Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Iwake up feeling hollow, but fire rages within me. Aramis is still there, fast asleep, but I can’t stay here any longer. It surprises me that I fell back asleep, but he came back early in the morning and I don’t think it’s much later.
He seemed so genuine and kind and as mad about me as I am about him. Or was. And last night… No, I can’t go there. Tears escape my eyes again, but I quickly wipe them away. I have to turn off my feelings or I will drown in them.
I put on sports attire and lace up my shoes with shaking hands, softly opening and closing the door. The hallway blurs past me and by the time I reach the dojo, my pulse is a dull roar in my ears and my stomach is knotted so tight, I am seconds away from throwing up.
I need something other than the ache and rage consuming me from inside out. To my surprise, Conláed is standing in the center of the mat, looking up as I descend the stairs. As if he knew I was coming. “Are you okay?”
I keep my face in a straight line, put on my mask and lock in everything I’m feeling. “Fine.”
He watches me as I take off my shoes, his face softening. “Maily…”
“Fight me. Distract me.”
He takes a step forward. “Mai.”
I close my eyes, but only for a second. “Please, Con. I can’t,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
I walk past him to the centre of the mat and do some stretches, warming up my body. He moves to stand in front of me and takes on a defensive stance. “Do your worst.”
And so I do. He catches every punch or kick I throw at him with ease, but doesn’t raise a single hand to do the same. My rage and sorrow make me sloppy, but I don’t care.
Conláed’s eyes go wide as my flames come to the surface, and at first, I don’t really understand why. He should be used to fire, he is fire.
“Impossible.”
“What is?”
My current temper? Because, yes, that’s true.
But he is not staring at me, he looks around me.
I lower my arms and look around too and at first, I don’t see anything strange, the flames look a little wilder maybe, but again, my current mood is the cause of that.
But when I catch hints of purple woven through them, I go still.
Purple flames?
I’ve never seen something like that, but I am still fairly new to the fae world. The fact that Conláed is astonished as well, tells me this is not something he can do.
“Ah, I thought I would find you here.”
My fire disappears instantly, but the flames inside me roar, caused by the fae that is currently at the top of the stairs, with his kind smile and perfectly tousled waves.
“Stop,” I whisper, my voice full of barely contained rage.
“I didn’t quite hear you, gorgeous. What did you say?”
Conláed blocks Aramis out of sight but I watch right through him. “Feather.”
Flames crawling over my hands, my arms, until I am fire. He grabs my face between thumb and index finger and directs my attention to him. “Mai. What’s wrong?”
Tears burn in my eyes as I whisper, “Get him out of here.”
Conláed has no idea what I’ve learned, why I am this emotional wreck, yet he turns around and walks towards Aramis without any further questions.
Trying to contain my powers feels impossible, which is kind of ironic, since I can’t summon the faintest spark when needed. But now? I could burn this whole building to the ground without giving it a single thought.
So tempering my rage is the best thing I can do, but seeing the reason for my rage adds fuel to my fire and that is not what I need right now.
“Is she okay?”
“It might be better if you come back another time.”
“Let me talk to her.”
Conláed places a hand on Aramis’ chest who is now at the bottom of the stairs. “She doesn’t want to see you right now.”
A wave of shock passes across his face. “But why?”
Aramis ignores Conláed and walks past him like I did moments ago. But Aramis doesn’t get far, Conláed grabs hold of his arm and pulls him closer.
“You lost the privilege to talk to her the moment you broke her heart. You will not even breathe the same air as her. Do you understand?”
I hear their words, but it is only when I hear Conláed’s words, that my focus returns and I come back to my body.
“Maily?”
I look away, closing my eyes, because seeing him, smelling him. I…I just can’t.
I hear Aramis turn around, footsteps landing on the stairs and I turn my back to him and force myself to breathe a little easier. So when he suddenly stands in front of me, I nearly choke.
“Mai, please, talk to me.”
I look at him, and an image flickers before me; him head to toe covered in blood. My mothers blood. Tears run down his cheeks, but I barely see them.
Heat claws its way up my spine, wild and furious, flames licking at my skin as fire surges around me, protecting me from the pain, the fae in front of me. He stumbles backward.
“What did I do?”
I look past him at Conláed, leaning against one of the poles. I’m certain he’s wondering the same thing, but I can’t say it out loud. It’s up to Aramis to tell him. If he doesn’t know already.
