Chapter 10 Just Not Deep
ten
Just Not Deep
*FELIX*
Gisela and I slip away from the party and go to a secluded corner behind the house, so we can catch our breath. While Gisela is talking to her mom, I just sit there trying to gather my senses, but it’s hard when I am lost in my own thoughts.
I am not sure why I am feeling so off recently. I am Felix, the sunny boy, not Felix, the worry boy.
Okay, that was cringe.
“What now?” Gisela asks after she hangs up.
“I am not sure. I think I will stay outside for a bit.”
“Fine with me,” she says. “I am glad for a break.”
She types something on her phone while she sits down as well, silence engulfing us. It’s only broken by the dimmed sound of voices that reach us here and there, and the sound of the waves lapping at the shore of the lake.
A door opens, and some giggling and laughing emerges. It sounds like a group of girls who probably want to catch some fresh air as well. They stay in front of the entrance, though fortunately, I am not sure if I would be up for small talk.
I don’t intend to listen in, ready to switch my mind off them and focus on something else, when I hear something that instantly piques my interest.
“…Felix Alcott.”
One of them mentions my name.
Another girl giggles. “I was hoping he would be here.”
“Yeah, I am so happy he is here. He is hot!” a third one adds. The two of them engage in some gossiping.
“Yep, probably one of the hottest of all his brothers. And he came without his twin.”
“That makes it easier to approach him. Dario is always on alert.”
“Dario isn’t really approachable,” the first girl suddenly adds.
“He is so handsome, but a bit gloomy and not really strong.”
I frown in annoyance. Why do they need to drag Dario into this shit? Besides, he is strong! He might not be as strong as the rest of our family, but he is certainly stronger than a lot of other shifters. And he isn’t gloomy! He is just introverted.
“But he is mysterious,” one of them adds. “That’s cool.”
“True.”
My heartbeat calms down. Okay, mysterious and cool are good traits.
“He is the smart twin,” girl number four suddenly gets involved. “Felix is hot.”
“But Alpha Liam is hotter,” girl number two says.
“Well, Alpha Liam is one of a kind.” That’s the first one again. “He is not just handsome; he is the full package.”
“True. I want Felix to fuck me,” the third one agrees. “Felix is fucking material, Alpha Liam is marriage material.”
“Why?” the second girl asks with a giggle.
“He is not really dating material, you know? He lacks some brain cells and overall seems superficial.”
My ears start to ring. I can’t even tell the voices apart anymore, not sure who is saying what, but it doesn’t really matter.
One of them giggles. “He just isn’t deep.”
He just isn’t deep.
Gisela startles me by grabbing my arm and pulling me away, with so much force that I am surprised. She looks pissed. Once we are far enough away not to hear them anymore, she lets go. “Fuck them. I am going back now to rip them a new one!” she hisses.
I hold her back before she can dash off. “No, they were just gossiping,” I say. “They didn’t know anyone was listening in. Besides, they didn’t say anything truly bad… calling my siblings hot isn’t a crime, neither is having fantasies about them.”
“Felix,” Gisela says with insistence. “What they said is not true. You know that, don’t you?”
He just isn’t deep.
“Sure,” I pause. “I don’t mind.”
She frowns.
Before Gisela can say something, my phone lights up with an incoming message. It’s Dario. Are you okay?
I type a reply immediately. Why do you think I am not?
Just a feeling.
I frown. Dario and I are not identical twins, which means we don’t share that peculiar bond that identical twins have, but somehow it is different to the bond with our other siblings. When others ask us what it is, we can only give the same answer over and over again. It’s just a feeling.
The party sucks, I reply.
Why?
I don’t answer him, mainly because I am too embarrassed to tell him what I’ve heard. Dario beats me to an answer anyway, as a second message pops up.
Forget that I asked. You don’t need to answer. I am coming to pick you up.
You don’t need to. I am okay. Besides, I came by car.
Tell Gisela to take your car. I am going to pick you up anyway.
I turn to Gisela. “Dario is coming,” I say. “You can take my car when you want to go home.”
“Oh, so you are leaving? Mind if I leave too?”
I blink. “Not at all. But I thought you were having fun.”
“I did, but it’s truly too many people, and I’ve already been hit on by four sweaty, drunk guys.” She pauses. “Do you mind if I go and pick up Charlie? She messaged me and said she is done with babysitting, but she doesn’t feel like partying. We could go and just have dinner somewhere?”
“Do you want to say goodbye to anyone before we leave?” I ask.
“Nah, no one will notice when a couple of people leave.”
“I agree. Take the car and pick up Charlie,” I say. “I’ll message you where Dario and I are heading to.”
“Alright, but I will wait until Dario is here. No way I am going to leave you alone here.”
It doesn’t take Dario half an hour to arrive and pick me up. As stated, Gisela leaves to get Charlie, while Dario and I drive off. Relief fills me when we finally leave the place.
“Thank you for picking me up. I wasn’t feeling the party anymore.”
Dario throws me a look before steering the car back to the main road. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“I am not sure,” I admit.
“That’s okay,” he says softly. “Do you want to eat something?”
“Yeah, something unhealthy and cheesy.”
“Pizza?”
“Perfect.” Dario and I have one favorite pizza place, so I don’t even need to ask him where he’ll take us to. Instead, I swiftly write a message to Gisela to catch her up on where we are heading. Once I am done, I turn to him. “Is this really okay?”
“Is what okay?”
“You were studying, weren’t you?”
Dario shrugs. “Yes, but I am trying to take more breaks. Arden told me I need to give my mind some rest, too. So, going for pizza with you and the girls is the perfect rest.”
