Chapter Thirty
A knock sounded, and Avila jumped.
She glanced out the kitchen window and saw Terence’s profile. Her heartbeat kicked up a notch. She wanted to crawl inside
the cupboard and hide, but he was here. She didn’t want to seem like a meanie and turn him away. But she’d keep things cool
and chill.
Another part of her wanted to open the door and fall into his arms, where she felt safe and loved. But her brain told her
otherwise. She shouldn’t love. Love meant abandonment.
The knocking persisted.
Fine, he wanted to talk. They’d talk. Avila walked the short distance to the door. She yanked it open, the cool air smacking
her in the face.
“Yes?” she asked as politely as possible.
“I came to help you finish up the work on the house.”
“Eager to be rid of me?” she asked, a teasing note in her tone.
He didn’t seem moved by her comment. “What can I do to help?”
“I’m really fine. I’ve got everything under control.” She tilted her head at him.
“Terence!” Ebony’s voice rang out behind Avila, and she watched Terence’s face soften. He studied Ebony as if he were seeing her for the first time, and Avila wondered if he was noticing the joy on Ebony’s face. Two seconds later, Ebony edged around her mom and embraced Terence.
Avila’s gaze met Terence’s. Avila saw all the emotion swim across his face. He was hugging Ebony. Avila’s heart opened up.
Terence and Ebony should hang out together as much as possible while they were still here.
“Can you stay?” Ebony asked, pulling back.
Terence let the question hang, waiting for Avila to answer. Her pulse rose at the notion of Terence’s company. Then Ebony
turned her brown eyes on Avila, and her heart melted.
“He’s staying,” Avila said reluctantly.
She opened the door wider and let him in. She could let him in the house while keeping her heart at bay. That would be easy,
right?
“You can fix the leak under the sink. The pliers are in the cabinet. And thank you.”
Terence smiled at her.
She retrieved the tube of caulk for the bathroom tile and left the room. The tile was wet from Ebony’s shower, so she dried
it off and set to work.
Terence’s presence in the house was like a warm, heavy blanket. She shut the door, as if she could shut out his presence.
The ticking of the clock filled the room, and she turned on the fan.
A few minutes later, a knock sounded.
“It’s fixed.” Terence’s voice was low, rumbling through the door. “What can I do next?”
He fixed the leak in fifteen minutes? She had been trying to figure that out for the longest time. “I can’t believe that you fixed it that quickly. That’s amazing.”
“Like I said, I’m here to help.”
“There’s a list of things I need to finish up on the kitchen table,” she said. “Take your pick.”
“Sure thing.”
She finished caulking the bathroom, and then she went searching for Terence. He was nowhere to be seen. Avila spotted him
later through the living room window, caulking the exterior window frames, Ebony chatting at his side.
An hour later, Avila was reattaching the curtain brackets she had taken down to paint when Ebony called through the windows,
“Can I ride my bike, Mom?”
The thought of being alone with Terence worried Avila, but she was reluctant to ruin Ebony’s good spirits. Besides, the exercise
would do her good. “Okay. Don’t go past the end of the road.”
“I know.” She could almost see Ebony rolling her eyes.
Not long after she left, Avila was standing on the couch, screwing in the brackets for the curtain rod, when the front door
opened. She didn’t need to turn to know it was Terence. He stepped into the kitchen.
She ran the screw into the wall, straightened the bracket, and set the curtain rod in place. When she stepped down from the
couch, Terence was watching her.
“How’s your ankle?”
It was still swollen under the wrap and a little sore. “Fine.”
“The windows are caulked inside and out, and I fixed the gutter.”
She knew she would’ve been in trouble if Terence hadn’t shown up. She probably would’ve spent all morning on the leaky pipe. “You are a lifesaver. You really are.”
He gave her a half-smile.
She picked up the next set of brackets and tried to think of one of the outside jobs he could do. If she couldn’t make him
leave, she could at least get him outside.
