Chapter Thirty-Three
“Ebony, your call time is in half an hour. We have to go now, or you’ll be late for opening night.”
Avila pulled the black dress over her head and zipped up the side. Ebony was rustling around in her room. Moments later, she
grabbed her purse from the coat rack in the living room. “You ready to go?”
Ebony put on her coat and nodded. Avila watched her for a moment, the realization that she had almost completely alienated
her daughter by making a decision that would’ve hurt them both in the long run washed over her. She stepped toward Ebony and
ran her fingers down her cheek. Ebony smiled. “You nervous about tonight?”
“I am. This is my first professional performance.” Her lower lip quivered. “I can already feel my nerves getting to me.”
“I can see.” Avila studied her lip. “You are nervous. I wouldn’t worry though. As soon as you step onto the stage, all of
those feelings will melt into the character. They always do.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Ebony had been rehearsing a lot. She’d hear her daughter running lines early in the morning while she was busy making breakfast. Then she’d hear her reciting them late at night when she was supposed to be asleep. Ebony had always practiced, regardless of the role she played, but there was an eager anticipation about it now. Perhaps it was because Ebony knew that Charleston would soon be home.
“I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting. Sorry about all the mean things I said.” Her face crumpled.
Avila embraced her, and Ebony returned the gesture. Her skin smelled like the cocoa butter soap Avila had bought from the
grocery store, and her hair held the scent of almond oil. “It’s okay.”
She took Ebony any way she could get her. Her daughter could fight with her, give her attitude, and tell her she hated her
if she wanted. It was enough that Avila could feel the smoothness of her skin and the weight of Ebony against her.
She tightened her arms around her daughter and felt the faint beat of Ebony’s heart. She remembered the first time that she
heard her heartbeat during one of her prenatal checkups. For Avila, that heartbeat was the best sound in the world. “I love
you so much, baby.” When was the last time she held Ebony?
Why had it been so long? The answer had been deep down in the place where she held her pain. It rose to the surface when she
was driving around and looking for her, when the fear of losing Ebony hit her full force.
But the fact was, the shadow of that feeling had been towering over her for a long time: the fear that she might lose Ebony.
That it was dangerous to love her too much. Because one day Ebony might not be there to love. And what would become of Avila
then?
Ebony’s arms loosened, and she stepped back. “Guess we have to go now.”
Avila ran her palm across Ebony’s cheek. “I know. I can’t wait to see you performing onstage tonight.”
Since they arrived in Charleston, the past few weeks had been like a parenthesis of time in their otherwise busy life. What
had happened here held significance. Avila readied herself to leave the house, locking the door behind them.
“Mom? Are you going to sit in the front row tonight?”
“Always.” She walked around to the driver’s side and got in. Ebony slid into the passenger seat, and they buckled their seat
belts.
“We’re making good time,” Avila said, glancing at the clock on the dashboard.
They drove to the theater in silence. Once there, Avila dropped her off at the side entrance to the theater. “Break a leg,
Ebony.”
“I will... but not literally.” She giggled, closing the car door.
Avila parked in the main area. She then made her way inside, handing her ticket to the usher, and then she sat in the front
row. Terence had reserved a seat next to her, but he hadn’t arrived yet.
Avila settled in her seat, and then she remembered something. Another memory from her youth. She had been sick and had come
home from school. Coraline tucked her into the bed and lay down with her. Avila remembered her mother’s warmth against her
back, the security of her closeness. She didn’t know what had happened to change her mom after that; maybe her dad leaving
was to blame. But her mom had loved her in her own way.
Had Avila done any better? She had stayed with Ebony, pres ent in body, but absent in spirit. In her own way, she had abandoned her daughter too. Emotionally, she’d been absent since the day Ebony was born. Her soul grieved at that realization. So much time lost. How many regrets would she have had if Ebony went missing on that day when she left the house? What if that had been their last day? Ebony never would have experienced being fully loved. Avila had always felt as if her glass was half-empty. How
would she get it filled? She loved her daughter, but she also wanted Ebony to know that she was loved by her. Would that ever
happen?
Avila wanted to love fully, but she needed help. In that quiet moment, Avila resolved to learn how to love and to be open
to love.
Today was a new day, and change was possible, wasn’t it? Deciding to move back to Charleston gave her a second chance to be
the kind of woman she wanted to be, to be the kind of mother she wanted to be. She knew that in her heart.
Avila’s eyes stung, a foreign sensation. She loved her daughter with everything in her. Nothing would ever change that. Being
in Charleston made Avila consider the truly important things in life.
