Chapter 35 Katie
Katie
There is someone else who supports me too.
Who’s a big part of this situation.
Who’s the very reason for it.
I ring Harlan, but I don’t expect him to answer. He’s in practice most of the day. Still, I want him to know what’s going on.
When I reach his voicemail, I end the call and click to text.
Better to just tell him everything.
Katie: Hello! Can you say busy day? It’s been one.
My mother showed up unexpectedly at my place this morning, and it was kind of eye-opening.
She asked me to be her maid of honor at her upcoming wedding.
I said no. And I felt great. Amazing. Because I felt nothing for her—no anger, no hurt, no annoyance.
I felt lucky to be on the other side. But I also realized, I don’t want to be like her one bit.
So, I’m not asking you to change anything, but I don’t want to do this secretly any longer.
I told Olive today, and we’re working together to find the best replacement for me to present to Lacey.
I know this is all happening sooner than expected, but…
I didn’t feel right pretending anymore. Especially after yesterday.
I am falling for you, and I can’t keep working with the team and you this closely, knowing how I feel.
I hope you understand. I’m working at the office with my sister today. Call me or text me or something!
Before I hit Send, I review the message, a new dose of anxiety running through me. Have I stepped out of bounds with Harlan? Assumed too much? Am I going all Lone Ranger?
But then, I replay what he said in his kitchen as we made monkey bread: whenever it works for you, I’m by your side.
I need to trust that he meant it. That he’s able to handle this change in plans.
That’s part of his job—to react to split-second shifts on the field. To his quarterback calling audibles. To getting open when other receivers are swarmed.
Harlan, I sure hope you’re open to catch this pass I’m lobbing your way.
But whether he is or not, I need to do this for me.
This is the right way to live. This makes me happy.
And I’m doing it.
***
My phone is silent the rest of the afternoon as I go for a swim to calm my nerves, then still as Olive and I bring Zachary into the plans and finalize our ideas with him.
They might also watch a few more cat videos.
As a big orange cat leaps onto a piano on Zachary’s screen, I check my phone again, hoping for a reply.
But there isn’t one.
I refocus on work. We make calls and come up with a pitch that we hope Lacey will love. I try not to stress about not hearing from Harlan.
Besides, there’s time. I’ll surely talk to him tonight, and we’ll be all set before Olive and I see Lacey tomorrow.
But at four thirty, my sister sighs a heavy, “Oh.”
I snap up my gaze from my phone, tension tightening in me. “What is it?”
She hums thoughtfully at her desk, then raises her face from the screen. “Lacey just emailed me. She says she has an all-day meeting tomorrow, but she lives in Hayes Valley and wants to grab a drink in an hour.”
My heartbeat races to the moon.
***
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.
I repeat that over and over.
I call up my yoga mantras too.
Yoga and wine and coffee and something. Yoga is how I pretend to be calm…and fuck! I’m not calm. I can’t settle down.
But I need to. I need to trust Harlan meant it when he said he’d be by my side.
I need to trust I’m not hurting him.
I take a deep breath, set a hand on my chest, and will my heart to quiet.
I send him one more message as we leave the office.
Katie: Hi!!!!! I’m freaking out. Is everything okay?
But I don’t hear from him as we head to the bar to meet Lacey, and I do my best to be the cool, collected businesswoman I am.
Or should be.
When I reach the lobby of our building, I’m anything but cool and collected. Especially not when Harlan walks through the revolving door and straight toward me.