But with Terence staring at her, her mind went blank, and she wasn’t about to be closer to him by walking over to check the
list. She stepped up on the recliner, placed another bracket against the wall, and set the screw in place. Shortly thereafter,
the screw fell to the floor, plunking down on the wood.
“I’ll get it,” Terence said.
He retrieved the screw from behind the recliner and handed it to her.
“The floor looks good,” he said.
Avila nodded. She could feel him watching her. Her skin prickled with awareness. “Didn’t you have something else to do?”
“Listen, since Ebony is gone, maybe this is a good time to talk.”
Talk about her plans to leave? She didn’t want to broach the subject. “I’m kind of busy right now,” she said.
“You don’t have that much work left to complete.”
Avila set the screw in place and pressed the button on the screwdriver, sending the bit spinning, and sending the screw into
the wall. It whirled to a stop. “I don’t wanna talk.”
She reached for the curtain rod in his hands, but he held it away from her.
“Well, I do. You can side-eye me all you like,” he said. “Fact is, we can’t just brush off this discussion. It’s too important.”
He was right, and she reluctantly agreed with what he said.
“Come here, so we can talk.” He held out his hand.
The last thing she needed was his proximity. That’s what got her in trouble before. She shrank away, leaning on the recliner,
her back against the wall.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Fine.” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “It’s taken me a while to get my thoughts together.”
Maybe her position wasn’t such a great place to be. She didn’t like the way it left her eye to eye with him, or the way the
light from the window streamed over his face, highlighting the pain she had caused. Avila looked down.
“It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that we don’t share the same feelings for one another,” he said.
It wasn’t true. The truth was that she liked him a lot, but she didn’t know what to do with those feelings. “I like you, Terence.
I like you a lot.”
He studied her, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Or at least it appeared that way. Confusion was etched in the
crease of his brow and in the slant of his eyes. “Then why?”
“I... I’m afraid. I’m really afraid.”
“Help me understand. I have never betrayed your trust once, not in all of our time of knowing one another. In fact, I have
always been very careful about not betraying your trust because of our friendship.”
Avila never wanted to hurt Terence. But looking at him now, she realized she had hurt him intentionally that last time, just
to protect herself. She didn’t deserve him, and she never would. He would never understand why she had done what she did.
He was too good.
“You could have come to me when you found out you were pregnant back in college. You could have told me that. I would’ve been shocked, but I would have liked to know. And I would’ve been there for you.”
Okay, now she found the statement he’d just made questionable. Terence and his parents had placed him on the fast track to
career success, and her baby news would’ve been a distraction. What would she have said? “I was able to take care of myself. And Ms. Mable, and I realize now my mother too, were sending me money.”
“I’m not talking about money, for crying out loud.” He walked away.
Avila’s insides quivered. She clasped her hands tightly together, squeezing until her fingertips lost color.
Terence came back to her, and she pulled up straight.
He stopped shy of touching her. “I loved you.” The words sounded like they’d been dragged across his throat. “I would’ve married
you.”
With all of the other pressures that he was facing from his parents? He really would’ve married her? Only Terence. He was
so different from other men.
Then his words replayed in her mind. He had said “loved.” Past tense. Only one letter thrown onto the end of the word, but
it had said so much. Maybe at one time he felt that way, but now? She did what she set out to do. She squelched the love he
had for her. Why did that leave her feeling so empty?
“You never returned home.” His eyes didn’t leave hers. “I didn’t know what happened to you. I tried to find you, but it was
like you fell off the face of the earth.”
“I had to go. When I told my mother I was pregnant, she was ashamed. I felt as if I let her down, and so I wanted to stay
away as much as possible.”
“You didn’t have to stay away. You could’ve returned. We would’ve all been welcoming.”
Did he think she enjoyed being eighteen and pregnant? “Maybe so, but I couldn’t live that one down, especially after I was
telling everyone about my big plans to be this New York actor and all. And besides, having an unmarried pregnant daughter
wouldn’t be a good look for my mother, one of the most faithful members of the parish.”