“I heard you,” I eventually say.
“Heard me? Heard me do what? I…I don’t understand.”
Pure confusion is written all over his face. He can’t be that good of an actor, now can he? “I know what you did all those years ago.”
His normally golden skin goes pale instantly. “Mai…”
“You knew who I was, the moment we met in my room, didn’t you? And not because of Ami.”
Ami, who is currently standing beside Conláed, maybe feeling the distress her brother is in.
Aramis moves forward, but my flames lash out, pushing him back. “Please, Maily, let me explain.”
“Was anything of it even real? Us? Or were you just feeling guilty about what you did?”
His fists clench at his side and he looks defeated. It says enough to me. “Of course it was!” I don’t believe him. I can’t. “I would never do something to you like that, every moment was real from the very beginning. I never lied —”
“BUT YOU DID!”
The flames that were on my skin move away, forming a flaming column of fire around me. “All you did was lie.”
He tries to move towards me, water covers his hand, but my flames burn even brighter.
“And lie.”
Tears roll down my cheeks, but I angrily wipe them away.
“And lie.”
Every time he touches the dome, my flames become thicker, wilder, doing everything to keep him out. I want to keep him out.
“Go! Leave! I don’t want to see you.”
Tears burn in his eyes as well, I don’t care. “But I lo —”
I stretch out my arm and he falls back. “Don’t you even dare speak those words, not when they can’t be spoken from your heart.”
A single tear rolls down his cheek and with eyes open wide, he rises and starts walking back. He stops next to Conláed, I don’t hear what they say, but Ami pulls him along. When they’re out of sight, I fall to my knees, pulling the flames towards me.
But they rage on, just as the anger inside of me, and become only wilder as the seconds pass. Someone’s screaming. Maybe it’s me. My temperature’s rising, I get too hot, unpleasantly so.
Pain spreads from deep within me, the inferno consuming me and maybe I’ll let it. Something tries to enter my shield of fire. Or someone. It’s the same sensation as if someone blows my neck. But my flames don’t back down and only grow brighter and wilder, the pain excruciating at this point.
I clasp my head with both hands, it feels like my brain is getting fried, so when a hand finds my wrist, I don’t even notice it at first. A tingling sensation travels from my hands up my spine, wrapping me up in what I can only describe as a soft blanket of flames.
It calms down some of the rage swirling inside of me, slowly giving me back control over my body.
Strong hands, their temperature a tinge hotter than my own, hold my wrists, thumbs drawing slow circles there, soothing me.
They hold on, even when I lower my hands from my head.
They disappear in his, because it is a male who was brave enough to face my rage.
I look up, meeting amber, glowing eyes. Conláed.
He sits in front of me, silently holding my hands with a tenderness I don’t quite understand. I look around me, the flames are still there, but red, not streaked with purple and not as high and intense as they were before.
“They’re gone, feather, it’s just us.”
I look back at him, watching as his thumb keeps stroking my wrist. “Why did I —” One of my hands goes to my throat, my voice hoarse and raw, and even a little painful. I taste smoke in my mouth, as if I was burning from inside out.
“You screamed, or maybe I should say you roared.” A soft smile appears on his handsome face.
“You’re upset and you were barely in control of your fire when you entered the dojo, seeing,” he waves a hand, we both know who he’s talking about, my flames flicker a little at the thought alone.
“Didn’t really help with your mental state, so they took over and tried to protect you and they did so excellently. ”
I raise my eyebrows and tilt my head back. “I nearly burned the dojo to the ground.”
“But you didn’t, Mai. Your flames were perfectly in control and just formed protection around you. I am impressed, it’s magic I’ve never seen you do before, except maybe…”
“When I healed you?”
He nods. “Yes.”
I stare in his eyes, the amber even darker now, and reach to caress his cheek. “Your eyes look so…different.”
The corners of his mouth tip up in a secretive smile and with it, my flames rise towards the wooden ceiling.
His eyes look a golden shade of amber now.
“I’m tempering your flames, feather, absorbing some of the fire so you don’t have to deal with it.
The pain you felt was you losing control over the intensity of your flames.
” His eyes darken visibly and the flames grow smaller once more.
“Does it hurt?”
He’s full-on grinning right now. “In the most delicious way. Your magic tries to take the upper-hand and I find it very enjoyable to keep your fire steady.”