Chapter 32 Finally, a Pack Member
thirty-two
Finally, a Pack Member
*GWENDOLYN*
The dinner is surprisingly relaxed, although I can feel how the whole tragedy around Marina’s fate weighs on everyone.
But I am still glad we all manage to unwind a little.
Dario has joined us, and Felix is catching him up on what happened.
Liam has an arm wrapped around Annie while chatting with Marcellus and his not-a-luna, Silas, and Arden is with them.
The twin alphas and their mates are engulfed in a talk with Elden and Aurelia, while Faye is still clinging to Celine. I have tried luring her away from her so that Celine can eat, but Faye wouldn’t move an inch, and Celine tells me she doesn’t mind.
It’s so rare for me to see Faye like that, so cuddly and touchy. It gives me another twinge in my chest, realizing that maybe I didn’t give her what she needed throughout the last year.
I use this moment of distraction, in which everyone is busy talking to someone and not paying attention to me, to walk out of the room briefly, just to take a couple of shaky breaths.
The corridor is empty, perfect to focus on my racing thoughts.
The overbearing, pressuring guilt is with me again, pressing down on my chest like it always does.
“Is everything alright?” Felix asks quietly.
My head snaps up to look at him. I didn’t even notice he followed me outside.
“You… you feel down, I can feel it through the bond. It’s Marina, isn’t it?”
“Marina and Faye,” I admit. “I…” I glance at the dining room, watching how Marius has opened something on his phone and reads it to Faye, who is still sitting on Celine’s lap and listening intently now.
“Talk to me, babe,” Felix urges, taking my hand and kissing it. “It might take a while for me to understand, but I promise I will try, and I will always listen.”
I notice he is doing that a lot, hinting that he is slow, which I know he isn’t! Whatever the other girls said about him, it must have struck a nerve deep within him. Fuck everyone who told him he isn’t smart enough!
“Felix.” I wrap my arms around him. “I have no doubts that you will understand whatever I tell you.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“This was me asking about your problem,” he pouts. “Not the other way round.”
“It’s a give and take,” I say. “I might not have known you for long, but I know how empathetic and perceptive you are. I have never met anyone like you, and in case you missed it, everyone in this room truly loves and respects you. Being dyslexic doesn’t mean anything.
It doesn’t make you less smart. And those peers who badmouthed you?
They are the problem, not you. You are absolutely relationship material.
Actually, you are the only guy I have ever met who was that much relationship material. You are truly the whole package.”
Felix is quiet for a moment before he swallows thickly. “Thank you, Gwen.” He pauses. “And what’s lying on your mind?”
“Faye is so comfortable with Celine. Look how she cuddles with her. I… I always thought that she wasn’t the touchy type of child, and that she didn’t want me to fuss over her too much, but I think I just missed the signs.
I… she stayed with me for over a year, and I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. Maybe I just lack maternal instincts.”
“That’s not true,” Felix argues. “You were eighteen when Marina and Faye started to live with you. Only seventeen. And you did more than anyone else your age would have done. You are so empathic, and you tried to do everything you could. You were just tossed into the deep end. You had zero time to prepare.”
“Listen to him,” Flora’s voice startles me. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to listen in, I was just walking past you.”
I look at her, my stomach clenching painfully.
Flora is a mom of six kids. I can believe her, can’t I?
“Sweetie,” she says. “Felix is right. You were a child yourself when you took in your friend and her daughter. I am sure if Faye stayed with you for longer, you would have become like a mom to her.”
“I feel so guilty,” I mutter. “When Faye came running towards us, it was Celine who reached out to her, and I needed a moment.”
“So did I,” Flora says. “And I have always loved being a mom. Annie is the same, and I think we both agree that she has a lot of maternal instincts in her. You have never been truly free in your life; there is no shame not to be ready to be a mom. One day, when the time is right, and you both want it, you will become a mother, and I am sure you will be a fantastic one. You were a friend and sister to Faye when she needed it the most, and I am sure she will remember that for the rest of her life. Faye has a chance to live a fulfilled life because of you. It was your doing alone that gave her a chance for an actual future.”
“Maybe,” I say quietly. “Maybe you are right… Rationally, I know, but my heart and emotions…”
“They will follow your mind,” she reassures me. “That’s the problem with all our fears and anxieties. The only way to conquer them is to allow them to exist, but not make our decisions based on them. It’s hard, but every time you make your own decisions, it will get easier.”
Flora wraps me in her arms. We must look hilarious because she is so much smaller than I am, but weirdly enough, I don’t mind. There is something so warm about her, something that lures me in as if warm sunlight is shining on my skin.
I have never had a mom to hug me like this. I wasn’t aware of how much I needed this. It’s no surprise that I wasn’t able to give this to Faye; I didn’t even know it was something she could need, because I wasn’t aware of how much I needed it, too.
“It’s okay,” Flora says gently, her warm hands brushing my back.
“It’s okay, Gwendolyn. You are a wonderful person and did everything you could.
Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
And if they do-“ She lets go of me to ball her hand into a fist and pump the air in a mock-threatening gesture. “I will hit them.”
I wipe my tears away, unable to stop a smile from spreading. “Thank you.”
“Wow, Mom,” Felix blinks. “That was almost cool!“
She pouts. “What do you mean by ‘almost’?!”
Felix ignores her complaint and takes my hand. “Why don’t we use this moment, while everyone else is preoccupied, to have you officially join the pack?”
“Now?” I look into the room again. He is right, the others are still eating and chatting. Elden is talking to Liam and Marcellus now, but suddenly pulls his gaze away and towards us.
“If you want to, Elden is on board. It will only take a couple of minutes,” Flora tells me. “That is, unless you want a huge ceremony.”