“I asked your mother where you were. I contacted her again and again, asking if she’d heard from you. She never answered.”
“She probably didn’t want to talk about it with anyone besides Ms. Mable.”
“And I never talked to her after I left,” he said. “There was no reason to. But Ms. Mable knew? If only I’d known...”
Then what? Everything would’ve been great?
“Why do you look at me like that?” he asked.
“Like what? Like I don’t believe you could’ve loved me after what I did? Like I’m unworthy of your love?”
“You don’t understand. Love isn’t earned, Avila. It’s a gift.”
What a nice little sentiment. Love is a gift. Well, if it was a gift, she didn’t want to unwrap it. Couldn’t he see by the
way she went back and forth with her feelings about him? This was too complicated.
“What?” He took her hands, curling them up inside each of his. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
What could she say to make him see? How could she explain the emptiness inside of her? The fear that paralyzed her? Even now,
her breathing turned shallow at the thought of hope. Her gaze focused on some point on the wall behind him.
Avila cleared her throat. “I don’t know. Things just changed for me after my father left. You always had your father around, but me? I didn’t. My perspective changed after he was gone. I didn’t realize that until adulthood, but now I do.” Her stomach tightened.
He squeezed her hands in his, his eyes pleading with her. “True, but we can make a new life together.”
A sense of sorrow filled her. For the losses she experienced, for the love she never had, for the child she was whose father
rejected her. The pain inside her was beyond tears. The pain had hardened, leaving a vacant spot where love was supposed to
reside.
He wanted to spend the rest of their lives filling it up. If only she could let him in. She knew it wouldn’t happen. She couldn’t
bring herself to do that.
Terence leaned into her, the hardness of his stomach pressing into her knees. He was strong. He deserved someone whole, not
someone like her.
“We can.”
It would be so easy to believe. That they could just forgive and love and have a happily ever after. She shook her head. All
good things came to an end, especially love. And when it died, it left an emptiness.
“I’ve cared about you all my life,” he said. “You’re my best friend.”
What would become of her if she let herself love Terence?
It was too late to be asking that. It was too late to stop her feelings for Terence. But she could stand guard from this point
on. She would leave and take her broken heart home to mend. It was the only choice she had.
“Marry me, Avila. Stay here and marry me.”
Her heart tripped over itself, then she raised her head, leaving her lungs to catch up. She looked away.
“No.” She pushed the word past her throat. Why couldn’t he understand that could never be? She had to leave. She had to survive
on her own. She pulled her hands from his, but her gaze swung back to him.
Terence blinked back tears. “Avila... I—”
She stilled. “You shouldn’t have come back.”
“I can’t let you go again. I love you.” Hurt reflected in his eyes. “Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“If it’s too much to handle, just leave.” Everyone left anyway.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You keep pushing and pushing, and it would make it easier if I just left, wouldn’t it?”
Of course. It would be much easier.
His eyes stayed on hers, and his voice was heavy. “I am not leaving. I’m standing right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
His words were just words. She wasn’t going to buy into them. He meant them now, but he didn’t know the future. No one ever
did.
His fingers touched her cheek softly, as if tracing the petal of a rose. Avila flinched.
His mouth twisted up in a smile. “The only thing I’ve done is love you. And you don’t want me to do that. I wish I had the
key to that locked door that leads to your heart.”
The back door opened, and Avila startled.
Ebony saw them and came to a halt, her hand on the doorknob. She looked between the two of them, and Avila imagined what she
saw. Terence’s face and glassy eyes. She could only guess at her own expression.
“What’s wrong?” Ebony asked.
That was a loaded question.
Terence backed away from Avila. “Nothing.” He tried to smile, but Avila could see right through it. No doubt Ebony would too.
“Your mom and I were just talking. Let’s go see what’s next on our list. Maybe you can help me.”
He tried to play it off as they left, but the look on Ebony’s face told Avila everything. She already knew. Ebony knew that
Avila and Terence had been fighting, and, once again, it had all been Avila’s fault.