, Edith, I really did.
It’s important for you to believe that. I didn’t go back to find someone else or to replace you.
There was never anyone else. No one could ever be better than you.
I just… My life was complicated, and I did what I thought was for the best at that time. ’
‘And was it?’
‘What?’
‘For the best?’
Wyatt moved a cushion and then took a sip of vodka. He grimaced before setting the glass on the coffee table. ‘That’s strong.’
‘Only the best for times like this.’
‘Do you have many times like this then?’ he asked.
‘Usually just if brides are feeling wobbly to be honest, but it’s handy to have in the fridge.’ She knew he was stalling, but he probably needed to think about how to word what he wanted to say. She took a sip of her vodka and embraced the burn as she swallowed and the way it warmed her stomach.
Wyatt picked up his glass and took another sip, then shrugged and downed the rest of it. He wiped his mouth and set the glass back on the coffee table.
‘I thought it was for the best because my life back then was complicated. Not in the UK but in New York. There were things I couldn’t tell you about because they were just too hard to share.’
‘If it’s about your mother, then I know she was hard work.’
Wyatt chewed at his full lower lip and rubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘Yes, she was, and yet she had reason to be. I… I wasn’t sure how to explain that to you. It’s not her fault.’
He sighed as he sat back and folded one leg over the other.
‘Tell me now, then. Explain why going back to your mother was more important than being with me. Wyatt, I would have followed you to America. I would have done anything for you.’ The vodka was making her braver than she’d ever been.
She was finally telling him the things she’d wanted to back then.
‘But I guess I was just a fool because you didn’t want me there. ’
When he met her eyes again, his were shining, their deep hazel more like burnished brass than honey. He dropped his gaze to look down at his hands, the silence stretching between them as heavy as the air before a storm.
‘It wasn’t that I didn’t want you there,’ he said softly.
‘I was scared you’d see the mess I came from and never look at me the same way again.
My mother… she has…’ He shook his head as if unable to say it.
‘By keeping that separate from you, I thought I could preserve what we had. But when I went back, it swallowed me whole, and I couldn’t see a way out.
I knew that if I brought you into it, you’d be dragged down by it too, and you were…
you are… too perfect for that.’ He raised his hand as if to reach for her and then dropped it to his lap again.
‘You could have trusted me with the truth, Wyatt. I’m not some fragile little girl who can’t handle difficult times. I would have been fine if I’d been with you. Didn’t you know how much I loved you?’
When he looked up again, his eyes were glimmering with sadness.
‘I did what I thought was for the best. I believed I was protecting you and what we had from being tarnished by my past. Maybe… maybe I was simply protecting myself from the reality of you walking away from me if you knew the truth. If you saw the darkness.’
‘Please tell me now. Let me in?’ Her voice caught like silk on a thorn, and she placed a hand on her aching throat.
‘I’m sorry, Edith. I can’t. But please don’t think I didn’t love you every bit as fiercely as I always told you I did.
You were everything, and that was why I couldn’t hurt you by taking you home.
You did nothing wrong. You were the light in the darkness for me.
I just wanted you to continue to burn brightly. ’
Now he reached out to take her hand, and she let him.
His skin against hers.
His fingers intertwined with hers.
His palm resting against her palm.
Something inside her that had been tightly wound for a decade began to unravel, and she leant her head on the back of the sofa as it gave way.
The weight that had sat like lead in her chest softened, and she allowed herself to accept that even if Wyatt wouldn’t tell her exactly why he hadn’t been honest, he had loved her.
He hadn’t lied. And now he’d told her what she needed to hear, even if it was too late to make a difference to their relationship.
Sometimes, sorry came too late, but she knew it had to be enough. Wyatt wasn’t prepared to tell her everything, and she had to accept that, even if it hurt that he couldn’t trust her with the full truth. She wanted more — answers, honesty, the full transparency that Wyatt couldn’t give her.
Each unspoken word pressed against her, a quiet throb of loss and longing she couldn’t soothe.
She ached to know him fully again, to bridge the years that had grown between them.
But she understood, with a sharp twist of pain, that pressing him now could undo the fragile connection they had just begun to rebuild.