Avila’s mind spun to Terence. Had she even thanked him for helping them with the house? For encouraging her to reconsider
her career options? If not for him, she might not have done anything to change the course of her life. The thought made her
shudder. She should’ve never pushed him away. She should’ve never hurt him. Despite that, he still had stayed close.
Avila shifted her aching ankle slowly. The stage crew were busy getting ready for the night’s performance. The stage lights dimmed slightly, and she checked her watch, wondering when Terence would arrive.
“Hey there.” He slid into the seat next to her.
Her heart flipped. Terence. “You’re here,” she said.
“You didn’t think I’d be here?”
“It’s not that. It’s... Just been thinking a lot. That’s all.” She settled her hands in her lap.
“How is Ebony?”
“She’s nervous about tonight.” Avila looked at him then. The heat from his eyes warmed her all over. “I never said thank you,”
she whispered.
“You don’t have to—”
“You did so much for us. Without a thought of your own time that you needed to be at work. I appreciate you.”
“I did what anyone would’ve done for their friends.”
“Shut up and let me say thank you.”
The corner of his lip tipped up, but he remained quiet.
Words would never be enough to express how truly grateful she was. Still, she said them. “You’re supposed to say, ‘You’re
welcome.’”
His eyes rolled over her face. “You’re welcome.”
Avila’s hands trembled as if it were their first date. She felt her lips twitch, and she turned away, looking out toward the
stage.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked.
She looked at him, then lifted her palms, gesturing around them. “This. Us. How many times do you suppose we will be in this
theater in the future? Especially after I start working here.”
“Dozens. Hundreds. But you won’t be sitting here in the audience. You’ll be part of the stage crew.” He smiled. They’d grown up out here. He had been her escape. And then they parted ways. And when she came back, she did nothing but try to deny her love for him.
Regret swelled and almost suffocated her. If only she could go back and do this all over again. “I’m so sorry about being
away from you for so long.”
He squeezed her hand. “You already apologized.”
Her eyes burned. “Is that enough? It doesn’t feel like enough. Not even close.”
He touched her chin with his fingertips. “It is for me.”
All her mistakes replayed in her mind. Her silence after discovering the pregnancy and how she didn’t tell him about it at
all. The way she had only told Terence about going back to New Jersey to push him away. The shame of it made her skin heat.
He reached over and ran his thumb along her jaw. “I’m so proud of you, Avila. You’re a courageous woman.”
Those were kind words. He loved her through and through. “But I intend to make it up to you.” She let her face betray her
feelings. She couldn’t have stopped it if she tried.
“You already have,” he said.
The love she saw in his face gave her every assurance she needed to take it one step further. “Do you think I could change
my mind about that question you asked before?” Her courage scattered.
The corners of his lips tilted. “I think so.”
Avila touched his cheek, then traced the edges of his jawline to the cleft in his chin. His skin was warm and rough against her fingers. She felt a stirring inside for more. More than just a whisper of a touch. Much more.
He leaned close, and his mouth closed over hers. Avila’s skin blazed, burning all the way to her heart. What had she done
to deserve this man? Love isn’t earned, Avila. It’s a gift.
A gift she would accept. She’d be foolish not to. She let her lips linger on his until he pulled away, but only so he could
hold her. Avila wrapped her arms around his back and nestled against his chest. His shirt smelled like sunshine and fresh
air, and the tenderness of his hand against her face made her feel cherished. She could stay there forever.
“When I start working here, we won’t be able to kiss each other,” she said, a teasing note in her voice.
He laughed. “Maybe.”
She felt his chest expand, then deflate with his breath. “It’s not so bad in Charleston, is it, Avila? The cobblestone streets,
the small town, the friendly faces...”
She listened to the steady beating of his heart, felt the warmth of his flesh against hers, and closed her eyes. “No, it’s
not so bad.”
His fingers threaded through her hair. “I will still follow you to New Jersey if you want.”
Avila smiled against his shirt. “No.” She still had work to do, coming to grips with her past, learning to trust others and
build healthy relationships. She needed to do these things for her own good. And Ebony’s.
For a moment, fear crept in and rattled her. “I’m still afraid,” she admitted quietly. “Just so you know.”
He tightened his arms around her, the strength of them making her feel safe. “It’s okay to be afraid.” His hand pressed her cheek, holding her against his heart. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Avila.”
His word seeped into the empty space and remained there. It was a start. “I love you too,” she answered. She relaxed into
his arms, choosing to believe, choosing to surrender. One moment at a time.