“No, thank you!” I cry. “That’s the last thing I want.”
Flora takes my hands. “Do you want to join the pack?”
I look into her mesmerizing blue eyes and then at Felix. He has the same eyes. It feels like home in this pack. For the first time, I have the feeling of belonging. I don’t want to let that feeling go again. “Yes.”
Not ten minutes later, I find myself in Elden’s office together with Aurelia and Felix, of course. Flora decided to stay behind and entertain the guests.
“Don’t worry, Gwen,” Elden reassures me. “It’s just a technicality. Felix has marked you, and everyone in this pack already knows you. We are all happy to have you here.”
“Do you know about the procedure?” Aurelia asks me.
“Yes,” I tell them. I might not know much about life in a pack, but Dad and Daniel tried to teach me what I needed to know. “I have never seen it for myself, but I know how it’s supposed to work.”
Elden reaches out his hand, and I put mine - with my palm facing upward - into his.
He slices his palm first, the silver knife cutting through his skin swiftly.
It begins to heal quickly, though, probably because he is an alpha.
He does the same with my hand, the pain is sharp but short-lived, and instantly forgotten when I feel drips of his blood against my palm.
I have never experienced anything like this.
It’s as if I am in a trance, like a warm blanket is being wrapped around me, making me realize only now how cold I have felt, how lonely I was.
I don’t quite hear what Elden is saying, but I catch the most important phrase. “Do you pledge loyalty to Silverlake Pack and your Alpha and Luna?”
“Yes,” I say promptly. “My loyalty lies with this pack, my mate and his family.”
Elden smiles at me.
My head starts spinning slightly. It feels like the warm blanket is being wrapped around my whole being now. I can hear voices swirling around, and I can feel everyone else.
“Are you okay?” Aurelia asks. “You look a bit pale.”
Felix takes my hand and leads me to sit down. “I am fine,” I assure them. “This is amazing! Overwhelming, but amazing.”
Even through my clouded vision, I can see Elden and Aurelia frown. “Is the feeling so unfamiliar to you?” Aurelia asks.
“It feels like I am engulfed in a warm blanket,” I say, shivering slightly. “As if I was freezing and now am being wrapped up in something warm.”
“But… you were part of a pack before…” Felix’s voice trails off while he is talking, his eyes open wide now.
“I know it shouldn’t be new to me at all, but it’s…”
“It is new,” Elden says, furrowing his brows. “Gwen, were you born in the pack?”
“No. From what I know, I was born in a normal hospital and spent the first months with my mom.”
“Then you weren’t born as a pack member,” Aurelia says. “By the goddess, they didn’t make you one?! Ever?”
I raise my eyes to look at them, too stunned to answer. Thousands of thoughts are running through my mind. I always felt cold and lonely, even more so when Dad wasn’t around anymore. I never had the feeling I belonged, and-
Hey, Gwen, it’s me, Dario! I can feel you in the pack link. Welcome!
Dario’s voice startles me for a moment, before realization settles in that I can link everyone! Thank you, Dario. I am happy.
“They never linked me,” I say. “They never linked me! Even when I turned eighteen, I always relied on my phone to call or talk to anyone. I thought it was normal because I was half human, but now… Dario just linked me…”
“It doesn’t matter who or what you are, the moment you are part of the pack, and of age. you will always be part of the pack link,” Elden says sadly. “I am sorry you had to go through all of that, Gwen.”
“I rejected my pack when I left and felt nothing. So that’ll be why.” I pause. “I am so glad I wasn’t aware,” I admit. “I didn’t know what I was lacking. You know, when you don’t know something exists, you can’t miss it. But now I feel it. Thank you, I am truly happy to have finally found my home.”
Aurelia and Elden exchange another look. “I have some choice words for Gwen’s former alpha,” Aurelia says.
Elden’s whole expression is dark. “Me, too. The audacity of this man is unbelievable.”
“I agree. I need to see him for myself,” Aurelia mutters. Then she turns to Felix and me. “We really are happy to have you here, Gwen.”
“Yes, welcome to the family,” Elden says, his eyes suddenly warm and kind again.
He looks scary, but it’s obvious how much he dotes on his family.
Dad was similar… he could appear gruff and broody, but he was so kind.
I really miss him every day. But I think he would be relieved to know that I have found such a kind, respectful mate, with an equally kind and respectful family, and that I can finally belong to a pack.
“Let’s go back to the others,” Aurelia says. “I‘ll bet they already noticed us missing.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Elden looks amused. “Your mother is keeping them entertained. Depending on her mood, she is either keeping them entertained by telling them funny stories, or she is playing with their minds and keeping their attention on something a tad more disturbing.” He grins.
“You know, a week ago I left her and Marius – a deadly combination to outsiders – with a group of new, young alphas for half an hour. When I returned, I felt like I had to book them all a therapist.”
Aurelia grins. “Probably served them right. They must have really annoyed you that you left them with Mom.”
“They did,” Elden says simply.
Their whole conversation stirs my curiosity. “You make it almost sound like she is dangerous.”
“Oh, she is,” Elden chuckles.
“She‘s always underestimated because she is so small and angelic looking,” Felix says.
“You should see her in action,” Aurelia adds. “And in her full viciousness against her enemies. It’s pretty dope.”
“She knows exactly what she is doing,” Elden agrees. “Ah, I am so lucky. I have an amazing mate.” He pauses, a sly smile on his face. “And she is hot too, when she-”
“And that is my cue to leave,” Aurelia interrupts him.
“Me too.” Felix takes my hand and tugs me along. “I know the direction this is going.”
While I follow Felix out of the room, I turn around once more. Elden catches my eye and winks, making me chuckle.