“He is right, I will make sure to distract you from now on,” I joke.
“You have always been good at that,” he retorts. “Every time I got into trouble, it was because of you!”
“Excuse me! Way to shove off the whole responsibility to your older brother.”
Dario snorts. “By a couple of minutes!”
“Still older,” I grin.
Talking to Dario makes me feel much lighter again. I can focus on something else, other than that awful party. There is one thing I need to share with him, however. “I accidentally used my gift,” I tell him. “Just briefly. It’s so annoying.”
“Did anyone notice?” he asks.
“No, only Gisela, but she knows us, so it doesn’t count.” I pause. “I am not sure what triggers Kiran.”
“Stress, maybe?” Dario offers.
“Hm.” I frown. “There were a lot of people, and we got pushed around. So maybe you are right.”
“It’s not just that,” Dario says. “You have been stressed a lot recently.”
Furrowing my brows, I contemplate his words. Is it true? “Maybe.” I sigh. “I don’t know. What triggers yours?”
“I am in the same boat as you,” he mutters. “I don’t know. It’s definitely not stress. Last week I had to give a presentation, and you know how much I hate those, but it didn’t trigger my gift.”
“Maybe you just have better control over it,” I suggest.
“No, I doubt that. You received your gift much earlier than I did,” he says. “Besides, you are the stronger of us. You are more in tune with your lycan.”
“Maybe it’s mental?” I offer. “That would give you an advantage. You are very smart.”
“Would it?” he blinks. “I don’t think being smart has an influence on it. Connecting to our lycan spirits is more on an emotional level.”
“So, my emotions are confused?” I muse.
“Probably, the ones that trigger you,” he suggests.
I sigh, stretching my neck. “Why can’t there ever be an easy solution?”
“Beats me.” We have reached our destination, and Dario parks the car in the parking lot. Charlie has meanwhile messaged our group chat, asking us to order for her and Gisela, so the food will be ready when they are there.
What do you want? I type back.
The usual, she says. But the demon next to me wants pineapple on her pizza.
You are kidding me!? I grimace. I knew there was something dark hidden deep in Gisela’s mind.
There is a short break before I see Charlie typing again. Gisela says she wants to kick your ass.
I grin. I want to see her try.
She is grumbling now.
I chuckle, putting my phone away. Dario has his phone in his hand, catching up on the group chat. “Pineapple, huh?” He curls his nose. “Well, as long as we don’t have to share…”
We both make it inside and are fortunate to grab a table for four. Once we have ordered, I realize that this here is better than any party. “Dario, I…” My voice trails off. I am not sure how to say what I want to say.
Dario doesn’t say anything, just waits patiently.
“Do you think I am shallow?”
Dario’s expression darkens. “Did someone say that?” I can feel the air around us getting thicker, causing me to grab his arm. “Dario,” I whisper.
“Fuck, sorry.” He takes a few breaths. “But my question still stands: Did someone say that?”
“It’s not important,” I mutter.
“It is!” he objects. “Because you are not shallow! You are far from it. You are my best friend, you always listen to my problems, and you accept everyone and their quirks. You are the least judgmental person on the planet.”
“Now that’s a stretch, I-“
“Shut up,” he huffs. “I am talking.”
Wow, he is actually mad.
“You are like the sunshine. Our whole family feels drawn to you and your kindness, and your fun nature.”
“Maybe it’s my gift,” I mutter.
“Don’t say that,” he exclaims. “Don’t belittle yourself. It’s always been like that. Everyone loves you because you are you. Your gift appeared during your last year of high school.”
“Sorry. I made you angry, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t,” he mutters. “Whoever fucked with you, did.”
“At least I am feeling a bit better now,” I admit, perking up when I see gigantic pizzas being brought to our tables. As if they know, Charlie and Gisela enter the restaurant at exactly that time. Charlie gives us both a hug before flinging herself on a seat next to me. “I am starving.”
“Me, too,” Gisela sighs happily as she sits down. “This looks amazing.”
“I am not sure about that,” I grimace when I eye the pineapple pieces.
“Yeah, no one is going to steal your food, Gisela,” Charlie agrees.
I turn to look at Charlie, eyeing her over. It’s been two weeks since I last saw her. “Nice hair color,” I say. She is wearing her hair shoulder-length now and has colored it in a pastel purple.
“She also got a new piercing,” Gisela comments.
“Really?” Dario asks.
“Where?” I add. “Show us? Unless it’s on your nipples, then don’t show us. Though on second thought…”
Charlie smacks my arm before poking out her tongue.
“Now that’s a cool one!” I grin. “What did your parents say?”
“Well, I am old enough not to need their okay,” she grins. “But my dad almost had a heart attack. He tried to cover it, though, pretending he liked it.” She laughs. “He is so easy to see through.”
“What’s the plan now, Charlie?” Dario asks. “Are you going to college?”
“I am not entirely sure yet,” she admits. “I want to do graphic design. So, I could either major in it or go for a two-year program. It won’t end with a degree, but the course would be more practical, and it would give me time to do some extra classes and broaden my portfolio.”
“What’s your family’s opinion on it?” Dario asks.
She beams. “They are okay with both and said they would support me anyway.”
Listening to Charlie laying out the options she is contemplating makes me realize several things.
For one, she doesn’t seem to be embarrassed about not going to college – that is, if she decides to go for the program.
The other is that she is so sure of herself.
She knows what she wants, and she isn’t scared of grabbing it.
Meanwhile, it seems like I don’t even know what I want to do. All my siblings went to college, so did my parents, which is why I didn’t even contemplate other options. If only I knew what I really wanted.
Maybe that’s my biggest problem.