A Whisper of Cinders (The Forgotten Flame #1)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Ahigh-pitched scream pierces through the silence of my dark, cold room. I stand and take a few steps forward before I even realise what I’m doing.

No.

I turn back around and sit down, forcing myself to focus on the book in front of me.

I sigh heavily. I cannot bring myself to not go and see if someone needs help, even though I might get in trouble for it.

I’ve been in House of Anima for a while. One thousand eight hundred twenty-six days to be exact. And after all this time, I still cannot, no, will not stand by and do nothing. Fuck the consequences.

For five long years I’ve called it my home. Although home is a big word for the institution. This place isn’t worthy of a name that should bring happy memories and warm feelings of joy.

Another scream tears through the silence, now combined with heartbreaking sobs. My fingers dig in the chair underneath me, a shiver crawls down my spine, only emphasizing my thoughts.

Pounding footsteps pass my door, and with it goes my restraint. I know I am too nosy for my own good, but I don’t really care about that right now. I leave the book I’ve read at least a thousand times and walk towards my door.

I gently push down the handle and pull the door towards me, careful not to make any sound.

I’m surprised it doesn’t squeak, but the thought barely leaves my mind, before the door releases its well-known, high-pitched noise, making me freeze.

I stop breathing for a second. Maybe no one noticed, it couldn’t have been that loud, I —

“You can open your door now, Maily, no need to be shy. An elephant would’ve been more subtle. Lucky for you, the poor girl screams so loud, no one’s probably heard you. Yet.”

I sigh. She has a point, the girl screams incessantly now. We’re not really allowed to eavesdrop around here, but when you barely see the outside world, you always want to know what’s going on between these cold walls. Maybe I can offer some help in any way possible.

So, I pull the door open wide and look to my left, my eyes adjusting to the dimly lit hallway. I meet Amira’s bright aquamarine eyes, which somehow seem to glow in the dark. Or maybe that’s just my imagination. “What happened?”

She nods towards my other side. “By the looks of that, nothing good, really.”

I turn my head to where sounds of someone struggling comes from, noticing one of the new girls. Two guards press her to the ground and a very big needle is inches away from her neck.

She isn’t even supposed to be here. Her room is on another level. She was probably searching for an escape route.

She still has some fight left in her, I can only admire that. We all do in the beginning. But as the days turn to weeks, the weeks into months and eventually into years, you lose that fire burning within you. Trust me.

I don’t know what got her here, but the fact that she puts up a fight can only mean the reason must be unjust. I can’t help but feel sorry for her.

House of Anima welcomes the young, varying between the ages of six and twenty-five. After that age, you have to leave, whether you’re ready for it or not.

Some of us didn’t have our lives on the rails and did some pretty messed up shit.

Some have committed arson, others have murdered for reasons we don’t talk about, or relied on drugs or alcohol for too long to try and get away from the misery we call life.

Those are the people who won’t fight, who think they belong in a place this cruel.

Others have mental issues. They find it hard to function in a normal routine. Worried parents enlist their children here, with the hope they will eventually return home and feel the tiniest bit better.

I, on the other hand, belong to a different category, the one where my parents - or whoever took care of me at the time - left me on the doorstep with barely any belongings and a concussion that erased any memory I might have had.

All I can remember is that I knocked on the door, all alone, my upper body covered in bandages, burdened by pain but not knowing the cause of it.

I could feel the wrongness that hides behind these walls.

But since I could barely remember my name and didn’t know who to call — if I even had someone to call — I knocked on the door.

And although my mind was a mess — it still is honestly — House of Anima wasn’t surprised to see me. They gave me a room and that was that.

A cold hand grabs mine and squeezes. “I’m going to bed, and you should too,” Ami gives me a gentle, yet sad smile. “There is nothing you can do about it, Mai. She made her unfortunate choice and will have to live with the consequences.”

I sigh once more and squeeze back. “I know, I know. It’s just not fair. Not to anyone.”

Irene, one of the two guards, finally manages to press the needle with the sedative into the poor girl’s neck, putting an end to the deafening screams. Her ice blond hair is in a bun so tight it might actually explain why she has no wrinkles on her face.

“It never is, is it? Go to bed, babes, you don’t want Irene to catch you lurking in the dark. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She has a point. I’ll go check on the girl tomorrow, see if I can do anything to make it somewhat easier for her here.

With one final glance at her, now laying on a stretcher, I close my door. Thankfully without making much noise.

I get into bed and stare at the concrete ceiling. I can still remember my first day here like it was yesterday. I was a scared little bird, unsure of what this place might bring me. I found out pretty soon.

Everyone here goes through the same treatment. The first thing they do when you arrive is shave all your hair off. It doesn’t matter whether you are a boy or a girl, young or old, or if you have luscious curls like I did. All the hair needs to go, no exceptions made.

They say it’s some kind of precaution, and I do believe that.

Kids here come from everywhere and in the five years I have been here, they were able to keep the outbreaks of lice to a total of seven times.

That isn’t that much if you ask me, but I did have to sacrifice my beautiful hair for it.

And now, as soon as it reaches a certain length, they shave it off all over again. It pains me every single time.

They hand you a sad blue uniform and send you to the medical wing for a check-up.

I had so many questions, a lot of which still remain unanswered. Where is my family, who are they and don’t they miss me? Occasional visits are allowed here, yet no one comes to see me. Who would do that to their child? Although, I am not the only one who doesn’t receive visits.

Another question is why I am here. I’m sure there must be other places where you would send your child to. A place with more…care and kindness, empathy maybe. Those words are foreign here.

And why are there burn scars covering my arms and collarbones?

After five years, I know everyone very well here. Yet no one can — or wants — to answer my questions. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop asking them.

One knock sounds at the wall next to my head, followed by three fast ones and two slow, soft knocks.

Since you hear a lot of banging on the walls, often a lot harder than the ones I just heard, my neighbour and best friend, Amira, decided to make a secret knocking rhythm.

Just to make sure we’re alright. This time it’s probably to check if I’m safe and sound in bed and not following the girl in the hallway to one of the safety cells.

She knows me too well, because that is definitely something I would do.

I repeat the same knocking pattern and wait for another knock of hers, but silence remains. I’m grateful I have someone like Ami in a place like this, someone who cares and looks out for me.

She was already here when I arrived, although I’m not sure for how long. It’s something no one really talks about, the time before arriving…here.

I was on my own for the first couple of days, the stares and whispers too loud.

As soon as I saw who I was going to be living with, I knew I was different and that people weren’t that kind.

I don’t know if this was a problem I had to deal with in my earlier years, since I couldn’t remember any of it. But I felt so lonely.

After seven days of fingers being pointed at my burned skin, rude comments by the patients and yet another incident during lunch, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to eat my meals alone in the toilets from that moment on. At least no one was going to bother me there.

It was one of those times, while I sat in the bathroom, just as I was about to dig into another tasteless meal, I heard the door open, footsteps moving towards the toilet stall I was hiding in.

I was sure I was going to get scolded by one of the not so friendly guards.

But Amira pushed open my door, her own plate in hand.

I was ready for mean comments or a mocking laugh, but instead she gave me a kind smile and asked, “Looking for a date?” From that moment on we have been inseparable.

The other patients still have things to say about me, of course they do, but I’ve learned to ignore them and Ami will always stand up for me, no matter what.

Yet I can’t help but wonder what is out there, outside of these walls, beyond the landscape that exists of snow and ice.

And as I close my eyes, sleep calling my name, I imagine the warm sun and nature that’s full of life.